Know this is probably the right thing but still feel like crap.....

[fayefayo]

So here's the story......

 

I've met this guy about a year and a half ago. At the time I've came off of a long term relationship for about half a year. Initially he was the one that was head over heels for me, but I held back a little and was still being a little immature and tend to nag....so eventually he got very annoyed and we broke up, at the time I finally decided I do love him....and that I needed to love him for how he is.......but it was too late.....he started talking to his ex, I believe at the time he went back to her because it was his way to stop thinking about me...I was heartbroken and thought it was my own fault because I couldn't realize my love sooner.....

 

So while depressed I did go out and drink with friends, dated others...tried my best to get over him....I bumped into one of his friends and somehow we started hanging out....it was nothing romantic btw us.....just going out at times....eventually I thought its not a good idea and stop hanging out with him anyway.....one night while I was out and got pretty drunk with this girlfriend that I trusted.....apparently she said she couldnt carry me and since this guys friend was calling anyway..she've asked him to come and help....and somehow thought it was ok to just let him take me home...u know how the story go then....this guy said he was drunk too and dun rememeber much either....so i mistrusted two people.....luckily I believe it didn't go far because I was having period and my stick was still in me.....at the time I chose to ignore and forget the problem.....

 

Then the unexpected happened..about three months after the breakup...me and my ex started talkig again.....I've withheld the above info from him intially...I actually have other guys after me at the time, rationally i know this guy might hurt me again but my heart want to be with him....he have just came back from a trip with his ex too....somehow I forgive him and fall back in love with him again....he left her to be with me again.....he knew his friend and I have hung out and asked me if anything have happened.....I denied it in the beginning...I told him eventually hoping he would understand that it was not my fault and that I am a victim..and should be glad at least the worse didn't happen....but at the end it didnt matter who fault it was and what he have done to me....he cant get over this idea.....he think I am stupid to get myself in that situation and that ive tricked him....after that, I've done my best to show him how much I love him....but it didn't seem to matter.....everythig I do was stupid and annoying.....he said he wanted a break.....I did give him more space...this also happened at the same time as he start a new stressful job....so his stress level hit the roof and one night took all ny stuff back to me.....every little th ibg trigger his anger......for the past three months I've took everthigv and try to be understanding.....it was bad....but I just hoped he can get over it....but yet itve still come to this....he didn't want to communicate at all.....the last thing I gotbout of him before he walked out was...we can talk maybe in three weeks....

 

I am heartbroken once again.....but this time I am less sad as I know I've tried my best this tine.....something unfornated happened but I was willing to forgive his part and move on....but he can't......I still really misses him......its been two weeks now....and i keep thinking if there is even still a chance.....everyone around me tell me hes a jerk and just move on....I keep thinking back.....maybe I should have just lied about the inncident....but I dun think I could have live with it....plus what he did was worse and ive let it go.....guess he just doesn't love me enough then....I can't change the past....and it really wasn't my fault I think...

 

There...just wanted to get it out ny system....I dunno what i will do next....of anyhibg is supposed to happen in a wk.......sigh......life is cruel sometimes....