fortyninethousand322 Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Actually I got two, a few days ago. One was a message saying "thanks for messaging me", but the other was actually someone who actually sounded interested and we've been messaging back and forth. And I'm now going to ask to meet up, probably something small like coffee or whatnot. So two issues: one, I'm having a bit of the Groucho Marx syndrome. You know the whole "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member" thing. I mean like why would she be interested in meeting me when every other girl on the site hasn't been? And the second is where to suggest we meet up? She lives (according to her profile) about 40 minutes from where I live. I'm sort of familiar with the area but in a very general sense not enough to think of somewhere to meet. Should I ask her to pick someplace? Should I use google to pick somewhere? So any suggestions on how to deal with either of these issues?
carhill Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Find someplace neutral (distance-wise) to meet and suggest it to her. If she's interested, she'll be happy to 'meet in the middle'. Make specific suggestions. Here's an example from my first date after getting separated... 'How about lunch this Saturday? I know a great sushi place xxx at xxx (about halfway between us, being an hour apart)." Listen. It's one potential date.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 Alright. Sounds like a plan.
oaks Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 So any suggestions on how to deal with either of these issues? The first issue ('why me?') is a potential conversation topic... I've been asked this on dates before, and I've asked it. You don't want to sound like you're fishing for compliments, though. Carhill makes sense, as usual. You should definitely suggest somewhere specific, and google is great for doing some research if you don't know the area. Of course she might suggest something else (!) but it's definitely a good idea to have a specific plan that's capable of clear acceptance rather than a vague half-plan that could lead to ambiguity about whether a date was offered/accepted/arranged/agreed etc. You've been here long enough to have seen threads along the lines of "we agreed to a date tonight but he never said where we were meeting and now I'm too annoyed to call to check".... Don't be that guy! Good luck!
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 The first issue ('why me?') is a potential conversation topic... I've been asked this on dates before, and I've asked it. You don't want to sound like you're fishing for compliments, though. Carhill makes sense, as usual. You should definitely suggest somewhere specific, and google is great for doing some research if you don't know the area. Of course she might suggest something else (!) but it's definitely a good idea to have a specific plan that's capable of clear acceptance rather than a vague half-plan that could lead to ambiguity about whether a date was offered/accepted/arranged/agreed etc. You've been here long enough to have seen threads along the lines of "we agreed to a date tonight but he never said where we were meeting and now I'm too annoyed to call to check".... Don't be that guy! Good luck! Ok. I asked her out for a specific date and time. And I picked a place halfway between us (actually much closer to her than to me). Hopefully she'll accept.
azsinglegal Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 You need to get over your self esteem issues. Asking "why me"? isn't attractive. Seriously...women want confidence without arrogance.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Posted November 1, 2011 You need to get over your self esteem issues. Asking "why me"? isn't attractive. Seriously...women want confidence without arrogance. That's probably true. But how would you feel if you were more inexperienced than the average 7th grader? I'd wager you'd probably have self esteem issues too. Thanks for the advice though .
azsinglegal Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 That's probably true. But how would you feel if you were more inexperienced than the average 7th grader? I'd wager you'd probably have self esteem issues too. Thanks for the advice though . We all have self esteem issues...I'm 38, single and can't keep a LTR to save my life! LOL But from my experience, we prefer a man who's confident but not cocky. You need to try those other dating boards I suggested too...
carhill Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 OP, just so you know, I tend to answer these questions based upon my many years of not having a date or a relationship, so I'm coming at them from a perspective of empathy. That said, one can take reasonable steps to progress any potential without putting one's self-confidence on the line. You sent a message, someone responded and you've now suggested a date. Pretty simple, eh? Your life isn't going to turn on this one interaction. That's reality rather than a determiner of your self-confidence. If nothing comes of it, that. If something does, that. It's one tiny part of a huge life. I get that it *feels* overwhelming, I really do. Imagine facing it without any support or advice. Welcome to the world of carhill at your age. Continue messaging other women. Hope it works out
AHardDaysNight Posted November 1, 2011 Posted November 1, 2011 Good for you, man! Hope all goes well for you.
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