Betrayed by my gf.

[XxericexX]

Hey everyone,

 

My story isn't unique...but it's long, please bear with me.

 

I've dated my ex for 3 years since the end of freshmen year to the end of senior year. We were eachother's first love. During spring break of senior year, we went down to Florida with her friend. Her friend had a crush on this guy she met online...

so

we tagged along for the trip. During the trip, everything seemed fine...except that the guy her friend had a crush on kept on flirting with my

gf

. Everytime I brought it up to my

gf

to be careful, she acted as if nothing happened/confused. It was a good trip, and the guy did everything he could to keep in contact with us.

 

Weeks after weeks went by, where this guy constantly called either my

gf

or I through skype. Gradually, I stopped talking to him as much, and he would call my

gf

a lot. He was really good with his words...overall, an interesting person to talk to. I even went to him with my relationship problems, and he would respond: "Dude, just break up with her...you can do

so

much better". He would even tell my

gf

the same thing "I think you should let him go, you're not giving him the attention he deserves". Although he and I stopped talking

so

much, I let my

gf

continue to chat with him because I didn't think any thing about it because I thought he was a good guy.

 

Now, being with this girl for 3 years, I made the mistake of growing too comfortable and taking her for granted. She used to come home with me on weekends and stay at my place, and even hung out with my parents a lot. Since the trip, she only came back once...she grew hesitant, and I started to feel she was more distant.

 

My grandpa went to the hospital in May in critical condition, and I asked my

gf

if she could drive me back home

so

I could catch a flight in the morning. She refused saying "I need to go home this weekend,"

so

my sister picked me up from an hour away. No big deal I thought. When my grandpa passed away that weekend, I asked if she could get me from the airport, which resulted in her telling me "I'll ask my brother", and her brother ended up not being able to. My parents were discussing with me that possibility that we would end soon, as she seemed to be more and more distant...never visiting, going out with her friends without me, etc. I talked to the guy we met over spring break and again he told me "Just break up with her, she's not worth it."

 

That incident almost led me to break up with her, but we got better...only to argue a few days later and taking a "break". i also realized that this guy is constantly pushing me to break us up, and I told my

gf

: "please stop talking to him, I don't think he has good intentions"

 

It was one of those breaks I thought I could fix. When I drove up to school to see her, everything seemed fine, but she asked that I go out because her friends thought we broke up and she didn't want to make a scene. She later texted me that night telling me "Hey, instead of coming back at 12...come back at 1, they're still here". I stayed out till 12:40 but my buddies went to sleep

so

I drove back. I didn't see her friends' cars anywhere

so

I assumed it was okay to go into our apartment, and even if her friends were there...who cares. Well, I walked into her talking to the guy from spring break on the phone and it shocked me. Apparently, she's been contacting him even when I asked her to stop.

 

I should've broken up with her on the spot, but I forgave her because I loved her. A week of drama and a few talks later, I confronted the guy about it and he said "I thought you guys were on a break, and it really isn't my fault...when two people talk a lot they develop chemistry, it's not my fault she became attracted to me." I even asked him (stupid me) if she would break up with me and he told me "Yes, she told her friends and I she would break up with you tomorrow."

 

I was devastated.

 

My ex gave me all these excuses about how she fell out of love with me and I always took her for granted. We kept contact up for a long time, and I even tried to visit her. I went crazy and checked her phone to see all these text messages of this guy and her texting <3's back and forth. When i confronted her about it in anger, she would always tell me "I actually Love him, and it's beautiful". She's with a guy who steals someone else's

gf

...he even told her the same line I told him how I met my ex: "I promise I'll never break your heart"

 

Currently, the guy is in China until some time in late August. I know him and my ex talk every night on skype and stuff. It just kills me she left me for this guy, and what bothers me even more is that she is willing to start a long distance relationship with him (He's going to work in california, while she is staying in michigan for another 2 years). I've kept in contact with her for a month, but I've recently gotten into the idea of

NC

. It has helped, but I give in a lot. After a week of

NC

...she calls me 8 times (twice with an unknown number) and even told her brother to tell me that she broke up with the guy, when she really didn't. Thankfully, her brother was honest with me and he was disgusted by his sister's actions...he told me to "move on". She always calls me to tell me she's coming up to Chicago to see me, but because I don't pick up she says "nvm, I was going to come up but you don't answer me".

