samsungxoxo Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) proceeding towards intimacy (mainly sex) esp during a relationship? I must say I'm very slow at this and there has to be more than just liking him on my part. If it works out, it can take about 4 months (if not, a bit more) but till then he won't get nothing beyong making-out. That's just me. I don't think 1 month (like shown in movies) is enough time. But I'm getting the feeling some are impatient and would expect me to already be ready by then. I like taking my time, not being rushed. Edited December 29, 2011 by samsungxoxo
Philosoraptor Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 If the feelings are there and there is chemistry I am willing to wait. Go at your own pace and decide who is worth what and when.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Two months I think is the longest I could wait. I would move on if the women wanted to wait longer. I want to get married again, but for me sex is an important part of the relationship.
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Two months I think is the longest I could wait. I would move on if the women wanted to wait longer. I want to get married again, but for me sex is an important part of the relationship.Yes it is important but I have to love him (as in really be head over heels for him) in order for sex to happen. And yes I do want marriage too.
counterman Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I waited over half-year and was ready to have sex with my ex-girlfriend 2 months into our relationship. She wasn't "ready", which mean she wasn't sexually attracted to me, and I never got to experience it since we broke up. Now, if I'm really feeling it and she's not, I'm just going to move on. I'm not going to wait.
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Only exception to the 4 months or more rule would be if there deep emotions are already there.... if I were to fall in love too fast then ok I would then be ready.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) Yes it is important but I have to love him (as in really be head over heels for him) in order for sex to happen. And yes I do want marriage too. They say that people usually fall in love after 6 to 7 months. It only took me 3 to 4 months for me to fall in love with my wife. I felt closer to her because we were already having sex for a few months. The man will get frustrated because he will want you so bad. If you make him wait too long, he will get frustrated find another girl friend. I have to admit that my relationship went fast, I mined in with her after two months of dating. We were married for 11 years. We were together for a total of 13 years. Edited December 29, 2011 by Soxfaninfl
Fondue Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I tend to find that making out is more often enjoyed by women than by men. For me personally, if all I did was make-out, I would be bored very fast. I'm not a big fan of it, really. To me, it is a the "warm-up" round to sexual activity. If there was no sexual activity in the near future, I would not be making out with you just for the hell of it. So in the end, if I were to wait to have sex, then I would probably treat you more of a companion and not a girlfriend. There would be a very limited amount of physical intimacy between us if sex was never involved. I would also probably see much less of you, too.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I tend to find that making out is more often enjoyed by women than by men. For me personally, if all I did was make-out, I would be bored very fast. I agree. I would become frustrated that we wouldn't go to the next level and would want to move on from you.
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 They say that people usually fall in love after 6 to 7 months. It only took me 3 to 4 months for me to fall in love with my wife. I felt closer to her because we were already having sex for a few months. The man will get frustrated because he will want you so bad. If you make him wait too long, he will get frustrated find another girl friend.Yes he is free to break up if that happens. Sometimes it creates missunderstandings because some of us will then think he was only for sex and not really into it. But yeah I'll never know why men get sooo frustrated if there is still no sex after 2 months? Only thing I can think of is the term ''Blue balls'' my ex long ago referred to. I don't know if that's true.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Yes he is free to break up if that happens. Sometimes it creates missunderstandings because some of us will then think he was only for sex and not really into it. But yeah I'll never know why men get sooo frustrated if there is still no sex after 2 months? Only thing I can think of is the term ''Blue balls'' my ex long ago referred to. I don't know if that's true. I understand the fear that women have when they hold on a guy to see if he is worth it. Unfortunately there are alot of men out there just looking for sex. We get frustrated because when we make out with you, and we are really into you we want to go to the next level. If just making out and no sex keeps occurring after a while then we will want to move on. Men's labido are usually higher than women's.
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Unfortunately there are alot of men out there just looking for sex.Which seems depressing but I still think there is that one out there. Men's labido are usually higher than women's.Yes and sometimes we're not even trying to get you turn on. This happened to my ex one time when we were at the pool and we were just sitting on the jacuzzi. Months later he explained how his thing went up that day and became hard. I was confused and kept asking why, if I haven't done nothing to do. I didn't even made-out. This was before we were bf and gf. I was only getting to know him at the time.
