Men that are separated - what's it like dating them?

[i'mfaraway]

Ladies, would you date a separated man?

 

For those who have, what's it like?

 

Men who are/have been separated, how do you go about dating again?

[carhill]

Here's what I got when I asked that question.

 

The couple of ladies who dated me while separated hopefully had some pleasant social discourse.

 

The first one who did asked me what I thought about marriage since mine was ending and I told her that I had liked being married, though my exW and I turned out to be incompatible, and would consider and enjoy being married again in the future.

 

To 'go about it', I simply set up a tripod, took a few head shots, added some context shots from recent trips with friends, typed up a little profile and posted it on Yahoo (now rolled into Match.com). That's about it. Contacted a few ladies who were of interest and things went how they went.

 

After that 'experiment', I got more into end-of-life care for my mom and haven't dated since. No real interest, TBH. Too much like work. I've got great friends and a satisfying social life without it.

[ThsAmericanLife]

I would not date a 'separated' man. Mostly because I don't want to be associated in any way with the end of someone's relationship. The ink needs to be dry and all significant matters closed with the SO before I'll consider dating them.

 

A good rule of thumb for anyone looking for a committed relationship is not to date a person who has been divorced for less than a year, especially if they have children.

 

I say 'rule of thumb' because their early relationships tend to be rebounds. Let them cut their teeth on someone else who is more desperate or after they have had a chance to heal.

 

If you are the kind of person who can have sex with little or no emotion, then feel free to ignore what I said above and go ahead.

[i'mfaraway]

Here's what I got when I asked that question.

 

The couple of ladies who dated me while separated hopefully had some pleasant social discourse.

 

The first one who did asked me what I thought about marriage since mine was ending and I told her that I had liked being married, though my exW and I turned out to be incompatible, and would consider and enjoy being married again in the future.

 

To 'go about it', I simply set up a tripod, took a few head shots, added some context shots from recent trips with friends, typed up a little profile and posted it on Yahoo (now rolled into Match.com). That's about it. Contacted a few ladies who were of interest and things went how they went.

 

After that 'experiment', I got more into end-of-life care for my mom and haven't dated since. No real interest, TBH. Too much like work. I've got great friends and a satisfying social life without it.

 

I went through a little of your past thread. How was your overall experience dating during the separation?

[i'mfaraway]

I would not date a 'separated' man. Mostly because I don't want to be associated in any way with the end of someone's relationship. The ink needs to be dry and all significant matters closed with the SO before I'll consider dating them.

 

A good rule of thumb for anyone looking for a committed relationship is not to date a person who has been divorced for less than a year, especially if they have children.

 

I say 'rule of thumb' because their early relationships tend to be rebounds. Let them cut their teeth on someone else who is more desperate or after they have had a chance to heal.

 

If you are the kind of person who can have sex with little or no emotion, then feel free to ignore what I said above and go ahead.

 

It's not that far along that I have to consider whether to have sex with said person. I'm just curious before a date with a separated man.

 

Now I'm not sure I should have said yes to it.

[carhill]

I went through a little of your past thread. How was your overall experience dating during the separation?

No regrets. No unpleasant memories of the women involved. I learned that being married had markedly changed my perspective on women, to a healthier place IMO, and had changed my early attachment style to something more measured and circumspect. Also, I felt less 'dating anxiety' than I thought I would. It was a relatively calm and enjoyable process. Some of that was a function of life experience and some a function of MC.

 

Overall, I'd give it a thumb's up. I've also experimented with the new boundaries I established in MC wrt MW's and found that path to be healthy as well. Overall, a lot more relaxed life experience. In the years prior to M, dating was with a 'purpose'. Now, it's something I see a lot of people do and I nod my head. Maybe I'll do it again someday. That 'purpose' has run its course. There's a lot more to life.

[oaks]

Men who are/have been separated' date=' how do you go about dating again?[/quote']

 

Just like everybody else.

 

I haven't mentioned this before because it's not something I've needed help or advice about, but I'm separated. I don't think I've approached it in a special way that would be different if I was single or divorced. I waited until I was sure that the relationship was over (apart from the legal bits, of course) and then waited even longer until I had got past any feelings of love, anger, loss, sadness etc, but I think this would have been similar after a long LTR that didn't involve marriage.

