sd89 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Hello everyone! This site seems pretty cool and would like to ask some of you gurus a bit of advice! Let me start out with my story. My ex and I had met about a year ago, august, in Barcelona. She was finishing school there and planning on moving back to her hometown of Vienna to finish her studies in her language. I was planning on moving to Norway to work. Either way we fell in love hard and fast. It was magical, like in the movies, like when nothing else matters. We knew that maybe nothing would come of this. But we still went strong for about 2 months. Then she moved back to Vienna. I was going to Norway a month later but decided to visit her in Vienna on my way up. The visit was amazing. When I got to Norway I realized that I wanted nothing more than to be with her and I came back to Vienna to surprise her and I moved in. Things were going awesome. It was really rough for me language-wise and getting a job. I know that this was really tough for her seeing me struggle in her country, in her domain. I did the best I could, I took language courses, met a few friends and looked for jobs like crazy. I couldnt help it but get a bit depressed. I think this took a huge toll on her because I wasnt the guy she had met anymore. In barcelona when we met, I had my huge life, did my own things, my band, a job, etc. I got my own place in march and gave her her space back. that helped our relationship a lot. and I finally got a pretty ok job. things were getting a little better. we were out having a great time on the 1st of May and I get a call from my dad in Spain. My grandma was in the hospital and it was really bad and i needed to come home for a possible funeral. I left from one day to another for about 5 weeks. the day i left, she was so sad and kept saying how she couldnt live without me and cried for hours on end. It was hard for us to stay in contact while i was there, but I couldnt wait more than anything to come back and pick back up on this good note i left on. Whenever we did talk, it was so lovely and playful and kind, really nice. Then 2 days before I come back to Vienna, she calls me and asks me to stay in Spain. She says i sound happy there and that I have no job in Vienna and that she would feel bad not asking me to stay. I knew something wasnt right, but put it to the side and came back anyway. At this moment she was in the last 2 weeks of university finals. I already knew we wouldnt be able to see each other for a few days as she needed to study hardcore, fine by me, i can understand. When I got back we met up that night and she immediately breaks down crying telling me she cant do us anymore. I was left shocked! I didnt know how to react, I didnt really. This came out of no where for me. Before in february when she had finals, she went a little crazy as well and is known for going crazy during exams, so I tried to set it all aside and wait to talk when she was done with her exams. We talked 1 day in between and she told me that she felt a pressure lifted of her while i was gone and that she didnt feel attracted to me and that she couldnt change that. I was pretty devastated, but understood. the day after I called her and told her that i respect her decision and only wants whats best for her and would like to stay friends because she means a lot to me to just throw away. She was kinda left in awe but thought it was really nice. After that I broke contact with her. I just got a job when i got back and started working everyday. this really helped with the breakup and my confidence. at work i started to learn so much german and started to feel really good about myself. this time apart made me realize how hard it must have been for her when i was so down, in her country, being here for her. i noticed that i had been acting in ways that werent really myself. during our no contact period, i tried to realized all my faults and how i could fix them. About 3 weeks later, she calls me and asks if I want to go for a beer. I was right by her house and said yeah sure. When we met I took her to a place close to her house and got a few beers. It was a really nice meet up. We talked about how we were, about her exams, my work. we laughed a lot. We didnt talk about the relationship at all. I made the meet up about half an hour. I took her home and got some of my things and gave her her keys back. She changed her clothes in front of me, i think on purpose. She told me that the next day was her last exam and would like me to celebrate afterward with her and her friends. So the next day we meet up at a bar with her friends and it was really fun. We just hung out. I got tons of signals from her though. she always made a way to touch me somehow, kept staring me in the eyes with that look that can kill a man. I kept my cool, but tried to show interest as well. At one point she was staring at me and said, "ohhh you make me..." and never finished, but with that look like I love you so much. This was last Friday. Since that I called her yesterday and asked her if today she wanted to go on a bike ride. She says shes not sure she has time, etc. Not the same vibe I was getting at all last week. And now im not sure what to do. I dont want to come off as too needy as I think that was the problem in our relationship. But I do want to eventually get back together with her. her birthday is on the 21st and in september I travel to the states with a friend for a month. I would really like to fix things, but dont want to make the wrong move as time is of the essence. Please guys can you help a brotha out.
