Ex GF - An actress or not :( My story... NC produced odd results, or not?

[a_bit_lost]

Hi,

 

I’ve used this forum in a past relationship but never posted anything, but of late been reading a lot on here and as per my user name, a little lost at the moment. This is long i’m afraid, but I think a lot of it is important to the story. The final break up was 4 weeks ago today pretty much and i find i'm missing her and thinking of her all the time.

 

A bit of background needed I think as its important to this situation, its not for an ego thing for me, I’m a genuine chap and incredibly loyal to whom i’m seeing, and have values in a relationship, and will not just dabble in a relationship unless I think there’s a future, I think these are important things, I’m 27, from a really loving family, i'm a home owner with my own swimming pool in my house, a good professional job where I travel and stay at hotels every now and then while offering consultancy to firms nationwide, I’ve bought latest bmw sports car and also half way through learning to become a private pilot as my weekend hobby, I also DJ at a couple of clubs in my home city every so often.

 

Ok – I met this girl while I was DJ’ing at a venue in my local city, she was the girlfriend of the club manager, we were friendly. Over the course of a few weeks I realised how more and more she became interested in me and was incredibly complimentary of my DJ’ing and everything else. We would talk on facebook a fair bit and she was quite a flirty girl. This became apparent fast. She 23, drifts from job to job, mostly in retail and really has never got her feet on the ground, she was living with the manager of this club across the road, they’d been together 5 years. She was very much the high stiletto, little black dress girl, good looking and dabbles in modelling and make up and so on, not hugely educated.

 

Anyway, my dad became critically ill and she became more and more close to me during this. I was concerned because she was the GF of the bar manager, sirens started ringing in my ears... Anyway, my dad’s condition became worse, she would text/call me almost hourly most of which I wouldn’t reply to, she would get REALLY excited to see me on a Saturday night DJ’in. Eventually she asked to meet for a coffee, which reluctantly I agreed to (i was concerned about her BF being funny, as perhaps I would be if I was with her, and I told her this). I met her, I pulled up in my sports car and could see her reaction.. she told me all about herself, she told me she did pole dancing for a while at 18, and the modelling she does (semi-transparent clothing style etc) and how she was from quite a poor family who had split up, she had no car or anything to her name really, and she told me how she wasn’t getting on with her BF at all etc, alarm bells were ringing and my instinct told me to get out of this! But I didn’t. On driving her back to her and her BF’s flat to drop her off, I swung by my house to show her, which is quite gorgeous - outdoor pool, huge drive, looks like a villa in Spain, again not saying this for ego purposes, my house is lovely and I was lucky to find it. She was gobsmacked – speechless. I dropped her off and the texts and attention continued 10 fold. I was concerned that she was really pushing herself on me while she was attached!!

 

Anyway, things progressed, she told me she was going to end it with her BF (the bar manager), she would send me half naked photos of her and stuff, and stupidly I met her again, and things happened we had sex and she stayed the night when he was away. I know that’s bad on my part I really do. She cheated on him with me. She really pushed it on as well, I know i shouldn’t have done it.

 

She continued to tell me how amazing I was and how much she wants to be with me and she slowlyyyy got the wheels in motion with finishing it with her BF. I was concerned, she’d seen my assets and what I have and I’m pretty sure she thought this was too good to be true, but I thought perhaps not.

Christmas approached and she had pretty much finished it with him, and she stayed round at my parents house a few miles away, again she was gobsmacked when she saw my parents house. She couldn’t believe it. She muttered OH MY GOD, when she walked in. I was concerned again about this.. She stayed pretty much the whole week – It was great to have a little companion, i really liked it – But at the back of my mind I knew she had cheated on her ex with me and I had zero trust of her! But in my head I thought this was just great – she was gorgeous and just wanted to cuddle me all the time. What more could I want.

 

She moved out in the new year from her shared BF’s flat to her mums, a little out in the sticks. She hated being away from the city and hated it there, and also a big thing here is that her mum was in the process of moving far away herself and had given a short timespan to her daughter to stay as she was selling up.. Her mum and family loved me, especially her Gran who even told her 'dont let go of that one'!

 

I guess by this point we were kinda together, i would go visit her at her mums and she would come to my mums and my house all the time, she would text me hourly, every 30mins, call me at work, call me everyday all the time, and i mean all the time.

