lonelynyc Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Yesterday my ex asked me to take care of her dog for her (she had to work late)... I know, I'm a weakling, susceptible to even a hint of interest on her part, even if that interest is reserved to me doing chores for her. Anyway, she gets home while I'm still there at the apartment. It was pretty late at this point, and my apartment isn't close, so she let me sleep on the couch. I was about to drift off, when she took me by the hand (it felt surreal) and led me into her room to sleep with her. She held onto me tightly. Misreading cues I went in for a kiss at one point and got turned down. I didn't force the issue, I just apologized. I fall asleep, and in the middle of the night I wake up because she's grabbing me, kissing my lips and pushing up against me. We didn't have sex, but both of us wanted to... I could tell. Predictably, the next morning she apologized for her advances and I told her it wasn't a big deal and I understood it didn't change things between us. But it was a big deal for me. I felt like for a night we walked back into the passionate, loving relationship we used to have (and we still do love each other). It was the first time I had seen her since July 1st. Not being together just seems so senseless when we feel for each other the way we do. At the same time, the uncertainty of being in a relationship with so many dramatic highs and lows took its toll on both of us. I don't want it to be, obviously, but was last night almost a goodbye of sorts? Should it be?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 yes, consider it a goodbye. Good job on not having sex with her to, that would have really hurt you in the morning. And make sure you are not becoming her lap dog and doing all of her chores for her. I hold great respect for you in turning down sex in this situation. Even though you messed up by doing her "chores" you didn't let it proceed into something even worse.
giovanniazael Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 Never allow yourself to be pulled into a situation that can take you back in a state you found hard to deal with. Sometimes things are worth trying again, but sex being a deep connection between two love birds, would be the wrong way to spark things off. Your situation is normal and the task you accepted comes from a man that hasn't gotten over his ex. If you are truly done with her, you'd do well to keep your distance. At the end of the day, you haven't fully healed from your past relationship. At this stage of the game, follow your head(mental) and not your heart because it will lead you the wrong way. It leads with emotions which tends to have a mind of it's own. You seem like good young man so I'm sure you'll be just find. Wish you all the best!
Author lonelynyc Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 yes, consider it a goodbye. Good job on not having sex with her to, that would have really hurt you in the morning. And make sure you are not becoming her lap dog and doing all of her chores for her. I hold great respect for you in turning down sex in this situation. Even though you messed up by doing her "chores" you didn't let it proceed into something even worse. I know she still loves me, but I feel very dirty after last night. I was there in her apartment to do all the boyfriend things without getting to actually be the boyfriend. What really kills me is that at some point sooner or later, she'll have someone else and won't need me anymore. Was I there just to provide comfort? I'm pissed off to be honest.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 I know she still loves me, but I feel very dirty after last night. I was there in her apartment to do all the boyfriend things without getting to actually be the boyfriend. What really kills me is that at some point sooner or later, she'll have someone else and won't need me anymore. Was I there just to provide comfort? I'm pissed off to be honest. You gave her her cake and let her eat it to... yes you were only there to comfort her.
wilsonx Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 These threads make me cringe... only because I have been on both sides, recently though the dumpee side. Dont babysit her dog again, tell her you arent her boyfriend, tell him to do it.
Author lonelynyc Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 I'm not ready to just cut ties. The reason why I keep posting is because through all of the advice to just leave her alone for good I hope I can at some point (hopefully soon) muster the courage to do it. I know I'll have to soon, and that it's best for me long-term, I'm just not there right now. I love that ****ing dog--no, it's not mine, but it's a vestige of my former life with my ex. It's the same reason she didn't give me back my stuff and I didn't give her stuff back to her--we're just not there yet. How do you force yourself to take the leap and sever ties, like literally tell the person you have obsessed over for countless hours: "**** you, I'm done, give me my **** back"
wilsonx Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 You are done man... read the title of the thread that you created. You just have to do it. If you want to go out in a blaze of glory, have sex with her just one more time, put it in her butt, put your clothes on and leave and never talk to her again. I know this is wrong but you now have control of yourself back. You get to have grudge sex and I assure you if she lets you sleep next to her, she will sleep with you, you just have to man up
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