livelife Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 So quick background story: This guy dated this girl for a year and a half. Before they dated, they were talking for a long time. Anyways, my birthday weekend had a huge party and my friend came and brought him along, he had a girlfriend at the time so I was kinda bummed out because I thought he was cute. Weeks later, I get a message from him and we started talking, I had no idea but him and his girlfriend broke up. I don't know the time span of them being togheter-breaking up- and then him talking to me, but we then hung out and he put his arm around me and stuff. He texted me almost every day. Next, he asked me out to go to the movies with him. I thought oh fun me and him yeah i'll go. THen he mentions bringing a group. During the movie he was struggling to hold my hand, but he eventually did. We hung out the following weekend and went to a friends lakehouse in a different state. His roommate came along and kept saying " You're awesome!! I give you 2 thumbs up to date him!" right infront of me and him. Asks me to go to lunch with him, Im thinking its just me and him again, his roommate and a new friend I havent met show up. He pulled out the chair for me and paid for me which was sweet, but I have NO IDEA whats going on between us!!! He will text me and then just be veryy difficult to hold a conversation with. ( Why text me about your night and then don't talk?!) I decided to text him tonight and ask him what was up and where we stood, He said " I just got out of a long relationship so I'm not looking at getting into a serious one at right at the moment, but you're the only girl I'm talking to so I dunno where we stand" and I go, " okay I understand the relationship situation, I just had to know where we were at, I'm not the girl to just hookup randomly." And he replied " Yeah me neither, so I see where you're coming from." And that was basically the end of the conversation. This guy is super sweet and cute so I really don't want to ruin anything with him, but I also don't want to wait around if I know nothing is going to happen. Advice?
Author livelife Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 *Its been a little over a month that they broke up. They apparently started having problems and it got worse after my birthday weekend. His fraternity brother said "well, obviously he saw something else he wanted"( speaking about me.) they think he broke up with her for me. But I don't know.
thatone Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 i'm guessing you all are in college. in all likelihood he has no proper dating experience, by proper i mean NOT going out without a bunch of friends tagging along. for whatever reason lots of younger people these days get over their dating insecurity by going out with all of their friends and then pairing off as the day goes by. if you're not happy with that (which there's nothing wrong with, i agree with you, the whole point of "hanging out" with a dozen people and calling it a date is ridiculous) you'll have to tell him about it. you don't have to be rude about it, in fact in your shoes i would reassure him, by telling him that you do like him and want to go out with him more, but that the two of you should spend more time going places with just the two of you, rather than with everyone else.
Author livelife Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 Yes, we're in college. I appreciate you're reply. and I agree I think I can get past that but if it happens more then I will say something, we are just trying to get to know eachother at this point, but for me not to know where this is going is frustrating. I completely understand that he just got out of a long relationship (year and a half) and doesnt want to rush into things, but where does that leave me? How do you feel about this situation, what advice could you give me to do? Thanks!
Mr. Slim Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 How long have you been going out before you asked him "where do we stand"? (As a man, I always get a kick out of this question, btw )
thatone Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Yes, we're in college. I appreciate you're reply. and I agree I think I can get past that but if it happens more then I will say something, we are just trying to get to know eachother at this point, but for me not to know where this is going is frustrating. I completely understand that he just got out of a long relationship (year and a half) and doesnt want to rush into things, but where does that leave me? How do you feel about this situation, what advice could you give me to do? Thanks! there's no need to put undue pressure on him at this point, just tell him next time you talk to him on the phone that you want to go somewhere alone. there doesn't have to be any suggestions or demands, just "hey, next time we get together we should go somewhere without everyone else, just the two of us". that's plenty of a hint from you to him. and if he agrees then he'll also be happy because you'll then be on the same page. win/win. the lesson to take from this is that men can't read your mind any more than you can read theirs. you don't have to come out and say things you don't want to say too early, but giving the other side of the table hints like this is how you handle the beginnings of relationships and make sure both sides 'recognize the score' for lack of a better word. Edited July 30, 2011 by thatone
Author livelife Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 How long have you been going out before you asked him "where do we stand"? (As a man, I always get a kick out of this question, btw ) ahaha. It was my friend that texted it!! and its been about a month.
Author livelife Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 there's no need to put undue pressure on him at this point, just tell him next time you talk to him on the phone that you want to go somewhere alone. there doesn't have to be any suggestions or demands, just "hey, next time we get together we should go somewhere without everyone else, just the two of us". that's plenty of a hint from you to him. and if he agrees then he'll also be happy because you'll then be on the same page. win/win. the lesson to take from this is that men can't read your mind any more than you can read theirs. you don't have to come out and say things you don't want to say too early, but giving the other side of the table hints like this is how you handle the beginnings of relationships and make sure both sides 'recognize the score' for lack of a better word. Do you think it scared him off? It wasn't even me that texted it, it was my friend. Should I tell him that?
thatone Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 not really, texts are so easily misunderstood that talking about them can only make them worse. just talk to him casually, don't put any pressure on him, text him or call him and ask him what he's up to, how his day was, etc. if he suggests you seeing him again, tell him you'd like to go out to dinner or a movie or something for just the two of you, rather than hanging out with all of his friends, if he says yes, you're back in business.
Author livelife Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 not really, texts are so easily misunderstood that talking about them can only make them worse. just talk to him casually, don't put any pressure on him, text him or call him and ask him what he's up to, how his day was, etc. if he suggests you seeing him again, tell him you'd like to go out to dinner or a movie or something for just the two of you, rather than hanging out with all of his friends, if he says yes, you're back in business. I will do that the next time he talks to me, I feel like I am bothering him! So thank you for your reply I absolutely appreciate it!
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