watermelonjuice Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I released my photos for a guy to view. Before that, he was going on about what a great person he thinks I was. After the photos and some more chatting, he abruptly said he had to run. Of course not everyone is everyone's cup of tea. But I'd have appreciated if they don't blah blah about how they like your personality and then throw that out the window when they don't like the way you look. What happened to the great personality? I'm venting and such behavior comes with the territory. But it still hurt a little.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Well, he could have genuinely had something come up at a bad time... but how does one gauge someone's personality (and whether or not it's great) through a monitor? Were you two corresponding for a long time? He may have just been stating whatever in order to get to the point and then the truth of his intentions came out... I dunno, I wouldn't take it personally either way --- for better or worse. I think the aftermath of it only comes with the territory if you allow yourself to prematurely believe certain things.
NeoGen85 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I know it sucks but some people have a type when it comes to appearance. You might be a gorgeous woman to me but to someone else it might be slightly different. I find myself to be bit more flexible in appearance. I don't even mind dating a lady who's taller then me simply because I have a thing for legs. But that's not set in stone for me either.
Stung Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Sorry. That is the kind of thing that will ding your pride for a couple of days, but you should make a swift and complete recovery. As others have said, it could just be a matter of "type" at play...and honestly, if he's ill-mannered enough to just disappear after what I presume are some in-depth conversations (how else would he have any idea of your personality?), perhaps you dodged a bullet. If it makes you feel any better, my little son and I had some watermelon juice last night, and we thought you were delicious.
make me believe Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 That sucks. I can understand your hurt. But the attraction DOES have to be there for a relationship to work, no matter how great your personality or connection is. Plus, wouldn't you rather be with someone who thinks you're absolutely beautiful?
oaks Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 The sooner you show them your photo the sooner you'll filter out the ones who don't like the way you look (and probably before you get too invested in them).
FrustratedStandards Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Physical attractiveness is important. Personality alone isn't enough. You need balance. Having one and not the other is never good.
FitChick Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 That's why you should always have your photos online. If someone doesn't like the way you look, they will never contact you and you will never know.
TheSingleGuy Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 For men, the attraction switch is very simple: Looks. Of course, we'd never tell you this in real life, because in real life, we want to sleep with you. We've learned to lie about how important personality is. It's all bull**** and a smoke screen. Either you are attractive enough to pursue or you aren't. But the bottom line is, men are attracted to looks. The good thing about this is, looks are an EASY thing to improve. Diet and exercise...will power is the bottom line. How bad do you want it? If you want it bad enough, you can have it. Good health and good fitness are always attractive on everyone. For a guy, it's not so simple. Personality is the main attraction switch for women (usually). Try over hauling your personality to make yourself more attractive. Not an easy thing to do.
CocoaBrown Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I released my photos for a guy to view. Before that, he was going on about what a great person he thinks I was. After the photos and some more chatting, he abruptly said he had to run. Of course not everyone is everyone's cup of tea. But I'd have appreciated if they don't blah blah about how they like your personality and then throw that out the window when they don't like the way you look. What happened to the great personality? I'm venting and such behavior comes with the territory. But it still hurt a little. Awww of course it hurt. How long had you been talking to him? How long ago did this happen and how did the conversation end? Did he say he would contact you again later? Honestly, being attracted to a person is important. I know there were men who were very sweet to me online and I wouldn't describe them as unnattractive they just weren't my "type" so I couldn't get into it. There were also profiles I responded to where we were a match on paper....almost perfectly.....and I never heard back from them and I assumed it was because they weren't attracted. Yes it hurt but I moved on! You will be ok!
duckrepair Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Are you 100% certain he didn't have an emergency? Though - If he really is such a jerk, be glad it was this early on. He did you a huge favour. Now you can move on and find someone that deserves you. Not only will they think you're great, they'll also see how beautiful you are.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 I would hope that there isnt something off about your appearance that warranted you holding off on sending him your pictures. If you are, then he knows he was somewhat deceived, and he had cause to run. You really need to reveal your pics before talking to anyone. If your have a dating profile, put that pic up. If youre on a site you think you cant trust with your pics, then dont use it. But you cant depend on personality alone. People want to enjoy looking at the person theyre dating. You cant escape it, you have to deal with it, no one LIKES to go sight unseen. Is there some reason you waited to show your pics that dont have to do with privacy protection issues?
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 We have only been chatting for like under 10 minutes, and he was repeating how he liked my profile. When he contacted me, he was also gushing about it. It was quite an abrupt end to the conversation. He said he had to go to bed and that was it. He gave the "let's chat again soon" line. But you know if someone's really interested, he would at least exchange something to secure the next conversation or something. It will sting a while but I will get over it. Though I'm starting to think whether I should get a plastic surgery.
CocoaBrown Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 We have only been chatting for like under 10 minutes, and he was repeating how he liked my profile. When he contacted me, he was also gushing about it. It was quite an abrupt end to the conversation. He said he had to go to bed and that was it. He gave the "let's chat again soon" line. But you know if someone's really interested, he would at least exchange something to secure the next conversation or something. It will sting a while but I will get over it. Though I'm starting to think whether I should get a plastic surgery. Hmmm well at least you didn't spend alot of time chatting. Is there a reason you don't have a picture up so they can see what you look like up front? Which one of you made the initial contact? Does your profile say "picture upon request" or something?
Pasttense Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Well, if you only chatted 10 minutes I don't see why you are so upset about it. But yes, put your photos up on your profile.
