Fleabitten Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 So sorry to post so much, but just writing this down helps. You don't have to reply. It's 5 in the morning here in the UK, I can't sleep. My ex texted me again to say (verbatim) "Funny, no one has ever doubted the truth for a second on my end. Why? Because you're a lying cunt with the personality of a house brick." I assume "the truth" refers to me calling the police. He still thinks he did nothing wrong - he didn't hit me after all. (he only broke my possessions to a value of over £1500, verbally and emotionally abused me, filmed me being angry on his phone whilst callously laughing, threatening to put it on facebook so everyone could see what a crazy bitch i am, threatened to ruin my business, and when I tried to take the phone from him to make him stop (crazy, I know), threw me across a table so I got a black eye. In self-defense of course, in his version.) He doesn't realise that being verbally and emotionally abused hurts too and the events surrounding the arrest - because sure, I acted crazy too - were the tip of the iceberg. In his own estimation, he'd never be violent towards a woman. He has tried to convince me that I'm the abusive one and he has done nothing wrong apart from "perhaps having a bit of a temper". (no ****) I didn't reply. No contact on my part for 5 days despite him sending not very nice texts. Today would have been our 18 month anniversary and I feel desperately sad for what I hoped this relationship would have been.
Author Fleabitten Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) Sorry for wasting your bandwidth. And for the entirely inappropriate bunny icon I managed to inadvertedly add to the end of the above post! Edited September 18, 2011 by Fleabitten
Buttercup84 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Oh my god I am so sorry . I'm so glad you got away from that monster. Have you been to counseling ? Can you change your number ? You are bring so strong . Glad you are not replying . I understand how sad it must be for you . I hope you are alright I'm sad for you xxx
Mack05 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Stay strong Flea. Some hot cocoa. I am in same timezone watching a lame ass boxing match so Will have a better reply tomorrow. His true colours coming out now. If u ever need a private chat pm me. Don't break nc. This scum bag looking For a reaction. Don't give him one
M2155 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 He sounds like he's got problems and putting you down makes him feel better. He's got major issues that you can't entertain at all. I agree if you can, change your number just so you can stop receiving texts from that dirtbag. He sounds very unstable.
shayla Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 If the police are involved in this, you may want to show the text to them. They may decide to have a strong talk with him. He sounds like he is dangerous. Do what you have to do to protect yourself.
Buttercup84 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 If the police are involved in this, you may want to show the text to them. They may decide to have a strong talk with him. He sounds like he is dangerous. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. Yeah save everything he sends you , write down when he does it etc. Keep a record and get a restraining order. I am so sorry it has come to this.Hugs xx
betterdeal Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 This sounds an extremely stressful time for you. Make a complaint to the police about the text message - it's a criminal offence to send offensive material by phone. They will probably give him a caution or at least a visit to warn him. Then call your mobile network operator and ask them to change your number: it's free when done to stop nuisance calls and will take a couple of hours. And switch your phone off when you go to bed so you don't worry about hearing from him. The priority here has to be to stop all communication, to bring an end to what sounds like a very toxic relationship.
keepsmilin74 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Wow, count your lucky stars you didn't waste more time being with this loser. It's gonna be a mess for a while but just imagine the happy days ahead. You're better off!
Author Fleabitten Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I'm a complete mess. He also emailed to say "I am getting so many LOLs at the two videos of you. It's amazing. I'm not sure which one I like better." One video is the above mentioned of me being angry (him filming this whilst laughing) and I suspect the other one is of us having sex. How can you show either to anyone else? Not sure if he actually does though - I think most people would not laugh at them but rather be appalled at him showing them. I'm in absolute pieces and dont know what to do. He wants nothing mire than to hurt me, more and more. Im scared of involving the police because he would do everything in his power to ruin my business. He is crazy and would stop at nothing.
silly_panda Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I think you really need to get the police involve at this point... Get a lawyer to write a demand letter to get those videos back... He is a very scary guy by the way you discribed him... You gotta do everything possible to protect yourself... Stay safe...
Besmy Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Gosh Fleabitten, and this AFTER you sent him the presents / underwear you had bought for him? Do you still think he is a nice guy? Do you still want to marry him? Do you think he is mentally healthy? Do you think he can / want to make you happy? What did I tell you? This guy will pester you. He wants to get a reaction. IGNORE HIM! What a waste of life and energy! Unbelievable. A hug
betterdeal Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I'm a complete mess. He also emailed to say "I am getting so many LOLs at the two videos of you. It's amazing. I'm not sure which one I like better." One video is the above mentioned of me being angry (him filming this whilst laughing) and I suspect the other one is of us having sex. How can you show either to anyone else? Not sure if he actually does though - I think most people would not laugh at them but rather be appalled at him showing them. I'm in absolute pieces and dont know what to do. He wants nothing mire than to hurt me, more and more. Im scared of involving the police because he would do everything in his power to ruin my business. He is crazy and would stop at nothing. Stop making excuses and call the police. This relationship is over. You need to put a clear blue line between you and him. Emails, texts etc only have an effect if they are (a) received and (b) read. So close your email account, change your phone number and move on.
