MarMarMar Posted October 29, 2011 Posted October 29, 2011 Hi there, this is my first time posting after lurking for a week. I was wondering if someone could help me get some perspective on what happened to me. Here's my story: My first real boyfriend(21) dumped me(21) about a month or so ago. We were together for about 9 months or so and I know it doesn't seem like a long time but it was wonderful while it lasted. Everyone said we were perfect together, we introduced each other to friends and family, always together, etc. He was my first for a lot of things though I was not his as I know he's had at least 2 or 3 before me. We were so in love (as least I thought) and he would always talk about things like marriage and kids with me and the future. Got me a ring after like 2 months of dating. His family loves me from what I can tell and while we technically didn't live together I always stayed at his place because he wanted me to. I was there for him during hard times (helped him get clean & a close relative's health scare among other things) but we started fighting towards the end a lot. The fights were over stupid things and usually about something he was mad about that I did not even know was a problem. One of the fights was because we never did what he wanted to do(which is a legitimate issue) but he would never tell me what he wanted to do just "whatever you want to do babe" even if I kept asking because I had the feeling he wanted to do something else. He had anger problems which based on his life I understand but during the last fight when he got to the stage where he becomes unreasonable he started telling me to leave and punching walls and throwing my things in bags (he usually realizes what he's doing and regrets it a few minutes later and apologizes and we sit down and talk through it) This time I got fed up and did leave. I know that's a red flag just please finish reading but that kind of stuff mostly just annoys me. I needed to cool off but I think he took it as a not getting back together thing, though that was not my intention. We got in touch a few days later then got back together again but I kept staying in my house since we have a lot of things to work through and I know my leaving hurt him. We got together every few days and he was always very affectionate, saying I love you like usual, the same as always. Then about a day or two after the last time we met up he suddenly was always busy and out drinking and partying. We got in a fight because I felt like he just didn't care anymore because this time I was going through a lot and he wasn't there for me and he dumped me over text. I had a miscarriage the following week, didn't know I was pregnant just found out in ER. A week afterwards I confronted him face to face about dumping me over text and why he was dumping me. All I got out of him were half asses cliches like "It's not working anymore" and he said he didn't love me anymore and had been trying to convince himself that he did for a while. It felt like he was lying to me and that he was running away but I just left after exploding on him and calling out all his fake excuses. He did seem concerned when I worked up the balls to tell him about the miscarriage. The next day my car broke down in a street and he's the only person I know that knows cars so I called him out of desperation and he came over right away and helped me he gave me a hug and then we texted for the rest of the day. It hurt too much so I stopped responding and started NC. Then he was out of town for about a week but texted me twice in one night telling me he was drunk, I didn't respond. Ran into him a week later when he stopped by my work and I was talking to his dad. He seemed awkward and sad. I broke NC once a few days later and texted him once, got two favorable responses but then decided not to anymore. Saw him once when I was standing outside my work talking to a coworker and he pulled into the parking lot called out and said hi while he was driving by then went to another parking lot across the street to Lowes. Another week went by and I decided to delete and block him on facebook. Got a text 10 from him minutes later but didn't respond. What does he want from me? I love him so much but I'm not gonna stick around waiting for someone who doesn't want me. I know he has a lot of issues that he needs to work through so I'm working on forgiving him and letting go but it's hard and I'm tired of being hurt by him. His family is trying to stay in touch with me because they say I'm the best thing that happened to him and they think he's an idiot for leaving me and I feel bad because I'm kind of evading them because I'm trying to keep NC. His Dad told me after how he had read my ex's journal after they found out he was on drugs and there were chunks where he would talk about me and how I was The One and how he was never like that with past girlfriends. I feel like a mess right now (Sorry writing is so retarded I'm just really emotional right now). Any help/advice?
wilsonx Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Theres a lot of key things that happened here, read the Grass is Greener thread in my signature by homebrew. Ill give you some more explanation later on, im just exhausted right now and have to sleep
Author MarMarMar Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 I took a look at the thread and it's kind of sticking in my head that it might be what it is but I don't really feel any better.
wilsonx Posted October 30, 2011 Posted October 30, 2011 Theres no magical fix to make you feel any better. You have to find that for yourself. One of the tools that is guaranteed to help is pure No Contact from anything to do with him,his friends, his family, his facebook. Its going to take a lot of time. Just find things that to do that make you happy. This is new to you so I am giving you basic advice. Just read up around here http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320013188&sr=8-1 I really enjoyed this book when I just started where you are now Just goto a big bookstore sit down and read it so you get out of your place and are in a new environment
Author MarMarMar Posted October 30, 2011 Author Posted October 30, 2011 Yeah, I've managed to go from LC into complete NC since Wednesday, and I'll check it out thanks
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