69ways Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 give her space, she sounds not really sure but give her space, dont go NC just be cool about it og haper at alt gar bra
Author sd89 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 I also dont want to go NC but i dont want to seem that im always there when she needs me, but yet I do ....
69ways Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I was always there for her, 4 months, did i get better...no did i get better with NC...no But at least i am not agonising to every time we talk
Author sd89 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 I realize now what the problem was and i want to do everything i can to fix it and i think i am by getting up on my feet finally here and trying to get to my happy once self that she fell in love with. I want to her to find attraction for me again and not just hang out right now for the sake of being of friends, i can do that down the road. I want to know how to make her attracted to me again. I understand woman loose attraction when a man becomes too needy and i want to show her im not like that, it was just a bump in the road.
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Hey brotha! Let me start off by saying I and everyone else here that have been here for a while and read all the same stories knows what you are going through. If you read some of the stories here, you will see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t285967/ prime example. this is the same thing that happened to you right? You guys are friend zoned. All of you. Read the stories by other posters and not by me or iceweasel6. We are both spot on with our advice but I want you to ignore the advice of getting your ex back and what you have to do to accomplish it. Trust me the pain is not worth it. Listen to iceweasel6's advice. Another thing I want to tell you as far as learning experience from this relationship and what you posted is that you always put your self first in any relationship. Always. If she wants to stay in one country and you want to move to another, you always come first. I know its really hard but my roommate guess what moved here from another state to follow his ex. They broke up a year later. His friend moved here from another state to follow his ex, they broke up a while later. I did not move away like I wanted to in March and stayed with my ex, guess what we broke up. This is a lesson that you should always put you first. If she wants to follow then great, if not it sucks but you have to do what you have to do Also stick with NO CONTACT
Author sd89 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 thanks for the reply and advise. so what im getting from you is that I shouldn't pursue anything with her? You must understand me a bit and know that im sort of a drifter. the only reason i was going to norway was to potentially find work. here in vienna I found a school that i like and plan to stay here and continue to learn the language. this is my positive side on moving here for her, i also came with separate intentions.
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 yes let it go is my advice if it will happen she will knock down bridges and climb mountains to get you back in her life not ignore you
Author sd89 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 What exactly is the "it" you refer to? Sorry I dont understand. I also want to point out that I signed up for school here, so I'll be stable here for the next 3 years and she also signed up for a masters study and will be staying here for another 3 years. I'm just scared that if we get back together soon, my traveling to the states would somehow ruin it again. But I know the last time I was gone, there were problems between us that I have been fixing, which is mostly on my part (getting my life together).
iceweasel6 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) What exactly is the "it" you refer to? Sorry I dont understand. I also want to point out that I signed up for school here, so I'll be stable here for the next 3 years and she also signed up for a masters study and will be staying here for another 3 years. I'm just scared that if we get back together soon, my traveling to the states would somehow ruin it again. But I know the last time I was gone, there were problems between us that I have been fixing, which is mostly on my part (getting my life together). Follow your own path dude. Do what you need to do. Put yourself first. Fears are simply chains that hold you in a state of inaction. If you want to go to the states - go. If she follows great. If she doesn't great. Great things can come from lessor men, but lessor men who follow their dreams become great men who do great things. Be great and follow your dreams. Edited July 7, 2011 by iceweasel6
Author sd89 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 That basically confirms how I feel, good to hear it from an outsider. One thing that bothers me is today she called because she needs money that I owe her. She said she needs it tomorrow. I told her I meet with my boss later to get paid and we can meet after. We make plans to meet and then an hour before calls and says she has no time. But apparently she needed this money so bad. Why is it no longer a problem. I get the feeling she just wants to see if I'm available for her, but this pisses me off. I don't want to be plan b. Should I tell her that next time she calls and wants to meet?
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