 

There was A LOT of communication with her and her ex as she had things at his flat, almost daily she would tell me that they were talking/texting and so on to sort it out and I wasn’t best happy about it. I had stopped DJ’ing as well, my choice really, I wasn’t exactly welcome back to that club and also wanted to spend weekends together doing couple type things I dreamt of. She wouldn’t really take all her stuff in one go from her Ex’s, she’d leave things there.. This went on for a month or so. I asked my mums thoughts about this, she thought she couldn’t let go of her ex and would leave things, or take extra things of his, like the TV etc, and then of course he’d come calling her to take it back. Etc etc. This went on for most of January... Her ex phoned her often sorting out shared bills, he would always be shouting at her about something and she would do the same back. It aspired he found out about myself, and in this process I ALSO found out this girl that I was now seeing has cheated on him not JUST with my myself over the course of their 5 year relationship, but also a handful of other guys?! Two or three I found out about – She told me, once she shouted down the phone to her EX BF saying ‘i didn’t cheat on you’?! ALARM BELLS – SHE DID WITH ME!

 

It also transpired that she’d had over 20+ sexual partners, now perhaps i’m old fashioned, but that seems an awful lot for a girl of 23...

 

Two weeks into January she hit the town and clubs with a ‘guy’ friend and stayed at a hotel with him that night. I mean, we were kind of seeing other at this stage?! I thought it was completely out of line and basically ended it. However, she HOUNDED me for days explaining he was like a brother and it was nothing more than crashing at a hotel in the city as mates. She HOUNDED me and swore that it was just mates staying together. I kinda let it go after a few very awful days and with a week all was ok again. More fool me perhaps?..

 

Another incident was when I found she did a wet-shirt makeup photoshoot? I didn’t think this was suitable for someone in a relationship to do. She would put select photos on her ‘new’ facebook profile and I thought it all for attention, she had me now, someone who wanted to love her. She loved the attention even though she was rather insecure. Again, another argument about unsuitable I thought this was when in a relationship and again she HOUNDED me with apology and love for me.

 

She loved going out with her best girlfriend and lived on her every word, I did start to say to her that I didn’t want that life and kinda wanted to snuggle up and settle a bit. She assured me she wanted the same but continued to want to do the all nighters out with her friends... I grew more frustrated with this and she realised.

 

However, things progressed with us and got really good, she was a dear girl, very sweet, really took an interest in my things, soo much interest in my work and life, she seems to be infatuated with me and my family and she made huge efforts with everyone, so much so i did wonder.... I would take her away for my work trips often, wine and dine her on my credit cards in large city’s all over the place, we flew to places and drive to places for work hundreds of miles away together, talked about everything etc. She thought she had it all and was living a great life and she told me so, staying in swanky hotels and the like, all for free for her, she would often buy me gift cards with long heart touching messages explaining how amazing I was and how I treat her like a princess like she’s never had, and how bad her ex bf’s were to her, how she got beaten by then and treated like rubbish. I would look after her and took her under my wing. But in no way a needy way, in fact it was the other way round, she became HUGELY needy of me. She told me she’s never not really been single for a few weeks. She literally threw herself on me and my family. I took her out in one of my flying clubs small planes – best experience and day of her life she genuinely told me, grinning from ear to ear. She told me that me and my family are on a whole different level and wavelength to her and her background, I assured her I didn’t care about her background and past and wanted something special and nice and meaningful.

 

She mentioned at various times that she was the ‘srubber’ that i’ve introduced to my family. I assured her this wasn’t the case and was gentle with her. She thought I was too good for her and she didn’t deserve me etc. I was so very grateful of her and treated her so well, she would get a train or bus to my mums place often which was out of her way and I couldn’t believe that someone would do these things for me – I was so so grateful of these little things and I told her, and of course – she was gorgeous.

 

She would often lie to my family about her history, or at least ‘pad’ it out, and things were so obviously lies I often felt embarrassed when she would talk to them. She would explain what pressure it was and how much of such an amazing job working in retail is, i mean.. no disrespect, but come on.. She would really try to grow this picture about herself which in fact, really wasn’t the truth. Both my parents were confused by this as they could clearly see through it, but she was soooo sweet and nice that we kind of thought she was just trying her best to impress. This continued all the time, at every sitting she would express her amazing life achievements, which, to be honest (no disrespect) were very minor. My mum and I often had long chats about whether she was an ‘actress’ and was just happy about the life I could potentially offer her.

