Firstheartbreak Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 My girlfriend got an internship up in North California for the summer while I stayed down in Sol Cal. Four (4) weeks slowly tricked by for me as I tried to deal with being in a long distance relationship and having to pay all the bills since my mother lost her job. We had set up weekends to meet up over the summer so we could actually see each other and spend some time together. So we both drive about 4 hours to see each other and have a good time but my girlfriend told me on the first day that we needed to talk about something after I had vented about crap going on between my mom and me. My worst fear had come true; she wanted to break up. We talked for a long while about it and I was able to talk her into just taking a break instead of full on breaking up. She told me that she just didn't feel the same "love" as she did when we first got together and she no longer looked forward to talking to me on the phone, texting or reading emails from (she used to love doing this). She also mentioned that she found herself being attracted to some of the guys at her internship, though she promised that there was not another guy in the picture. In addition she said she still needed to figure out who she was and didn't like how she was a different person around me then everyone else. I tried to talk her into staying together and finding someway to work through these issues. After all I know other couples have their high's and low's so why couldn't we work through it? She didn't want to do this. She had also only made the decision to break up with me 3 days prior...after talking with her best friend and her roommates (who she only knew for 4 weeks). I'm hurt that she would talk to me about it before deciding. I don't know what to do now, it has been 5 days since then and I'm going crazy from all the pain this is causing. Nor do I know what to think about all of this and her decision. What do I from here? How do I get over this heart break? Now all I can do is wait for her to get back from her internship and see if she wants to be together again. I can't imagine not being together and after almost 4 years together I thought we would last. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated thanks.
RockinZ28 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 i really hate to be the bearer of bad news, honestly i do. but her "assurance" of there not being another man, im assuring you there is. your efforts now will be more or less futile and will probably drive her farther away. its time to move on and she has clearly stated not only does she want to break up with you, she doesn't even want contact with you. i wish i could sugarcoat this but to any outsider, whats going on is obvious
t_i Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Unfortunately some girls want what they can't have. In this instance she wants to be single and do what she likes. Will it get boring? Maybe. When she's alone at nights or when the next guy may not be who she hoped...... She may well come running back. However you can do so much better than that. Than to be a back up almost? She probably knows shes hurt you and she probably knows you'd take her back. However if she wants to go out with work friends and if shes excited about all the new people shes meeting - let her. Its honestly her loss. Men who are kind and dedicated are rare. If she wants to throw that away let it be her loss. Then when she regrets it and misses you (and if she voices that), tell her to get lost.
loverboy1984 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I was reading your story and shaking my head. Buddy we have alot in common and its not good. I was with my gf for 6yrs then she went to grad school to pursue a PhD. She starts becoming distant where as before she loved talking to me and emailing me. She asks for a break and tells me word by word what your ex told you. She assures me there is no other guy, and I believed her. She tells me she has no time with her schedule to date anyone. Well guess what 4 months after the break up when I had a talk with her to get closure I find that she was dating a guy this whole time. Dont be naive and hopeful like me. It prolongs the pain. I cant tell you it will be easy but I can tell you it sucks. Just hang in there. Our stories are not unique. I was so hopefull and still kind of am but its not worth it. Try to forget about it. Good Luck
Author Firstheartbreak Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 Thanks for those kind words, I do appreciate them. I know that this is not going to be easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to live through. I don't know how to move on from this: this girl was the best thing that every happened to me. My family doesn't have a lot of money, I have baggage issues and this girl stayed with me through many hardships. The only way I was able to eat out or get new clothes was because of her. She was always there for me, and always gave me words of encouragement. My life is never going to be same, I'm not sure how I will be able to face it. I still believe that there was not another guy because when we were first getting together she was kinda of with another guy and fell for me. She emphasized the fact she didn't want that to happen with us. I do trust her on that. Although this morning before I started work I logged onto facebook (to see if by chance she was on). I saw she had friend three new people, two guys and girl and so I clicked on her page to see that she had gotten rid of her relationship status. We were going to talk about this the night before because we didn't want to get a firestorm of calls from people. I'm pissed that she changed it without letting me know or giving me a heads up. Is that right? I'm tempted to call her and just to see what is going through here head but a good friend advised me not too. Should I or should I not? I just really want answer's at this point, although I'm still going to hope she changes her mind. The way she is acting now seems so foreign, I don't know why she is acting like this. I can only think that here new roommates have influenced way too much. At this point I just wish this was all a dream....
dreamscape123 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Thanks for those kind words, I do appreciate them. I know that this is not going to be easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to live through. I don't know how to move on from this: this girl was the best thing that every happened to me. My family doesn't have a lot of money, I have baggage issues and this girl stayed with me through many hardships. The only way I was able to eat out or get new clothes was because of her. She was always there for me, and always gave me words of encouragement. My life is never going to be same, I'm not sure how I will be able to face it. I still believe that there was not another guy because when we were first getting together she was kinda of with another guy and fell for me. She emphasized the fact she didn't want that to happen with us. I do trust her on that. Although this morning before I started work I logged onto facebook (to see if by chance she was on). I saw she had friend three new people, two guys and girl and so I clicked on her page to see that she had gotten rid of her relationship status. We were going to talk about this the night before because we didn't want to get a firestorm of calls from people. I'm pissed that she changed it without letting me know or giving me a heads up. Is that right? I'm tempted to call her and just to see what is going through here head but a good friend advised me not too. Should I or should I not? I just really want answer's at this point, although I'm still going to hope she changes her mind. The way she is acting now seems so foreign, I don't know why she is acting like this. I can only think that here new roommates have influenced way too much. At this point I just wish this was all a dream.... Sorry to read about your situation.... This may not be what you want to hear my friend but you need to start the healing process and start thinking about you.... Time heals all wounds, or at least nearly heals.... In order to do this i recommend you going NC right away... This is to help you heal... and it also gives her the chance to miss you .... The more you call, or email her , it will push her further away... This is a mistake I have made....Give her the chance to miss you, and to wonder what you are doing...... I also know exactly how you feel about how will you go on without this girl in your life..... I and many of us on here have felt exactly the same about our ex partners too bud.... but that is where time comes in... Also try and resist looking at her FB.... you may one day see something you dont want to see, and it make it worse for you.... She may be suffering from G.I.G.S, and i recommend reading the thread about it on here.... good luck bud
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Okay, here's reality. There's another guy that she's interested in! She even told you! So, don't be deluding yourself into believing that she's all true to you because that isn't the case. I can't tell you how many times I've read on here guys saying that their wife or girlfriend would NEVER cheat on them only to come back on to say, " I can believe she cheated on me!" Another indicator is her changing her status without a second thought about you or your feelings. So, now it's time to focus on you.. you stated that you didn't have a lot of money and that she took care of most of the expenses, going out to eat, buying you clothes...Well, now she's in and environment where she's around guys that are her intellectual equal. Someone she thinks she has more in common with. YOU need to make changes in your life. Go to school! Apply for grants, you'll probably qualify! Go to the gym, change your appearance. Start going out and connecting with other people. Make positive changes to your life. The best revenge you can get on someone is to lead a good life. Prove to her that you can make it on your own and that you don't need her! Now comes the hard part. You need to go complete NC with her. Don't respond to texts phone calls or e-mails. That's the first knee jerk reaction you are going to have. Instead of contacting her back. Post here. Any time you feel like talking to her, post here. And above all! De-friend her on Facebook. Trust me, it's going to tear your heart out reading her status updates, and then it's going to be even worst when she starts posting pics of her and this new guy. Trust me. De-friend her.
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