nana841121 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 My ex had sex with his student who is a 19-year-old first grade in college. It seems gross to me, not just because i am the ex. What you guys think about this issue?
thatone Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 yeah, it is. sadly, it's not as gross as women who initiate divorces in marriages and drag their children along to go do the same thing, they are worse. that's the society we live in. and it's a cycle that won't be easily broken, because the kids of this generation of terrible people will be the same way.
Hot Chick Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I don't know if I would call it "gross" unless he's like 60 years old or something. Maybe it's inappropriate and he should have waited until after the class was over, though. How old is your ex? I mean, she's 19 and considered an adult, even though she is a college student. Lots of college students have sex, so I don't think that "gross" is the word. I'm sure he didn't think she was 'gross', obviously.
Eeyore79 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 It depends how old he is as to whether it's ok or not for him to have sex with a girl of 19. However the age gap isn't the issue here; if the girl was his student then he isn't allowed to fraternize with her and shouldn't take advantage of his position of authority. You're not allowed to have sex with your students, period - it's unprofessional and he could lose his job if anyone found out.
oaks Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 My ex had sex with his student who is a 19-year-old first grade in college. It seems gross to me, not just because i am the ex. "His student" ? That seems to be where this is wrong, along the lines of unethical, unprofessional, abuse of position. That's quite a risk he's taking. Her age isn't important (assuming she's reached the age of consent in whatever jurisdiction she's in - but I'm guessing 19 is old enough) without knowing his age. Their pre-existing relationship (student/teacher) is what would concern me. How did you get to find out about this?
rafallus Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 That doesn't matter. What matters is you're still not over him.
Author nana841121 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 My ex is total a twisted guy He treats me with gentle and respect. the main reason we broke up is due to his mentioning this girl's pursuit of him. i broke up with him immediately. He contacted me one month later after the breakup,i asked him about his relationship with this student. he told me that they became boyfriend and girlfriend. and i asked if he had sex with her. he said yes. He said all the things so naturally, which gave me a weird impression : Doesn't he know about the professional ethnic? having sex with his student? (although the girl is no longer in his class this semester) I told him that i felt disgusting about the whole thing and asked him to not contact me again. I felt so lost and frustrated about his attitude. and the purpose that i i post here is to make sure i did not overreact. i need some public opinion about this thing . BTW, ex is 26-year-old
nice-easy-day Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Big deal, let it go. You're not with him anymore. A 26 yo guy having sex with a 19 yo is nothing. Perfectly normal and proper. You raise a valid point about work ethic but that isn't what is bothering you here. You're just mad because your ex scored a hot 19 yo. He said everything so naturally because he knew it would bother you and is throwing the whole thing in your face.
TaraMaiden Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Then she is his ex-student, (and as such, arguably on-limits) and the age gap is nothing. This is not a problem with him. It's a problem with you. you need to get over it because basically, it's really none of your business..... He's your EX.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 You just envy him for catching 19 year old soft, pretty, young, supple girlfriend when you dumped him to gain some power control and upper hand with your manipulations. Very pathetic indeed. I forsee you being single and miserable for life. GO RUSSIA!
Author nana841121 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 RedRussian, i don't know how you deduce that conclusion, it's a little inconsiderate indeed. i am not envy him. The circumstance is he keeps contacting me. i feel he is pathetic. i want to shout out at his face that having a rebound relationship with a freshman in local university is gross. i am a college teacher too. i don't get it, why people don't think it's against morality? i bring up this topic to prove my sanity. the focus is not on ex.
betterdeal Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I don't know why you are concerned about two consenting, non-related adults having fun together.
Arabella Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 i want to shout out at his face that having a rebound relationship with a freshman in local university is gross. i am a college teacher too. i don't get it, why people don't think it's against morality? Let's break it down... She is an adult. She is no longer his student. They were both single. What exactly is so wrong? You still haven't told us. It just sounds like you're jealous, honestly.