 

Then I started looking for someone to date, and sometime later started doing the same via online dating sites. Then I started dating, just like anyone else. I started out a little rusty on 'how to date' but I think I've got the hang of that bit now.

 

Of course it limits who will date me, but it doesn't make dating impossible.

[i'mfaraway]

Just like everybody else.

 

I haven't mentioned this before because it's not something I've needed help or advice about, but I'm separated. I don't think I've approached it in a special way that would be different if I was single or divorced. I waited until I was sure that the relationship was over (apart from the legal bits, of course) and then waited even longer until I had got past any feelings of love, anger, loss, sadness etc, but I think this would have been similar after a long LTR that didn't involve marriage.

 

Then I started looking for someone to date, and sometime later started doing the same via online dating sites. Then I started dating, just like anyone else. I started out a little rusty on 'how to date' but I think I've got the hang of that bit now.

 

Of course it limits who will date me, but it doesn't make dating impossible.

 

Did you feel you have to do more to "convince" someone to date you?

 

What advice would you have for someone like me, getting to know someone separated?

[ThsAmericanLife]

It's not that far along that I have to consider whether to have sex with said person. I'm just curious before a date with a separated man.

 

Now I'm not sure I should have said yes to it.

 

I've been divorced myself (final in 1999), and also experienced the death of my fiancee (we actually did say our vows in private... so I consider him my spouse). That was in late 2006.

 

So, I've been on both ends. I didn't date for awhile after either one, and feel that was a good decision. In the last 6 months I've tried dating three men who were recently divorced/separated. It was not something I'd do again.

 

For many formerly married people, they let their friendships lapse, and so they have few emotional resources to help them get through this period... enter OLD and wha-la... instant emotional 'mop'.

 

During a crisis, everyone needs emotional support. If you do go into it.. go into it with a volunteer spirit understanding you probably won't be the one they end up with once they get on their feet.

[i'mfaraway]

I've been divorced myself (final in 1999), and also experienced the death of my fiancee (we actually did say our vows in private... so I consider him my spouse). That was in late 2006.

 

So, I've been on both ends. I didn't date for awhile after either one, and feel that was a good decision. In the last 6 months I've tried dating three men who were recently divorced/separated. It was not something I'd do again.

 

For many formerly married people, they let their friendships lapse, and so they have few emotional resources to help them get through this period... enter OLD and wha-la... instant emotional 'mop'.

 

During a crisis, everyone needs emotional support. If you do go into it.. go into it with a volunteer spirit understanding you probably won't be the one they end up with once they get on their feet.

 

Do you mean that they enter OLD to try and see whether they could get back their "mojo?"

 

I'm going to start making it feel like a friendship than a date. I don't want the hassle of emotional drama. I can't say I'm not scared.

[carhill]

If you do go into it.. go into it with a volunteer spirit understanding you probably won't be the one they end up with once they get on their feet.

 

That's good advice and one criteria I use to delineate the philanthropists from the opportunists. It's really good information about a basic aspect of personality, one which indicates natural care and compassion for fellow humans. People who use other people during their own time of need and then discard them are opportunists. Takers. One can accept love, care and empathy and return it, even when 'in need'. There's no rule that it has to be a one way conduit. People make that choice. They also necessarily own the consequences.

 

This 'propensity' for opportunism is perhaps why so many women on LS indicated they would not be interested in dating a separated man. If accurate, it says a lot about the caliber of male potentials on that plate. That said, lots of men in the world so many other potentials to explore.

[i'mfaraway]

That's good advice and one criteria I use to delineate the philanthropists from the opportunists. It's really good information about a basic aspect of personality, one which indicates natural care and compassion for fellow humans. People who use other people during their own time of need and then discard them are opportunists. Takers. One can accept love, care and empathy and return it, even when 'in need'. There's no rule that it has to be a one way conduit. People make that choice. They also necessarily own the consequences.

 

This 'propensity' for opportunism is perhaps why so many women on LS indicated they would not be interested in dating a separated man. If accurate, it says a lot about the caliber of male potentials on that plate. That said, lots of men in the world so many other potentials to explore.

 

Carhill, if I understood what you're saying, here's my take. I'm not keen to date seperated men because I have no time or energy for the possible drama that may come with it. I'm not saying dating a single man is problems free but at least there's no ex-wife or kids to add to the situation.

 

I also have no patience for "takers." I'm a kind and giving person. I don't give expecting a return but I can't stand purposeful takers.

