Judge this Online Dating first message format

[U1987]

A lot of people trash generic mass emails for online dating. What a lot of people don't get is that online dating doesn't work the same way for women as it does for men. Women get lots and lots of emails; guys don't. Guys have to write tonnes of emails in hopes of getting a few responses.

 

If a guy spends a lot of time writing a thorough, detailed, sincere message, it more than likely will not be read and replied to. I, and many of other guys, have experienced this, and it's a big letdown, on top of a big waste of time.

 

Detailed, thorough messages also run the risk of appearing overbearing and anal.

 

However, just so it doesn't immediately appear generic, how does this format I've formulated look?

 

What's good? I gotta tell you, your profile really stood off the page. You come off as (_____) and (______). I like that, and I can totally appreciate anyone who's into (______________) I think we might enjoy learning about each other, so get back to me if you can. Have a good one!

I think it comes off as casual, and telling her to get back to me, as opposed to asking, comes off as confident. The first two (_____)'s are just any old compliments (sweet, fun loving, adventurous, creative, confident, etc. The last (______) is any one or more of her interests.

 

Any thought's?

[Cee]

I know many of your LS wing men/women will edit your first message and give good suggestions. But I wanted to comment saying that your message is an excellent starting point.

 

I think you have taken the advice you've gotten here to heart. Your message is the right length and breezy, friendly tone. If I got a message like that (and I liked his picture), I'd write back.

[Andy_K]

If you want to get to know someone it's traditional to ask stuff. There isn't a single question in your template. Add one. It will at least give her an easy starting point for any reply she might make.

 

I still think it's a bit generic, but it's light & casual enough so you could do a lot worse.

[Bullet Proof]

If you want to get to know someone it's traditional to ask stuff. There isn't a single question in your template. Add one. It will at least give her an easy starting point for any reply she might make.

 

I still think it's a bit generic, but it's light & casual enough so you could do a lot worse.

 

Agreed, unless I find the guy extremely compatible I probably wouldn't reply back as there is no question. Also I don't know your age range but the second I read 'What's good?', I probably would stop reading and delete it.

[oaks]

I always assumed that messages beginning with clichés such as "What's up?" get deleted before reading much further, and I'm not sure that "What's good?" is much different from that.

 

Unless the woman is a confident communicator or at least has plenty of experience with replying to messages like this online then it might be hard for her to respond. If you ask a question about something in her profile then it might be easier for her to respond because questions invite response. Also, there must be something in her profile you want to learn about her now that you've read her profile! There's scope here to make the question entirely unique for each message you send, rather than based on a template. That way you're not constrained to the template format, but you're also only having to create one question rather than the entire message (and I accept your point about it taking a lot of time to write individual messages).

 

Overall, it's short and snappy and doesn't lick ass too much (although, to my ear, the "stood off the page" thing might be too much... but let's call that a generational thing - I'm older than your target audience).

[Cee]

No questions!

 

Statements are stronger. It's like when you have a conversation and somebody says something smart or funny, then you get excited and build on that.

 

I have studied improv comedy and they discourage question asking in a routine. Questions are a stall and don't add any content. Rather you should say, "Yes, and." When you build upon another person's words, it escalates the interaction. I suggest you observe good banter and you will see more one upping than question asking, especially among men.

 

I have advised my men friends to stop interviewing women and start engaging them in banter. It really works. Try it.

[dispatch3d]

answering this question:

 

Why the **** should I message you when I've gotten 80 other messages today

 

is really the tricky part. Your more engaging? More interesting? Funnier? Seem cooler? Really interested in her? You're good at something she's not?

 

fwiw you could try to play yourself off as really relaxed, calm, confident, and secure. However, this will attract the exact opposite of you (because those people will wish they had those kinds of qualities in themselves). Meh, obviously all of that stuff isn't stagnant anyways....

[Mme. Chaucer]

Please trash the "your profile really stood off the page." It sounds belabored, plus, lots of beautiful girls (which I am sure are your preferred targets) don't bother much with their profile. So, saying it "stood off the page" is going to alert their BS detectors.

 

I'm sure I've said this before ... but YOUR profile and how you present your personality (and your looks) in pictures is going to have a LOT more impact on your success or failure than the "generic mass emails."

 

I believe that the only girls who are going to respond to such an email are the girls with the exact same mindset that you have: just respond to anything and hope for the best. But, I doubt that many girls have that mindset. Especially attractive ones.

 

If your profile is not outstanding, it doesn't matter what you send out to the masses.

 

And, if your profile does not reflect who you really are and what you really have to offer these hot girls, things won't get far.

[sm1tten]

I think it's a good start. As for whether you should ask a question or not, I go both ways on that. I sometimes do and I sometimes don't. I wouldn't put too much thought into it. If I didn't actually HAVE a question I didn't ask.

[oaks]

No questions!

 

I learn something new every day!

 

Of course, it usually contradicts what I learned yesterday, so overall I don't really know much.

[zengirl]

Honestly, the message is fine and likely not a big issue either way. I think your profile is a bigger issue than your message (everyone's I mean). And pictures.

 

No questions!

 

Statements are stronger. It's like when you have a conversation and somebody says something smart or funny, then you get excited and build on that.

 

I have studied improv comedy and they discourage question asking in a routine. Questions are a stall and don't add any content. Rather you should say, "Yes, and." When you build upon another person's words, it escalates the interaction. I suggest you observe good banter and you will see more one upping than question asking, especially among men.

 

I have advised my men friends to stop interviewing women and start engaging them in banter. It really works. Try it.

 

Cee, I study/have studied improv too!

 

(And some non-stall questions are allowed, if they add content, but it's a good rule for beginners.)

 

All these guys who can't get dates really should study improv. I swear it would help.

 

I agree with no questions at first. Once you have the girl on a date, show interest in getting to know her and ask clarifying questions about things she says for sure (clarifying questions are different from interview questions because it feels more natural to answer a "follow up" than be quizzed on some randomly broad topic by a near-stranger). But questions in early messages just feel awkward. Statements are way better.

[grkBoy]

Frankly, I think when one is writing multiple emails, like 100 of them to 100 girls, it will get formulaic.

 

I think the big rule is just not to make a 100% generic letter and send it out. Put something into the note that shows you read her profile and have something in common.

 

Biggest complaints I've ever heard out of women when it came to online dating were either the guys who can't take a hint, liars, or the ones who write crappy messages or pretend to like everything she likes in the hopes she'll respond.

[thatone]

 

Biggest complaints I've ever heard out of women when it came to online dating were either the guys who can't take a hint, liars, or the ones who write crappy messages or pretend to like everything she likes in the hopes she'll respond.

 

further evidence that so many women see online dating as their own personal meat market.

 

what's the point of online dating if not to search for people who have similar interests, and point that out when you contact them?

[FitChick]

The OP's message is fine. However, if I am not attracted to the man, I won't answer a personal question but reply with "Sorry, I don't think we're a good match. Good luck on your search!" or something similar. It doesn't matter how well written his message or profile is. I have a certain type I am attracted to and I've never been able to veer from that (I've tried) so now I don't waste my time or theirs.

[Mme. Chaucer]

further evidence that so many women see online dating as their own personal meat market.

 

Or, she perceives that the guy is PRETENDING to like what she likes ... as the OP here is doing in 100 emails to girls.

 

what's the point of online dating if not to search for people who have similar interests, and point that out when you contact them?

 

Similar interests can be great, but many of us have ended up with people who don't share our interests. IMO, shared values and great communication, plus that mystery of attraction, trump similar interests always.