clientx Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Got her to go on a date. We went to coffee house and I gave her a rose before she got into car, opened doors and such. Date went ok, not bad or amazing. We talked, no really awkward silences. I probably mentioned more than I should have, but nothing a college student should be surprised about. Im 22, shes 19. I text her a few times about some casual stuff like me getting stopped by police after our first date, get infrequent replies so I think shes' just busy. I don't contact for 2-3 days. I send a joke text about some stuff and she sends a text 30 min later that says: "*Name*, you're really nice, but I think we're both different." I think I know what that means but I would like some second opinions or suggestions of what this could mean. Thanks.
Twos Company Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Yes, it means she's not interested in seeing you again. Shame for you but at least she was honest.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I think I know what that means You're right, you do know what it means.
DearAbby Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 We are both different is basically code for: I am not feeling it. We are not a good match. So, um can you stop contacting me and texting me cause I really don't want anything.
ScienceGal Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 it means your a nice guy and females don't want to date nice guys at all. there the bottom feeders to females. they desire someone who more mystery who had game. warning. females will insist they desire nice guys but they actually desire nice guys about as much as the plague Geez mike. Getting onto a thread after you is like following an elephant around at the circus. There are women that want nice men (hand raised). She isn't interested though. Don't sweat it and don't take it personally. Move on and be happy she was honest. And, perhaps date someone your age or a year or two older. The maturity level between 19 and 22 can be significant. You sound sweet and like you were a total gentleman.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 You sound sweet and like you were a total gentleman. He also sounds as if he was boring around her. You want to do more on a first date than just talk--you want to entertain.
ScienceGal Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 He also sounds as if he was boring around her. You want to do more on a first date than just talk--you want to entertain. Perhaps. I appreciate coffee and a good talk at my age, but I wouldn't have gone for this when I was 19 either.
climbergirl Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 From what you wrote I don't think you did anything wrong. And you said it yourself...the date was "not bad or amazing". Chemistry just wasn't there for her or you.
Andy_K Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Different expectations... A guy on a date only needs to find the girl attractive and have a decent conversation. If that happens he's often mystified she doesn't want to see him again. A girl generally wants something else. The spark/chemistry, some special connection, to be entertained. Some will feel it if you're hot enough. Some if you're flirty enough. Some if you make them laugh enough. Once you're in a relationship with them you don't need to do anywhere near as much. For every girl that turns you down because she didn't feel the spark, you can bet that if a guy she'd been dating 6 months did/said more or less the exact same things, she'd be perfectly happy.
Michael930t Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Im guessing this girl is hot...The fact that her responses were infrequent tells me right away that she wasnt interested. When someone responds with "we are different" thats her way of saying she wants you to go away but you should have seen that coming! In time you will learn that looks are just a part of the equation and that personality, sense of humor, common interests, the way you interact with each other will mean a whole lot more than how cute she is (although physical attraction is still very important--its not everything!) At your age looks and sexual attraction are everything!
lululucy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 Date went ok, not bad or amazing. We talked, no really awkward silences. You didn't enjoy this date. She didn't enjoy this date. I text her a few times about some casual stuff like me getting stopped by police after our first date, get infrequent replies so I think shes' just busy. She isn't busy, you just aren't a priority. Probably because neither of you had a good time. It sounds like you're more interested in the idea of dating her than you are actually dating her. You want a girlfriend or someone to have interest in you and you're pursuing someone you didn't connect with. Let this one go. As for tips for the future, I would save the rose for the second date. I had a guy do that and (because we had already established I'm Interested feelings in each other) it made my week.
Feelsgoodman Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I think I know what that means but I would like some second opinions or suggestions of what this could mean. Do you REALLY need a second opinion on something that is so blatantly obvious?