 

I don't want to be judgmental since unless we've never ever dated, we come with baggage of sorts, but so far what I've read on this thread does scare me a little.

[oaks]

Did you feel you have to do more to "convince" someone to date you?

 

No, although I suspect my response rate on online dating sites might be higher if my marital status was "Divorced"

 

What advice would you have for someone like me' date=' getting to know someone separated?[/quote']

 

I'm not sure how much general advice I could give; Apart from the obvious point that someone who is separated can't marry you right now (so if that's your goal you'll be frustrated) then people who are separated are just as varied as any other large group of people.

 

Talking about their (or your) ex is a poor first-date topic - it really kills the mood - but at some point you may want to find out if they are separated in the sense of "not divorced yet, but that's the only possible outcome" and "we're having a trial separation and might still work things out" (or somewhere in between, including "no idea what's happening"). This might affect whether they want (or are available for) something long-term, which may clash with what you're looking for.

 

Some of them won't be over their ex, which is also true for some single (i.e. never married) and some divorced people, too, and some of them will be entirely over their ex and ready to date in a healthy way. You might want to know how long they've been separated, and how long they were married before that, to judge for yourself if you think enough time has passed if you don't want to just take his word for it that he's "ready" to date.

[i'mfaraway]

No, although I suspect my response rate on online dating sites might be higher if my marital status was "Divorced"

 

 

 

I'm not sure how much general advice I could give; Apart from the obvious point that someone who is separated can't marry you right now (so if that's your goal you'll be frustrated) then people who are separated are just as varied as any other large group of people.

 

Talking about their (or your) ex is a poor first-date topic - it really kills the mood - but at some point you may want to find out if they are separated in the sense of "not divorced yet, but that's the only possible outcome" and "we're having a trial separation and might still work things out" (or somewhere in between, including "no idea what's happening"). This might affect whether they want (or are available for) something long-term, which may clash with what you're looking for.

 

Some of them won't be over their ex, which is also true for some single (i.e. never married) and some divorced people, too, and some of them will be entirely over their ex and ready to date in a healthy way. You might want to know how long they've been separated, and how long they were married before that, to judge for yourself if you think enough time has passed if you don't want to just take his word for it that he's "ready" to date.

 

The advice is sound. Appreciate it.

 

I'm closer to calling the date off though. I'm not looking for wedding bells immediately but if I have to worry whether one day he's going to say he's patched things up with his ex, that's going to suck.

[i'mfaraway]

Just curious, anyone dated a separated man and has something happily ever after story to tell?

[oaks]

Do you mean that they enter OLD to try and see whether they could get back their "mojo?"

 

I suspect some do. I've read profiles from recently separated people (ie they described themselves as "recently separated") that said just as much but worded differently. I avoid those.

 

Do you know how long this person has been separated?

[i'mfaraway]

I suspect some do. I've read profiles from recently separated people (ie they described themselves as "recently separated") that said just as much but worded differently. I avoid those.

 

Do you know how long this person has been separated?

 

I don't though I was told he would explain it coherently in person.

 

What does that say?

[carhill]

I'm not keen to date seperated men because I have no time or energy for the possible drama that may come with it.

Yes, IMO the 'drama' is a really good example of what I mean about potential 'opportunism'. The drama-embroiled man is all about him, his psycho ex or estranged spouse, their children, yada yada yada. He can also have that exact same ex/estranged spouse, children and experience it, and his relationship with a dating partner or potential girlfriend, in a completely different way. He has choices. If his default or apparent choice is selfish, it is. If not, not.

 

IMO, this is one important signpost to watch for if dating a separated man.

 

Also, as I entertained opinion on in my linked thread, there can be plenty of men out there who consider the relationship 'over' once they leave and will refer to themselves as divorced. I initially considered that but changed my mind after reading opinion. This dynamic can create a false circumstance, a lie of omission, or even one of deception, and allow a relationship to build on a false emotional, if not legal, premise. As an example, the single person gets attached over time and 'trickle truth' ensues, feeding the single person bits of truth as they get more emotionally attached. On LS, I've seen these types of situations end up in affairs when the man apparently decides to return to his legal spouse.

 

I don't want to be judgmental since unless we've never ever dated, we come with baggage of sorts, but so far what I've read on this thread does scare me a little.

I think your fear is well-placed, TBH.

