futuregopher Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 Hi everyone, Long story short, my ex of two years broke up with me the first week of August. We were in love and for the most part a very happy couple and never hurt each other. She just graduated college (she's 22) and I am in my senior year of school (I'm 21). She lives 3.5 hours away from me while I'm in school but it will be a flight from Chicago to NYC because I am from NJ. I will be working in NYC after graduation. I will admit I do get a little jealous and I realize that was probably what triggered everything. She broke up with me saying that she needs to focus on herself with her career and expanding her network (she only has two true friends - her college roommate and me). I personally think she is going through a quarter life crisis where the reality of the real world and working 50-60 hours a week hit her like a wall. She told me she wants to become a VP of her company in 5 years and is very career driven right now. When I first got the news over the phone, I cried and couldn't believe it. I had JUST spend the past week visiting her because we do a LDR over the summer. I begged, bought gifts, and wrote a letter the first week after the breakup. None of that worked obviously. When I got back to school 8/23 I tried those "get your ex back" books and tried going NC but would always break it. One day she called me 25 times but I didn't pick up but eventually talked over gchat with her. She initiated contact a few times and I actually saw her once for a quick dinner when she came down to recruit for her company for career fair. Tomorrow I will have been in pure NC for the first week ever since the breakup. I had everything I wanted in life for the past two years. I was happy at school, doing well in classes, had a love life, and landed a job with a big 4 in NYC all before my senior year. My senior was supposed to be great but ever since then, it feels like someone took my a big part of my happiness away. I'm not mad or bitter but just confused. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy but it's just kind of sad that I no longer have that companionship that she offered. I've been going to the gym 5-6 times per week since I got back to campus and I've been going out to the bars a couple of times a week but nothing compares to what I had before. I don't know if I'm putting her on a pedestal but when some girls talk to me at bars, I'm just kind of not interested. I would hate for someone to be my rebound. She used to be really active on FB with comments and status updates but ever since we broke up, it's been relatively quiet. I've changed my status to "single" but hers isn't displayed. Is there anything I can do for a second chance? This NC thing is okay on the weekdays but my emotions start messing with me on weekends because that's when we used to hang out and now it's no more. I just hate the weekends. How long should I go NC? How should I go about for a second chance? Thank you everyone in advance for the help!
EgoJoe Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 She's contacting you so there is hope. For now, focus on healing and gaining perspective. Read the GIGS thread, research Egocentrism, do pushups and situps until you can't move then take a hot bath or shower with the light off and post in the morning!
XmaryfeyX Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 If someone breaks up with you because they need to focus on their "self" then they are putting their feelings before yours. You need to do the same, ask yourself this- how many true friends do you have? because at this age it is definitely the best time to establish solid friendships. Maybe think about taking the time to do the same. She's saying that she is career driven- is there anything else behind the break up do you think, or is she using this as a get-out clause? You did well to not pick up her calls when she called you 25 times (big kudos) and did the right thing by still speaking to her afterwards on gchat (casually?) to show that you're still being mature about it, but you're not bending overbackwards to get her back, for someone who dumped you because they essentially thought you were less important to them than "getting out there" that's the best form of treatment. You sound like you have a lot going for you right now which is better than other people's scenarios that I've heard (jobless, homeless etc.). You also sound like a decent guy and right now even though it's the last thing you want to do, you should go out as much as can and keep yourself preoccupied. That doesn't mean you have to be interested in girls that come up to you in bars right now because basically you still love her and you aren't some sleazy *******. NC is going to be hardest at the weekends, of course it is. You go from speaking to each other everyday to zilch. But you gotta be thinking she still cares about you this is gonna be equally as hard for her as it is for you. Whatever you're feeling , she's gotta be feeling it too; you know she cares because she keeps trying to contact you. I would advise that you make it clear to her that you love her (send her a letter or something, but don't call) but she needs to work out whether SHE is willing to make your relationship work, when she does only THEN should she contact you because otherwise it's not fair on you.
Author futuregopher Posted September 21, 2011 Author Posted September 21, 2011 Hey guys, I appreciate the feedback. I've been reading about the GIGS but I still think that it was her career rather the thought of me not being good enough. Or I could be trying to justify things lol. 100% of me thinks it IS really the career. But who knows? Sometimes I just want her to initiate contact just so I could prove to myself that I can stick to NC. How selfish of me.
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