Zeeeeb Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Hi, not sure where to post, but here goes; Im 21, she is 29, We met at work and have been seeing each other for a few weeks, going to meet each other, just chilling, kissing, watching films etc. and I thought she was interested, I got onto the topic of relationships and not a lot was said, we then planned to meet up in a few days, I text the morning along the lines of; "so, what ya wanna do today?" and she didnt reply, so I thought something was up, I left it for half hour-hour then asked whats up, she said along the lines of: "I have been thinking, and I dont think we can be together, (she has kids) I dont know why you would like me, Iam older I have kids you could get anyone, why me?" I was taken by suprise, she also mentioned about not been hurt again like in the past, and didnt want a relationship, since then we didnt meet for about a week as I tried to keep away from her and "forget" her as I thought seeing her would make it worse, but all I can do is think about her, and then she went on holiday and still is, Iam really confused now =/ and dont know what to do next... any advice would be appreciated, thanks! P.S sorry for the spam!!!
Ariadne Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Iam really confused now =/ and dont know what to do next... any advice would be appreciated, thanks! Hi, Women change their opinions all the time, don't take it as written in stone. She was probably thinking too much about where this is going etc. I'd say keep talking to her and most likely you'll meet again. Good luck.
Author Zeeeeb Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 It was hardly a relationship to start with... More like, getting to know each other.
thatone Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 but she wasn't getting to know you, she was sitting around trying to figure out a way to make you look just like the ex who fathered the kids. and when her insecurity got the best of her she ran.
The Way I Am Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 (edited) Holy crap. At the start there, I thought you were the guy I'm dating but just changing a few details -- cause he's 20 not 21. Then you mentioned kids and her breaking up with you and I was relieved. Having been somewhat in her shoes, I've had similar thoughts wondering why he's not dating someone closer to his own age and if in a couple years he'll get restless for singledom like typical 20-somethings. Then I remember that compared to most women, I'm completely awesome and he'd be dumb to want a girl just because she's younger especially when I'm also better looking than most of them. If he does get restless in a couple years, I'd be fine with having had a good relationship for a few years. But I don't have kids. That would make me more cautious. Are you really willing to commit to her long-term? Do you want to raise a couple kids at your age? Do you even know how much that involves? You might have a slim chance if you're able to reassure her you want a serious relationship and aren't going to leave. But if it is true, odds are that you're not going to be able to clam her insecurities about it. Then again, it all might have been a BS excuse, and she dumped you cause she's just not that interested. My best advice to you would be to just forget about her. Either she's not that interested or she's insecure. When people have insecurities like this at the beginning of a relationship, the insecurities are more likely to grow than to go away. (That is -- she'll probably nag or get catty when she sees you talk to a younger woman. She'll constantly be afraid you're going to leave. Etc.) But people are rarely willing to just let go so... If you really want to give it one last attempt, ask her if you can meet sometime. Like go for coffee or something. If she agrees, tell her what you want from a relationship with her, talk to her about what he wants, and if it's the same as you, try to assure her you're willing to give that to her. (If she doesn't agree to meet and talk, you'll just have to move on.) If what she told you is the real reason she broke it off, you might have some slight chance of it working. If it's BS, there's not much hope. Edited November 29, 2011 by The Way I Am
KathyM Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I'd suggest you don't pursue it. You are at different stages in your lives. She is almost 30 with children. You are just starting your adult single life and are probably not mature enough to be considered for the long term. When people have children, they usually, hopefully, think about more long term situations and they are not looking for just a brief relationship. She realizes it's not a good plan to be bringing some guy so young into her life, and therefore, her children's lives, which will just mess her up and not give her what she really wants--which is a companion that could potentially fill the role of step parent. She realizes the pointlessness of seeing you in that role, so she is putting a stop to it before she has too many feelings invested. I think that's a pretty good reason to cool it with you. She's thinking of her kids and the long term. You're not a good match for that at your age.
