Hoping for a reconciliation, was gonna write her a letter

October 6, 2011

Well heres my story, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she felt i wasn't interested in marriage or a future with her. I think you she felt this way for a little while but convinced herself that i would change. Unfortunetly i didnt realize that there was an issue and she told me after a small arguement that she didnt want to do it anymore. I guess the final straw is when i moved in with a buddy instead of her 1 month before the breakup. She is in a very demanding school program that leaves her with almost no free time, we both just turned 27 and i really had no idea she was so ready for marriage but i guess i learned the hard way. I think it all really comes down to a lack of communication on what we wanted out of the relationship. since the break up we have hung out a few times most of them intiated by her. Her friends say she hasnt been going out and isnt not intrested in any guys. Should i send her a letter to express how i really feel since i struggled with this throughout the relationship.

thanks

October 6, 2011

Sounds like the problem was that she was waiting for you to take the next step. She dated you for two years. After two years without any SERIOUS discussions of the future. You taking steps to move in with someone else was probably that last indication she needed to see that you weren't looking for a future with her and she's ready to take that step and settle down.

October 6, 2011

Yes, i agree 100% but now i dont know what to do. I tried by promising her the world when we first broke up but that fell on deaf ears. I stopped contacting her for the most part but it is very difficult. I dont think NC would work in my situation because i think that will just reaffirm the reason she broke up with me. She has come over muliple times to "see the dog" but stays for hours to talk and hang out. I feel i would marry her in a heartbeat but am worried anything i say is considered to lil to late. She says she is to engrossed in school to try and make it work and wont give me a 2nd chance. Even her mom and friends tell her to get back with me but she is very stubborn

October 6, 2011

Yes, i agree 100% but now i dont know what to do. I tried by promising her the world when we first broke up but that fell on deaf ears. I stopped contacting her for the most part but it is very difficult. I dont think NC would work in my situation because i think that will just reaffirm the reason she broke up with me. She has come over muliple times to "see the dog" but stays for hours to talk and hang out. I feel i would marry her in a heartbeat but am worried anything i say is considered to lil to late. She says she is to engrossed in school to try and make it work and wont give me a 2nd chance. Even her mom and friends tell her to get back with me but she is very stubborn

Just tell her point blank that you will marry her, as simple as that.

October 6, 2011

It sounds like she has a communication problem, see if she would liek to settle with you and try to work on the communication issue.

October 6, 2011

Dont write her a letter, tell her in person. Also tell her that she has to tell you when she has a problem, not sit and wait hoping you will do what she wants.

October 6, 2011

I think i was part of the reason she was afraid to talk about the future because in the beginning of the relationship i told her point blank that i wasnt inttrested currently in getting married or having kids. Of course 2 years later my feelings have changed but since i didnt tell her this until after the break up she thinks im bsing her to get back together. She told me that she lost feelings for me b/c i wouldnt bring up a commitment ...do u think its possible she lost all feelings for me? She loved me so much just a few months ago that it almost worried me. I know school has defiently been wearing on her but i cant believe she wont give me a second chance

October 6, 2011

What do you want? In an ideal world, where will things go from here? In my mind, this is a big shock to the two of you, and I think you have a number of processes to go through if you're going to continue and grow the relationship. One is to discuss with each other better ways to communicate with one another. Another is to consider and discuss what you want in the near future. I'd strongly advise against getting married or engaged right now. That would be a knee-jerk reaction and likely to fail. Get to know one another again, and better than before, and accept that you both can grow and learn and carry the relationship forward, but it does have to be together.

Ask her what would change her mind, and tell her what you'd like her to change too.

And do something goofy and sweet, like sending her a postcard.

October 6, 2011

I agree with Eddie. Just meet her and tell her straight up what you are feeling. I just spent almost 2 years with a guy and never really told him how I felt (mind you, neither did he) and it led to us both just being frustrated and confused. Personally I wouldn't want to get married when I'm busy with school etc.. and I could see lots of arguments for not choosing to live together, but I can definitely relate to wanting to know that's where we are headed. Talk to her.

October 7, 2011

well im pretty devastated, a couple days ago i called her and casually invited her to dinner if she was intrested. she said maybe, well she just called this afternoon and asked if i was hungry. She came over and everything went fairly well during dinner, we came back to my house and she started talking about how she cant wait to leave the town we live in once she finishes school and be back with her family. After watching tv for a bit she returned my house key to me and told me that she enjoyed dinner but said i hope i realized it didnt mean we were getting back together. she said she doesnt want to lead me on and hopes us hanging out doesnt give that impression. WTF? i guess i shouldn't have gotten my hopes up

October 7, 2011

True, I wouldn't get my hopes up in situations like this.

I don't know. She could be saying that to let you know you are going to lose her (hopefully she means it- as in doing all the things we say to do after a breakup whcih is move on) or, she may really be planning her future without you. Which is understandable.

