Lady_Chiara Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Hi guys, I won't go into the whole long story of what happened. Basically I was with my boyfriend since 2006, we had a good relationship and went away together in April. When we came back, he asked me to move in with him. Then we had a small argument in mid- May, which we made up. The next day, he told me the relationship was over. Despite my repeated attempts to reconcile over the last two months, he has told me that he doesn't want me anymore. Last weekend, he told me he had stopped loving me and implied that he had never really loved me at all throughout the whole relationship. He then told me that me contacting him is "borderline harrassment" and that he is gone to me. I have been devastated about all this especially since the relationship has been going all throughout all my adult life and it ended when we were on an extremely good point. I have been deepy unhappy about it all and desperate to get him back. However, when he told me he no longer loved me on Saturday, I realised that the relationship is over and I accepted I should move on. I have had no contact with him since Saturday because I know I can't have him in my life anymore. I have even deleted his number on my phone so I am not tempted to contact him. But it is so hard. I am in a really deep depression, so much so that I am finding it hard to live my day to day life. I can't sleep, I have no appetite and I can't concentrate at work. I have had today off sick as I couldn't face going in. I have been receiving counselling already and I have been to the doctor but the only help they could give me was to prescribe me anti- depressants. I don't want to take them as I have been on them before and they didn't help. Life is particularly hard at the moment as I hate my job and my homelife is difficult as there is a lot of family arguing at the moment. Every day is a struggle and sometimes I can barely cope. I just want to die. I think about my ex all the time and it hurts me that he is not thinking about me. I don't know what to do.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I know it's hard but you seem to be making the right choices in moving on. Over time you will look back to now and wonder why you hit the low you are experiencing and most likely won't want him back at that time. You have kind of hit a turning point as well when you accepted that the relationship is over. Usually it takes people weeks if not months to realize and accept the fact. Even when their ex says "I don't love you any more".
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 What!?!?! Being cheated on, dumped, them telling you they do not love you anymore, wanting nothing to do with you and dating someone else means it's over?!?!?!? How on earth did you come to that conclusion?!?!? I thought that meant I was just suppose to try harder and convince them what they think, feel, believe and know is a lie. All that stuff I listed above is just there way of telling me that they want to be with me. Life is like the movies, right? ... Exactly, Just like the movies.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 (edited) So you're saying there is a chance!!!! Yeah why not? There's a chance for everything... there's a chance that I won't live to see the light of tomorrow, there's a chance the whole world will end, there's a chance I will win the lottery, there's a chance that all of our ex's will contact us tomorrow with hopes of reconciliation (although I'd put my chances on the lottery over this). point is sure the chance may be slight at most... probably .00000000001% from my guess. The question is are you going to put your life on hold for that .00000000001% chance when there is no guarantee that it will last the next time around, OR are you going to put on your big boy/girl pants, wipe the dirt off your a$$, and live the rest of your life to the greatest? And I'm thinking that living the rest of your life with someone that previously put you through more pain imaginable wouldn't compare to the latter. lmao... nice clip, funny though... that's pretty much how I acted when my ex said "maybe we'll be together again in the future". Edited July 20, 2011 by HeartOfAPhoenix
Author Lady_Chiara Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 The thing is, when my ex said the horrible things he said, I knew it was over. Even if he texted me tomorrow and said he wants to be with me (which I know won't happen), I can't ever look at him in the same way again. He introduced me to a whole level of pain I didn't know existed. But part of me still hopes that in the future (a long way in the future), he will regret it and miss me. It's stupid, I know, but maybe that's what will get me through. Maybe he is even missing me now... So I am going to try to go back to work today and see how that goes.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 So sorry you are going through this, you're doing the right thing by not contacting him anymore. It must have stung badly when he said he'd never really loved you Try to keep going to work, keeping busy, getting out mixing with people, it kept me sane (just about) when my ex left after 18 years, my depression over it was very bad, cried hard every day for 6 months, I felt pretty much every horrible feeling possible. At first, hope of getting back with him kept me going, we were still meeting up as friends, eventually though I asked if there was any hope and he said he fancied other women (so that's a no then!), it became more painful to keep in touch than to not see him, so I stopped contact for a while and I was able to let go. I only needed a few weeks and we were friends again and always will be, I'm in his flat as I type this, cat sitting his and his gf's cat, I'm also with someone new. Me and my ex split 2 years ago and I never thought I'd come through it, I had my first thread on LS deleted as I felt embarrassed by by the way I sounded when I fell apart It was that bad. You will be ok though, keep on going, cry as much as you need, talk to others about it, you will be fine, trust me If I can come through it, anyone can. The thing is, when my ex said the horrible things he said, I knew it was over. Even if he texted me tomorrow and said he wants to be with me (which I know won't happen), I can't ever look at him in the same way again. He introduced me to a whole level of pain I didn't know existed. But part of me still hopes that in the future (a long way in the future), he will regret it and miss me. It's stupid, I know, but maybe that's what will get me through. Maybe he is even missing me now... So I am going to try to go back to work today and see how that goes.
tattoo_lover Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I can't imagine how much you're hurting right now. I, too, have just gone through an awful break up, and I find that somehow, it helps to know you're not the only one suffering. No words will take the pain away or make it better.. but time really does heal. Stopping contact is SO hard, but even if only temporary, it really helps. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice, as my ex decided to wipe me out of her life. But time is a healer, so don't forget that.
Author Lady_Chiara Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 I am just hoping that if I don't contact him and cut him out of my life, time will heal my wounds. It is so hard though. I feel like if I disappear off the radar for a while, he will forget me completely. However, I counter this by telling myself that it can't really get any worse. I just need to look after myself at the moment.
English-Rose Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I am just hoping that if I don't contact him and cut him out of my life, time will heal my wounds. It is so hard though. I feel like if I disappear off the radar for a while, he will forget me completely. However, I counter this by telling myself that it can't really get any worse. I just need to look after myself at the moment. I know what mean about falling off the radar and worrying about being forgotten. I was so worried about this that I stupidly allowed my exB to stay in contact with me for 3 months after the split. I thought that being in contact with me would make him miss me and want more again and that by being cheerful and funny and blah blah blah he would be reminded of what he fell for when we got together.... I was so wrong! It made no difference whatsoever. He had moved on and because he likes me and enjoys me being part of his life, he kept it going and had no intention of rekindling our romance. So I decided 2 weeks ago that it was time to toughen up and go no contact. I texted him asking him to refrain from contacting me and within 8 days he broke the silence or at least attempted to as I ignored his emails. It took all my will power not to respond but I'm glad I didn't. I wish I'd done this months ago! It makes me feel more in control. Try it properly for yourself, put ur while heart into it. You will feel better sooner and surely that's what matters!
Finch Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Like Rose said, it it so very tempting after a breakup to want to keep just a little bit of contact going so your ex doesn't forget you. Sometime you hope that he'll be reminded of all the good parts of your relationship and want to re-kindle it. Like her, I stayed in touch with one ex after a breakup when I really shouldn't have, and it made moving on so much harder. In response to your original post, Chiara, I'm sorry you're going through this. What you described is a very harsh and abrupt way for a relationship to end. But you sound like you're doing a good job so far of accepting it and trying to move forward. Yes, it's hard, but it does get easier. Time passing doesn't always cure everything perfectly, but does help. Not contacting him allows you to look after yourself and will eventually (ideally) allow you to reach a point where you can view the relationship and the end of it more objectively. It isn't easy, but stay strong.
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