Prodigy89 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 My girlfriend and i had been dating for 9 years. we met when we were both 13, we are now both 22. our relationship was like any other. we were very much in love, but we had our ups and downs like most. we had two wonderful children together, a boy and girl. about a year ago is when things started to go downhill. we were living down in florida together renting a house. i was working a full time job pulling 40 sometimes 50 hours a week. she was not working she decided she wanted to stay at home with the kids which i did not have a problem with. now for a long time i had been wanting to go back to school to finish my degree but i knew that she also wanted to go back to school so, since i loved her so much and would do anything for her i put my education on hold so she could go back to school to get her degree since we both could not go at the same time. i worked full time and watched our kids while she went to school full time for 6 months. again i didn't have a problem with this. so she graduates from school and tells me that she wants to move up north to be closer to her family. i did not have a problem with this i was willing to go where ever she went. we both decided that she would move up north and i would stay down in florida for a month or two and save up money. she moves up north, but before she goes she cried to me and told me that a month is to long and she wants me there after 2 weeks because she would miss me to much. well after about a week of her being up north i get a call from her and she tells me she wants to break up. i was devastated i never saw it coming and of course i made the mistakes of begging and pleading her to reconsider and she wouldn't. i find out that she has been talking to this other guy and hanging out with him alot. i immediately started no contact with her except to talk to the kids (she had them). a month goes by and i get a call from her while i was at work she is crying her eyes out saying her mother is going to kick her out because she is always going out with this guy and partying and staying the night while her mother watches the kids. she asks me to help her. i was hesitant at first but i love this girl so much. so i end up moving up north with 3000$ and buy her an apartment and she wants to get back together and me being in love i agreed and i moved in with her. we lived together for about 6 months and she hits me with another bombshell... she tells me she wants to break up and that she does love me but isn't sure she is in love with me any more. i was a wreck i couldn't understand why she was doing this im so in love with her and would do anything for her. what made it worse is that we signed a lease together so even though she ended it with me we had to live together for another 3 months. well i stayed in the house with her and helped her with the house and our kids and gave her space and the whole time she is seeing a new guy and talking to him on the phone till 5 in the morning. whats weird is every time i would back off and give her space she would tell me she misses me and that there is still a chance in the future for us and i got weak every time she would do that and express my feelings toward her but she would just act cold to me. so after the 3 months go buy i had decided i had enough pain. i had saved all the money i could and decided i was gonna move back down to florida. i told her what my plans were and she begged me to take her with me and that she would work things out with me. since i loved her and my kids so much i agreed, but on one condition that she would have to break up with and cut off contact with her new guy and she agreed. so i moved back down to florida with our two kids because she decided to stay up north and save money from her job. well i find out she didn't stay up there. she flew across the country to see her new guy for a month and the whole time she was telling me lies about where she was. i forgave her for that and allowed her to move in with me in my house i told her she wouldn't have to worry about a thing and that i would pay all her bills and do anything else she needed i told her that i love her and that i would do anything for her she replied with i just need time alone and then we can probably get back together. i respected her wishes and gave her time. and here i am. she is still living with me and im still paying all her bills which include her cell phone bill of 120$, her storage bill of 65$. i even helped pay for her to get a car. she is telling me she wants to move to be with her new guy. so i said listen i love you so much and i would do anything for you and if you decide to stay here with me i promise to love, honor, respect, and cherish you forever and i will put this whole mess behind me. but if you decide to move away then i will respect your choice. i even offered to give her 2500$ so she would be takin care of on the trip there. i love this girl so much i just dont know what to do anymore. Additional information: She never used to be like this. is this just a phase that she is going through? should i wait for her?
thatone Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 (edited) no, you should get rid of her. and as you're throwing her out, you should remind her ever chance you get of what an evil b*tch she is for dragging your children through her failed life, and how they'll probably wind up living the same drama she does because they'll learn it from her. and take it as a string of lessons learned... the first mistake was agreeing to put her through school and agreeing to move her around the country to wherever she wanted to live. you should've taken care of your own degree first, you're the one earning the money, and she should've been taking care of those kids while you were doing it. second mistake was letting her move away while you were taking care of her kids. she wanted to stay home and not work? your answer should've been "fine, then you stay home". and when she wanted to move away the answer should've been a flat out "no". the third mistake was letting her live in your apartment while dating other men. you should've made that as difficult as possible. she wouldn't be talking to them til 5 in the morning if you didn't pay the phone bill. she wouldn't have time if you weren't there taking care of the kids. in your shoes i would've gotten a second job so that you were both saving money and gone from home for 12-16 hours out of the day, only coming home to sleep, thereby forcing her to take care of those kids and not be out screwing around. and it goes without saying, give her none of the extra money. have one of the neighbors watch the apartment while you're at work, and if the neighbor calls you telling you about anyone besides her and the kids going in the front door, you call the police and tell them you want that boyfriend out of your apartment. don't you dare give her any money for a trip to the other man she met. tell her she can hitchhike for blowjobs if she doesn't have the money to move to the other man she met. she is doing all of this to you because YOU let her, because there are NO consequences for any of her actions. so start making consequences. first thing is to cut her off from money. all of these lessons are why you don't let 20 something year old women determine what you do in your life when you're the one working and paying the bills. now, enjoy the replies from the women in this thread who will say how evil my suggestions were and try to justify her, and realize that those women have the same ideas your ex does, which proves my points and should reinforce the decision you need to make to not let yourself be controlled by women in the future. before you get into long term relationships with any women after this one, do those things you talked about doing, the fact that you have 2500 dollars to give her suggests you're a good earner, so finish your degree, get a better job, pay for a car, buy your own house. then once you've done all those things they'll be YOURS not OURS and the next woman you run across that winds up living with you, driving your car, and sleeping in your bed you can easily make to understand that the first time she screws around, she's out on the street. BE A MAN Edited July 10, 2011 by thatone
mysteriousbox Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 Not only are you not disciplining your ex's bad behavior but actively condoning and encouraging it. Why would you give your ex money so she could go on a trip to sleep other men? Why do you pay your ex's bills so she can sit around all day doing nothing but hook up with other men? Please have some self-respect for yourself and kick her out. Take care of yourself and your children before this woman.
SmileFace Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I read this and felt bad for you. Then you say you want her back- I don't know what to feel. Dude, do you not have a backbone? Take your kids, since she isn't stable enough to keep them, and get on with your life. THIS IS NOT A PHASE. She doesn't care for you, obviously. Please do what is best for you. Cut all contact and get on with your life. For the sake of your kids.
soulm8 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I hear stories like your's so often. As a 39 yr old divorced parent, I meet men like you and seriously wonder how the hell you could put up with that BS for SO LONG. I hope you take your kids back -- she is unfit and does not see them as a priority at all. She is blatantly using you and spitting in your face. She will try to keep the kids only so she can collect child support from you, and tease you... using them as bait and stringing you along as she's been doing. Wake up
mo mo Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 REALITY CHECK: where are your balls? no seriously.. I'm not gonna pussyfoot about this situation. Man the **** up. You know what you need to do. You've known what you have needed to do for a long time. Stop being her bitch and start acting like a man.
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