If you're still hanging out, then IMO you should tell her that you aren't going to hold her back from pursuing her new life- very important, but what you felt and why you made the decisions you did during the relationship. No pressure, just state your position and let her decide the next move.

Also when you're hanging out, try not to sit around watching TV, don't get me wrong sometimes that's a perfect evening for me- but that's such a boring last memory. You should cut it off after dinner or drinks and tell her you have somewhere you need to be.

October 7, 2011

yea, i really dont get why should would hang out with me then say that stuff. I didnt pressure her into going out, it was her idea to watch tv because she was tired from school. this was an issue with us because i would always wanna do stuff together but she would always just wanna lay in bed and watch movies because she was tired... she works 2 jobs and goes to school 5-6 days a week. i work weekends 16 hr shifts and then have off monday-friday, so to say we are on opposite schedules is an understatment.

October 7, 2011

Dude, don't get stuck in the friend zone. I have a feeling that this was her way of getting closure. However, once you go NC it wouldn't shock me if she tried to contact you again. Don't fall for it. She's not your girlfriend anymore, therefore, she shouldn't be your friend either. Not while you still have strong feelings for her. If she wants you out of her life then that's EXACTLY what you give her. She can either have 100% of you or nothing at all.

Lessons learned. A girl won't wait around forever. And sorry to say, if she thought you weren't interested in a serious relationship, it wouldn't surprise me if she's been looking for someone that was.

October 7, 2011

well i wrote her a letter, i used advice that i saw online as well as read the magic of making up. please give me your honest opinion on what i say, i really dont wanna push her away. i figured ill give her this and then go full on NC.

I just had a few thing i wanted to go over with you that Ive realized

in the past month or so that we've been separated. I feel like the

last time i wrote you and the couple times that we talked i didn't have

a clear head and was so shocked by the breakup that i couldn't really

convey clearly how i felt. I guess the first thing i should say is that

i understand why you felt this was neccesary, i accept the fact that the

relationship had reached somewhat of a plateau and you were right to believe that it

couldnt continue on the way it was going. I have been killing myself

over the last month with guilt and regret but over time ive realized that it takes

two to make a relationship work and by the end neither of us were doing

the necessary things to make it work for the long term. The second

thing i want to address is basically i just wanted to apologize for the

stupid things that i said during the relationship mainly regarding

marriage, kids and the future. I realize that saying those things that

i said must have made you feel terrible and feel undesired and now i

feel that i have lost my chance to have those amazing things in my life

as well. I feel like i have so much love in my heart but for some

reason i have a hard time expressing it, its as if my brain and heart

are at constant odds and if i can express myself with less logic and

more emotion i would do much better in relationships. Also i feel that

i took you for granted, you gave so much of yourself to me and i realize

now that i was selfish through out much of our time together. I feel if

i would have done more small things just to let you know how much i

i cared for you we would be in a much different situation. The fact of

the matter is i always thought you were incredibly beautiful, and smart,

and you have the biggest heart of anyone i know but because of my own

insecurities i just couldnt get those feelings across to you. You were passionate about the

things that matter in life like family, love, and education while i

distracted myself with stupid hobbies, sports, and hanging out with

people that are going no where in life.The good thing that will come out

of all this is that i feel this break up has made me re evaluate

everything that is important in my life. I feel that this situation is

causing me to finally grow out of this man-boy stage of my life and

realize what i truely want and need out of love and relationships and

for that i should thank you. I also want to take this opportunity to let you know how

proud of you i am, i feel like youve grown so much as a person since

ive known you and soon you well be able to do and afford the things in life

you have always wanted. I really hope down the road we can be friends

because i feel we really compliment each other, and i really do hope

everything in your life goes as you plan because you and your family deserve nothing but the

best.

what you guys think, sorry if its long.

October 7, 2011

Dude, leave out the " I hope we can still be friends." line. Look at this as your closure letter. I speculate that you're not going to be friend with her. What? In a couple of years you gonna take her and her new husband out to dinner?

You can send it, but I think that the best you can hope for is an e-mail that mirrors your own or just a simple, " Thanks! Have a good life!" Then you'll feel even worse.

October 7, 2011

yea, i really dont get why should would hang out with me then say that stuff. I didnt pressure her into going out, it was her idea to watch tv because she was tired from school. this was an issue with us because i would always wanna do stuff together but she would always just wanna lay in bed and watch movies because she was tired... she works 2 jobs and goes to school 5-6 days a week. i work weekends 16 hr shifts and then have off monday-friday, so to say we are on opposite schedules is an understatment.

Do you really want to go back to that? A relationship with someone you practically never see and when you do see her, she's too tired?

That's what you want to marry into?

Really?

Don't you think you could, I dunno, do better than that?

October 7, 2011

well i wrote her a letter, i used advice that i saw online as well as read the magic of making up. please give me your honest opinion on what i say, i really dont wanna push her away. i figured ill give her this and then go full on NC.