 

Don’t get this wrong, I wasn’t a saint to her, we had out difficulties and there were things I didn’t like her doing. I am incredibly loyal though, and was to her and she knew it. I value important heart meaning things, I honestly don’t think she did.

 

Anyway, suspicion grew when she wanted to live at my house in the city, and she would often drop hints, somewhat a dream come true to her, not some stuffy little flat she was used too but a house, with pool and all the trimmings that i’ve worked for an earnt – I knew she was on a timeline from her mum to get out and I didn’t want that being in a factor to living together! I was concerned she wanted the life of a WAG, pool side at my house, being the passenger in my sports car and so on. But I kind of went along with it to a degree.

 

It grew to the point that about 5months in to the relationship she started bringing a LOT of stuff in bags to my house, perhaps I didn’t help things that much and may have got caught up in the excitement of a relationship with a very cuddly and nice and seemingly loving GF, but I hadn’t given her the green flag. I was concerned she just wanted me for my assets and so on and the life i’d bring her. I said no her moving in so quickly. This produced a huge reaction. She was a little cold with me but got past it. We had a few arguments as well, she didn’t have a job so I was always funding her every move, i’d have to pay for her to go home sometimes on the train/bus, there were a few arguments on this as well, it became a chore for me to have to pay for her to do everything – lunch out, everything was on me 90% of the time.

 

In the meantime a close male friend of hers moved back from overseas to spend a ‘summer’ in the city, she began talking to him prior to him coming back and he’s always been a close friend to her, for a year or so apparently. And once he arrived back she began spending the odd day with him. She also asked for a bit of ‘space’ following a weekend of us arguing, mostly over the money issue, which she quickly retracted to a degree when I went to see her and made up and cuddled etc. I knew things weren’t really right at this point but went running back to her to try and patch things up. I didn’t have much trust for her given her past anyway, but kind of let that go and we just got on. Then it became a few days she would spend with him, helping him find a flat and so on... I let it go to a degree but she knew I was pissed off over it.

 

She told me he was going to drive from his flat to where she lived to go grocery shopping and she was going out for a bit?! My suspicion grew, it was a long drive from the city, to get groceries?! I thought, OMG, the same things happening with me this time when she was with her EX!! I got cross and basically said why are you doing these things if you care about me?! And she sent me an email ‘breaking’ up with me saying she needs more freedom and i’m too controlling, this was whilst she was him, she emailed from her phone. I agreed with the breakup via email back, even though I knew she’d want to come back to me... I was broken to be honest. A few days had passed and she had text me a couple of time ‘i cant sleep’, ‘how was work’ etc, I didn’t really reply, she had finished it! She called me a few days and wanted to see me. After some too’ing and fro’ing we met on the Sunday, she told me I needed to less controlling, perhaps I was - I understand this about myself, I agreed and were ‘back on’ but she wasn’t massively overwhelmed about it, even though she told me how distraught she’s been during the few days apart... I felt guilty to myself for going back into this, I kind of thought she would have been shacked up with the new guy that was back, apparently not, I think she would have stayed at his place during those few days though.

 

A couple days passed of us being back together and that night she was showing me some a photo on her phone of something random. I could see above them on the screen there looked to be some half nude photos of herself, I worked out when they were taken from the timeline of her photos and it was just before or during when we she had emailed me with the breakup. I walked off and thought about it before reacting. Then it came out, i said you told me you were weeping and upset and wanted us back together, yet, I can see during those few days you have half naked pictures of yourself you’ve taken... TO SEND TO WHO!? Who does that in their right mind if they’re heartbroken, no one. And given she sent me nude pics when she was with her ex really didn’t leave much to my imagination.. Huge argument and she stormed out of my house. I was incredibly upset by it. I felt like a fool but I couldn’t cover my eyes to what was so obvious I thought had happened. I would never find out the truth but huge instincts told me this wasn’t right. Having read on these forums in a prior relationship I decided to immediately employ no contact – If anything to see what truth or anything that would aspire from this, also blocked/removed her from FaceBook. Yet i’m still sore from this, and do miss her desperately.

 

Since ZERO contact from me on that day the following odd things have happened, and this is what I’m questioning really..

 

1. 2 days after she visited me at work and waited for in reception for me with a birthday present (it was my birthday a few days after the split). Receptionist called me and told me I had a visitor. I couldn’t understand it why she came in, I was shocked in a nice way, and said things like have you come to talk to me. She was cold and just said she wanted to give me the present, she was upset that i’d removed her from FaceBook, she made that known. Then she left – Clearly an attempt to see how I was coping?