Author nana841121 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 i am not jealous. I am sure about that point. both the ex and i graduated from a top university and came to a second-rated city for being a college teacher. I am a Chinese, in china, most of freshmen in college are innocent and immature. i broke up with ex, because he mentioned that he was confused about the feeling towards this girl, they didn't start the relationship while he and i were together. i felt shocked that he even thought his student in a romantic way. so i broke up with him immediately, the breakup is very abrupt. after one month, he started to contact me. when i asked about this girl. he said they were together. i didn't interrogated him about his new relationship, i was trying to walk away with dignity and grace. but he kept contacting me, not matter how many times i told him not to. one time, i had a contest in his university, we met and had a long talk with each other. at that time, it had already been 4 months since the breakup. and i asked him "how dare a student ask a teacher out? i don't think a freshman has this courage, you must give her some hints , right? did you tell her that you had a girlfriend?" then he admitted that he did not tell the girl that he had a relationship with me. and i proceeded and asked another question:"did you have sex yet?" he said yes. i felt unbelievable. call me conservative. she is a college student. of course i have no position to judge, but for this controversial thing, i think if he really loves this girl, he should wait for her graduation, and then have sex with her. sex changes everything. she is young and naive. as an ex, i got hurt. because this man betrayed me. as a adult, i think his behavior is inappropriate. This guy keeps calling me every once in a while, although i told him not to strictly. i admitted that the degree of obsession about his issue is higher than i imagined. he really got me. But, i insist that i don't envy him and that girl. it sound ridiculous to me that i made you have that impression. This is my last time to mention his story. i am done here.
sm1tten Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Gross? No. Unprofessional? Yes. I know my students and clients are by and large consenting adults but I still see them as "children" in a way because of my position of authority over them. My ex, who is also an academic, teaches and if he had sex with one of his students I would probably feel a bit weird about it, but once I broke the relationship that became none of my business so I wouldn't spend much time thinking about it.
betterdeal Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 nana, I think you need to be more active in preventing you guys from interacting. You may need to change your phone number. I can see that if it is unseemly in your culture for a teacher to have sex with a student then you have two issues i.e. the specific one of knowing about your ex's life and romances, and also a general one of it being out of order for a teacher to have sex with a student. This creates another problem in that you and other people will find it hard to distinguish between your social mores and your personal relationship with this man. This adds another frustration and annoyance to your life. I suggest you consider being more active in preventing yourself from hearing about him any more. You're upset by knowing about his life. Be kind to yourself and cut him out of your life in all ways that you can. Personally, I think teachers are in a position of trust, even at university with adolescents, and that forming sexual relations with a student is an abuse of that trust. Take care.
Lucky_One Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 You broke up with him 7 months ago in an effort to get him to open up to you about his feelings for you and to force a deeper commitment. It did not work. He started dating this girl, and it has bothered you on various levels ever since. Yes, it seems as though you are jealous, which is a pretty human and normal reaction. Holding on to this seems a bit obsessive, though. And, Nana, you do not have to take his phone calls. When he calls, simply don't answer.
Buck Turgidson Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 as an ex, i got hurt. because this man betrayed me. No he didn't. In what possible way did he betray you? You broke up with him instantly and "abruptly" for coming to you with feelings of confusion, nothing more. You reacted to his open discussion of these feelings of confusion by abruptly dumping him. If anyone betrayed anyone, it was you betraying him by reneging on the promise of emotional support implicit in any relationship. as a adult, i think his behavior is inappropriate. Irrelevant. You gave up the right to an opinion when you dumped him abruptly. You decided to end your relationship instead of having an opinion about it.
Author nana841121 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 yes,whom he chooses to be with is none of my business. i am upset about his sending mixed signal after the breakup and while being together with this girl. i don't want to harm him physically. I just feel sorry for him. it's not the age-difference we are talking about. it's a teacher/student relationship we are talking about.
Author nana841121 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 And when i said he betrayed me, what i meant is he lied to the girl about his then relationship status. The girl student pursued him, and she asked him if he had a girlfriend. he said no.
Rinas Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 If he lied about your relationship, he wasn't much of a catch to begin with. Let her have him. You can do better than that. It's best to move on and forget about him.
Author nana841121 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Redrussian, your comments really upset me. but in a hindsight, i thank you for your acrid but out of box review. i insist that i am not jealousy and definitely not manipulative. ex has moral issue. it's none of my business now.
Author nana841121 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Yes, you are right, i am too sensitive to the judgement from outside, which is a sign of weakness. I WILL WORK HARD TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON. BTW, not all the Chinese are communists.
TaraMaiden Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Don't let the Chinese Government hear you say that.....
TaraMaiden Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I think you mean 'break up'.... mind you, 'brake up' brings things to a halt, I guess.....
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