MIK1000 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 A long story short, My gf of over 14 months went away to America for the summer to work as a helper at a kids camp. Before she left she seemed to be madly in love with me but became distant while at the camp, saying she was very busy but ensured me that she loved me. After an argument in which I drunkenly got on at her on facebook for not being in touch more, she broke up with me. A couple of days later she agreed not to see other people until she got back and we could talk about it then. 3 weeks later she told me something had happened between her and another boy from her camp (not sex apparently), a week later she entered a relationship with him (facebook relationship status), that was her last night of camp and she and some girls from the camp went travelling around america mean while that other boy went home. She arrived home tuesday before last and I expected she would contact me at some point in the first couple of weeks and offer to meet up and talk about what happened (to make herself feel like she's doing the right by me) while being in a LD relationship with this other boy who lives in england (we're scottish). On monday night there she texted me at 1.45 am saying "Hi How are you? x" I replied just saying "fine thanks" and that was that. I've heard through the grapevine that she was out at a club near us (one which we went to a couple of times togeather).So she must have been drunk and text me which planning it. How do I interprit this? I have been doing really well consider my heart was broken only a month ago and have even started playing the single field, not being depressed but now this has given me a lot to think about.
Jack35 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I believe that you deserve to respect yourself more, and unless you kepp showing to her that you do not deserve respect, she will keep playing with you. Good luck.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 I believe that you deserve to respect yourself more, and unless you kepp showing to her that you do not deserve respect, she will keep playing with you. Good luck. She seemed to give me nothing but love and respect before she left but she went away and seemed to forget everything we had pretty instantly. I do respect myself anyway, how did I show her that I don't deserve respect?
TheDovic Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 She's testing you dude, be a man!!! Don't give her the satisfaction of answering so easily... make her work for it
Author MIK1000 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 She's testing you dude, be a man!!! Don't give her the satisfaction of answering so easily... make her work for it Do you think "Fine thanks" was a good answer? Showed no interest in how she was doing but was still polite and civil.
flitzanu Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Do you think "Fine thanks" was a good answer? Showed no interest in how she was doing but was still polite and civil. ignoring it would have been better. at this point it doesn't matter what words you say, it's the fact that she has power to text you...and then you reply to her. cat and mouse.
Jack35 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 She seemed to give me nothing but love and respect before she left but she went away and seemed to forget everything we had pretty instantly. I do respect myself anyway, how did I show her that I don't deserve respect? You did that by responding to her crap. She feels that she can have you at anytime, and no matter how she pisses you, you will always understand. I have been there and I know how foolish we can be sometimes. If someone loves me and respects me, then no bul**** is the rule.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 You did that by responding to her crap. She feels that she can have you at anytime, and no matter how she pisses you, you will always understand. I have been there and I know how foolish we can be sometimes. If someone loves me and respects me, then no bul**** is the rule. But wouldn't ignoring it come across as bitter and give her her an ego boost that she was able to hurt me so much that I won't even speek to her? If I act polite and civil yet still show indifference how will she get the impression she can have me at anytime?
silly_panda Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Ignoring doesn't mean that you are hurting... Ignoring simply means that you don't care at all... It shows indifferent towards her text/email... Silence will make her wondering whether you still care, have you already moved on, is she not important to you, etc... By responding to her, shows that you still care (regardless of what you say)... And responding to her is not NC...
EgoJoe Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 My response to how to take it is simple, "With a grain of salt because thats all the seasoning you need for a breadcrumb." Yes, I just made that up right now. 1
Author MIK1000 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Ignoring doesn't mean that you are hurting... Ignoring simply means that you don't care at all... It shows indifferent towards her text/email... Silence will make her wondering whether you still care, have you already moved on, is she not important to you, etc... By responding to her, shows that you still care (regardless of what you say)... And responding to her is not NC... I get what you're saying. This may be my next route. I was eager to respond to the last text because I thought she was going to follow on by asking to meet up and explain what she did, to which I had planned to tell her I didn't see any point but afterwards I realised she was probably just drunk and thinking about me/wanted to hear from me.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 My response to how to take it is simple, "With a grain of salt because thats all the seasoning you need for a breadcrumb." Yes, I just made that up right now. So don't look into it much? It probably doesn't mean anything?
DenumChkn Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Honestly, to me, ignoring a text DOESN'T show indifference. To me it seems like actively saying "I'm still in too much pain to talk to you because you wield so much power over me, please allow me to continue cowering in pain in the dark recesses of the planet". I don't see the harm in very short non-open ended responses. "Doing well, very busy, hope you're good too." Boom. You don't look terrified of her, you don't look bitter, but you also don't look like you've been sitting on the edge of your seat since starting NC waiting for her text.
fiat500 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Honestly, to me, ignoring a text DOESN'T show indifference. To me it seems like actively saying "I'm still in too much pain to talk to you because you wield so much power over me, please allow me to continue cowering in pain in the dark recesses of the planet". I don't see the harm in very short non-open ended responses. "Doing well, very busy, hope you're good too." Boom. You don't look terrified of her, you don't look bitter, but you also don't look like you've been sitting on the edge of your seat since starting NC waiting for her text. That's not true. You're not a woman and you're only seeing it that way because you are looking at things from your perspective. Ignoring a text makes the person on the other end of it panic and think you don't care. You hold much more power than you think when you ignore someone's text message. Trust me. I'm a female. Once you respond then boom. The mystery is over. I can go back to not caring about you. A response would also indicate that you still care and as an ex that wouldn't be in your favor either.
