arbrne_vet Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Not feeling the best today. Feeling really down. i guess the pain is creeping back in. i sit and think what has happened over the past year. then, i looked at all my posts since joining here back in April, and all the responses. Always from many different people, all saying the same thing. the same thing my friends have been telling me. She is stringing you along until something better comes along..... So many times i "tried" to go NC. She would call, text, i would ignore it, then a couple days later, she would do the same thing. i would answer, we would end up in bed. then i get my hopes up, and she gives me just enough time to make me think we are working on it. then i have enough.......... I feel so ashamed, i feel so weak for how i have been these past few months, and even this past year when she "dumped" me, i got stupid and proposed. 1 year ago, Oct 2nd, i proposed. had one great month after that, then, it all started. you name it, all the excuses for not wanting to commit back into a relationship. Even my son made a comment about her being so distant, and he made this comment last year. A couple weeks ago, i asked a very good female co-worker this question. If you were using someone, or stringing someone along, or seeing someone else, what would you do. Her response, everything XXXXXX has been doing. she said, sorry to be so blunt, but that's what i would be doing. I have to come to grips with what i have been doing, and i have to admit this to myself, and everyone here. i have asked for advice, opinions, and i ignored them, thinking somehow she is different. I know i will get through this, i know i have bright days ahead, and i know, out there somewhere, "she" is waiting for me. a journey of 1000 miles starts with the first step.
geegirl Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Your post made me tear up some. You know Arbnet, when we're in love, it's so hard to see things for what they are. I remember being in such a toxic relationship and just could not see, or maybe I did but was knee deep in denial. It won't always feel this way. I promise you. The good thing is that it is all finally sinking in and without friends and posts telling you over and over again what the realities are, you finally see it. Half the battle won. There is no doubt about that. NC is hard but the pain is temporary. Remaining in a bad situation will keep you in pain indefinitely. Yes, your first step is your most important step. Just don't look back. There is nothing there for you. All you need is what's infront of you. A new journey for you and your son. You may stumble and fall here and there, but get up and keep going. Chin up! I did it and so can you and all those hurting on this board. When going through hell, keep walking. ~Winston Churchill~
lonelynyc Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 I'm right there with you, buddy. It's easy to recognize the signs of being strung along, but what we do with that information is always complex. I think love is a part of the equation, but I'm also starting to realize that dependence could be the single most important factor. We take scraps from them because we just don't want them to disappear from our lives and build anew with someone else. For a while I was happy when my ex asked me to do favors for her like walking her dog, etc. And of course, I thought to myself, "This is the little opening that's going to lead to our reconciliation." And of course, she was ****ing someone else that very same week. I think we just have to regain the self-esteem that has vanished on us. At first I thought anger at my ex was a healthy move towards regaining my dignity. It wasn't, I know I have a long road ahead of me, but doesnt every good outcome demand hard work and patience?
Graceful Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 A-Vet, I'm a big believer that the best lessons in life are learned the hard way. This is a painful reality for those of us that have thick skulls of course ... as we will learn just about everything the hard way. It sounds like what you've done in the classic sense is "bottom out" which is the same lingo used in substance abuse when a person finally realizes they can no longer live the way they have been living, and are at the end of their rope. I think it's great if you've finally done that, because that means you've hit reality and while it's a painful reality, you know your ex has hurt you beyond repair and really does not deserve you, your love or your trust. It's too precious to give it to someone who abuses it, isn't it? That's what a breakup means -- the relationship is broken -- and for you it's beyond repair. Many attempts at repair have shown you that. You want someone who is tripping over herself to be with you, who is giddy at the thought of being engaged to you and wants to forge ahead to build a life with you and your son, someone who appreciates you and who makes you feel secure and loved. Sound like you ex? No, I didn't think so. Stay the course. You're here, you know you're finally on the right path, you have the clarity you need to stay NC and you want to feel better. You've learned, so what's the diff how long it took? No one here is counting, we just want you to be happy, and the sooner the better, that's all.
Author arbrne_vet Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 When i decided to go NC last week, i knew this time it was for real. what she had pulled last friday was the "straw that broke the camels back" i had no kids for the night, my oldest son was going back home in a couple days, and leaving to his mothers, my youngest son wanted to go and spend one last night. the next day, i called, and that is when she was having dinner with her "friend" again. one more night having time for someone else, and no time for me. i shot her a text later that day, asking to get together after she had "dinner". i never got a response. called her later that night, and she did not answer, nor did she return my call. called her the next am and questioned as to why she did not answer my text, or call me back. she did not know i called. ya right. and to why no return on the text, "i don't know" i could go on and on, but i think you get the point. ya grace, i guess today i did hit rock bottom. i did feel better after spilling all that out. i guess i have been in denial about it being over. in the back of my mind, i still had hope. i guess i replaced hope with reality. you know, i got hit in the head sooo many times when i was a kid. was even on my bike, and hit my head on some thick boards on the back of my truck. every time, i got right back up. guess i do have a thick skull!!
Recommended Posts