[i'mfaraway]

Yes, IMO the 'drama' is a really good example of what I mean about potential 'opportunism'. The drama-embroiled man is all about him, his psycho ex or estranged spouse, their children, yada yada yada. He can also have that exact same ex/estranged spouse, children and experience it, and his relationship with a dating partner or potential girlfriend, in a completely different way. He has choices. If his default or apparent choice is selfish, it is. If not, not.

 

IMO, this is one important signpost to watch for if dating a separated man.

 

Also, as I entertained opinion on in my linked thread, there can be plenty of men out there who consider the relationship 'over' once they leave and will refer to themselves as divorced. I initially considered that but changed my mind after reading opinion. This dynamic can create a false circumstance, a lie of omission, or even one of deception, and allow a relationship to build on a false emotional, if not legal, premise. As an example, the single person gets attached over time and 'trickle truth' ensues, feeding the single person bits of truth as they get more emotionally attached. On LS, I've seen these types of situations end up in affairs when the man apparently decides to return to his legal spouse.

 

I think your fear is well-placed, TBH.

 

If you were me, would you go on this date?

[oaks]

I don't though I was told he would explain it coherently in person.

 

What does that say?

 

That he's open to discussing it, and that he wants to explain it to you and make sure you understand whatever it is that he's got to say. That could be a healthy start (assuming you like what you hear when he says it).

[i'mfaraway]

That he's open to discussing it, and that he wants to explain it to you and make sure you understand whatever it is that he's got to say. That could be a healthy start (assuming you like what you hear when he says it).

 

About the first piece of comment that's on the other side, and by that I mean something not negative, or what I thought it might mean.

 

I did think it could be a red flag, that he didn't want to explain further immediately, but seemed to want to push it.

 

But what you said is another way of looking at it, whether it's true or false in real life.

[country_gurl]

Do you mean that they enter OLD to try and see whether they could get back their "mojo?"

 

I'm going to start making it feel like a friendship than a date. I don't want the hassle of emotional drama. I can't say I'm not scared.

 

Read many of the forums here and you'll read countless horror stories about men and women who get involved with someone who's 'separated' and it becomes nothing but an emotional nightmare/rollercoaster.

 

Twice I dated men who were separated (both had kids) and I learned my lesson well such that I won't even CONSIDER doing it again.

 

In the one relationship, his estranged wife was a crack-addicted drunk who moved her boyfriend into their home shortly after they split. She was a shameful excuse for a mother and role model to her 2 daughters and they'd been separated for 2 years and I felt a false sense of security that he was really "done with her" because she was such a loser, there were truly no fears that he'd ever want to reconcile with her. His parents (whom he was very close to) despised her for her lifestyle and they were openly ecstatic that he'd found himself (me) a nice woman who had her life together, a career, who was great with his children. But long story short, once we became engaged and living together, it became more and more apparent that I was merely a rebound.....and he had massive amounts of anger and hatred toward her that ultimately impacted and poisoned OUR relationship. Although she (ex wife) was living with someone, it irked her tremendously that he'd "moved on" and being the vindictive sh*t-disturber that she was, she then made it her life's mission to try and make things difficult for him because she was incensed that he had moved on and was with someone who made him happy/made his daughter's happy. Then came the threats, games with the kids (the kids spent 50% of their time with us), her threats to move and take them across the country, then her refusal to sign off on the divorce UNLESS he signed documents allowing her to move across the country with the kids, etc etc. Her antics and threats and irresponsible behavior (including an overdose, being drunk and driving her car over an embankment into a lake, etc) consumed our relationship.

 

The second and last separated guy I dated, well again I was nothing more than a rebound. Deep down he was so messed up about his family being broken that he was so not relationship material. It was a situation again where the ex-wife had moved on and had a boyfriend (someone she'd been seeing on the side while they were still living together; a guy whose kids she used to look after in her home ((day care)). He was deeply hurt by his wife cheating on him and remaining in that relationship. Deep down I believe he really hoped that she'd 'wake up' and want to reconcile and reunite their family. It all became clear to me when one Saturday afternoon she was to stop by his house to pick up the kids to take them to a birthday party for her boyfriend's kids. She knew he was in a relationship with me, as her/their kids had told her about me. But my guy actually had the audacity to tell me that I couldn't be there when she came to pick up the kids. I told him that I would obviously not be visible (as that would be awkward for everyone), I'd just hang-out in the basement until she left; she was just coming to pick up the kids, wouldn't be there long. He refused. Told me I had to actually leave and drive down the street so she didn't see my car and he'd phone me once she left. He claimed that he was afraid that she might 'make a scene' but I suspected that he really wasn't over her and he just didn't want her to "see" that he was also in a relationship. That was it for me. I was not about to be treated like some dirty little secret who had to hide.