jobaba Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Hi, not sure where to post, but here goes; Im 21, she is 29, We met at work and have been seeing each other for a few weeks, going to meet each other, just chilling, kissing, watching films etc. and I thought she was interested, I got onto the topic of relationships and not a lot was said, we then planned to meet up in a few days, I text the morning along the lines of; "so, what ya wanna do today?" and she didnt reply, so I thought something was up, I left it for half hour-hour then asked whats up, she said along the lines of: "I have been thinking, and I dont think we can be together, (she has kids) I dont know why you would like me, Iam older I have kids you could get anyone, why me?" I was taken by suprise, she also mentioned about not been hurt again like in the past, and didnt want a relationship, since then we didnt meet for about a week as I tried to keep away from her and "forget" her as I thought seeing her would make it worse, but all I can do is think about her, and then she went on holiday and still is, Iam really confused now =/ and dont know what to do next... any advice would be appreciated, thanks! P.S sorry for the spam!!! 1) You're 21 years old. You had too much invested too early. Seeing each other for a few weeks ... keep it breezy and casual. 2) When she popped that line on you (bolded), if you were cooler about it, you could have made it work. Something along the lines of, "It's just casual anyway. I'm having fun and so are you. I'm not taking up a lot of your time, and I like being around you. Let's just keep it casual." 3) You're a 21 year old kid who has a story about getting an older woman already. Move on. I'm sure you'll do fine.
Author Zeeeeb Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Iam 20 :-p was been sly lol, shes 28,
Cypress25 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Most women wouldn't want to date a man who is 8 years younger than her. Especially since most guys are immature for their age. Let's face it, you're a kid, she's an adult. She wants to date a fellow adult.
Author Zeeeeb Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Thanks for the advice guys, one more question, do you think its a good idea to buy some flowers, a poem that sort of thing and drop em to her house before she is home? Anonymously? Or will this not go down well? Thanks
Wolf18 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Holy crap. At the start there, I thought you were the guy I'm dating but just changing a few details -- cause he's 20 not 21. Then you mentioned kids and her breaking up with you and I was relieved. Having been somewhat in her shoes, I've had similar thoughts wondering why he's not dating someone closer to his own age and if in a couple years he'll get restless for singledom like typical 20-somethings. Then I remember that compared to most women, I'm completely awesome and he'd be dumb to want a girl just because she's younger especially when I'm also better looking than most of them. If he does get restless in a couple years, I'd be fine with having had a good relationship for a few years. But I don't have kids. That would make me more cautious. Are you really willing to commit to her long-term? Do you want to raise a couple kids at your age? Do you even know how much that involves? You might have a slim chance if you're able to reassure her you want a serious relationship and aren't going to leave. But if it is true, odds are that you're not going to be able to clam her insecurities about it. Then again, it all might have been a BS excuse, and she dumped you cause she's just not that interested. My best advice to you would be to just forget about her. Either she's not that interested or she's insecure. When people have insecurities like this at the beginning of a relationship, the insecurities are more likely to grow than to go away. (That is -- she'll probably nag or get catty when she sees you talk to a younger woman. She'll constantly be afraid you're going to leave. Etc.) But people are rarely willing to just let go so... If you really want to give it one last attempt, ask her if you can meet sometime. Like go for coffee or something. If she agrees, tell her what you want from a relationship with her, talk to her about what he wants, and if it's the same as you, try to assure her you're willing to give that to her. (If she doesn't agree to meet and talk, you'll just have to move on.) If what she told you is the real reason she broke it off, you might have some slight chance of it working. If it's BS, there's not much hope. The whole thing about men in their "roaring 20's" is by and large a myth. My 20's are pretty lame when it comes to women, so far, and I don't see me becomming Tucker Max any time soon. My best friend who is pretty tall, good looking with a good job, even he's not doing much (steady girlfriend), dating an older girl too. Trust me, most men in their 20's dread being single. Honestly, the only reason I want a girlfriend is so that I can get rid of the aching pain in my balls and be able to use my mental energy on more interesting/satisfying things.
Casablanca Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Most women wouldn't want to date a man who is 8 years younger than her. Especially since most guys are immature for their age. Let's face it, you're a kid, she's an adult. She wants to date a fellow adult. I agree with this...just move on and drop it She and rightfully so can also see if you two did get close the possibility of you leaving to find someone your age or younger just because of the huge age gap
Author Zeeeeb Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 I agree with wolf, its not like iam some immature person running around with a different person each week, I have a steady job etc... And and has even agreed in the past that age is definatly not an issue, just tad confusing, I may give it one shot then leave it I think...
Casablanca Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I agree with wolf, its not like iam some immature person running around with a different person each week, I have a steady job etc... And and has even agreed in the past that age is definatly not an issue, just tad confusing, I may give it one shot then leave it I think... While these might be true, whether you know it or not, you will be changing and growing over the next few years
Author Zeeeeb Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 I guess your probly right :-p ill see what time brings :-p cheers for advice though guys and girls
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