 

2. 10 days after she sent me an email on a Sunday – Subject: ‘Memories’. And inside there was 60 photos or so from nice days out and things, very emotional style email, with a line saying something like ‘Thought you might like these, these are all that I had, sorry I don’t have all of them’, something like that. I deleted it and didn’t reply. – Maybe a way to get an emotional response from me?

 

3. 7 days later she came into a club I was DJ’ing at on Saturday night. Three times she came over to me half drunk, THREE times, saying things like ‘i just want to clear the air, whatever happened between us I want to clear the air’. She then went on to tell me how amazing a DJ I was, and she seemed to know about all the things I was currently doing, my progress with my flying lessons, and me dj’ing etc, she knew it all! She’d obviously looked on another FB account to see what I was doing. Anyway, she went on and on for ages in a busy club, ‘just want to clear the air’. She shouted at me calling her ‘mate’, don’t call me mate she shouted! I agreed with ‘being ok with her, and everything cool’. She flirty danced around in front of the DJ Box to get attention, she even danced with other guys, I know what she was trying to do. She said to me ‘am i making you uncomfortable’, i said, ‘nooo, of course not’, even though I was shaking! She came over again and I put my hand on her shoulder and said, ‘look, im over this, you need to be as well’, and she stormed off.

 

4. 5 days later (and this is now 7 days ago) she text me. A long text. Saying things along the lines of she was gutted deep down that we broke up, but understands why. She went onto say how upset she was at me with the breakup and the argument, and that if I’d loved and trusted her that wouldn’t have happened. She also said I was childish by saying ‘im over it’ and that she was too, but, she was over it in a different way and will always have a place in her heart for me. And that she’d like us to be friends one day... – Her trying to perhaps turn the tables and get me to apologise and say awww im soo so sorry.

 

I haven’t replied to ANYTHING, and from the advice I’ve read it says not to, unless they make a genuine call to ‘I want to see you and talk’ etc. I really am stinging over this, it’s been 4 weeks since the breakup and I do miss her definitely.. Euugghh.. Everyone’s told me she broke up with me in order for me to pursuit and chase her (like i’ve done prior!), so that she can get everything on her terms and she have control and have it all her way, and that’s why she’s done these odd things since the breakup, my family thinks she not necessarily a malicious girl but has just learnt over her years how to get a guy round her finger. Tbh, it did give me a boost when she contacted me, it meant I knew she was thinking about me, as I do hourly, daily. I just don’t know whether these were genuine calls to make me go back in. Realistically though, she’s lost an awful lot with me, and I think she’s probably realised that, however, she did end it though.

 

Well, thats my story for the last 6 months.

 

I still shake when I get a txt or email, expecting it might be her.

Edited July 27, 2011 by a_bit_lost

[wilsonx]

Straight shooter here, you walked into someone that was trying to get out a 5 year relationship that wanted to go out and party. You caught feelings for the wrong girl. You were a rebound. I hate to say it but thats all you are. You need to find someone thats more stable, has a career, is mature and move forward

[Desensitized]

I wouldn't say he was necessarily a rebound, to be honest. All I can say, is that, I feel for you. You picked up damaged goods, unfortunately; these type of women are very manipulative. They can lie to your face and you will know they're lying about what they're saying, but, since you're so foolishly in love - you will just accept her lies. I've been there and done that. The woman I was with also cheated on her ex-bf with me. To be honest, your story sounds 90% like mine... it's actually quite scary. I feel bad for you, I really do. But, sometimes, if it's too good to be true, it usually is. It's not fun dealing with a woman who is messed up mentally, but she has issues; like I said, damaged goods.

 

Do yourself a favor, and just let her go. If you don't, you're in for a hell of a ride.

[a_bit_lost]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I must say i find this incredibly insightful. And i've got so many unanswered questions this is good for me.

 

Whilst i agree that perhaps i was a bit of a rebound, i also think i was definitly a better candidate for her, giving her potentially everything shes dreamt of and more - So she felt slighly confident to ditch her ex and make a go with me, she was too'ing and fro'ing mind (i saw this). Granted once this started happening I then saw signs of rebound bahaviour, but it was SOOOO counter acted by love and desire for me, I mean, I could get 10+ missed calls for her in the space of a few hours, answer phone message and texts, it was unreal, but I liked the attention. So if there was a rebound phase, in my mind it passed and there were significiant signs to say that she was being emotionally connected with - she booked a hotel for us for valentines day and really went to town on showing me that she was devoted to being with me and so on.

