mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 So I texted my male friend back on the situation I posted on just recently. For more information, please read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t292745/ Our texts went as such after his reply of I should get my PI license. I wasn't sure if he was, in fact, cock blocking like some suggested in the previous thread. So to clarify, I sent this: Me: The reason I asked was to find out if (name) has a gf or not, maybe you know? Once again, feel like I'm in 8th grade again. Him: I have no idea. Ask him out. He either says yes or no. So that's the status with his knowing or not if he has a girlfriend or not. But I responded to him with this: Me: Oh no, I'm too afraid. Him: Afraid of what? Just send him a message and ask if he's free this weekend. What did you have in mind? And after a while he sent a second message ... Him: Maybe he's going to (this place) tomorrow. Well I did not respond to his text with what I am afraid of, but I will elaborate on this forum. I am afraid for a several reasons... 1) Rejection - I think it is too outlandish for someone to ask someone out via Facebook. Now it's not like he is a complete stranger, I have seen the person in question here and there, we have never said much besides "Hi how are you?" to each other. But otherwise, he and I do not know each other from the next guy, we know each other by sight more or less. 2) Gender roles - I have asked out guys in the past, and hell I would even tell you that I have chased some in the past, but no more. Results have been disasters, so I have simply resolved the fact that the man should do the asking no matter what the situation. 3) Insecurity - I can admit fully that I am insecure. There is no such thing as a totally secure person, everyone has things that they are insecure about (body issues, career problems, finances, etc.). However, my biggest insecurity at this moment in time is the fact that I think no one really wants to be with me. I have encountered nothing but losers in the world. I was always under the impression growing up that men were brave and trustworthy, like handsome princes, and they are so not. I've been lied to, avoided, ignored and watched others go for women who are equally as big a loser (if not more) than they are. I am afraid. I am afraid of getting my hopes up and being let down one more time. People come up with some lame excuse or another, they may say "Oh no don't worry someday" and give you a pat on the head, but I have really come to the conclusion that it's not going to happen. Am I alone in this? Am I taking in an unnecessary pity party of some kind? I try hard to go through life with a positive spirit and be as friendly to others as possible, and yet I am racked with fears and insecurities. And I admit, I'm getting more and more bitter as time goes on as well.
tonyp56 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 (edited) OK, here is my take on this... Lets say you never get the guts to ask this guy whom you admit you do not know out and lets say further five years from now you bump into him and you guys are chatting and he tells you "i wish I could have had a chance to go out with you, but I didn't know if you liked me or not." Further into the convo you find out he is now happily married and couldn't be happier. How would you feel now? Do you want this to happen? Truth is, you don't know him, he might say yeah or might ignore you and that is the end of it. But if you don't speak up, if you don't get out there then you'll never know! Since your other guy friend and him are friends, why couldn't you see if he could set you guys up on a "BLIND" date or something or go out in random and you just happen to show up or any other number of things. (or your gf that first pointed him out, she knows him how? Could she help u?) Truth is, you need to get on with it and ask him or get the chance to have a chance meeting so you bump into him and see what happens. You never know, it might be something huge. I understand your fears, but like the fear of anything else, if you don't swallow your fears and just go for it, you'll never know. Finally, in the end, what do you have to lose???? You guys aren't really close friends or anything so if you ask him or you guys hookup or whatever and it goes south you don't lose anything and you gain the fact that you don't have to regret never trying... Wish you luck and I say go for it and agree through facebook wouldn't be very good, too informal. Though you asking him out in general I (personally) don't see a problem with that at all either but each guy is different. (I'd love to have a woman ask me out, it feels good to me) I don't know your history and therefore don't know why you feel "bitter" but really don't let that get in the way of your happiness. We all feel down from time to time and we all feel insecure, part of life, the trick is not to let it make us stop living! Edited August 20, 2011 by tonyp56
Author mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 Thank you to Tony. That is a good approach to this matter. So ... I guess I will further question my guy friend on this as well about "arranging" a time or place for him and I to meet.
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