It seems a very thoughtful and heartfelt letter, but I stopped reading beyond the first few lines because it's not formatted into paragraphs. That would make it easier to digest.

Okay, have had a second read of it and I'm not sure what you want to achieve with it. If you want to have a second chance, I think it would be good to say so. Otherwise, it reads like a "sorry it didn't work out, wish you well" sort of letter. Something like:

I realise you have a lot on your plate with work and school right now, and I know our conflicting schedules meant we had precious little quality time together, but I would like for you to reconsider and for us to reconcile, get back together, and to grow and learn through this together. Missing you.

Edited October 7, 2011 by betterdeal

October 7, 2011

I completely agree with the above post by Betterdeal.

October 7, 2011

do you really want to go back to that? A relationship with someone you practically never see and when you do see her, she's too tired?

That's what you want to marry into?

Really?

Yes and no, she'll be done with school in less than a year so things will defiently change for her in the future, when we started our relationship she worked at a surf shop and wasnt really doing anything with her life. i have a decent job in the medical field that allows plenty of days off so in the beginning we were able to do all kinds of fun things and had plenty of time together. Because i cared for her i wanted more for her in her life. I supported her when she decided to go back to school and enter a very demanding course of study. I told her back then that this program would change her life in a good way but our relationship may suffer. I tried to keep it from affecting our relationship but i think it was inevitable that issues would arise. It sucks that ive invested so much of myself to make sure she has a better future but know i feel like i wont experience it with her

October 7, 2011

Ive tried to reformat it to paragraph format but it wont work, hopefully that wont keep you from reading it

October 7, 2011

Yes and no, she'll be done with school in less than a year so things will defiently change for her in the future, when we started our relationship she worked at a surf shop and wasnt really doing anything with her life. i have a decent job in the medical field that allows plenty of days off so in the beginning we were able to do all kinds of fun things and had plenty of time together. Because i cared for her i wanted more for her in her life. I supported her when she decided to go back to school and enter a very demanding course of study. I told her back then that this program would change her life in a good way but our relationship may suffer. I tried to keep it from affecting our relationship but i think it was inevitable that issues would arise. It sucks that ive invested so much of myself to make sure she has a better future but know i feel like i wont experience it with her

It sounds to me like you've drifted apart and, in reality, the fact she initiated the break up is trivial as you were both pretty much checked out already. Your need for affection and quality time is important too.

October 7, 2011

Ive tried to reformat it to paragraph format but it wont work, hopefully that wont keep you from reading it

It's okay, I did read it. Just make sure it is formatted if you do send it!

What are you hoping to achieve with the letter?

October 7, 2011

It sounds to me like you've drifted apart and, in reality, the fact she initiated the break up is trivial as you were both pretty much checked out already.

yes this is true she has even said that when people ask about the break up she just says it was a mutual thing.

What are you hoping to achieve with the letter?

i guess i want to achieve some closure, but also i want to address those issues we had in the relationship that we never talked about. What i want more than anything is to get back together but i doubt a letter is gonna cause that.

i guess i should also let you know that when she graduates she deceided that she is going to move up to St. Louis and financially take care of her mom and little brother. This is a recent development because when we were together we had talked about moving to NYC together or buying a house down here in florida. Here father died when she was 14 and her mom has had severe depression since then, her mom and brother live in a family members basement in St. Louis. My ex is saying that she wont be able to do anything until her mom gets back on her feet and starts working again (its been 13 yrs), until then she is going to support them.... do you think that maybe she has mentally made a decision that it was going to be either her family or me? We had big plans for the future together, moving, traveling... but now she says she would feel guilty if her mom was not happy. She broke up with me a couple days after returning from visiting her mom a month ago.

October 7, 2011

I very much agree with you that her family situation must have some bearing on her decision. But you need to talk her her about that, if she's willing to talk with you about it. Would you be willing to move to St Louis?

October 7, 2011

right now i would say yes just because how terrible i feel and how much i miss her, but honestly i dont know if i could do it without resenting her. Im a surfer, i have lived within walking distance to the beach for the past 10 years, so moving to St. Louis would be a culture shock to say the least. Also i would have to leave a full time established career and hope i could find a job out there. Im not sure honestly if i could do it, i feel that she is almost throwing away her future by moving up there because she wont be able to enjoy her new found financial stability if its all going to her family. Its amazing that she wants to help but she has to look after herself aswell

Sign In

Hoping for a reconciliation, was gonna write her a letter

Recommended Posts

steve566

Chi townD

steve566

redblack66

immitable

Eddie Edirol

steve566

betterdeal

M2155

steve566

M2155

steve566

Chi townD

steve566

Chi townD

betterdeal

betterdeal

EgoJoe

steve566

steve566

betterdeal

betterdeal

steve566

betterdeal

steve566

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...