 

She made it clear she didn't want the party life so much anymore and wanted to settle with me and so on. Actions speak louder than words mind...

 

Desensitized - Thanks for your comments, similar to you, you say?... Manipulative, yes, I agree, but only because she has learnt to work guys I feel.

 

My concern is that she found this same thing again with the guy that moved back from overseas (although hes a bit of 'bum', and kind of renting a poxy flat etc - no job, the kind of thing shes used to) and the repetition started again, and i'm sure she'd get bored of that, she had a string of 'bums' before me, I was one a few professional business type men that shes gone for she told me, with a good future ahead and assets to boot.

 

My real questions really are to the very odd post break up events shes instantiated. Some people told me she did the break up in order to reverse things and get it all on her terms, so effectivly I would say something like 'awww, im sooo sorry, please come and live with me at my pool house' etc etc... Basically theres been some kind of contact episode she started every 10 days or so since, I wonder really if this is going to continue.. Shes clearly interested to know how i'm doing, she obviously facebook stalked me, perhaps she still does, I don't know... Given she nothing to offer to the table for me, I purly miss her, she on the other hand has lost a lot with me (im not being ego here), shes lost quite a good lifestyle with me and I wonder if she is realising that - I'm sure she is as friends and family of mine are telling me.

 

I do find I'm missing her a huge amount, all for the wrong reasons I know, and sometimes I feel i'm going to break and reply, but i've been strong so far.

[a_bit_lost]

feel like im getting worse today to the point of cracking.. but I do somewhat feel internally strong to think that since the break up, I've actually not contacted or replied once since! God thats good for me!! Its 30 days bang on today from the breakup+argument AND no contact from my part, thats probably why.

Edited July 28, 2011 by a_bit_lost

[Desensitized]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I must say i find this incredibly insightful. And i've got so many unanswered questions this is good for me.

 

Whilst i agree that perhaps i was a bit of a rebound, i also think i was definitly a better candidate for her, giving her potentially everything shes dreamt of and more - So she felt slighly confident to ditch her ex and make a go with me, she was too'ing and fro'ing mind (i saw this). Granted once this started happening I then saw signs of rebound bahaviour, but it was SOOOO counter acted by love and desire for me, I mean, I could get 10+ missed calls for her in the space of a few hours, answer phone message and texts, it was unreal, but I liked the attention. So if there was a rebound phase, in my mind it passed and there were significiant signs to say that she was being emotionally connected with - she booked a hotel for us for valentines day and really went to town on showing me that she was devoted to being with me and so on.

 

She made it clear she didn't want the party life so much anymore and wanted to settle with me and so on. Actions speak louder than words mind...

 

Desensitized - Thanks for your comments, similar to you, you say?... Manipulative, yes, I agree, but only because she has learnt to work guys I feel.

 

My concern is that she found this same thing again with the guy that moved back from overseas (although hes a bit of 'bum', and kind of renting a poxy flat etc - no job, the kind of thing shes used to) and the repetition started again, and i'm sure she'd get bored of that, she had a string of 'bums' before me, I was one a few professional business type men that shes gone for she told me, with a good future ahead and assets to boot.

 

My real questions really are to the very odd post break up events shes instantiated. Some people told me she did the break up in order to reverse things and get it all on her terms, so effectivly I would say something like 'awww, im sooo sorry, please come and live with me at my pool house' etc etc... Basically theres been some kind of contact episode she started every 10 days or so since, I wonder really if this is going to continue.. Shes clearly interested to know how i'm doing, she obviously facebook stalked me, perhaps she still does, I don't know... Given she nothing to offer to the table for me, I purly miss her, she on the other hand has lost a lot with me (im not being ego here), shes lost quite a good lifestyle with me and I wonder if she is realising that - I'm sure she is as friends and family of mine are telling me.

 

I do find I'm missing her a huge amount, all for the wrong reasons I know, and sometimes I feel i'm going to break and reply, but i've been strong so far.

 

These women seem to adapt the same mindset of the men they are currently seeing. Like you, when I was with my ex-gf, she stopped partying and all that jazz because of me. They literally change everything negative about themselves (for the most part) to make themselves stand out to us - it's nothing but lies, and once they break up with you, they'll go back to their partying lifestyle. And looking back on it, maybe I too was a rebound. But like you, I also gave her what other guys couldn't, and that's a truly loving relationship - I adored her.