Nexus One Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 So in the end, if I were to wait to have sex, then I would probably treat you more of a companion and not a girlfriend. There would be a very limited amount of physical intimacy between us if sex was never involved. I would also probably see much less of you, too. I agree. I would become frustrated that we wouldn't go to the next level and would want to move on from you. In my opinion, if you don't want to be with a woman when she's not putting out, then you're not crushing hard enough and thus you're with the wrong woman. If I'm crushing hard, then I want to be with her, sex or no sex. I'd wait 4 months if I was crushing and saw potential for the future. When you don't feel enough chemistry with a woman, up to the point that you wouldn't hang out with her if she wasn't putting out, then why be with her in the first place? Just for the sex? In the latter case you're not lovers, but sex partners.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 sometimes we're not even trying to get you turn on. This happened to my ex one time when we were at the pool and we were just sitting on the jacuzzi. Months later he explained how his thing went up that day and became hard. I was confused and kept asking why, if I haven't done nothing to do. I didn't even made-out. This was before we were bf and gf. I was only getting to know him at the time. Probably because you were in a bathing suit, and you are probably attractive. That's all it takes for me to get hard. A lot of men are like this. It doesn't take men much to get us turned on.
Eve Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Don't know, for some the connection is just there. I have met a few people who describe being smitten from the very first moment they saw each other but just thought it was just a bit of lust, only to never be apart from Day 1 of meeting. H'mmm, I have met quite a few couples like that. For others the waiting improves things. As long as it is respected and not used to string a person on... cool. Hubby waited three months for me but that was to do with my decision to test men out as I could not be doing with any further dead end relationships, aged 26. So saying if we had lived closer it would have been difficult to keep to this decision. As it turned out I had important exams and had decided that I was not going to meet anyone during that time. Hubby respected this and just kept phoning me. Also, the level of feeling I had for him did scare me somewhat. By the time we did meet.. talk about fireworks! I am sure all this global warming is to do with us sexing up the atmosphere.. The rest was a blur of moving in together and getting married. So, waiting was good for us. Pretty romantic actually. Never thought I would get a really romantic story like that. Take care, Eve x
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Probably because you were in a bathing suit, and you are probably attractive. That's all it takes for me to get hard. A lot of men are like this. It doesn't take men much to get us turned on.It's a good thing he told later on instead of at that moment else I would have taken it the wrong way and walked away.
phineas Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 proceeding towards intimacy (mainly sex) esp during a relationship? I must say I'm very slow at this and there has to be more than just liking him on my part. If it works out, it can take about 4 months (if not, a bit more) but till then he won't get nothing beyong making-out. That's just me. I don't think 1 month (like shown in movies) is enough time. But I'm getting the feeling some are impatient and would expect me to already be ready by then. I like taking my time, not being rushed. It depends. Do you make it public knowledge you are now dating that man & stop shopping around for other men? Do you expect that man to ignore other women & only date you? Personally, my own experience is I have never met a woman that wanted to take it slow that didn't turn out to be just a major attention whore. sorry. I'm sure there are women like you out there, but i've never met them. I tend to find that making out is more often enjoyed by women than by men. For me personally, if all I did was make-out, I would be bored very fast. I'm not a big fan of it, really. To me, it is a the "warm-up" round to sexual activity. If there was no sexual activity in the near future, I would not be making out with you just for the hell of it. So in the end, if I were to wait to have sex, then I would probably treat you more of a companion and not a girlfriend. There would be a very limited amount of physical intimacy between us if sex was never involved. I would also probably see much less of you, too. Because of my above past experiences a woman would really have to impress me to keep me interested without sex so I pretty much do as you do & let them pursue me.
Els Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 My experience has been that most men don't mind, but I hail from a fairly conservative culture where having sex with a gf before marriage is not even an expectation for some. Perhaps you may have better luck with slightly more conservative or traditional men, or the more intellectual, sensitive ones (NexusOne and carhill spring to mind). Good luck!
oaks Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 proceeding towards intimacy (mainly sex) esp during a relationship? Maybe. It depends. You would have to be good at communicating, since you'd be telling me to slow down several times and you wouldn't want me to think you were just rejecting me.
LexiB Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 When you don't feel enough chemistry with a woman, up to the point that you wouldn't hang out with her if she wasn't putting out, then why be with her in the first place? Great point.
