Tippytoes Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 I have gotten out of a 3 year relationship on 4th of July weekend. I have never loved anyone as much as I love my ex. She is beautiful, smart, funny, and everything that I have ever looked for in a girl. She was amazing to me and always talked about how much she wanted to marry me and start a family. Our relationship was very serious, infact during the month of June I went on and told her that I had a date picked out Next year that I am going to ask her to Marry me. She was so excited that she called her friends and her family, they all told me how excited she was. July 4th weekend, she had a fight with one my friends and broke up with me saying that we can not be together because she can never be around the people that I associate myself with. We broke up and she continued to talk to me and ask me to hang out for a a couple of weeks. Everytime I asked her about the relationship she told me that she just needs time. I told her that we can not both be single and talk, it hurts to much. So we did not talk for 2 weeks until she called me, we started hanging out again and everything was going great. I saw everyday for 4 days in a row hanging out all day exchanging I love yous and kisses. But on that last day she said that we should not hang out like this until she is sure of what she wants. So it hurt but we stopped hanging out again for 2 weeks. During this two weeks we did not see each other but we did exchange phone calls or text messages about everyother day. Random parts of the day she would just text me I love you, or say I am sorry for this or just send a heart. This past monday we decided to meat up again, when I saw her she was loving gave me a kiss a hello and I thought everything was going great. Until we started talking about trying to work on things again, I told her that I need to know because her just telling me that she needs time is not fair to me. It is destroying me and I dont understand what she needs time for. She responds that she is just not ready to get back into the relationship that she still needs more time before we work on things. So I responded it has been 2 months that we are seperated if you are over, I dont think we will ever work on things, if you dont miss me yet than you never will. She responded I do miss you and I do want to work on things I just need time, Dont think like that I dont think its over for us, I just need time. Am I a fool? Is there anychance that she is getting back with me or am I just a safety net. Is she just using me to feel secure while she goes out and is being single dating and talking to other guys.
Nsweet Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 You have actually responded the same as many guys before you have around the world. True, she is getting a lot of comfort out of you saying "I love you" back and all the attention you give her almost daily, which inflates her ego and hurts your chances of getting back together because she know you are hers. At the same time the talks about the relationship are adding nails to the coffin because it shows her you're are upset and affected by the breakup and desperateto work things out. Your best bet is to write her a hand written letter that says you agree with the breakup, apologize for acting so upset,and wish her well. Keep the entire letter to no more than ten sentences long and by no means should you seem defensive or upset, this letter is all about acceptance. Deliver the letter in person then go complete No Contact for 1-2 months while you work on yourself and remove the sting if the breakup. Don't respond to her in any way whatsoever until you are comfortable talking to her and know why she called things off. Then when you are talking do not bring up the breakup at all or any uncomfortable relationship talks. Keep things light and fun again! I'm betting the reason she broke things off was because you took your fronds side and may have made her feel unappreciated. Am I correct?
Author Tippytoes Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 I did not stick up from my friend at all, I was just not there when the fight happened. She later found out that I know that she was going to be confornted but never gave her a heads up. All i knew was that my friends girlfriend was going to sit down and talk to her, but while I was not there he entered the discussion and started yelling at her. I think the fight was just a way for her to get out of the relationship without saying how she really feels about the whole situation. BUt at the same time she gives me hope by telling me that she does not think its over and she just needs time. I really appreciate the advice.
EgoJoe Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 This calls for a vanishing act. As your shoulder-devil I advise you to schedule a time to hangout with this girl when she asks, never show and don't answer her for a long time.
Author Tippytoes Posted August 19, 2011 Author Posted August 19, 2011 I am not quit sure if that would work for getting her back. I definetly think it would upset her but dont you think it might only further hurt my chances of getting her back
EgoJoe Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Ok, ready? She's gone and you're not. She still expresses herself to you etc. So, disappear, re-establish personal boundaries, de-friend on Facebook and clear your head. Be the man, lead things to where you want them to be and sever ties if progress is not forthcoming. You need to be: More attractive, more of a challenge, more mature and more interesting. Do this and it will improve your chances. The moment she gets horny looking at another guy right now everything she's doing will stop and you'll wonder what is going on and you might make some desperate mistakes. So, just nip it in the butt. Things have to get worse before they get better, she has zero incentive to fix anything so long as you're there. In the meantime go to al.turtlecounseling.com and bettermen.org and START reading. Check out "No More Mr. Nice guy." the book and read up on flirting and making yourself more attractive.
Author Tippytoes Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 So my birthday is Friday and I know for sure that she will at least call me, I dont know what to do. Do I pick up the phone, if she wants to see me should I? I want to talk to her but I feel like me answering the phone will just make all of the time with no contact for nothing, but then I will also be wondering if she has been thinking about things and wants to try and work things out.
EgoJoe Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 She's probably not going to call and if she does, DO NOT ANSWER. No matter how many times she tries.
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