 

My ex also called/texted me many times during the day; like you, I liked that attention of her wanting to talk to me all the time. All I can say is, that, that's not really healthy behavior. I understand that she loves you, but being clingy is never really a good thing...

 

As for the post-break up events that have been occurring, i don't really know. But if I were you, I would just ignore them. And of course you miss her, she made herself out to be something you really liked, but that's not really who she is...

[Desensitized]

feel like im getting worse today to the point of cracking.. but I do somewhat feel internally strong to think that since the break up, I've actually not contacted or replied once since! God thats good for me!! Its 30 days bang on today from the breakup+argument AND no contact from my part, thats probably why.

 

Keep up the good work, you can do this! What I did to help me was I made two notecards; one of those notecards contained reasons why I liked her, and the other contained reasons why I didn't like her. Do this and see if anything happens to your mindset about her. You might be surprised to find out that there's nothing really that special about her.

[Desensitized]

feel like im getting worse today to the point of cracking.. but I do somewhat feel internally strong to think that since the break up, I've actually not contacted or replied once since! God thats good for me!! Its 30 days bang on today from the breakup+argument AND no contact from my part, thats probably why.

 

and just to let you know you're not alone, my ex just contacted me. But, I didn't reply. Stay strong, man!

[smudge21]

Once again I find myself seeing very real connections between your circumstances and my own. The girl who seems to bounce around, not sure of what she wants, the long term ex she leaves, the excitement of someone new. Then of course the fact she starts showing interest elsewhere and when things end the continuuing texts and attempts for attention.

 

Like you my ex was/is a wonderful person but let down by this attitude which I think is linked to her upbringing. It's such a shame as for the short time we were together (started as friends) it was fantastic, which made it even harder to accept it was over.

 

The fact you haven't broken NC is impressive. I did a few times, not by making contact but by looking for info on her, that was a serious mistake. All I can tell you is that it really does get easier, but you've got some rocky roads ahead. Stay strong and you will heal.

 

After 4 months of NC my ex has been making small contact, just friendly stuff and I feel I'm in an okay place to just be polite back - not seeing her, just the odd text her and there. So for me, NC did work but it did take a time. I will admit, I know my feelings for her are still there but it's like now I just accept them. They don't control me like they used to, like yours are now.

[a_bit_lost]

Blimey... Desensitized.. Me and you are on the same page here! This is unreal...

 

I'm taken by your analysis of the situation, you are so right... She did just that, she adapted her mindset to that of mine! She started acting like me, started talking like me, using my words and lingo (well, at least attempting given she wasn't hugely educated) took a HUGE interest in my things, my flying for example, my dj'ing, my work, and she liked doing the things I liked doing - Perhaps maybe these things were actually just better than the things in her life though, that I don't doubt.. She cut down on the partying etc, and wanted the 'nicer' life.. She did indeed 'change everything negative', she cut down on the modelling to a degree given I didn't think it was appropriate and she too agreed with me, interestingly she kept her foot in the door for all these things and did continue with some mind... No doubt as you say, she's currently doing all that jazz again, in fact I know of an event in the city tonight when all the local model do this stupid parade, no doubt she'd be there with her fake friends - even though she was just one of the supporting groupies and not even a bonafide member, either that, or shes learn't shes not going to win a mans heart with doing that crap and has settled for that new guy... Who knows.

 

Desensitized - Sounds like we've been stung with this type of girl. How long ago did you guys break? What has her contact to you been like and what have you actively been doing since - including of course this very recent contact you talk of?

 

And also your two notecards idea, which is a good one, i've done that a few times already, and you're bang on... there is nothing special about her, in fact the bad HUGELY outweighed the good for when I did this task 4 weeks or so ago...

