Incidences that might've lead you to not taking action and winding up in the FZ.

[irc333]

I think this is why a lot of guys get in the friendzone. I think they feel if they move to fast like right after meeting a woman, get her number so you could ask her out on a date.

 

If it's a situation where he'll be seeing her on a routine basis, like a biking or hiking group or perhaps poker night.

 

They seem to fiddle around at getting to know her first and wait until the 5th face-to-face to ask her out, and by then it might be too late.

 

I think if you have a good conversation right off the bat, ask her out on the spot, don't hesitate.

 

I think men fear that, esp. if it's within a circle of friends and you WILL be seeing this woman again routinely, that they hold off and try to get to know each other over time while at these events.

 

I think men put themselves in the FZ by waiting too long to ask a woman out. Right?

 

I think I might try to turn over a new leaf and do this.

 

I had done in this in the past actually, only to find out that people were telling me that I was being "too forward" and just "get to know her and be her friend"

 

Personally, though, when I do try to get a bit more forward rather than lolly gagging, I feel like I might wind up being "ostracized" or ridiculed as not being worthy female companionship because of me being on more of the average looking side.

 

I think I had incidences in the past where I was made fun of for being forward or approaching a woman cold turkey.

 

I recall a time when it was a very slow day at the mall, I approached this rather attractive woman at the jewelry store, she was just staring off into space.

 

I go there, pretending I'm interested in watch bands or something...and then I switch the conversation into getting to know her, and she stops dead cold, "Wait a min, did someone send you over hear as a joke?"

 

And I said, "Um...no..why?"

 

And she goes, "Oh, some other guys in the other stores like to play jokes on each other, I figured you hitting on me had to be a joke."

 

I had other incidences like this like this occur to me in the past, people saying things to me like "dude, take things slow, there's no rush, keep visiting the store a few more times, or keep doing this a few more times BEFORE asking her out."

 

And was even advised to "be her friend!" Yes, as silly as that sound, that was dating advice given to me by a man already in a relationship. Wierd , huh? I call BS, he probably hit on his g/f at a party right off the bat, and had dated ever since.

 

Sometimes I think the advice people give, is not an accurate representation of what THEY did when they met their current sig. other, right?

 

I might even avoid even interpreting social cues given off by a woman, and just go with the flow, unless it's blatantly obvious.

 

Screw that crap.....it's time to go back to the old ways of doing things.

 

Anyone agree on this, yes, no?

[carhill]

IMO, if your style is getting to know someone, not to be confused with becoming her 'buddy' or 'tampon' and then, recognizing she is attractive to you, asking her out on a date, then that's your style. If her style is to 'friend-zone' such men who take their time to get to know her, then your styles are incompatible.

 

For myself, it takes time not only to discern interest, as I don't immediately respond to tits and ass, but also to determine availability. IME, women reveal themselves incrementally and I have had the unfortunate circumstances of 'misunderstanding' their ostensibly romantic interest while currently or prospectively engaged in a supposedly committed relationship or marriage with another.

 

In your example, if I had found the girl at the mall attractive (that would never happen in one meeting), I could ask her 'are you with someone?' and she could say 'no' and I'd have to take her word for it and take a risk of investing my time and energy into dating her, presuming she was open to that prospect. This risk is addition to the risks normally taken in any normal romantic/intimate encounter. When younger, I had no problem with such risks; however, after a lifetime of the results, I've become a bit more deliberate and guarded.

 

So, if by being more deliberate and guarded winds me up in the 'friend-zone', that's OK. She's not for me and I'm not for her. One person of billions on the planet. Many other potentials await. No impact on an otherwise full and happy life.

 

Your path is your own. IMO, better to own it and walk it rather than worrying about what everyone else is doing to 'score'. 'Scoring' is, when you get to the other end of life, such an insignificant part of it that all that time, emotion and energy spent on it can just become the butt of laughable jokes on existence.

