candid_xo Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and things have died. It's been months since I've been excited by anything and I know HE knows that I'm not emotionally and mentally in the relationship so he's grasping on for dear life and making me go even more crazy. I've been wanting to break up for at least 3 months, but I'm really bad at it. I don't know how to start things up or what to say. I also cannot do it in my house or his house because I'm scared of his reaction. The last time I attempted to break up with him I went to stay at my mom's house and he went all the way over there and did not stop calling me the entire weekend. I just hate the drama of it all and although I wish it were as simple as "well we both know this isn't working" and we both can be on our merry way, I know that won't happen. What do you guys suggest? Any ways to calm the situation?
EgoJoe Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 So, I recognized your name as someone I had seen post before and I clicked to see other threads started by you to be sure of it. How much of this has to do with your posts from one, two-three months ago with regard to the guy you dumped 3+ years ago? How old are you? What do you really think you are going to accomplish by dumping him? Do you want an easy way or a right way? What makes you so sure he knows you're not in it? I'm not judging, lamblasting or harping at you. Please, answer these questions so that I can help you to the best of my ability.
wilsonx Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I know I am going to get a lot of hate for this but, text message/email. I have no problem with this as long as you do not blame him for the breakup and give him reasons its his fault. Something along the lines of "I can not be in this relationship anymore, its not working, I'm sorry" and thats it.
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Is that a little cowardly?... to do it through e-mail or text. One of my ex's broke up over the phone and I was blown away at how pathetic that was.
Berlington Bob Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 If you are willing to work on things go to couples counciling... Most relationships end and fizzle out due to lack of communication. That is the main point of counciling. To be honest and open about what you want. I would not break it off over text or email mainly for the fact that if he is a clinger it's going to drive him nuts and you'll turn him into a stalker or something.
wilsonx Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Is that a little cowardly?... to do it through e-mail or text. One of my ex's broke up over the phone and I was blown away at how pathetic that was. Here's the thing, cowardly is blaming the other person for their faults as to why the relationship ended. If you lose feelings you lose feelings, its not the other person's fault. Its a safe way out to avoid conflict. People's egos are already going to be hurt.
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 geegirl put it best in another post when it comes to fizzling out... Originally Posted by geegirl When it's all roses and sunshine, it's easy. Little effort needs to be made because the R is fueled by it's "newness", by the "good feelings". When the "newness" fades, then comes time for both to put in effort and work to keep the R going, to build a foundation based on shared values. Commitment requires effort. Something a lot of people fail to fully understand.
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Here's the thing, cowardly is blaming the other person for their faults as to why the relationship ended. If you lose feelings you lose feelings, its not the other person's fault. Its a safe way out to avoid conflict. People's egos are already going to be hurt. I get that, I just feel that respect should be shown by doing it face to face. I suppose it all depends on the situation. If there was a fear of physical harm, then it would make sense.
wilsonx Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 geegirl put it best in another post when it comes to fizzling out... Something a lot of people fail to fully understand. This post is absolutely correct, thats the OPs problem that she will learn down the road and has to learn that on her own. I remember this poster from the past as well. There's a lot more to this person then is posted here. Very low self esteem and doesn't know how to let go. She needs to work on herself first before focusing on this relationship or future ones. Shes still hurting from a past breakup
EgoJoe Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 This post is absolutely correct, thats the OPs problem that she will learn down the road and has to learn that on her own. I remember this poster from the past as well. There's a lot more to this person then is posted here. Very low self esteem and doesn't know how to let go. She needs to work on herself first before focusing on this relationship or future ones. Shes still hurting from a past breakup Lets wait for her to respond before passing judgment etc. I disagree about texting to be a good way to breakup. I am even prepared to forward a link from psychology today about how to break up right, heh.
wow123 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Candid- I'm not sure what your reasons are for the loss of interest, but I went through something very similar with my ex. She acted crazy during a fight and I never recovered. I felt like you did for months before ending things. As you've seen, I'm not trying to get her back, but am having no luck. Do you know why you've lost interest?
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