DannyT27 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 My ex has just texted me this " Right well I hope your okay I really do! Didn't want it to be like this " should I text back or go NC ? I was gonna reply with " I too didn't want this and still dnt.. But it's obviously what you want if your happy I'm happy! Take Care x " and leave the ball in her court.... If anyone could giv me sum insight pls she left just ova 3 wks ago and we've got rid of the apartment and both back at our parents. I'm 27 she's 25 thanks
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 My ex has just texted me this " Right well I hope your okay I really do! Didn't want it to be like this " should I text back or go NC ? I was gonna reply with " I too didn't want this and still dnt.. But it's obviously what you want if your happy I'm happy! Take Care x " and leave the ball in her court.... If anyone could giv me sum insight pls she left just ova 3 wks ago and we've got rid of the apartment and both back at our parents. I'm 27 she's 25 thanks As long as she didn't cheat on you or feed you many lies to end the relationship, there's nothing wrong with sending her something back imo. This is your opportunity to show her that you're a classy, mature dude, and you understand that these things happen and you also know you will be okay as you're a high value guy. I'd write something like, "I know, neither did I, but I understand. And yeah I'm okay, I'll be fine :)" ..and then if you want to go into NC maybe a simple "Take care _____". just don't be dramatic, you're a guy; a high value one
flitzanu Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 My ex has just texted me this " Right well I hope your okay I really do! Didn't want it to be like this " should I text back or go NC ? I was gonna reply with " I too didn't want this and still dnt.. But it's obviously what you want if your happy I'm happy! Take Care x " and leave the ball in her court.... If anyone could giv me sum insight pls she left just ova 3 wks ago and we've got rid of the apartment and both back at our parents. I'm 27 she's 25 thanks nope. ignore it. you're not responsible for her guilt. if she didn't want it to be like "this" it wouldn't have happened right? so, yes, she DID want it to be like this. it's called breadcrumbs my friend. the only thing you should be replying to is her saying "i want to fix this and get back together with you". everything else is just nonsense.
Art_Critic Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I vote for delete, block, NC. agreed... The text wasn't a text asking to get back together.. it was rather a text to help relieve her of some guilt.. NC all the way...
Author DannyT27 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Thanks for your input I thk I'll just leave it I keep getting the odd msge here and there abt the apartment but at the end of the msge she's like hope ur ok etc... It's like she wants me to reply saying yea I'm ok and no probs to ease her guilt. I do want her bk but it's jus all abit strange for me she left 3 wks ago and some how already had a new bunch of mates which are older and she shudnt really knw, also I've blocked her on fb but my family hasn't and keeps filling me in on what her status updates are.... She says she going to have the best Xmas ever lol. Honestly I don't thk she knws what she wants yet... Sorry about the RANT!!
Art_Critic Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Sorry about the RANT!! Rant away Danny... that is what LS is for...
january2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I suggest telling your family that you appreciate that they just want to see you happy so you'd rather not hear anymore news about your ex. It's over and you'd like to get on with your life.
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 i don't understand why everyone is advocating just deleting and ignoring etc. i'm just going by the OP, don't know any other relevant background story (ie she cheated or lied etc). but why must you all be so bitter? i'm all for advocating NC to help yourself get over her, but unless she disrespected him badly on the way out, why not just send a last message saying you understand, and 'yeah i am ok' etc. why must you act like she commited a crime by not wanting to be with you anymore? why can't you just act mature, and wish her the best, and move on?? i don't get ppl on this board. breakups happen guys. every couple aren't meant to be. it sucks being dumped, its the worst, but why do you want her to feel so guilty if she simply didn't want to be with you anymore. accept it and move on, wish her well.
Author DannyT27 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Thanks again ppl, I made a a previous thread with all the gory details it's called " my gf left me " I'm really not sure what to do but everytime I hear or recieve a text I get that sickly feelin at the bottom of my stomach... My mates tell me she's had this planned for months and she well and truely has her feet under the table with this new group. I thk in the months to come shell regret it but wont admit it. I think I've blown it... I'm putting all my energy into sorting myself out like I've quit cannabis 3 wks now , starting my driving lessons, looking to get my own place mortgage not rent but I thk I can only do shared ownership like 50% so things will start to look up in the coming months where as she's jus going out almost every other night getting messy and I thk she needs to get it out of her system. Seriously I'm back at my mums in a crappy single bed andvall my stuff in boxes definetly not cool ... Need to get my life in order!!!
january2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 No one can give you closure. You find it for yourself. Replying to her messages is unlikely to give either of them closure. If he responds, he's likely to find himself in a nice little game of text-tennis where they try to one-up each other on who is having the better time post-break up. It's ripping the band-aid off and putting it back on, rinse and repeat. I can't speak for the others but having been through the 'let's be gracious' stage post-break up, twice and against my usual policy of NC*, it's painful as hell and delays healing. No, in my opinion, in the majority of cases, NC is the best route for healing for those without kids or other ties. * Because I mistakenly thought it would be the mature thing to do.
