barriob Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 So my ex and i recently were texting each other and agreed to being friends with benefits. He told me he wanted to be close and that he promised me to try. So i turst him, and then he just lets me down. He never really texts me, just like three times a day. When i text him in the morning, he doesnt respond til late that day. And he never texts me first, I was always doing it. So i ask him days ago, if he had the opportunity to have sex with other girls, if he woul? or if he only trusted me when it came to that. and he told me that he would have sex with someone else. My heart sank and i felt so hurt because he had always told me he only trusted me when it came to sex. I feel so lost and dont know what to do. please, any advice.
flow15 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 (edited) Firstly I'm sorry you are going through this.... I went through exactly the same thing a few months ago, so I know how you feel You have to walk away, don't say anything to him, just walk away and go no contact. He is using you for sex, and you obviously still care about him or want him back, you can't handle just being his sex buddy! Being friends with benefits isn't going to get him back. He is doing it cos its comfortable for him, and cos he knows you will go along with it as you still want him back and he knows you will always be there. S So you have to show him that he can't use you like that. He isn't respecting you, so have some respect for yourself! Stop texting him! Stop chasing after him! don't sleep with him unless he tells you he wants to be back together with you and means it! I'm still getting over the situation now, as it left me so hurt and confused... but I felt soo much better once I took control of the situation and stopped letting him use me like that! Edited January 22, 2012 by flow15
Cmac Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Don't want to sound like an insensitive ass but agreeing to be friends with benefits is pretty much bringing the pain on yourself
M2155 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 How old are you? Quite a few people have told you over and again that this situation was bad news. You are giving everything to someone who doesn't feel the same way about you (and frankly doesn't sound like he respects you). You continue to give (instead of walking away) hoping something changes or you magically get the response you've been waiting for, but he doesn't have any reason to change. Your relationship has been all on his terms. I advise you the same...let this go. It's going to take time to detach and become comfortable with him not in your life. It's a painful step, but one step closer to being able to have a happy and healthy relationship with someone who really values and wants to be with you.
Frank13 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 Friends with benefits for over 90% of people is... For her: I still love him. Maybe we might get back together if we remain close. I love him, we are so good together. Surely he will see this if we spend time together. Plus being with him feels so good.. For him: I don't see a future with her but the sex is really good. The fact she can disrespect herself like this reaffirms my believe that we don't belong together. If she doesn't respect herself, why should I respect her? I would like to add - For him: This FWB is so cool. I can have sex anytime I want with someone I know and am comfortable with, but still be free to pursue and sleep with other women. Once I find someone else I can dump the FWB thing, but in the meantime it lets me get my rocks off when I am feeling horny.
Author barriob Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 I completetly agree with you guys. but why would he say he wanted to be close and try? So i did write him a message saying i was done with him and etc and sent it to him days ago and he never wrote back.....
geegirl Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I completetly agree with you guys. but why would he say he wanted to be close and try? So i did write him a message saying i was done with him and etc and sent it to him days ago and he never wrote back..... You want to be a with guy that wants to TRY to be with you? Aim higher. Seek a guy that WANTS to be with you. It was a little crumb to keep you there, for benefits.
Author barriob Posted January 22, 2012 Author Posted January 22, 2012 If you absorbed what we told you, you would know the answer to this question. Maybe he was lonely, maybe he was horny, maybe it was both. Either way it doesn't matter what his reasons are. I have read your other threads. He has made it abundantly clear that he see's no future with you. The problem here is you. You are not willing to accept the reality of the situation. He doesn't see a future with you..If you had high self esteem, you would just accept his decision and move on with your life and find a man that deserves your love. I hate to sound harsh but you need to take the 'doormat' sign off your head. If he texts you again you ignore it and you ALWAYS ignore it. You were told this in other threads and you ignored the advice. When are you going to heed people's advice and start helping yourself? I agree. :/ well i have been moving on recently. i text him saying i was done and all this other stuff. he never wrote back. why??
geegirl Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I agree. :/ well i have been moving on recently. i text him saying i was done and all this other stuff. he never wrote back. why?? Who knows why he didn't write back B? Maybe he has no need for you since you cut off his benefits. Maybe his ego is bruised and he is mad. Maybe he sees you are emotional and can't deal with that. Who knows? You're hoping that when you sent that text that it was over, for him to fall at your feet and that would have been validation that you meant something to him. Now that he hasn't, it's hurting you because it is an indication of what you meant to him. He demoted you to a woman that he just wants to have sex with. Stop expecting him to extend decency to you. If he ever answers you, then go from there. But if he is ignoring you, accept that it is done and move on. He can't give you any answer that will change your situation with him.
Frank13 Posted January 22, 2012 Posted January 22, 2012 I completetly agree with you guys. but why would he say he wanted to be close and try? So he can keep the FWB thing. Sometimes people stay in bad relationships because they are afraid they won't find someone else and will be alone. By doing the FWB thing, you are letting him have his cake and eat it too. So i did write him a message saying i was done with him and etc and sent it to him days ago and he never wrote back..... There are lots of messages on these forums where people beg and plead when they are dumped. I know you aren't in a relationship with your ex but you are still sort of dumping him now as far as the FWB thing goes. Does he beg or plead? Does he ask why? No, all you get is silence. What does that tell you. He probably knew you would figure it out eventually so was expecting it. Keep us posted if he replies.
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