 

My last relationship was with someone who had been in a 3 year common-law (live-in) relationship. From the start he had lied blatantly about the length of time they had been split up. He'd told me that they had mutually decided to split up and she'd moved out/away 9 months previously and that he was over things. 3 months into our actual relationship I found credit statements that showed she'd actually filled up her car with gas en route back to their home town across the country only 2 weeks before he and I met on a dating site. I should have ended it then but I was already very deeply in love with him. Once I knew the truth, then he was open about all of their financial entanglements that had to be sorted out. They actually got a legal separation. From that point on, there was nothing but drama. Him selling the house they owned together, the travel trailer they owned together, etc etc. Not a day went by where we didn't discuss "her" and drama she was creating to make the division of their assets very difficult because she was very hurt by him (as it turns out, their split was not at all AMICABLE; in actuality, she left him because he'd been cheating on her....of course this truth didn't come out for many months after we were together......and even though I didn't know at the time why she was so vindictive and making things so complicated, it all then made sense once I found out the truth).

 

I will now not EVER get involved with someone who has not fully cleaned up the baggage and drama and mixed emotions of their past failed relationship, it's a risk I am simply not willing to take on again.

 

Guys are notorious, once a marriage has ended, for jumping right back into a new relationship, often within the week.......because they are trying very hard to fill the void and not have to deal with their feelings.

[i'mfaraway]

Read many of the forums here and you'll read countless horror stories about men and women who get involved with someone who's 'separated' and it becomes nothing but an emotional nightmare/rollercoaster.

 

Twice I dated men who were separated (both had kids) and I learned my lesson well such that I won't even CONSIDER doing it again.

 

In the one relationship, his estranged wife was a crack-addicted drunk who moved her boyfriend into their home shortly after they split. She was a shameful excuse for a mother and role model to her 2 daughters and they'd been separated for 2 years and I felt a false sense of security that he was really "done with her" because she was such a loser, there were truly no fears that he'd ever want to reconcile with her. His parents (whom he was very close to) despised her for her lifestyle and they were openly ecstatic that he'd found himself (me) a nice woman who had her life together, a career, who was great with his children. But long story short, once we became engaged and living together, it became more and more apparent that I was merely a rebound.....and he had massive amounts of anger and hatred toward her that ultimately impacted and poisoned OUR relationship. Although she (ex wife) was living with someone, it irked her tremendously that he'd "moved on" and being the vindictive sh*t-disturber that she was, she then made it her life's mission to try and make things difficult for him because she was incensed that he had moved on and was with someone who made him happy/made his daughter's happy. Then came the threats, games with the kids (the kids spent 50% of their time with us), her threats to move and take them across the country, then her refusal to sign off on the divorce UNLESS he signed documents allowing her to move across the country with the kids, etc etc. Her antics and threats and irresponsible behavior (including an overdose, being drunk and driving her car over an embankment into a lake, etc) consumed our relationship.

 

The second and last separated guy I dated, well again I was nothing more than a rebound. Deep down he was so messed up about his family being broken that he was so not relationship material. It was a situation again where the ex-wife had moved on and had a boyfriend (someone she'd been seeing on the side while they were still living together; a guy whose kids she used to look after in her home ((day care)). He was deeply hurt by his wife cheating on him and remaining in that relationship. Deep down I believe he really hoped that she'd 'wake up' and want to reconcile and reunite their family. It all became clear to me when one Saturday afternoon she was to stop by his house to pick up the kids to take them to a birthday party for her boyfriend's kids. She knew he was in a relationship with me, as her/their kids had told her about me. But my guy actually had the audacity to tell me that I couldn't be there when she came to pick up the kids. I told him that I would obviously not be visible (as that would be awkward for everyone), I'd just hang-out in the basement until she left; she was just coming to pick up the kids, wouldn't be there long. He refused. Told me I had to actually leave and drive down the street so she didn't see my car and he'd phone me once she left. He claimed that he was afraid that she might 'make a scene' but I suspected that he really wasn't over her and he just didn't want her to "see" that he was also in a relationship. That was it for me. I was not about to be treated like some dirty little secret who had to hide.