M2155 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Ignoring a text makes the person on the other end of it panic and think you don't care. You hold much more power than you think when you ignore someone's text message. Trust me. I'm a female. OMG you got that right! I can't tell you how crazy my ex made me when he started ignoring my texts near the end of our relationship. I would feel sooo insignificant! And it pissed me off that I felt so panicky. Of course she has to care to give you this response. But she'll DEFINITELY notice.
EgoJoe Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Yes, my advice is to either respond simply and curtly or not at all. I've had "deep" opening up style emails turn out to be breadcrumbs, this is very obviously a crumb.
sleepykitten Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 My ex sent me a similar text last week-breadcumby style of "just thought i'd say hi, no news really hope alls good with you" So no question there anyway, but in my panic to delete it i accidently sent a blank text! so god knows what he thought about that i didnt hear anything else i hope he realised it was sent in error. But for me i am glad i didnt reply to it, it irritated me that he sent this generic nothing text after all the hurt he has caused and he knows it and how i felt. For me not replying wasnt so much to do with power over him etc it was to protect me, what good would it have done if i replied? made him feel comfortable and ease his conscious that he is being a "nice guy" and then nothing for another couple of weeks untill he feels the need to check in again, all the while he can carry on with his rebound "helping him heal" girlfriend feeling happy with himself. NC is for me to maintain some kind of protective forcefield around me.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 Maybe I'll ignore the next one then. I just found out a couple of hours ago that the guy she hooked up with at camp and is going out with is up visiting her this weekend, someone I know saw them in a club togeather last weekend. (He stays about a 5 hour drive away if I haven't mentioned already) down in england. I was pretty shocked, mainly because stupidly I've kind of subconciously thinking to myself that the fact that she text me on monday while drunk meant that she was coming to the realisation that she's made a mistake but obviously it wasn't that if she was having her boy friend up to stay with her family only a few days later. Makes me physically sick that he's a few seconds from me (we live round the corner from each other) and he's going to be chilling with her family and stuff like I did. I seriously think if I see him I will beat the living day light out of him. **** I was doing fine until this. Wish I hadn't got that text or this would be no where near as hurtful as it is.
Janik Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Honestly, don't give her the time of day. Yes you love her, yes you miss her, but clearly she wasn't into the relationship enough to stop herself from hooking up/dating someone else. You deserve someone who will be there for you no matter how far the distance or how busy she is. When you love someone, the effort is natural and worth it. Keep your head up high and keep being strong until you're finally able to move on.
silly_panda Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Maybe I'll ignore the next one then. I just found out a couple of hours ago that the guy she hooked up with at camp and is going out with is up visiting her this weekend, someone I know saw them in a club togeather last weekend. (He stays about a 5 hour drive away if I haven't mentioned already) down in england. I was pretty shocked, mainly because stupidly I've kind of subconciously thinking to myself that the fact that she text me on monday while drunk meant that she was coming to the realisation that she's made a mistake but obviously it wasn't that if she was having her boy friend up to stay with her family only a few days later. Makes me physically sick that he's a few seconds from me (we live round the corner from each other) and he's going to be chilling with her family and stuff like I did. I seriously think if I see him I will beat the living day light out of him. **** I was doing fine until this. Wish I hadn't got that text or this would be no where near as hurtful as it is. Why you wanna beat him up..? He didn't do anything wrong... The person who did you wrong was your ex girlfriend... You need to realize that and look at things the right way... This guy might be another 'victim' for your ex girlfriend too...
marqueemoon4 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Why you wanna beat him up..? He didn't do anything wrong... The person who did you wrong was your ex girlfriend... You need to realize that and look at things the right way... This guy might be another 'victim' for your ex girlfriend too... yea, this is true. don't fall into that trap where you want to take your anger out on the bf.. who knows what she is telling him.
tabletpctr Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Paylasim icin tesekkurler, konu hakkinda biraz arastirma yapmami kolaylastirdi.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 Honestly, don't give her the time of day. Yes you love her, yes you miss her, but clearly she wasn't into the relationship enough to stop herself from hooking up/dating someone else. You deserve someone who will be there for you no matter how far the distance or how busy she is. When you love someone, the effort is natural and worth it. Keep your head up high and keep being strong until you're finally able to move on. The most messed up part is that before she left, I was so certrain she was about as much into the relationship as it was possible for a 18/19 year old girl to be. She used to talk about marrying me and our future like it was a given. She was constantly trying to merge me into her family with her mum and dad, brothers and sister in law. I was away with them for a few days staying in a cottage the week before she left. One thing how ever that did annoy me was that she was a bit too eager to spend time togeather with her family alot as opposed to just with me a lone, (not that we didnt spend plenty of time alone togeather) and that annoyed me and made me think that maybe she was so in love with the idea of me rather than actually me). I sit and sympathise with her, I think that it's because she was so young and immature that she was so easily changed and influenced while away at camp and as a result she just lot the plot and forgot what was really important to her and part of me thinks she's undoubtedly going to return back to her normal self now that she's home and it's only a matter of time before she realises she's made a massive mistake. And I thought that the text the other night was a sign that was starting to happen and she was starting to come round. Hurts like a bitch.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 Why you wanna beat him up..? He didn't do anything wrong... The person who did you wrong was your ex girlfriend... You need to realize that and look at things the right way... This guy might be another 'victim' for your ex girlfriend too... You're right, but he still was doing things on her facebook page from the start of the summer that lead me to believe he was coming on a bit keen. I have no doubt that he was easing his way in and chose to pounce when our relationship got vulnerable. For that he deserves to get his ass kicked. I hopefully won't see him though and save myself the bother.
Janik Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I know it hurts, and it will for a long time, but look at this way. She hasn't learned anything and probably won't either, but you'll be able to walk away from this stronger and learn from it.
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