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 ^^ but you can do both.. be gracious/mature about it (she left you b/c she didn't want to be with you romantically anymore...that's not disrespectful, she just had a change of heart) and tell her you need to move on but you understand etc. I told my ex I didn't think being friends would work as I needed to move on, and wished her all the best. I haven't broken NC since then. i just don't get why ppl have to be bitter and have hatred or whatever, and want them to feel guilty. unless they did something wrong (eg cheat, lie) then ppl need to grow up, wish them well/accept their decision, and move on.
january2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I'm glad your strategy worked out for you in your situation.
Art_Critic Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 i just don't get why ppl have to be bitter and have hatred or whatever, and want them to feel guilty. unless they did something wrong (eg cheat, lie) then ppl need to grow up, wish them well/accept their decision, and move on. Not replying and doing NC isn't showing bitterness.. it is showing strength and a desire to heal.. The well wishing happens when a couple breaks up and says goodbye not weeks later in text messages.. Sorry.. replying to text messages only brings on the hurt... By the way.. good on you for doing NC...
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Not replying and doing NC isn't showing bitterness.. it is showing strength and a desire to heal.. The well wishing happens when a couple breaks up and says goodbye not weeks later in text messages.. Sorry.. replying to text messages only brings on the hurt... By the way.. good on you for doing NC... yeah see i wasn't aware of any backstory if he already went NC with her, i agree with you. however, i DO think it shows bitterness if he didn't tell her he was moving on/needed space. i think one should be curteous and tell the ex that they need to move on and wish her well, etc. like make sure they know you need time and space to move on. so assuming he did that already, def ignore. but if he didn't, imho it'd be classless to just ignore her and go NC without a word. that comes off very bitter. just my 2 cents.
wilsonx Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 People are human and entitled to their mistakes or their questions. I of all people ****ed up NC but Im human, I had 3 ****ing stalkerish emails 4-5 months into NC even after setting boundaries and reminding her twice a month into the breakup. It messed me up and had me questioning wtf. There is no "Classy" "Best" "High Value" way to handle this, you just do it and if you mess up, guess what, you can start over. That's the beauty of making a mistake. You learn from it and try try again
EgoJoe Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hey OP try thinking about it like this: replying to her serves no purpose for your healing, reconciliation (should you desire it), self-respect or retrieval of belongings. So why do it? The truth is that forgetting everything else that happened between you and her. She sent that text because she wanted validation. Giving it to her accomplishes nothing that you want so unless you're a completely selfless guy who is capable of unattached love don't do it. Do you need to block, delete etc. no but it might help you long term. Just remember this until you have any reason to think otherwise, She is thinking: Me, Me, Me and I, I, I. It seems like she has a concern for herself covered and by considering her intent, feelings and thoughts you'd be enabling some overkill. Who has your best interests covered? If the answer to that question is nobody then you have the power to change that to somebody and therefore improve yourself.
Author DannyT27 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Hanks egojoe interesting write up... I havnt txtd bk and I won't be doing as I've dropped my keys of for the aptmnt now and she has no reason to contact me I'm jus worried if I see her out on a night out as we both go to the same places as she could be wiv sum1 else ? She sent this afew msges previous "I am really sorry u know and I promise u with all my heart that I never cheated on you coz I know that's what everyone is saying!!" which makes me thk she's with sum1 else now. She also admited that she's been selfish, it's just all her her her after 5 yrs!
flitzanu Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 yeah see i wasn't aware of any backstory if he already went NC with her, i agree with you. however, i DO think it shows bitterness if he didn't tell her he was moving on/needed space. i think one should be curteous and tell the ex that they need to move on and wish her well, etc. like make sure they know you need time and space to move on. so assuming he did that already, def ignore. but if he didn't, imho it'd be classless to just ignore her and go NC without a word. that comes off very bitter. just my 2 cents. so, be sure and tell the person they hurt you that "hey you hurt me and now i'm going to ignore you" is better than just ignoring someone? they broke up. he has no obligation to speak to her, and he definitely has no obligation to her feelings or emotions. it's not about being "bitter" it's about being realistic.
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t307343/ The end.....
Chi townD Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Dude....ignore her. You KNOW she's with someone else. You KNOW she cheated on you. She ended things with you and NOW she wants to "clear the air" with more lies? She's just trying to ease her guilt. She wants you to say," Hey! These things happen. I still think you're still a really great person." She got what she wanted. She got the older guy and wants you out of her life. All you're doing is giving her exactly what she asked for. No reason to respond to her anymore.
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