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Hmmm well at least you didn't spend alot of time chatting. Is there a reason you don't have a picture up so they can see what you look like up front? Which one of you made the initial contact? Does your profile say "picture upon request" or something? I contacted him first, with profile saying picture upon request. He responded requesting for the picture and how he thought the "me" in the profile was really someone he had been looking for blah blah blah. I don't think the guy was a jerk btw. He just wasn't into you. It's nicer to bail then be honest and tell you that he finds you unattractive and unappealing. I don't mind so much that he bailed if he hadn't gone on about how he had been looking for someone like me, according to the profile. I get that not everyone is everyone's cup of tea and I'm not delusional to expect every guy out there wants me. But it just left me feeling "ugly" after this. :mad:
Dusk1983 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 For a guy, it's not so simple. Personality is the main attraction switch for women (usually). Try over hauling your personality to make yourself more attractive. Not an easy thing to do. I normally agree with you but IME you're dead wrong here. Women don't have a 'personality switch' instead of that 'initital attractiveness' switch. They have both - one after the other. Looks first - just like men - then the personality switch. You need to flip both to win the prize.
silvermercy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 For men, the attraction switch is very simple: Looks. Of course, we'd never tell you this in real life, because in real life, we want to sleep with you. We've learned to lie about how important personality is. It's all bull**** and a smoke screen. Either you are attractive enough to pursue or you aren't. But the bottom line is, men are attracted to looks. The good thing about this is, looks are an EASY thing to improve. Diet and exercise...will power is the bottom line. How bad do you want it? If you want it bad enough, you can have it. Good health and good fitness are always attractive on everyone. For a guy, it's not so simple. Personality is the main attraction switch for women (usually). Try over hauling your personality to make yourself more attractive. Not an easy thing to do. Glad you added the word "usually" in the end. I agree and disagree at the same time. I think the whole thing "men are attracted to looks" and "women are attracted to personality" are pure stereotypical statements that existed for ages until now. It depends on if the man or the woman want either a relationship or just sex. In case of relationships, I would say that "women are attracted to looks as much as men BUT.... great looks alone would NOT make a woman want a relationship with a great-looking man". I think ideally women would want BOTH great looks and great personality in a man (ask any single woman about her Dream Man). But since they can't find a lot of good-looking men (as opposed to the more abundant good-looking women) they somehow settle for personality over looks (if they want a relationship). If a woman does not want a relationship and is only interested in sex I think the statement "women are interested in looks" applies just as much as in men's case. As for the OP, I would also suggest posting photos from the very start. This would solve a lot of problems and awkward situations. You could be Claudia Sciffer but your date might want a Cindy Crawford. Not your fault.
shayla Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I always put my photos up, BAM! Hate it or love, it there it is for you to see. If you aren't attracted, cool, keep on to the next one!
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 As for the OP, I would also suggest posting photos from the very start. This would solve a lot of problems and awkward situations. You could be Claudia Sciffer but your date might want a Cindy Crawford. Not your fault. Thanks. I probably felt more low about myself than angry at the guy.
Dusk1983 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) If a woman does not want a relationship and is only interested in sex I think the statement "women are interested in looks" applies just as much as in men's case. You were spot on until this part. From my experience women are just as concerned with looks as men, whether they're after sex or a relationship. Maybe its a city bias (I live in London) but here, there's still tonnes of good looking guys out and around that are hitting on women, so women function just like men in the dating pool. I'd even say attractive women are more picky when it comes to looks, because they hold all the aces. They know there's a better looking guy around the next corner who's probably keen, so why should they settle for less? I think men are unrealistic about their own attractiveness and that of other men. In cities, there are lots of good looking guys. Lots. Even if we as a men can't or don't want to see it. Edited October 7, 2011 by Dusk1983
silvermercy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Thanks. I probably felt more low about myself than angry at the guy. Indeed, many times it's not about looks but TYPE. For example, I live in a Mediterranean country, and I personally don't like dating any of my fellow country men because they look Mediterranean! LOL So if I'm out and someone points out a good-looking man I will go "NO WAAAAY!!" and that's because I don't like Mediterranean-type men - AT ALL! (I prefer blond Northern type! hehe). Obviously my fellow Mediterranean women have no problem dating Mediterranean men so in their eyes they're good-looking. @Dusk: Yes, I've lived in London for a while and I really like the men there so it must be true about the women ALSO wanting looks (either in sex or in a relationship situation). But as I said, I live in a Mediterranean country, where I find most of the men ugly or not my type (I'm very picky indeed. Maybe because I've lived in London? lol), hence my response. Basically, I think you're right about women ALSO wanting looks in a man. Maybe we don't want to admit it in case we're seen as shallow as men are portrayed. I don't mind being seen as shallow (even though I ALSO want a good personality, so the correct word would be "picky").
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Indeed, many times it's not about looks but TYPE. For example, I live in a Mediterranean country, and I personally don't like dating any of my fellow country men because they look Mediterranean! LOL So if I'm out and someone points out a good-looking man I will go "NO WAAAAY!!" and that's because I don't like Mediterranean-type men - AT ALL! (I prefer blond Northern type! hehe). Obviously my fellow Mediterranean women have no problem dating Mediterranean men so in their eyes they're good-looking. In some ways, I get that. But in other ways, I'm still annoyed. Perhaps deep inside, everyone of us wants to be thought of as universally good looking or liked by everyone else.
silvermercy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 In some ways, I get that. But in other ways, I'm still annoyed. Perhaps deep inside, everyone of us wants to be thought of as universally good looking or liked by everyone else. Ah, indeed... the mysterious and elusive universal and objective beauty! I so wish I could achieve that! Well, if there's re-incarnation maybe we should apply to come back as Victoria Secret's models (and above).
Author watermelonjuice Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Ah, indeed... the mysterious and elusive universal and objective beauty! I so wish I could achieve that! Well, if there's re-incarnation maybe we should apply to come back as Victoria Secret's models (and above). If not because of that goal, I don't know why I feel upset about it! I even start to think that I'm losing my good looks.
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