Peagle87 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I cant seem to fully let go. I have to do nc in such a graduated process. The breakup happened multiple times with both parties never lasting more than a day. This one seemed to be final probably due to many factors. Shs acknowledged many times ive treated her amazing. I dont think my insecurities shouldve brought the relationship down like this its made me again beat myself up over struggles ive had as a kid i.e boring nerd. Because of the ex who very briefly reentered her life after we broke up ive begun training very hard at a mma gym. Ive never stuck with working out for this long i entered the gym for the wrong reasons but im loving every minute of what i do now. It just makes me sick to my stomach at how feeble my mind is. I was very proud of myself when i blocked her on fb 3 days ago. I unblocked just to creep. Shes tried to go on a few rebounds with all blowing up in her face n ending stupidly. I dont recognize who i fell in love with i think shes going back into old patterns. Part of me hates her for blindsiding me and being so stupid and callous. Part of me loves her for us. And another part is intrigued as to how she broke me out of my shell and made me do things out of character and walk on a wilder side. Essentially she lit a fire under my ass We talked about a week ago when i got drunk and txted her cuz i was thinking about my deceased grandfather. Her grandfather died a year ago n was basically her biggest fan n best support. Everyone else is a distraction in her life. I txted her basically saying she better finish school (i got her into it). She got choked up and thanking me. Bizzarely she asked me if im going to cuba and if im still doing drugs and with a stripper i met weeks ago who took my number down. I thought that was weird for someone whos moved on. I didnt ask her a single q like that im just so frustrated with this emotionalnroller coaster. I dony feel like breaking nc is stopping me from functioning but i cant knock the feeling in the back of my mind that well get back. I dont even know why. I have so much going for me. Powerful friend network. School work. Mma. Great family. Yet somehow i feel like im losing out. All i can say about her is she is beautiful and we had good chemistry and a little addicted to the ex party girl mentality. It took me a long time to get over my first ex. 6 rebounds and many months. And i was way clingier. Somebody slap me!!!
Author Peagle87 Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 I hate that you got so uptight thinking i want a perfect gf. I fell in love with YOU. I wanted you to be a little clingy and a little respectful. I hate that you have so many love letters from guys who bitched about your coldness and you being more passionate with a bit of drinking with other guys vying for you. We were passionate and then you moved that passion to other men. I feel sorry for you girl and youve divided me against myself. When school starts off your physical and emotional limitations will crush you. I dont want that to happen but i see it coming. I hate that i didnt habe the balls to pull the trigger on you. I hate that the only man you missed was a 3 month ufc fighter that your family and friends hated. You called me crying that im far superior to him because i saved your life. **** you. Im two different people. The new strengthening man and the good hearted pussy **** of a man that tried to be so good to you. Girl. Youve awoken a sleeping giant.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Here is your slap you are doing fine and you know what you should be doing. It is easy to slide backwards, it's a rollercoaster, but the more time goes by the more you will know you are so much better off without her.
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