StellaA Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Hi I was in a relationship for 6 years, friends for 3 year before that. We were living together for 1 year. My partner then went into hospital and decided he needed space and that he couldn't committ to me. This came out of the blue and I thought we were happy and never thought I would be with anyone else. He was also my best friend. I feel so alone and think about him all the time. It has been 2/3 months since we split up and I want to start feeling like I can move on. The break up was ok, we didn't fall out and still wave to each other when we pass (we live very near each other). I thought this man would be the father of my children and my husband, he has now decided he has things to do before he settles down. I am completely heart broken and miss him so much, we got along so well, this was a suprise for me. I even had to take anti-depressanst to help me. I am trying to get my life back on track but I'm finding it a daily struggle even though people around me would think I am ok.
smudge21 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 It may all seem sudden to you, but it's often the case that a dumper has been harbouring feelings like this for sometime before they eventually have to walk away. They seem like they've changed suddenly too but in reality they haven't. In fact I often do wonder if people change when they get with someone, then when they split up they go back to how they always were. I do wonder why people around you think you're okay? Have you been telling them you are rather than being honest? It's only been a few months after a 6 year relationship - that's like expecting to heal over night. You need people around you so talk to them, don't feel ashamed that you haven't healed, it just proves you loved someone with all your heart. No contact is the rule now but that's not going to happen whilst you still see him and appear friendly. You'll only be feeding that little bit of hope, plus, he needs to miss you too, so create some distance between you both. It's not going to easy, healing never is, but you will start to feel better.
TheDovic Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Hi Stella, This seems quite common for a lot of people on this site i.e. their partner has broken up with them and they didn't see it coming. It hurts so much, not only because the perfect future we had ahead of us has been lost, but also because we have lost our best friend. I'm glad you decided to take anti depressants. I'm not sure how long you've been on them but they can take up to 8 weeks to kick in so give them a chance and they can really help. I know because I'm taking them too following my break up and my mood over the past few days (I'm in week 5 of taking them) has really started to improve. There are other things you can do to help you along too. I've found reading the right books can help. I recommend: Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart" http://www.amazon.co.uk/Can-Mend-Your-Broken-Heart/dp/0593055772/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1317031293&sr=8-1 I bought this a while back but didn't use it, but over the past few days have read the book and am using the accompanying hypnosis cd and I have to say for the first time I'm not thinking about my ex as much (and I was a total mess before!) I also recommend: Susan Elliot's "Getting past your breakup" http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1317031390&sr=1-1 I've only started this book but there are so many people who have reviewed it and said it changed their lives. Finally keep coming on this great site and you'll make a lot of friends who will be there for you any time of the day for support. We've all helped each other and can help you because we're going through this too
Author StellaA Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Hi guys Thanks for the messages, they really do help! I am better than what I was but I want to start being able to enjoy life again without having this nagging horrible feeling inside of me. I guess after 6 years of love it will take some time. I get scared about the future as it has changed! I miss the one person who I could tell anything 2, the one person who I always thought would be there for me! How silly I was! I am going to get some space as I ma going away for a few weeks which Im looking forward 2! I will look at getting those books! anything to help! They say time is a healer!
TheDovic Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Time IS a healer, that's why it's ok to be sad right now. Don't try and change this, rather come on here when you need advice or to vent. People on this site are great and will really help. PS, don't get too disheartened if you don't get a lot of replies early on (a lot of people on the site are from the US and are still sleeling )
Author StellaA Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Thanks TheDovic I am hoping time IS a healer....I think this is particulary hard as he was my first love, I know I will always hold a very special place for him. I just want to stop wanting him back as he doesn't want me anymore and I am not sure it would be a good idea to get back together even if he changed his mind.
Author StellaA Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 It will be our anniversary soon...people tell me I have to look at it like another date. I guess as we are not together anymore I have to move on and not think about the date being an anniversary anymore.
TheDovic Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 That's really tough though. Anniversaries, Valentine's day, Christmas, birthdays are all going to be hard. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way, it's natural to be sad at these times!!!
bigmomma1974 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 You seem to be on the right track, just remember its ok to cry, feel sad, hurt and alone. Also remember time is the key to healing a broken heart. As others said its ok to have these feelings. we can all manage to look ok on the outside but deep down there is alot of pain. Let your friends know that, theey are there to help. As for anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, they will be tough for a while but you will get through them. I am remarried and I still think of my ex on his birthday, christmas, and such, I have moved on and remarried and think i hope his day is good. My situation is a little different cause he is the father of my children but i sstill think its ok to think of them.
Author StellaA Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Thanks for the replies guys! It does help! Yeah I know anniversaries will hard! I guess becuase I am gettijng on with things people think I am doing ok, inside I am still hurting. I know it is over with my ex but can't help but think about what he is doing all the time. I then start to panic as I wonder whether he will move away and I will never see him again even though that could happen if he stayed where he was. I am dreading xmas already even though people tell me not to think that far ahead and I may feel different! I know it is for the best that we are not together and I obvioulsy want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I get this feeling my ex broke up with me because he can't offer me everything I want and after so many years together he thought we should be moving on to the next satge even though I put no pressure on him. I guess I am scared for the future. He was also in hospital for a bit so I always hope he is ok.
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