 

FTR, I've done it both ways and the resultant relationships have shown no marked difference in quantity or quality. YMMV>

[Cracker Jack]

There have been plenty of times where I've faced this, so I can't remember them all as clearly.

 

One that stands out is this pretty cute woman who appeared to be interested in me, but said "I like a guy more when he's actually interested in getting to know me as a friend instead of being so quick to take me out and try to have sex with me". Paraphrased a bit, but that's basically what she said. She also had sex with a few guys very early upon meeting them; like within the first week or so. She knew that they only wanted her for sex, and thought it would be better to get to know someone instead of having sex so quickly.

 

So, we began to hangout a good bit, learning more and more about each other and talking on the phone a good amount, too. I actually thought it was going to go somewhere. Anyway, about a month later, when we were out, she wanted to talk--and basically said "As much as I'd like for this to get better, I doubt we'll ever be more than friends". I basically ask her why and she says "Because you're not showing me that you want to be more than that".

 

I told her that I was "Getting to know her" instead of simply trying to go further, and she says "Yeah, I know I said that. It's confusing. I just thought you would've tried something by now to at least show me it's (sex) on your mind. I'm sorry. I just wish you would've showed me you wanted me more often."

 

I understood and accepted what she said without getting an attitude or trying to change her mind. Once I was away from her, I began to just think I lacked "whatever it is" to be good in situations like this, and that she was simply letting me off in her own way. It was easy to believe she was another woman who had no idea what she wanted, but I thought if I had more balls, and was more attractive to her, I would've been better off with her.

 

No idea. Even told one of her close friends that it would've been better if I was more aggressive with her. I was trying to respect her wishes and not get too physical with her at that point based on what she said, only to lose out and fall into the dreaded zone because I didn't do it. Oh, well.

[irc333]

Cracker Jack (like the Larry David avatar,

 

Holy crap, when I make a post, and I try to see if at least one responder (no offense carhill, but I knew what you meant as well)

 

You seem to have seriously MATCHED me in MY experiences.

 

Maybe that's what they mean by an "Alpha" male?

 

But holy crap, even though you're woman actually gave a seriously revealing and candid opinion, it was great she was honest with you.

 

I wonder if this made you "see the light". For a long time, I thought as you did, and I think I'm STILL doing it now. But, I think I'm starting to think twice about this. Because this "getting to know you over time" is not necessarily turning women off, but it's just putting them in a different mindset with you.

 

Is this how people wind up in Long term relationships? You should ask your friends who are in serious relationships or perhaps even MARRIED "how they met". And find out how the "man" got his current spouse or g/f.

 

There was a couple of times, one I know of specifically, met this woman online. I think she was very attracted to me, even sent me pictures of herself in a nighty laying on a satin covered bed. Very sexy pic. She actually sent me the picture before even meeting me in person.

 

I thought it was a joke...but we agreed to meet. The woman was stunning in person. Gorgeous blonde woman.

 

We went out twice. Being the "Gentleman" I am...on our 2nd date, I went to kiss her good night on the lips, but it was going to be a non-makeout one. I think SHE wanted to make out in the parking garage, but I decided (well, perhaps on the 3rd date I'll do that, don't want to be Mr. Meethooks)

 

THing is, I think she wanted to ravish her, and heck, even suggest I take her back to my place and do her immediately. I think she was very attracted to me, but I decided to put it off for another date.

 

When I asked her out for a 3rd, never got a reply, ignored calls, etc. My gutt told me I should've "made out" with her at the very least.

 

However....Carhill makes a point too, trying to change who you are in order to "get the girl" might be compromising your scruples?

 

I have a good friend of mine, he's a nice looking guy, VERY smart and bright, I'm surprised he's still single actually. He would always get digits from women, calling them to make arrangements to go out.

 

But they'd never return his calls OR they delay a REAL long time befor returning, OR before returning his calls....if he happened to bump into them again in person...they'd be like "OH I'm Sorrry...I didn't get a chance to give you a call back....

 

But....others took him aside and said, "So how come you never tried again?"