 

Now, I know it's not a good idea to see her, but I'

m

saddened by the fact that even when I'

m

with her, she's playing games with both of us. Since they became official, I've slept with her once during that time and hung out a few times as well. I decided it's not what I want, and I wanted her to choose. I did everything wrong - begging, pleading, getting angry. I think I pushed her to a point of no return...but why would she call me

so

many times on Thursday? Her brother said it was because she missed me. Stupidly, I drunk dialed her on Friday telling her I'd wait for her, and getting upset again. I texted her on Saturday telling her "please don't text or call me again, I want to forget all of this". I don't know what it is, but I think this is finally the end...even if she calls, I shouldn't pick up right?

 

I love her still, and I think the

NC

will eventually heal me. I know time heals everything, but I wish it really was a clean break or because I moved to Chicago...But it's for another guy and it kills me. Because she is with him now, we can never be friends.

 

I've been with her for 3 years, valued abstinence because she was a virgin (I sleep with her and do other forms of sex, but never intercourse). In the end, she betrays me like this. It gets more complicated since her family had tried to help me, but to no avail. I'

m

starting to give up now, and really stick to

NC

. It kills me that she will give her first time to this guy some day.

 

Can anybody tell me if I am doing the right thing? I still care for her, and I think I have the false hope that she will return some day. When I asked her when the break up was fresh, if we'll ever get back together, she tells me "not now, but maybe in the future after a few years...You never know."

 

She always tells me "I hurt you already, and I don't want to hurt him". They've only met once in person...but she's told me she wants to give him a chance.

 

3 years, and you think you know someone. I'

m

confused. Betrayed.

 

Update: It's been 2 months, with really 1.5 weeks of

NC

(but I ended up calling her and we agreed to stay out of eachother's lives). The break up has been

so

messy, and had I started

NC

from day 1, she probably wouldn't have fallen into his arms

so

quickly. I'

m

sure there is no way I'll ever get/want her back (rebound or not). It's been tough trying to sleep at night, and sometimes I just break down randomly and cry. I hope it ends.

Edited August 2, 2011 by XxericexX

[XxericexX]

I know I am new to these forums, but a response would be very appreciated

 

Some more thoughts:

 

1) Although it may seem that she has GIGS and really no time to cope with the break up since she "jumped" to another relationship, he has been in another country for 2 months. I think she's had the time to consider everything.

 

2) I begged, pleaded, and even got angry at her. Sometimes, I regret picking up the phone that week after the break up, but she was crying and asking me to see her...which I did. I carried on communication for almost 2 months...and it went from "he's just a friend" to "we're official"

 

3) We've lived together for 2 years. She told me in our time together, she wasn't sure if she really loved me.

 

Thanks

[PegNosePete]

Sucks dude.

 

Sorry but your relationship is over. You need to NC her and him now, and move on with your life.

[XxericexX]

Hey Peg,

I understand. I don't know why I'm looking for false hope, but it has been taking it's toll on me. I've blocked her from FB, skype, and removed all friends as well.

 

It feels like I lost a best friend. I feel like giving everything up

 

Sometimes, I feel that there will be a chance for reconcilation...and I heard by then, I wouldn't even want her back. Time "heals", hopefully.

 

I hope the LS community can help me prevail. Thanks for reading my story. Any more feedback would be appreciated.

Edited August 2, 2011 by XxericexX

[PegNosePete]

Time does indeed heal.

 

Work on yourself and your happiness. Go to the gym. Do things you enjoy. Concentrate on having fun and get on with your life. Try not to wallow although that is hard at first. It will get better.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, you need to go complete NC. Time to move on. I will tell you that NC will be torture the first couple of weeks. If she calls or texts, the first knee jerk reaction is to respond. STOP!!! Don't text back and let the phone go to voicemail. Then post here. If you feel like responding to her. Post here. If you feel like contacting her. Post here.

 

It does get easier. And besides! There are lots of women here in Chicago!

[XxericexX]

Thanks Chi!

 

I know I'll make it through this...I just need to get my head out of what she's doing in her life.

 

I stopped talking to one of her close friends, but she always told me "She fell out of love with you, and she made it very apparent she wasn't in love anymore"

 

I thought all relationships went from Lust - Love - Commitment.

 

Admittingly, I fell out of love too...but I never see myself leaving someone who I care for, or hurting them in any way. That's just me, I guess...

 

We can't even be friends because I know her new bf (manipulative gf stealer)...but maybe it's for the better.

[flitzanu]

i'm not defending the "other guy" but you need to focus on not blaming him as much as you want to. yes, it's shady and underhanded, but SHE is the one that was in a relationship with YOU. she is the one that changed her own mind.

 

not saying you need to be pals or respect him, just be sure you keep your mind on WHO betrayed YOUR relationship.

[XxericexX]

Yea, I know.

Ultimately it was her decision...sigh*