smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 If a dumper still brings up the past relationship...ie talks about it a lot and still gets angry about the break up and only see's the bad points. technically does that mean they still arent over it or havent dealt with it yet?
Author smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 I think more info might help. For example some time has pasted... months and you meet the ex (dumper) and they turn the subject to the past relationship. They still get angry at the break up and how it happened even though they were the dumper. They actually continue on the same subject for an hour or more... Any insight?
USMCHokie Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 There are a bunch of possibilities here...the dumper might not be over it...or he might hut be trying to get a reaction from you...or might not have anything else to talk about...who knows...who cares...?
mike588 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) If a dumper still brings up the past relationship...ie talks about it a lot and still gets angry about the break up and only see's the bad points. technically does that mean they still arent over it or havent dealt with it yet? Well in my case my ex. broke up with her ex.(not for me) and we dated almost a year. She didn't talk about him ALOT and NEVER was angry. She told me what she didn't like about him and yes only the bad points/things about him. Well she dumped me to go back with him so yes,,,she wasn't over him. Edited November 11, 2011 by mike588
M2155 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Well if they talk about the ex a lot, especially angrily, I would guess they probably haven't dealt with everything- could be over the ex but hurt. I dated a guy recently and I could tell he had been hurt by the questions he asked. I don't think he was into he ex at all, but he was fearful of whatever happening, happening again. But he didn't speak angrily, it was more like "I had to deal with this and that baggage. I can't handle that again." But hard to say. Possible, if they're talking of that person specifically (more than the actions/results) then maybe that person is on their mind a bit much and they need some time.
Author smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 more insight on this please, thanks for the replies. xx mike did she go straight back to him or stay single for a while? Did he chase her? Sorry that happened i find its the hardest break up pain to get over xx
Author smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 @M1255 what happened with him in the end? and do you feel if he emotionally available or unavailable?
mike588 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 more insight on this please, thanks for the replies. xx mike did she go straight back to him or stay single for a while? Did he chase her? Sorry that happened i find its the hardest break up pain to get over xx Yes she went straight back to him. Did he chase her,,, I don't know. All she told me (if it was the truth) was that he texted her one night saying: Love you,,, miss you. I guess that was all she needed to hear,,, shortly after that I was history!
Author smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 im sorry to hear that especially after a year xx
mike588 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 im sorry to hear that especially after a year xx Thanx. The betrayel on her part(what I did for her) shortly before she dumped me really hurt the most.
M2155 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 @M1255 what happened with him in the end? and do you feel if he emotionally available or unavailable? This guy I thought was emotionally available. For me having been hurt recently by my ex, I was more sensitive to it, otherwise I would have just answered the question and thought nothing of it. Now I know I probably should ask similar things about relationship experiences- guess there are some bright spots to being dumped lol. Anyway, he just struck me in particualr as a genuinely sweet person who didn't want to get into a situation where he would end up hurt and was digging around to see if I had any baggage.
Author smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 At the end of the day i think thats why we all came here to begin with to get relationship experience and advice. My situation was actually me talking to my ex, and he kept bringing up our past relationship. Just wondering why? xx
mike588 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 At the end of the day i think thats why we all came here to begin with to get relationship experience and advice. My situation was actually me talking to my ex, and he kept bringing up our past relationship. Just wondering why? xx He keeps bringing up the relationship between the two of you?? Maybe he wants to get back together??
Author smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 yes, he brings it up, but it still gets him angry, not bad angry but put your brows down angry lol xx
M2155 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 put your brows down angry lol xx Lol @ this description I wouldn't assume he wants to get back together, doesn't sound like things are at that point if he's still angry. Maybe that is his disappointment or frustration that things that seemed like they could/should have worked out didn't. He's trying to make sense of it in his mind. Just a guess.
Author smokey bear Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Right now neither of us are at a point to get back together. We have only came back in contact and at the catch up i was looking to just catch up, sort out joint business etc but was put off balance as such that he brought up the relationship. Also he spoke about it at length, Some have suggested that we might not have had anything else to talk about, but like i said we had business to arrange.
nature Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 my ex did this alot for about 8 months after we broke up. Yes, I learned the very hard way that "no contact" is the way to go, and will never have to re-learn that mistake. Anyhow, he would contact me, I would contact him, and all he would do is hash out our relationship. He brought it up so much that it drove me crazy and actually made me angry. I would say, 'look, we are broken up and have been for months. it didn't work out. we are being friends as you want, so stop dwelling on the past and all the negatives about our relationship". Well soon after this, about 9 months after we split up, he turned cold on me suddenly, and of course I found out he had a new girlfriend. So for me, what I took from him feeling the need to dwell on the negative of our relationship, was that it was his way of justifying the breakup. So that no matter how much he missed me, it helped him justify why we shouldnt be together.
Author smokey bear Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 We are back to nc, and have been mostly, im at the stage like you where its just draining to hear it. Did you never go nc fully over the 8 months?
ginastar Posted December 8, 2011 Posted December 8, 2011 Smokey, My ex did the same thing and our break up was over a year ago. He brought up the past problems. As he spoke I kept thinking why does he want me to remember the bad things about our relationship. But I bet he felt guilty for things and was trying to talk his way through it or something
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