silly_panda Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Hey everyone... This is my first time posting... I had been following this forum for about two weeks now and there are many things that I had learned and they are really helpful... For example, I don't even know what is a rebound relationship or GIGS before this... I had read many things about what to do and not to do after a break up and I think I'm still doing both to do and not to do things (I think)... I thought I could move on and stuff but it is just hard for me... That is why I'm posting this hoping for some advise from all the great people here (and also hope that someone can knock me on the head to wake me up)... This could be a little long... Please bare with me... Well... I was the one being dumped... Here is my story... I met this my current ex girlfriend when I was 19 and she was 18... We were not very close back then but we do talk to each other and when we talked, we talked a lot... She is a very cheerful, happy go lucky, very determined, and stubborn girl (what you would expect from most girl her age)... When she was 20, she went overseas to further her studies... Canada - which is on the other side of the globe from where I am... During her period there, we still talked a lot through emails and msn... She came back on her summer break the following year (for three months) and everything kinda started from there... We got together (knowing this will be a long distance relationship - but we promised each other to work it out)... For me, this is my 5th relationship and I am very serious with this one cause I feel that I had enough fooling around for the passed 4 relationship and I think I had a good understanding of what love is (I thought)... For her, this is her second relationship but could be considered her first one cause her first relationship was like she was in just out of curiousity and she told me she don't have any feelings in it (her ex treated her very good though)... So we got together (physically) for 3months before she have to go back to Canada again... During these period... We were very happy together, we shared the same goal, kinda have the same mindset, we know what we want in our lives interms of personal achievement (carreer and stuff)... When she got back to Canada, we are still very much in love (I don't know if I could call it 'love' cause I just learned 'lust' and 'love' are alomost the same... And 'love' takes a longer time to devolop)... But we really trusted each other... Even though it will be a long term relationship, I just think that as long as I trust her and she trust me... Everything will work out fine... Just to hang in there for another few years til her studies is over... Throughout these time... We will msn and text each other everyday... One year has passed and she came back for her summer break again and we were together physically again... This time... We got more intimate and got more involved with each other emotionally and physically... Long story short, she went back to Canada again when her summer break was over... Throughout our relationship, we do have our little couple arguements here and there, little disagreement, kinda break and make... Now... The problem started middle of this year... I would say I started the problem... I began to neglact her (I did not do it intentionally)... I was more focused on the 'future us' and not the 'current us'... I was trying very hard to earn more money (started doing business and investment - i had been doing this since we started our relationship)... I was focusing on our future and wanna give her a really good life til I really not showing her that I care (I should knock my head on the wall this)... Well I do care, but I did care enough..? Beginning of this year she too got involved with real estate investment in Canada... I told her it wasn't the right time for her, she should take it slowly and not jump to it so fast... We had an arguement on this and she sticks to her decision anyway... Throughout her real estate investment period, she got very frustrated and unhappy in doing things like (website, calling seller, negotiating)... She told me about it and I don't think I really did what a boyfriend should do at that time... I was there to hear her out and all... But that's the only thing I can do... I wasn't there for her physically... I just asked her to stop doing it if she is really unhappy about it... Six months after that she stopped but she is still depressed... She said she wanna try and start a website on real estate... She was like trying so hard to get money (well, I don't blame her cause she is the eldest in her family and her family really needs her financial support)... Being a lousy boyfriend, I supported her but wasn't really that supportive... I will continue to do my own stuff and she will do her stuff... She is not coming back this year because of ther real estate thing... I told her I will fly over someday (but that day never came and she really gave up on hoping that I will be there)... Argh... I kinda sucks in telling my story... Alrite... Summary... She kinda gave me so signs that our relationship is not going well and I need to fix it... Me, being stupid and didn't get those sign (plus ego), didn't really care... Cause in my mind "we are already together for two years, we understand each other"... So no need to care so much, concentrate in making sure to give her a great life in the future (BIG MISTAKE..!)... All this while she will be the one to initiate conversation with me... And I won't be the one to send her the first text... So... Yes... I'm an a**... She met this guy two months before our break up but only really started to talk to him and hang out with him three days before our break up... I guess by hanging out with this guy, it kinda triggers everything... This guy gave her the attention she needed and be there and gave her something very important which is 'body contact'... When she broke it off with me, she told me that she will stay single and there is nobody that she likes... Three days after our break up, she told me she is in a relationship with this guy (the spent almost everyday together before and after our break up)... She said she felt that she is worth something again, she is really happy, having butterflies in her stomach (I can hear in her voice that she is really happy)... I really did feel happy for her because she is able to get the things that I was unable to give her for God only knows how long... She told her best friend that she had never