smudge21 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 The more contact he makes in this manner, the more evidence he's giving you for the police to act. Don't reply back and let him screw up. He clearly has major issues, may even have basic phsycopathic tendancies (believes everything he does is right and everyone else is wrong). Despite what he says about people laughing at the videos I garauntee there are some that will think he's being a totally ****! You need to take this power away from him and you do that by involving the police. He won't stop unless you stop him and you do that by showing him you're not taking any more of his s***! I truly despise people who think they can bully others.
Mack05 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) Flea I am going to be honest and tell you my own story which will hopefully guide you on what is best to do here. Except I am the guy and it was my ex girlfriend who went to he police. The day my ex told me over the phone (very clearly) that she never wanted to see me again, she threatened with the police if I stayed in contact. That was after three fairly harmless texts. The previous weekends, I had taken care of her when she was sick, was an emotional support to her when her friend was sick..Did a lot of nice things for her. I couldnt figure out how she could be so cold, especially when I had been so nice to her towards the end of the relationship (and for the first 4 months). For an intermittent period of 3 weeks, I sent her emails/texts begging for a face to face meeting so that I could have closure (I know now closure comes from within). I never once called her names or insulted her. Towards the end of the 3 weeks she called my sister and told her if I contacted her again she was going to the police. My sis made it quite clear to leave her alone and I did. I made a silly mistake for a few months afterwards. And I do mean Silly!!. I focused on her faults instead of my own during my grieving. I discovered that maybe she might have a disorder, so me being the moron I was at the time I sent her a book trying to be the 'good samaritan'. I thought it was my job (cringe) to help her see what her problems were. Of course that was the catalyst for her to go to the police. Thankfully the police never followed it up. For the longest time, I used to think my ex is a 'nutjob' because of how she handled things during and after our relationship. But there are two sides to every story. Before our last 3 weeks, the truth is I wasn't a good boyfriend for 2 months previous to that. Maybe she had a right to go to the police, maybe not. The only important point here is, she did. So where am I going with this Flea. When I discovered the police were involved, my ex no longer existed to me. No way I am getting a criminal record for her. I have seen her twice since and I have literally hidden to make sure she didn't see me..I don't check her Facebook. Besides the odd story I tell my current girlfriend, I don't mention her name to anyone and will never mention her name again. I have gotten rid of anything that could be tied to her (pictures, presents, contacts, cards, emails, texts). If this guy has a brain in his head, he will get the message VERY loud and VERY clear if you text him letting him know that if he keeps this up, that you are going to the police. What I would do is this. Don't involve his friends or family. I know you must be tempted to expose this pig for what he is. But they will take his side as they will be hearing his side of the story. My ex tried to involve my sister, as they used to get on. Bad move. I have a great relationship with my sister and after a few weeks of this erractic behaviour from my ex, my sis was convinced she was a total fruit loop. My ex was trying to expose me as this 'monster'. Even if I was a complete scumbag (and I certainly never was) my family and friends would always take my side, because they know I am a good hearted man and they are loyal to me. So avoid this route. It will end up making you look worse in their eyes. I would send him a text. "If you continue to harass me I will have no choice but to go to the police. I will leave it to the police to decide if you have a case to answer or not. I have saved all the texts and emails that you have sent me. The relationship is over and all I want to do now is get on with my life and for you to get on with yours. If you continue this abuse, you will leave me with no choice but to involve the police". Leave it at that. It should be enough to get him off your back for good. The guy is a scumbag and it's sad he has those video's. Put that down as a lesson learnt. People that show off video's are low life's and that's a common fact. It's time flea to move on with your life. I honestly believe if you threaten him with the police, that will be enough to get rid of him. You don't want to drag this out any longer then you have to and if the police are required this could get potentially very messy. The guy is a scumbag (a bully as betterdeal described), nothing you can do about that now. You need to try move past this nightmare as quick as you can. You need to start just focus on you, so that you never pick a pig like this again in the future..Keep posting here Flea, we got your back..In time this will just be a distant memory.. Edited September 18, 2011 by Mack05
Beachgirl8 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Don't add any more fuel to this fire. Ignore, block, NO CONTACT, no exceptions. Definitely keep a record of any threatening texts/ etc- he will eventually get bored of trying to make you miserable if he gets no response. If he's as crazy as you say, it may take a while, and some extreme patience on your part. But ANY response or interaction with him, good, bad or indifferent, will only perpetuate the cycle. Pretend he is dead or moved to another country and dont ever, ever talk to him again. If he doesn't stop within a reasonable amount of time, go back to the police and let them handle it.