Fondue Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 In my opinion, if you don't want to be with a woman when she's not putting out, then you're not crushing hard enough and thus you're with the wrong woman. If I'm crushing hard, then I want to be with her, sex or no sex. I'd wait 4 months if I was crushing and saw potential for the future. When you don't feel enough chemistry with a woman, up to the point that you wouldn't hang out with her if she wasn't putting out, then why be with her in the first place? Just for the sex? In the latter case you're not lovers, but sex partners. Would you not agree that sexual chemistry is important in any relationship? There are countless of posts/threads on this forum alone of people dicussing lack of sexual chemistry and it resulting in a poor relationship. What reason do I have to wait and hope we click sexually? What if we don't. Then what? I just wasted x amount of time for disappointment. There are many women that agree with me, too. Their sexual chemistry with a man is important for her own enjoyment. If she doesn't have any, she isn't confident in the relationship. This applies to men as well. If we don't enjoy our woman's sexual company, then what is the point? This is just one example in which waiting may not work in your favor.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 But yeah I'll never know why men get sooo frustrated if there is still no sex after 2 months? Only thing I can think of is the term ''Blue balls'' my ex long ago referred to. I don't know if that's true. No, you won't ever know. Testosterone--or something else in our makeup--makes sex for men not just an emotional need, but a physical one. I haven't seen evidence that women have a physical drive for sex that's anywhere close to that of men, or that they even have one at all, it seems all optional/emotional for women, and if they go months without it, it's less stressful for them than it is for men. A woman may really enjoy it and go into withdrawal without it, but the same can be said for going without something else they enjoy--such as perhaps ice cream. Women can get a "I REALLY WANT IT" feeling with sex or ice cream, but that's still not the same as the physical drive a man feels. Yes, going without sex for 4+ months does lead to "blue balls," i.e. sexual frustration--unless he's getting his release some other way, usually via masturbation assuming he's not multi-dating and having sex with other women. And if he's masturbating, porn may get involved. Not all men have a strong physical drive, but the great majority do, so any woman should just assume their guy does really want it unless you've seen or he's expressed some concrete evidence to the contrary. If he's healthy and average or above average, in touch with his feelings, AND has the same sort of mental desire for sex that women can also have, then four months is far too long--you're forcing him to use something else for release that may or may not end up being a fantasy involving you, which is I'm sure what most women would prefer.
carhill Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Pre de-flowering, it was no issue to wait for 'months'. Post-, historically, intercourse occurred within two months tops. The difference? Intercourse was no longer some big mystery worth waiting for, rather a healthy expression of love, attraction and sexual desire. If I'm actually 'dating', and that means I'm physically pressing flesh with a lady once or twice a week at minimum, I'm not going to be waiting for months to make love. I could be dead by then
Els Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Would you not agree that sexual chemistry is important in any relationship? There are countless of posts/threads on this forum alone of people dicussing lack of sexual chemistry and it resulting in a poor relationship. What reason do I have to wait and hope we click sexually? What if we don't. Then what? I just wasted x amount of time for disappointment. There are many women that agree with me, too. Their sexual chemistry with a man is important for her own enjoyment. If she doesn't have any, she isn't confident in the relationship. This applies to men as well. If we don't enjoy our woman's sexual company, then what is the point? This is just one example in which waiting may not work in your favor. There are many things that are important to a relationship. Sexual chemistry. How they click with your family. How you handle the little squalls that pop up when you live together. How they weather financial difficulties and other storms with you. How willing they are to make the commitment to marry. That does not mean that you need to test all of the above ASAP so as to prevent 'wasting x amount of time for disappointment'. At least, I hope you don't. Why is sexual chemistry any different? Just as there can potentially be merit in taking things slow, waiting several months before even bringing up a discussion about each person's opinion about marriage and kids, so can there also potentially be merit in waiting before having sex. Each to their own. FWIW, I agree with Nexus that if someone is truly head over heels for someone else, they are willing to wait for SOME time for the other person to be comfortable in progressing to the next stage in a relationship, be it sex, cohabitation, or marriage. That is not to say that there will not be time boundaries, but someone who is in love will not usually jet if they don't get it as soon as they want it.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It's a good thing he told later on instead of at that moment else I would have taken it the wrong way and walked away. This is insane for two reasons. First, men in general will often get an erection whenever they're around any attractive woman, girlfriend or not. Second, it's an involuntary reaction. To get offended by an erection--particularly from your boyfriend--is entirely the wrong reaction. Your assumption appears to be he's doing it on purpose, but he's not. The only thing he could do to control it is to try really hard to think about something else instead of how much he's attracted to you--such as by thinking of his grandparents, or kittens, or stellar constellations, or math equations, or whatever works for him--and that's just insane. You should WANT him to be a healthy male who is attracted to you; for you to react otherwise is unnatural. Not unprecedented--certainly many ultra-conservative types throughout history have tried to suppress their natural sexuality--but why do it?
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