kingofhearts Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Here are my other threads on what's been happening so far. 1st http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269978/ 2nd http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272266/ 3rd http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272569/ In short: My GF went through G.I.G.S. and put us on a break. ME:28 HER:23 Almost 4yrs. So, the last time I left off, me and my GF was suppose to have a date on a Thurs in April. Well despite what others here were telling me, I did go and we had an amazing time. We reconciled and everything was fine for the next few months. During the time of our short break, I've learned how to play video games and be less demanding on seeing her. So when we got back together, I called less and did what made me happy more. About a week in a half ago, she stopped calling as much too. We finally had a brief conversation and she felt like we were growing apart. I told her that it's because we're seeing each other less and to try out spending more time with each other for the next three weeks and if it didn't work, then I would let her go. We did GREAT when we spent time with each other, but it was like when she wasn't around for a few days, she just seemed so empty, insecure, and unhappy. Its like the time we spent together just numbed her for a while. She's struggling to pay bills, job hopping, etc. She is also trying to get into Clinicals for school. Deep down, a voice was just telling me that I have to let her go. Today, I got mad at her and said that I have had enuff of the emotional rollercoaster. It was really getting tiring to me. We quickly patched things up and decided we need to end things for the best. She came over for closure. I told her I wasn't going to try to get her to stay so when she came, We sat down in her car. We laughed, we cried, talked about our plans from here, and said I love you. (I wanna cry now) She said if it's meant to be then we'll see each other again and she has no plan in being with anyone else. We agreed to have no contact at all. MY THOUGHTS: 1. This is not settling to well with me at all. There wasn't any fighting, abusive, or cheating in the end. It's like she just lost steam. This is really weird to me and is very hard to handle. I'm a little more understanding and stronger, but it still hurts. 2. The girl really loves me, but It seemed like this is best, because I think she has some personal issues to sort through. It just seems like this would make her into the woman that I was requesting her to be for me. Earlier she told me I deserved better. She was perfect to me. I just don't understand the insecurities. 3. She seemed so empty. Like a piece of her was missing. She didn't go out at all lately, just tried to work. It was always like she was unsatisfied with everything. I honestly think she grew up pretty quick in that short time and have more growing to do. Best relationship I've had and we were so close..... 4. Do you guys think she will ever come back? I love her and will miss her A LOT. I don't understand, but do..... The situation reminds me of the movie Sweet November.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I think she will come back, Just not with plans of reconciliation. seems to be the pattern in today's age of breakups.
Author kingofhearts Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I think she will come back, Just not with plans of reconciliation. seems to be the pattern in today's age of breakups. Yeah, you're right about nowadays relationships. I don't know....She's really a genuine person and an old soul. I still have hope, if she doesn't then I should be fine by then. Earlier she had text me and said that she thinks it will save us. I'm just lost.......
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Best advice anyone can really give you is to go No Contact with her and let her miss you, if she comes back then great and if not well your already on the road to healing.
thelovingkind Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm going to start sounding like a broken record with my obsession over the chemical basis of relationships, but in this case it really does sound like the juice machine in her brain just stopped pumping out the dopamine. My last break up was similar and your one has all the tell tale signs of chemical shutdown too: a friendly, docile break-up in which both people are congenial and wish each other well; no obvious indications of cheating or another person's involvement; an odd detachment, numbness and "off", empty feeling experienced by the dumper toward the end (my ex's words: "I've felt really different this last week...it's like my emotions have gone into a void"). Ultimately, with this type of break up, nothing seems to have "happened", and the dumper appears genuinely perplexed. My ex hasn't gone out to party or run off with someone else or anything like that, he's just drifted back to his single life - video games, friends, etc.
Author kingofhearts Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Best advice anyone can really give you is to go No Contact with her and let her miss you, if she comes back then great and if not well your already on the road to healing. Thanks, Phoenix. That seems to be the plan. I'm kinda hoping it's sooner than later, but after the first break we went on, it kinda made me a bit numb this time around so it don'e hurt as bad.
samm84 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 When a relationship starts to lose momentum, people start to make mistakes. They start to tread on each others toes and lower each others self esteem. There's more chance of a messy breakup. I know that if I could turn back time I would have ended it when I saw the signs. She would have respected me more, we might have even got back together in time. You've given your relationship a fighting chance by leaving on a positive and letting things breathe.
Author kingofhearts Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 When a relationship starts to lose momentum, people start to make mistakes. They start to tread on each others toes and lower each others self esteem. There's more chance of a messy breakup. I know that if I could turn back time I would have ended it when I saw the signs. She would have respected me more, we might have even got back together in time. You've given your relationship a fighting chance by leaving on a positive and letting things breathe. I know what you mean, bro. She didn't want us to hate each other and unlike all my other ex's, I couldn't find the heart to hate her. Even when I tried, I caught myself and backed up a little. Sorry about your messy break up. I know The information and shared stories on this forum is what has helped me to make an informed decision to just cut it off clean and disappear. I really hope the break does give us a chance later. She is really independent tho, I wonder if she'll just get over us quickly and be done forever. Kinda bothers me, but I'm just trying to keep things moving......
