ZimboGon Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Here are my last two threads. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309978/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309632/ Basically, i dated a girl for a long time, and it was great. But she ended up making me her fallback guy, distancing herself and leaving me for someone for many reasons. The thing is, i was so in love with her. Its been a month since the break up, i've been doing NC and she is dating this guy. Everyone tells me she's a b**** and to give up, don't deal with her treating me this way ect. But i don't know if i want to give up. I want to be with her, i want to make it work despite everything she did to me. Its just, every day i try and solve what happened in my head. Everyday i think about the break-up, and how i'm positive one day we will get back together. I know it doesn't help, but i can't stop it. I even saw them hand in hand, smiling at me one day and i still can't shake the feeling one day she will come back and i will take her back. I think of all the negatives, how angry i am at her but i just can't bring myself to holster it in. I mean, is it really best just to move on? I don't really WANT anyone else but her. Link to post Share on other sites
stab17 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Hey man, seems like we are on the same boat... I was an idiot for calling her last Friday to pour my heart out. Even further I deleted her off FB right after the phone call, I totally burnt the bridge. I think she even blocked me after as I can't even search for her name anymore. I'm in the same position as you, my friends keep telling me, **** this girl... There are plenty of fish. To be honest, I can't get this girl out of my mind either. She was everything that I imagined in a girl. But there has been a breaking point in the last 3 weeks of our relationship that has pushed her to break up with me.. I mean she has been my girlfriend for almost 3 years, it's hard to lose feelings that quickly I have been NC for about a week now. It honestly feels tempting to call, but I know that will only push her away. The only thing you can do is work on yourself as much as everyone says that. It really is the only way, surround yourself with good company and really figure out what you want to do with your life. Don't make the same mistake I did by making my life revolve around her. Find that happiness that you once had when you were single. I know it's easier said than done. Once you're happy with yourself, you can try and date again... I know heartbreak sucks, no wonder some people choose to stay single. I only hope that she will call me one day and ask if we can work things out. By then I don't know if I'll be ready or not. Right now I still feel kind of bad because she truly was my bestfriend, but I just been hitting the gym and picked up a cookbook so I can finally learn how to cook. I admit that I dispersed my negativity towards her and it wasn't fair. I finally accept the break up and continue to think positively. I hope that day will come again when she can see how much I have changed. Hang in there man, we'll get through this together. Link to post Share on other sites
BoredAgain Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 I mean, is it really best just to move on? I don't really WANT anyone else but her. You just have to accept that it's over and bury the relationship. Even if you guys one day got back together, the relationship wouldn't be the same (and you wouldn't want the relationship to be the same because it would just end the same way). Moving forward with your life is important, and part of that is meeting (and dating) new people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZimboGon Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 Thanks guys. I hope things get better for you, stab. Its just... I don't want to move on. I'm petrified that i burned the bridge, too. I talked to her several times while our relationship was breaking down, at one point i sold some very important things to pay for a trip for us, and when we broke up i broke down into tears because of everything i had done (in return, she broke down into tears as well) The night she told me that she was going to pick him over me, i was in tears again. I just tried so hard. I put EVERYTHING i had into us staying together, but i guess she just had her mind set as soon as this guy had her hooked. as soon as i came to terms with the possibility of actually losing her, i turned into an emotional wreck. I did everything i could to keep her, i poured my heart out to her. When i found out she made out with the guy, i even went to her house at like 2 in the morning to try and fix things and to tell her i would forgive her. I mean, did it all amount to nothing? She kept the jewelry and some shirts i gave her along with a picture of us, but recently she's given some clothes and stuffed animals back to me through my friends. Its so hard to move on, she really was my life. Link to post Share on other sites
BoredAgain Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 You may not want to move on, but you must move on. The choice is between wallowing in self-pity or moving forward with courage. The unknown future is scary; you've been imagining your life with this person but now that fantasy will never be real. ...but now you have an opportunity. Instead of focusing on a relationship, you can focus on yourself. Work on making your own life better. Branch out, try new things, focus more on work/school, etc. Then when you do meet somebody new, you'll be a better person... and that means you'll be able to have a better relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZimboGon Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 You may not want to move on, but you must move on. The choice is between wallowing in self-pity or moving forward with courage. The unknown future is scary; you've been imagining your life with this person but now that fantasy will never be real. ...but now you have an opportunity. Instead of focusing on a relationship, you can focus on yourself. Work on making your own life better. Branch out, try new things, focus more on work/school, etc. Then when you do meet somebody new, you'll be a better person... and that means you'll be able to have a better relationship. I know... its just, honestly i don't know how to not think this way. I was so sure that she was the one for me. Its really hard for me to imagine myself with anyone else. If i go out and work on myself like i have been doing, its not completely impossible for me to hear from her in my future, right? It wouldn't be wrong for us to get back together... Would it? I mean, in a year from now even i would want to go win her back. However, my state of mind could easily change before then. I guess, its a comfort for me to always believe that there is hope for me and her someday... Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 I don't feel as the dumpees that there's much of a choice. What are the alternatives? Either get friend zoned or stringed along forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZimboGon Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 I broke no contact today, and i feel like crap... When we broke up, i gave her everything she had ever given me so i wouldn't have anything to remind me of her, except for one thing. She bought me a hamster on my last birthday. Well... last night it died. It was the last thing i had from her... So i sent her a text saying he died. Of course, she didn't respond. I don't know why i thought she would or if it would have even been a good thing if she did... Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Moving on is easy,, it's what we leave behind that makes it difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Its so hard to move on, she really was my life. There's your problem. You don't want her back, per se, you want your life back. It will take more work to take ownership of your own life; to make it meaningful, happy, and long; and you're, quite understandably, choosing to go for the easy option: pining for something you can't have. You can pine all you like and not do anything. That's easy to do. If she were to come back, you'd likely be stressed because you would have to do something, be more than you are now. And that's okay too, as long as you accept who, where and what you are right now. You're tired, confused and hurt. No condition for taking on big jobs. Now is a time to recover, to rebuild, to relieve yourself of some of the weight you're carrying. Rely on friends and family to comfort you, not her, and eat well, sleep well and exercise. Build yourself back up. You have so much to do for you now that you don't have the energy to be contacting her. You'll be fine. Just take your time. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Yes, always NC after the breakup and take your time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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