My ex wants to get back together... in a marriage kind of way.

[ohmeohmy]

About four years ago, my ex and I started dating. About two years ago, we broke up. Rather: He dumped me.

 

Something just wasn't working. He became emotionally unavailable. I became needy. We couldn't communicate. There were lots of silences. He wasn't mature enough or emotionally ready to commit.

 

The first year following our breakup, I was devastated. I was on this site a lot. A LOT. I enacted "no contact," broke it, we'd hang out and hook up, he'd break my heart all over again. Yet at the same time, I changed my life significantly. Right around when we had broken up, I started a new job. I built an amazing group of friends, and a highly active and community-engaged social life.

 

This past year, the second year after our breakup, the tables turned. He was ready to get serious. I, however, had started dating a coworker, who was never a longterm prospect but highly thrilling. When the ex approached me this past February, I entertained the idea, because of how much I loved him in the past and still do in my own way, but now I was the one who couldn't commit. I kind of juggled the ex and the coworker for a bit, but then chose the coworker. I know, a mess, right? I was honest about everything, though.

 

Ex and I have kept in touch sporadically since. We've hung out a few times, the chemistry is palpable, and he wants to get serious. He's told me this many times this year now. He misses me. He loves me. He regrets breaking up with me, but says that he did because he wasn't in the right "place" to commit then, as he is now.

 

Now, I've ended things with the coworker (who no longer IS a coworker - I quit that job recently) and I'm single and ready to find someone to settle down with.

 

Part of me wants to go back to him. We have so many common interests, I love his family and they love me, we still have chemistry after all these years, and he's responsible and intelligent and successful.

 

Another part is afraid of the silences, the lack of communication. He says he's changed now, and it's true, he's become much better and expressing how he feels. Also, I'm very outgoing, he's quite reserved. We were always viewed as an odd couple.

 

I also got a great job offer in another city, which would preclude any real attempts to rekindle our relationship. I don't do long-distance.

 

So... I don't know. I guess the moral of the story for all you hopeful ones is that getting back together IS possible. But it seems like it's only after you don't really want it anymore.

 

Except that now, I kind of do.

 

Any feedback? Should I give this one last earnest try? Or accept that it failed so many times, and should just pick up and move on...

[BCCA]

I guess the moral of the story for all you hopeful ones is that getting back together IS possible. But it seems like it's only after you don't really want it anymore.

I think something in you is trying to tell you that you know this isnt going to be the right situation, but its hard when you can fall back into a relationship thats already past the initial stages of awkwardness lol

 

Usually, an ex can kind of feel you breaking free, and at that point, they might throw a hook out there to see if you can still be reeled in.

 

Or accept that it failed so many times, and should just pick up and move on...

Id take that job, find a new person, and just enjoy life. Why dwell on what was, when it will make you miss what could be? Youve seen what this relationship is about, and its not likely to change.

[IfiKnewThen]

if he really changed maybe there is hope for the 2 of you. i cant tell.