 

Apparently, he didn't want to appear desperate, so apparently these ladies WANTED him to call her on numerous occasions to show that he was interested.

 

Apparently calling twice, and giving up...didn't bode well for him.

 

Some ahve said, " You didn't try hard enough"

 

So I guess there is something to being "Stalkerish"? lol

 

Id unno

 

Wow, I've typed a lot, but I"m starting to wonder if these are the WAY of things. That Dilly dallying around at "getting to know you" before even laying a nice kiss on a woman might be the cause for being unsuccessful in dating.

 

 

 

There have been plenty of times where I've faced this, so I can't remember them all as clearly.

 

One that stands out is this pretty cute woman who appeared to be interested in me, but said "I like a guy more when he's actually interested in getting to know me as a friend instead of being so quick to take me out and try to have sex with me". Paraphrased a bit, but that's basically what she said. She also had sex with a few guys very early upon meeting them; like within the first week or so. She knew that they only wanted her for sex, and thought it would be better to get to know someone instead of having sex so quickly.

 

So, we began to hangout a good bit, learning more and more about each other and talking on the phone a good amount, too. I actually thought it was going to go somewhere. Anyway, about a month later, when we were out, she wanted to talk--and basically said "As much as I'd like for this to get better, I doubt we'll ever be more than friends". I basically ask her why and she says "Because you're not showing me that you want to be more than that".

 

I told her that I was "Getting to know her" instead of simply trying to go further, and she says "Yeah, I know I said that. It's confusing. I just thought you would've tried something by now to at least show me it's (sex) on your mind. I'm sorry. I just wish you would've showed me you wanted me more often."

 

I understood and accepted what she said without getting an attitude or trying to change her mind. Once I was away from her, I began to just think I lacked "whatever it is" to be good in situations like this, and that she was simply letting me off in her own way. It was easy to believe she was another woman who had no idea what she wanted, but I thought if I had more balls, and was more attractive to her, I would've been better off with her.

 

No idea. Even told one of her close friends that it would've been better if I was more aggressive with her. I was trying to respect her wishes and not get too physical with her at that point based on what she said, only to lose out and fall into the dreaded zone because I didn't do it. Oh, well.

[oaks]

I just wish you would've showed me you wanted me more often."

 

So she tells you to go slowly and then tells you she's lost interest because you went slowly. Ouch!

[rafallus]

You can go fast, and still not like her only for sex. This could be just her rationalized excuse as for why it didn't work out with previous guys.

[irc333]

So she tells you to go slowly and then tells you she's lost interest because you went slowly. Ouch!

 

 

Right, just because a woman SAYS something, doesn't mean you have to follow it.

[SteelWall]

Hmmmm....Why does it seem so many people want 'Instant Gratification!' Too many games and too much instant gratification. What happened to the getting to know people. I tend to believe this is why we see so many heart broken filled relationships. I completely agree with many points of Carhill.

Instant gratification leads to two people having sex....confusion spawns from neither really knowing one another and, 'sex,' is the only commonality among interests, personalities, ect.

All this leads to 2 people either consciously or subconsciously needing to 'change,' the other person. You cannot change people, as they cannot change you in most circumstances....these changes can occur but must come out of mutuality, friendship, and time to know onr another.

Most relationship starting are just cars going 180 toward a brick wall.

[oaks]

I think men put themselves in the FZ by waiting too long to ask a woman out. Right?

 

Yes, I'm sure that happens sometimes (and sometimes to me). (of course sometimes they probably wouldn't be interested anyway, but you'll never know)

[irc333]

Here we go again, relating "Moving too fast" to having sex.

 

What's up with this reaction??

 

I'm just talking about asking a woman out almost upon first meeting her.....instead of waiting (let's say you're in class together at college)...waiting til the end of the semester to ask her out (or waiting a few classes to ask her out)

 

JUST ask her out!!!!!