 

My last relationship was with someone who had been in a 3 year common-law (live-in) relationship. From the start he had lied blatantly about the length of time they had been split up. He'd told me that they had mutually decided to split up and she'd moved out/away 9 months previously and that he was over things. 3 months into our actual relationship I found credit statements that showed she'd actually filled up her car with gas en route back to their home town across the country only 2 weeks before he and I met on a dating site. I should have ended it then but I was already very deeply in love with him. Once I knew the truth, then he was open about all of their financial entanglements that had to be sorted out. They actually got a legal separation. From that point on, there was nothing but drama. Him selling the house they owned together, the travel trailer they owned together, etc etc. Not a day went by where we didn't discuss "her" and drama she was creating to make the division of their assets very difficult because she was very hurt by him (as it turns out, their split was not at all AMICABLE; in actuality, she left him because he'd been cheating on her....of course this truth didn't come out for many months after we were together......and even though I didn't know at the time why she was so vindictive and making things so complicated, it all then made sense once I found out the truth).

 

I will now not EVER get involved with someone who has not fully cleaned up the baggage and drama and mixed emotions of their past failed relationship, it's a risk I am simply not willing to take on again.

 

Guys are notorious, once a marriage has ended, for jumping right back into a new relationship, often within the week.......because they are trying very hard to fill the void and not have to deal with their feelings.

 

I'm sorry that you went through these relationships. I hope you've come out of it.

 

Did any of these men exhibit signs of the traits you mentioned while you were dating them? I don't mean that you didn't manage to spot them but this separated man I was talking about seemed to have a good head on his shoulders even if I can't be sure.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Carhill, if I understood what you're saying, here's my take. I'm not keen to date seperated men because I have no time or energy for the possible drama that may come with it. I'm not saying dating a single man is problems free but at least there's no ex-wife or kids to add to the situation.

 

I also have no patience for "takers." I'm a kind and giving person. I don't give expecting a return but I can't stand purposeful takers.

 

I don't want to be judgmental since unless we've never ever dated, we come with baggage of sorts, but so far what I've read on this thread does scare me a little.

 

I don't believe most people coming out of a divorce or any other major life crisis are necessarily purposeful takers. It just comes with the territory that one is going to be naturally self-centered. It is part of the healing process and completely understandable.

 

I've kind of learned how to distinguish the down-deep takers from the temporary takers though (cause we've all been in that position).

 

The down-deep takers exhibit a rather continuous pattern of being ungrateful or thoughtless. The temporary takers... while perhaps momentarily bitter, hurt, or confused, can genuinely acknowledge a kind gesture and be grateful for it... even if that gratitude is exhibited at a later date (not instantaneously). I'm not talking about 'gratitude' like lots of gifts, $$, stuff like that. I'm talking a kind word. Remembering that 'today' was that tough presentation you were prepping for. Picking up your favorite chocolate bar on their way through the check-out aisle. Silly little things like that.

 

Those are the people I'm willing to take a chance on... and wouldn't feel terribly used or hurt if we ended up parting ways after their healing period was over.

[carhill]

If you were me, would you go on this date?

I'd need more information to make an informed opinion. I checked your threads and didn't see anything current. IMO, the information on the particulars of the dynamic in this thread are insufficient for me to help. Perhaps you yourself have insufficient information, hence the thread However, I will comment generally....

 

If this is a 'first date', then, if the person seems otherwise interesting and attractive in your prior discourse, accept it and proceed with minimal expectations and healthy boundaries. You control your expectations and your boundaries. Myself, I'd expect, if the date is positive, to have an enjoyable time and engage in my normal heterosexual public behaviors with someone I don't know but find attractive. I tend to move 'slow' when dating. In this case, 'slow' would be augmented by listening and watching the other person's 'style' of relating about themselves and their M/LTR ex, etc. Does it match up with my boundaries/style? How was the synergy? Was the person proactively interested in my life. Etc, Etc.

 

If enough signposts lined up to cause this first date to be a possibility, I'd go with it and see where it goes. It's only a few hours out of one day, at most. No obligations nor guarantees. It is what it is.