felt so happy before, she love him (kinda break my heart more)... And she also said she stayed over his place the second day they got together (this is totally not the normal her because she is very conservative)... I was shocked and feels like she had totally changed to another person... Alrite, my problem is... I move on but at the same time in my heart I really wan her back because the break up made me realised my mistakes and also made me realised how important she is to me... I wanted to initial NC but couldn't because I had some commodities with her and I had asked her to just sell them off and transfer the money back to me... Don't get me wrong, I totally trust her with my money... The reason I wanted to get it back because I don't trust the other guy... I don't really know what's his intention in being with her... I don't mean to say the guy a bad guy, but I think I should protect myself... But from what I heard from her, this guy is rich... I know my story is messy and long... But please bare with me... Here is the screwed up part... I asked her to sell back the commodities that she is holding back to the company that sells it to us in the first place... She asked me what if she could find a buyer that is willing to buy everything, will I sell..? I told her if the offered price is reasonable, then I will... So she gave me this number and told me this guy's name is xyz... So this 'buyer' contacted me and we negotiated... It's very obvious that this buyer is trying to take advantage on the situation (thought i need cash fast)... And his offer is rediculous, so there is no deal... Later on, I found out that this 'buyer' was actually her new bf and his name is actually abc... I got a liitle angry... I don't know if she know that this guy is trying to take advantage on me or not... But if she does, she did nothing to protect me... I texted her and said, 'no deal... this guy don't even know what he is talking about or maybe he is trying to take us on a ride... I'm not desperate for cash...' She replied, 'you are not desperate for cash..? you are just desperate to clear everything with me...' The next day she sent another text saying, 'Everything you said was rite... We can't be friends... I was just being stupid... I'm starting to dislike you very much... Don't make me hate you...' I was like... What did I do..? So now... Yea... This commodity thing is not settled yet... I can't do any NC... But strangely, I saw her post on face book saying 'It's a mixture of emotions' and the same day in her msn shoutout she wrote 'who can i talk to?!'... Feels like she is having some kinda trouble... I'm sad to hear that... I know I'm an a** for taking her for granted and not appreciating her... But I really know my mistake now and I won't repeat that in my next relationship (whether with her or with other girl)... I guess I'm just not mature in relationship yet... Please give me your advise/input or even scold me for being an idiot... I just to know what you guys think about this and about her new relationship... Thanks in advance...
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Dude, stop blaming yourself for her cheating. It was her decision to do that instead of talk to you about her problems. How much are these "commodities" worth? What are they and are they in joint names, or what? OK you have 3 options: 1) Arrange a date and time to go round and pick up the commodities 2) Just NC and write off the commodities 3) Keep contacting her and asking her to sell them and hurting yourself more and more in the process
Author silly_panda Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Dude, stop blaming yourself for her cheating. It was her decision to do that instead of talk to you about her problems. How much are these "commodities" worth? What are they and are they in joint names, or what? OK you have 3 options: 1) Arrange a date and time to go round and pick up the commodities 2) Just NC and write off the commodities 3) Keep contacting her and asking her to sell them and hurting yourself more and more in the process Hey Pete... Thanks for the input... Well these are actually silver coins worth about 30k here... I think I'm already in the process of getting it done... Next week I will call the bullion company and she will do the shipment (this whole week she is busy cause she will be working and you need to do the shipment the same day you call up the company)... But honestly telling, I had prepared for the worst case scenario of not getting anything back... I just think that I'm still young... I can work hard and get back that amount... Well... I don't really think she cheat on me (I think)... Why would you say that..? She started her new relationship with this guy after breaking up with me and not before... And I think she is so into this guy because this guy is actually physically there and gave her the attention she needs... And she is feeling really happy... I mean it's not wrong for her to chase after her own happiness rite..? Just that two days ago based on her facebook status and her msn shout out I kinda feel she is in a bit of trouble (but I don't think it mean anything)... Who knows... Yup... After getting this done... I'm going NC completely...
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 silver coins worth about 30k In that case arrange a mutually convenient time for you to collect them from her. Job done. No need to make it complicated when there is a quick and simple solution. Well... I don't really think she cheat on me (I think)... Why would you say that..? She started her new relationship with this guy after breaking up with me and not before... 1 + 1 = 2 dude. ALL the signs of infidelity are staring you right in the face. She told you that she started the relationship after breaking up with you. Yup... After getting this done... I'm going NC completely... Good... so get it done quickly and efficiently. Pick up your stuff and sell (or keep) it yourself.
Author silly_panda Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Oh... Alrite... Will get it done for sure... But just another stupid question from me... Is this kinda like a rebound relationship..? I know it doesn't matter if it is or not... I just wanna know...
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 You're right, it doesn't matter, you need to concentrate on what is important and that is YOU.
Author silly_panda Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Thanks Pete... I'm working on that too...
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