 

 

 

Hmmmm....Why does it seem so many people want 'Instant Gratification!' Too many games and too much instant gratification. What happened to the getting to know people. I tend to believe this is why we see so many heart broken filled relationships. I completely agree with many points of Carhill.

Instant gratification leads to two people having sex....confusion spawns from neither really knowing one another and, 'sex,' is the only commonality among interests, personalities, ect.

All this leads to 2 people either consciously or subconsciously needing to 'change,' the other person. You cannot change people, as they cannot change you in most circumstances....these changes can occur but must come out of mutuality, friendship, and time to know onr another.

Most relationship starting are just cars going 180 toward a brick wall.

[irc333]

If a woman told me to not move quickly I'd follow her wishes. I have to assume that's what she meant and I'd be out of line to assume she meant anything else.

 

Well, I was kind of being facetious. <shrug>

 

I suppose it's not moving TOO slowly that became an issue in CJ's case.

[irc333]

I am starting to attribute my lengthiness of being single for so long by moving TOO slowly actually or not being at least a little forward in my intentions.

[irc333]

There's no way to know. She could have found someone she liked more or just changed her mind about him or maybe she wanted him to ask her out quickly but not quickly.

 

 

I've heard women complain about how some guy didn't try hard ENOUGH...when he was trying to be an unneedy gentleman. Go figure, right?

 

Some people say, "If your current strategy is NOT working, try something different"

 

Apparently, if Dr Phil asks, "So how's that workin' for ya" and you give him "Meh, not so well"

 

Try a diff. approach.

[zengirl]

Honestly, there's no need to get to know someone before asking them out (talk to them a bit, yes, but not hang out with them many many times or anything) as that's what dating is: getting to know someone. But there's also nothing WRONG with getting to know someone first. As carhill says, it's all about styles.

 

And women don't friendzone men. They either accept or decline romantic attention; men friendzone themselves by hanging around girls they want to date and pretending they don't. (Women FZ themselves this way as well, though it sometimes turns into a FWB and is sometimes the more traditional FZing.) A subset of girls encourages orbiters, but it's really the men themselves who choose to be orbiting.

[carhill]

OP, if you are at the point in your style where you are genuinely attracted and desiring the lady in a sexual and/or romantic fashion and you're *not* proactively acting on that, whether to clearly determine her availability or simply asking her out, then you're doing yourself (and her) a disservice, IMO.

 

When one seeks out friends, the dynamics are different, as they initially revolve around shared interests and one becomes friends over a period of time, often a long period of time. In romance, sex is the shared interest (hence the 'friend-zone') and attraction is the impetus. Often, otherwise, those two people would never meet or become friends. It's often read on LS how few friendships develop into romances. There's reason and precedent for that and I can see it in my own life, simply due to the psychological/chemical changes imbued from being a friend to someone over a long period of time (you define 'long'), presuming the friendship isn't being 'faked' and is genuine. This dynamic is further seen during marriages where the 'spark' disappears and one of both partners feel like they are 'friends' or 'brother and sister' instead of 'lovers'. It's all brain chemistry.

 

If what you're doing isn't 'working', try something different, but remain true to yourself and your relationship style. Authenticity is a key component of attracting compatible people. 'Methods' can attract people but if they're incompatible it's a waste of both people's time and energy.

 

An example would be to, as I mentioned prior, ask the lady out as soon as you discern your own attraction and sense positive signals from her, instead of waiting and growing that attraction in the vacuum of a non-romantic series of interactions. That's one example, not necessarily representative of your circumstances, of how you can remain true to your style yet perhaps have different results. You're attracted, the impetus is there, so give it a whirl and accept the results.

[somedude81]

The main reason I've been friendzoned is because I was spending time with a girl who had no idea I was interested in her.

 

Odds are if a girl knew I was interested, she would have never agreed to hang out.

 

My impression is that since I'm inviting a girl to do something with me that's enough to show that I'm interested. But some girls don't pick up on it and think we're going out as friends. No sweety, I don't want to be you're friend.