Author kingofhearts Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Sigh.....Where is FuFu when I need her?....
buster2209 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 This sounds just like what my marriage has come too... I have just given up. Completely. Just spent. She wants to try more but I just can't. No one cheated. No one did anything particularly wrong. It just ran out of steam. You made the right call on letting her go man. You must truly love her to make that decision. If you keep trying and trying and trying there is going to be nothing left but anger and resentment and then you will definitely, never ever see that person again. Being an adult sucks......
Author kingofhearts Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 This sounds just like what my marriage has come too... I have just given up. Completely. Just spent. She wants to try more but I just can't. No one cheated. No one did anything particularly wrong. It just ran out of steam. You made the right call on letting her go man. You must truly love her to make that decision. If you keep trying and trying and trying there is going to be nothing left but anger and resentment and then you will definitely, never ever see that person again. Being an adult sucks...... It does suck and YES! I love her a LOT. I just finally seen that this is what she really needed. I have some questions for you. From your point of view.... What was it that dis-interested you in the rlshp? Were your lives routine? Was it a sexual thing? Do you think you'd go back?
buster2209 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 What was it that dis-interested you in the rlshp? She relies on me too much. I feel like her dad or big brother. Were your lives routine? Kind of. We grew apart. It became very apparent that we have very different interests once we had lived together for a few months. I like to socialise and she's not very good at talking to people. Was it a sexual thing? Not to begin with. But because of the new dynamic, she felt like my child or kid sister which made me pull away physically. Do you think you'd go back? No. Too much stuff is broken that can never be fixed. The irony of all this is that I still love her but she'll never become independent whilst I am with her and I'll end up resenting her for not growing. She has no idea who she is or what she wants. We are just an awful match. Just awful....
nikkinicole36 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 As a female I can tell you the truth is she is really just not happy with her self. It really isn't you. There is nothing you can do to help her through this, she just has to grow on her own. Given her age, at 23 I too had no clue what the hell I was doing or who I was as a person. I didn't really start figuring myself out until I was 25. That was a long painful process, so I wouldn't really count on too much from her right now. Plus if she comes back and she's not still truly happy with herself she will ruin the relationship. I'm your current age as well and II finally feel like I'm the woman that I'm suppose to be, but I had to go through a lot of heartache and trial and error before I got to this point. At this point all you can do is focus on yourself. This will definitely get better for you.
Author kingofhearts Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) As a female I can tell you the truth is she is really just not happy with her self. It really isn't you. There is nothing you can do to help her through this, she just has to grow on her own. Given her age, at 23 I too had no clue what the hell I was doing or who I was as a person. I didn't really start figuring myself out until I was 25. That was a long painful process, so I wouldn't really count on too much from her right now. Plus if she comes back and she's not still truly happy with herself she will ruin the relationship. I'm your current age as well and II finally feel like I'm the woman that I'm suppose to be, but I had to go through a lot of heartache and trial and error before I got to this point. At this point all you can do is focus on yourself. This will definitely get better for you. Thanks, Nikki. I was leaning more towards that. I eventually felt like the only thing I could do, is let her go. I been with her ever since she was 19. That's a HUGE chunk of her "fooling around" years that she is missing. She was also saying really insecure **** lately. She would also put things off on me, like I deserved better, prettier (wtf? she models), and I can't support her right now. Even though I make decent money???? didn't get that one. To be honest with myself, I don't think she knew HOW to appreciate what I did for her. She barely had anything else to compare to. She truly did seem unhappy with herself and direction. I think it didn't help that I was quite the opposite and knew what I wanted and didn't waste anytime on experimenting. She also kept saying: "I don't know why I'm unhappy". Before we split ways she mentioned that the first thing she was gonna do is find herself. Edited July 3, 2011 by kingofhearts
nikkinicole36 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 And that's the problem with low self-esteem. It's like this bottomless hole inside of you that no one can fill for you. The more you give to her and is good to her the more she resents because she doesn't really believe deep down that she deserves it. She truly sounds miserable and unhappy and she does have a lot of growing to do. Unfortunately you don't have the luxury of waiting until that happens. You have to commit yourself to making yourself the best person possible so that you will met someone that is on the same page as you. If you got with her when she was 19 then she definitely still has some soul searching to do.
buster2209 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 As a female I can tell you the truth is she is really just not happy with her self. It really isn't you. There is nothing you can do to help her through this, she just has to grow on her own. Given her age, at 23 I too had no clue what the hell I was doing or who I was as a person. I didn't really start figuring myself out until I was 25. That was a long painful process, so I wouldn't really count on too much from her right now. Plus if she comes back and she's not still truly happy with herself she will ruin the relationship. I'm your current age as well and II finally feel like I'm the woman that I'm suppose to be, but I had to go through a lot of heartache and trial and error before I got to this point. At this point all you can do is focus on yourself. This will definitely get better for you. EXACTLY!!! You have described the exact same conclusion I have come to about my wife. Kudos for the next part as I didn't know this.... And that's the problem with low self-esteem. It's like this bottomless hole inside of you that no one can fill for you. The more you give to her and is good to her the more she resents because she doesn't really believe deep down that she deserves it. She truly sounds miserable and unhappy and she does have a lot of growing to do. Unfortunately you don't have the luxury of waiting until that happens. You have to commit yourself to making yourself the best person possible so that you will met someone that is on the same page as you. If you got with her when she was 19 then she definitely still has some soul searching to do.
Recommended Posts