 

smudge21 - Thanks for you comments, i've learnt in a previous relationship not to go digging for information post breakup, nothing good can come of that, especially social websites (i've removed & blocked her for everything so there's no sniffing around for me - removed her mutual friends and all my friends and family have done the same) - interesting point here is that shes still got me as a friend on Facebook on her second 'deactivated' account which is always turned off - i suspect she used this one to look me up on, she could easily re-activate her account at 4AM for 10minutes and then deactivate it - you see, she created a new FaceBook account and deactivated her previous one after her ex as her profile was laced with memories from him but as I say shes still got me as a friend on there and there's nothing I can do as it acts deactivated all the time, basically benign but she has the power to enable it for 5minutes and no one will be none the wiser if she did it in the middle of the night.. No one will ever post upset/unhappy/heartbroken thoughts weeks after on their social sites (i guess there is a small exception) but most people will want to keep face. Hell, even on my FB i have nothing to distinguish between when I split with her to today.. Not a feeling, not an emotion on there, just some interesting and exciting things I've been up to, so with my heart in its current state and my feeds on my social sites - that a pretty damn good indication that digging for info really doesn't get you the information you want, its just the cream on the top...

[a_bit_lost]

I'd also rather like some women's points of view on this as well...

[giuliano-3]

Weird, reading this thread made me start shaking again for the first time in a while. My ex changed so much about herself once we were together. Actresses indeed, once she abandoned me out of the blue she went right back to the partying lifestyle she had apparantley been missing. She "needed space" which is to say, she "needed" to have sex with another man to see if I was truly the one. After taking her on a 2 month vacation (100 percent funded by yours truly) and pretty much spending all I had on her I was almost broke in 14 months. The man she ended up cheating on me with and eventually dating is super wealthy (and from UK).

 

Its been over a year since the breakup and I still think about her. Not as much as I did. Not gutted over it like I was for a good few months/year. Not thinking about pulling a Guy Fawkes anymore. Although Robert Green will forever be my favorite English athlete for giving me one of the greatest thrills of my sports watching life. I needed that Clint Dempsey goal. Badly. You have no idea how badly. Cheers!

[Desensitized]

Hey a_bit_lost,

I'm glad you found my information helpful. Anyways, I ended things with my ex in February of this year. I have kept strict NC since Summer started, which was in May; she has tried getting a hold of me via phone/text. After I broke up with her, I have been focusing on my studies (ended up making the Dean's List), been exercising 4 times a week, and ultimately, just bettering my life in every way I can.

 

I don't know what she wanted, but the text she sent me earlier today said, "hey can we talk?" like I said, i don't know what she wanted, but I don't care. All she wants is attention, and I can be sure of one thing, she's not getting it anywhere else and that's why she decided to contact me. Also, that's interesting that your notecard with reasons why you dislike her had more reasons than the other notecard, because that's the same thing that happened to me haha.

 

@giuliano-3 - and yeah, i was a bit shocked when I started reading this too haha. Keep up the good work though, mate. Just keep moving forward!

[THECHAMPISHERE]

Bruh, you should have ended it the moment she spent the night with her friend.

[a_bit_lost]

Thanks Desensitized. So you actually finished it in your case. Well done you! 'hey can we talk?', i think i'd probably give in to that one. You've got it though, more than likely an attention thing......?

 

As much negativity as perhaps I put across, she was nice as pie to me, my family and friends, she was kind and thoughtful and she was there when I needed her most (esp during the illness with my dad) she persisted with me when needed. This i'm really thankful for - And I did tell her so much that I was greatful for these things at the time. So thats part of what I'm stinging about, the fact that she was indeed a sweet as pie person..

 

I didn't hugely want this and was very close to ending it so many times, but didn't have the balls and kind of guessed this was a phase for her and things would grow to be great - which in fairness, they did to a degree.

 

@THECHAMPISHERE - Yeh you're right, I pretty much did but she came back hounding me, and eventually I let it go. What a fool of me hey! I shoulda just man'ed up and told her where to go! Interstingly I drove past that guy 'the best guy friend of hers yesterday' - mann hes one skank, bald scaby head, short, ugly - Guess it shows the kind of friend she would have.

 

I think the ultimate thing here is that now its a fraction post 30 days since I instantiated NC right at the breakup/argument, I feel like i'm getting worse and want to contact - I want to know ultimately why she continued to contact me in cryptic ways. I think its an emotional hold on me, and, certaintly a jealously part for me to the let go part.

[a_bit_lost]

urgh... I cannot stop thinking her at the moment, i goto sleep thinking about her, wake up thinking about her, its ruling my thoughts.. I just don't know what to do and wonder if these means of contact she did I should have replied to now! I guess my thoughts of NC would bring her back and I had that hope that she'd come back. And now, its over a month and 10 days since she sent that long text I described and theres been nothing more... Should I have replied? I'm forever wondering whats she thinking, clearly she thought about weeks after the breakup else she wouldnt have text me and did the other things!