 

I wonder how many girls at college that I've gotten lunch or coffee with, actually realized that I wanted more than friendship before we had our date.

[irc333]

An example would be to, as I mentioned prior, ask the lady out as soon as you discern your own attraction and sense positive signals from her

 

THIS here...the part about "Sensing positive signals"

 

There are some guys out there, that ignore or choose to ignore a woman's body language (like arms always folded while he's talking to her) or perhaps just being cordial and polite.

 

Guys who pick up on this, they don't even bother asking them out on a date....however, if a guy chooses to ignore this body language, he might be so bold enough to "Hey, can I get your number so we can meetup up sometime for drinks?"

 

And shes' thinking, "YOu gotta be kidding me, you mean my crossed arms and me keeping a good distance from his personal space is NOT giving him a hint."

 

Yes, some women do put out the, "Don't even think of asking for my phone number" vibe.

 

Right? LOL

 

I've known some women to slip out of parties early as the party nears closing to perhaps avoid him walking her to his car or that awkward moment when people are calling it a night, and the guy that might have a thing for her might try to seal the deal, when the woman is trying to avoid the sealing of the deal altogether. lol

[irc333]

There was this one woman that was talking about how this man, I think from her past, like a Highschool student/friend that got in touch with her.

 

I didn't hear much of the conversation, but mostly what I heard was her saying, "Listen, this is NOT a date , okay!?!"

 

When they were already OUT together.

 

He said, that's fine, but I'll go ahead and pay for dinner anyways, and she let him.

 

I hate it when women agree to going with a guy, and she while on "the date" she lets him no, "Um, this is NOT a date."

 

And tries to get him to understand this.

 

 

 

The main reason I've been friendzoned is because I was spending time with a girl who had no idea I was interested in her.

 

Odds are if a girl knew I was interested, she would have never agreed to hang out.

 

My impression is that since I'm inviting a girl to do something with me that's enough to show that I'm interested. But some girls don't pick up on it and think we're going out as friends. No sweety, I don't want to be you're friend.

 

I wonder how many girls at college that I've gotten lunch or coffee with, actually realized that I wanted more than friendship before we had our date.

[zengirl]

There was this one woman that was talking about how this man, I think from her past, like a Highschool student/friend that got in touch with her.

 

I didn't hear much of the conversation, but mostly what I heard was her saying, "Listen, this is NOT a date , okay!?!"

 

When they were already OUT together.

 

He said, that's fine, but I'll go ahead and pay for dinner anyways, and she let him.

 

I hate it when women agree to going with a guy, and she while on "the date" she lets him no, "Um, this is NOT a date."

 

And tries to get him to understand this.

 

In this story, so far as I know, it's more the guy who's being weird. "It's not a date" and he responds with still paying. . . Weird.

 

Now, if the guy asked her out ON A DATE (calling it that or giving any clear indication that his intention was romantic) that's one thing, but if a guy I hung out with in high school said, "Hey! Let's grab dinner sometime and catch up," I'd have no reason to believe that was a date. And if he then started giving datey signals on said dinner, I'd probably tell him I wasn't interested in said signals somehow.

 

Especially in college somedude: Grabbing coffee is not a date, unless we met on a dating site or there is some other romantic indicator. So if you ask a girl to grab coffee, she's not going to necessarily read "date" into it; at the same time, human nature tends to read in romance (male or female) when THAT PERSON feels romance and not do so when that person does not, so the person not feeling any chemistry assumes (sometimes wrongly) that the other person is on the same page. Thus, I think the onus is on the person feeling chemistry to come out and express a romantic intention.

[fortyninethousand322]

There was this one woman that was talking about how this man, I think from her past, like a Highschool student/friend that got in touch with her.

 

I didn't hear much of the conversation, but mostly what I heard was her saying, "Listen, this is NOT a date , okay!?!"

 

When they were already OUT together.

 

He said, that's fine, but I'll go ahead and pay for dinner anyways, and she let him.