grkBoy Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 I think I know what that means but I would like some second opinions or suggestions of what this could mean. It means you're a gentleman, really sweet, and she had a decent time... ...but you don't set off fireworks in her or make her panties wet. So she's not interested in going further. NOW...before you and others jump on the "well, if you were a selfish prick she would have banged you" bandwagon, I'd like to share some insights on why these rejections happen. 1) Some girls are honestly uncomfortable now with the rose, etiquette, etc. This is why I take things easy on the first 1 or 2 dates. My goal isn't to impress her, but to make her COMFORTABLE with me. When she's comfortable, then the defenses go down, and then she's open to more. Some girls just like the guy who might open a door, but won't pull her chair, and won't give her a flower on the first date. They want the guy who is fun, friendly, laid-back, and not trying to impress her. I think if you really want a girl who likes the etiquette...then forget this one and keep looking for the girl who likes that. 2) Some girls will go out on a date, even forcing themselves, but secretly they're not into it. They're getting over someone or can't let go of that ex, or they're hurt and simply can't find "joy" in dating. The usual "I'm in a bad place right now in my life" thing. Again, you're better off not worrying about it, and move on. 3) You might have done everything 100% right and perfect, but she's still not into you. It happens. This is a case of no matter what you do, you won't win her. You have to accept it. WHAT YOU SHOULD TAKE AWAY FROM THIS You shouldn't think that if you were a douchebag that she would want you. We really and honestly don't know why she's not into you. So the usual "be a jerk" logic isn't the answer. You shouldn't sit there wondering if you missed some magic words or actions to get her. Again, like I said in #3, sometimes no matter what you do the person won't be interested. You should feel good that she at least gave things a shot. Look how many guys complain how they can't even get a date. I always respect the women who at least gave me a shot over those who quickly dismissed me. I won't fault a woman who gave me a first date, but decided I'm not the one for her. At least we tried. You should hold out for a woman who also fits what you want...and I don't mean looks. I mean that etiquette stuff. I love doing that too. I used to look up to those tuxedo-wearing gentlemen you see in cartoons who are suave, sophisticated, and gentlemen. I would pull chairs, open doors, etc. Many women liked it, most didn't find me "hot" for it. Some women were creeped out by it. What you need to realize is you have a say in all this too. You don't have to change up your entire life to make a woman happy, but you have to find a woman who honestly appreciates those little things. That's what I did. I'd pull a chair for a girl, and if she thought it was "a bit much" or even "creepy", then I didn't want to see her again. I realized that she's not what I wanted in a woman. When I pulled a chair for my fiance, she was surprised, but she loved and appreciated it. That's why she's a keeper. If we men want women to appreciate "good guy stuff" then we need to stop giving them reward for dissing the etiquette. Girl thinks gentlemen are wusses or creepy? Let her go. Let her get pumped, dumped, and puked on by the douchebags she wants. Let her be on POF complaining how there's no good men out there. Not your concern.
Author clientx Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Thanks for the replies. Its funny because the way I got her on to go on the first date was by being a bit forward and spontaneous but when I got to the date, I absolutely wanted to know more about her and stuff so I just talked normal and joked a little here. When she says we're different I think she was talking about how her parents both had bachelors and both mine don't and how we're totally from different social economic background but that might just be a good excuse to we didn't connect so oh well. Anyways, yes I am over her and I do appreciate her not playing games and telling me straight up that "we're different", now I can move on.
EnigmaticClarity Posted December 9, 2011 Posted December 9, 2011 As for tips for the future, I would save the rose for the second date. I had a guy do that and (because we had already established I'm Interested feelings in each other) it made my week. Gifts of any kind on the first date are a bad idea unless it's someone you already know as a friend, in which case she probably already has a decent idea she likes you if she's willing to escalate. They immediately set up the opportunity for awkwardness because if the date doesn't work out--which is normal and neither of you should worry about, people just have different preferences and no two people are necessarily meant for each other--then the gift becomes something sad and awkward to think about. But yea, if people go on a second date, it's a much better time to do it since you must like each other to some extent to repeat the date. I'd personally wait for a third or fourth date unless there was a REALLY strong connection on the first date that you're absolutely certain was mutually strong for you both.
Author clientx Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Gifts of any kind on the first date are a bad idea unless it's someone you already know as a friend, in which case she probably already has a decent idea she likes you if she's willing to escalate. They immediately set up the opportunity for awkwardness because if the date doesn't work out--which is normal and neither of you should worry about, people just have different preferences and no two people are necessarily meant for each other--then the gift becomes something sad and awkward to think about. But yea, if people go on a second date, it's a much better time to do it since you must like each other to some extent to repeat the date. I'd personally wait for a third or fourth date unless there was a REALLY strong connection on the first date that you're absolutely certain was mutually strong for you both. Sorry wasn't a bit clear enough, but met her at a speed dating event on campus and technically the real date was when I actually went with her to the coffee shop which is what one can call a second date or a "first real date" since the first date was at speed dating for only 4 minutes.
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