carhill Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Didn't read the ensuing discussion but my first impression is that you and he are still quite emotionally entangled. Some people thrive on that dynamic. IMO, healthy relationships, or even unhealthy ones which end, can proceed without that kind of drama and disrespect. Hope it works out for you.
tattoo_lover Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 I can't imagine how much you're hurting today. I can't say I've been in a similar situation, but the hardest thing is the sadness about what a relationship might have been/ could have been. You WILL be ok, it just takes time. You'll find strength you didn't know you had.
country_gurl Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 WHY aren't you having your phone # changed so that he's no longer able to send you texts? Do it, ASAP. You say you don't want to go to the police because you're afraid he'll retaliate and ruin your business.......but who's to say he still won't try to do that anyway? Psychos like him generally escalate their bullying antics when they are ignored because they thrive on eliciting a response. Keep all of the texts you have to date and any other abusive communication from him (voicemails, emails). Get on the phone to the police ASAP and stop making excuses for not doing so............unless you enjoy the drama? You don't, do you?
Author Fleabitten Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Thank you for the supportive messages. It really isn't simple for me to change my number - I run my own business and my number is very linked to that. If it comes to it, I will do it of course but I'm hoping I can jailbreak my iPhone instead and block his number. Again, he has my business email and I cannot change that but will try and get our IT company to block his email. I don't want to involve the police yet because I just don't have the strength to deal with anything else. I'm barely able to get out of bed. I hope he'll just stop contacting me. I'm severely depressed and I can't cope with going to the police. I just want him to go away. Do I enjoy the drama? No. I'm near suicidal. Please don't insult me by suggesting I think this is in anything other than absolutely heartbreaking and devastating to the point of me not sleeping, not eating, not even being remotely myself anymore.
UpDownAllAround Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 It is very easy to block IPs from accessing websites. If you know his IP you can block him from accessing your website (but not from a proxy or other computer, so if he has access to another device he can still access it). But, it's also relatively easy to block E-Mails and phone numbers. I would suggest calling your phone company and seeing if you can block his number permanently. Of course also call your Internet Service Provider and see if you can have his E-Mail address blocked permanently as well. Sorry you have to go through this.
Kageytn Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Flea- I know you have no energy. I bet even showering and eating is a chore at this point but don't ignore this. Anxiety disordered people like to ignore stuff thinking it'll go away. I do. He's not going away. By being proactive and contacting the police, you've won. You've hit the trifecta-empowered yourself, valued yourself, and stood up to him. You won't have to deal with his fall-out. The police will. I realize you don't want to deal. You're terrified of his reactions but not dealing is choosing to let him win. Staying in bed, depressed and terrified is letting him win. Please call a friend and have them help you contact the police. Lean on them and deal. It will just get worse if you don't.
Mack05 Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Flea- I know you have no energy. I bet even showering and eating is a chore at this point but don't ignore this. Anxiety disordered people like to ignore stuff thinking it'll go away. I do. He's not going away. By being proactive and contacting the police, you've won. You've hit the trifecta-empowered yourself, valued yourself, and stood up to him. You won't have to deal with his fall-out. The police will. I realize you don't want to deal. You're terrified of his reactions but not dealing is choosing to let him win. Staying in bed, depressed and terrified is letting him win. Please call a friend and have them help you contact the police. Lean on them and deal. It will just get worse if you don't. Good point Kageytn. I've been looking at this thread thinking about what is the correct thing to say and the bold quote above is it. There are times in our lives Flea we require enormous courage........We have to look deep within ourselves and summon this courage. Flea do not let him win. Stand up for yourself, stand up to this bully, because that is all is his -> a bully. Bullies are the real cowards. You stand tall to them and they f cuk off with their tail between their legs. I was wrong with my previous advise. Go after this piece of sh !t and tell the police everything. The police have already been involved so they have a record. His texts are harassment. Don't let him treat another girl like this. Go to the police and explain EVERYTHING. Then block everything and move forward with your life. Live your life as best as you can. Doing anything less is letting this bully win. Do not let him win...
Author Fleabitten Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 I don't want to go to the police right now. Im going away for a few days next week, if he is still abusing me after that, I will rethink. I also found out today that the father of my previous ex (broke up over 2 years ago, 7 year relationship) has terminal cancer and it really jolted me as I used to be close to him (and obviously shared a life with his son for a long time). Essentially an immature, albeit abusive ex seems pretty petty in comparison. I'm keeping track of everything and I'm trying to be strong and perhaps with a bit more time passing I will take further action - but right now I really can't...
Art_Critic Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Fleabitten.. you really should either change your phone number or block his number.. Be proactive when dealing with a crazed loon that your in fear of..
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