 

I hate it when women agree to going with a guy, and she while on "the date" she lets him no, "Um, this is NOT a date."

 

And tries to get him to understand this.

 

I guess this is the part I don't get. Do women actually want a guy to say "this is a date" or something to that effect when a guy asks them out?

 

I mean I suppose if you ask someone out via an online dating site then it's kind of implied that it's a date, but otherwise do people want that level of bluntness?

[fortyninethousand322]

In this story, so far as I know, it's more the guy who's being weird. "It's not a date" and he responds with still paying. . . Weird.

 

Now, if the guy asked her out ON A DATE (calling it that or giving any clear indication that his intention was romantic) that's one thing, but if a guy I hung out with in high school said, "Hey! Let's grab dinner sometime and catch up," I'd have no reason to believe that was a date. And if he then started giving datey signals on said dinner, I'd probably tell him I wasn't interested in said signals somehow.

 

Especially in college somedude: Grabbing coffee is not a date, unless we met on a dating site or there is some other romantic indicator. So if you ask a girl to grab coffee, she's not going to necessarily read "date" into it; at the same time, human nature tends to read in romance (male or female) when THAT PERSON feels romance and not do so when that person does not, so the person not feeling any chemistry assumes (sometimes wrongly) that the other person is on the same page. Thus, I think the onus is on the person feeling chemistry to come out and express a romantic intention.

 

How does one do that? I sort of always thought it was a little cheesy to say "I like you" or something to that effect. I mean should a guy just come out and say "it's a date" or is it something more subtle?

 

This is one of the most confusing things for guys since we're supposed to be the initiators. Guys who aren't good with this sort of thing tend to get very confused. We're told to be sort of nonchalant and not get attached too quickly but then we're told we can't lolly gag about attraction either. Agh...it's just so confusing.

[zengirl]

I guess this is the part I don't get. Do women actually want a guy to say "this is a date" or something to that effect when a guy asks them out?

 

I mean I suppose if you ask someone out via an online dating site then it's kind of implied that it's a date, but otherwise do people want that level of bluntness?

 

If you're the kind of guy who is often misunderstood, I'd say you should, but I think many men can make a date clear without saying it. However, there are plenty of guys (and I think these are the ones who get misunderstood) who actually pretend at friendship, hold back any romantic indicators, etc.

 

All you really have to do is says something that gets one thinking date territory. For the "old HS buddy" scenario, for instance, if the guy said, "Man you look cuter now than in HS! Are you seeing anyone?" I would assume he was on dating page. If he said, "Let's get together to talk about old times" I'd have no reason to assume it was a date. I have many male friends I socialize with so Man + Talking to Me + Wanting to Do Something With Me doesn't = Date. However, the place chosen also indicates, the offer to pick someone up also indicates, etc. There are many indicators.

 

"Let's go out sometime," suggests date. "Let's grab dinner sometime" does not to me, without any indicators beyond it, suggest date (it doesn't eliminate the possibility). Small things make a big difference in this, but really, it's not an issue most men run across. It's an issue a few men run across constantly because they've not found a way to get their indicators firing clearly for some reason. That's my thoughts at least.

 

There are a million ways to express romantic interest, and many I've probably never experienced/thought of, so I cannot list them all. But if you're often misunderstood, best to be clearer and more direct, I suppose.

[somedude81]

There was this one woman that was talking about how this man, I think from her past, like a Highschool student/friend that got in touch with her.

 

I didn't hear much of the conversation, but mostly what I heard was her saying, "Listen, this is NOT a date , okay!?!"

 

When they were already OUT together.

 

He said, that's fine, but I'll go ahead and pay for dinner anyways, and she let him.

 

I hate it when women agree to going with a guy, and she while on "the date" she lets him no, "Um, this is NOT a date."

 

And tries to get him to understand this.

 

In this story, so far as I know, it's more the guy who's being weird. "It's not a date" and he responds with still paying. . . Weird.

 

Now, if the guy asked her out ON A DATE (calling it that or giving any clear indication that his intention was romantic) that's one thing, but if a guy I hung out with in high school said, "Hey! Let's grab dinner sometime and catch up," I'd have no reason to believe that was a date. And if he then started giving datey signals on said dinner, I'd probably tell him I wasn't interested in said signals somehow.

 

Especially in college somedude: Grabbing coffee is not a date, unless we met on a dating site or there is some other romantic indicator. So if you ask a girl to grab coffee, she's not going to necessarily read "date" into it; at the same time, human nature tends to read in romance (male or female) when THAT PERSON feels romance and not do so when that person does not, so the person not feeling any chemistry assumes (sometimes wrongly) that the other person is on the same page. Thus, I think the onus is on the person feeling chemistry to come out and express a romantic intention.

When inviting girls for lunch or coffee I never say it's a date and I never had a girl say it's not a date.

 

Usually it's with a girl that I met in class. I talk to her a couple of times and if I'm having a good time joking around and sense some possible interest from her. I'll suggest grabbing lunch.

 

In that situation, what is the girl thinking?

 

Is there something wrong with my approach?

[EasyHeart]

I think men put themselves in the FZ by waiting too long to ask a woman out. Right?

I don't think this really happens all that often. I think if a woman puts you in the "FriendZone" it's because she's not attracted to you. Sometimes you could end up there because you didn't ask her out while she was single, and once she's in a relationship you can be "FZed" because she isn't available.

 

And she goes, "Oh, some other guys in the other stores like to play jokes on each other, I figured you hitting on me had to be a joke."

OUCH! That is just plain mean. The worst for me was the blind date that never came back from the bathroom . . . .

 

I had other incidences like this like this occur to me in the past, people saying things to me like "dude, take things slow, there's no rush, keep visiting the store a few more times, or keep doing this a few more times BEFORE asking her out."

I once took a class in how to meet people, and the woman who taught the class called this "The Law of Repeated Contact". Cashiers and waitresses get hit on CONSTANTLY, so meeting someone in one of those jobs is actually really hard. (But not impossible -- I met my current GF when she waited on my table and met one of my long-term exes at the GAP!). But generally, you need to have several repeated, positive contacts before you can even think about asking her out.

[irc333]

 

Especially in college somedude: Grabbing coffee is not a date, unless we met on a dating site or there is some other romantic indicator.

Yeah, I when I was going into college, I would suggest having her join me for lunch at the cafeteria or "grabbing.....blah blah blah"

 

The "Grabbing" term is most often used by men.

 

"let's grab a cheeseburger, let's grab a bite to eat"

 

Not sure why even "Bite to eat" instead of naming the actual dinner, lunch, or breakfast terms.

 

But apparently, somewhere DOWN The line, advice was given to men to use THIS approach because this will cause women to fear the "D" word.

 

Yes, women fear the "D" word, a lot of them do. "D" = Date.

 

I wonder how many men have actually said, "Hey, would you like to go out on a date with me Friday night" right after Algebra class

 

I would bet very few men have ever done this approach in THIS manner.

 

They've heard somewhere down the line, that's it's too forward doing it this way...that it's "moving to fast" by calling it a date.

 

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Scenario...I asked a woman out one time, but didn't use the word "DATE" in it.

 

I asked her to join me for dinner, yes...that was the terms I had used...without using the "D" word.

 

I thought "Would you like to join me for dinner Fri night?"

 

Sounded kinda of suave, because I thought using "Date" was kind of college or highschoolish, lol

 

She agreed to it, and we firmed plans

 

About an hour later, I get a call from her...she goes, "Um...when you asked me for dinner, you didn't mean for this to be a date, did you?"

 

And I go, "Um, what would make you think otherwise?"

 

And there's an awkard pause, and I said, "Yes, I thought this was a date."

 

At that point, she refused to go out with me. She felt bad, but she said she didn't think of me in that way, and said "I'll see you at the social events."

 

Yeah I know, Ouch! lol