youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I've posted on this same thing in the past but now there might be a new twist. Just thought I would throw it out to the people on LS. Yes, this is the same girl from previous posts. My g/f has decided to cut me off from sex.... again. She did this once or twice in the past and I figured she would come around, which she did. Her reasoning, same as before, is that she doesn't feel comfortable with having sex and has issues with her conscience on the matter. The twist this time is we had a SMALL fight a few days ago. It was my fault, basically I was in a bad mood and acted like... whatever... later I apologized for it. I just had a crabby night, it happens. Nothing bad was said or anything ect. I just wasn't at my best. I saw her today and she throws out the "I don't want to have sex anymore unless I have two rings on my finger". Seriously? I don't know if I can go through having a long term sexless relationship. What pisses me off the most is this... Why didn't she stick to her convictions right from the start? If she said she wasn't willing to have sex before marriage I would have respected it and considered it. But now she wants to change the rules in the middle of the game. I feel like I'm a classic whipping post at this point, giving in to whatever she wants or what her feelings of the day are. I think it's total BS for her to throw out some "conscience" thing about sex when actually I'm her 6th partner. She should have her boundaries down pat by now. I'm seriously thinking about not taking this kind of manipulation. I'd love to hear both sides of the spectrum on this. Both girls and guys. I have some of my own thoughts but don't want to take up too much space in the OP.
D-Lish Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I am surprised you put up with this! She is using sex as manipulation AND a weapon. Is this really someone you'd want to give a ring to? What if you married her, would she "with hold" everytime you had an argument? I honestly think you need to put her in her place on this one. I think it's horrible that she'd demand a ring or is going to cut you off sexually. And come on, if she's had six partners in the past- this isn't a conscience issue, it's a control issue. You're completely right, it's incredibly unfair what she's doing.
ivalm Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I think you need to tell her that it is unacceptable to you that she is using sex to manipulate you and if she continues to do this you will dump her. If she does stick to her line, then please dump her. If she has any respect/love for you she will either stop immediately or will come to her senses after you leave her (and perhaps have an option of you getting back together).
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I am surprised you put up with this! She is using sex as manipulation AND a weapon. Is this really someone you'd want to give a ring to? What if you married her, would she "with hold" everytime you had an argument? I honestly think you need to put her in her place on this one. I think it's horrible that she'd demand a ring or is going to cut you off sexually. And come on, if she's had six partners in the past- this isn't a conscience issue, it's a control issue. You're completely right, it's incredibly unfair what she's doing. Ditto. She is behaving like a selfish child. I can't imagine using sex as a tool of manipulation and control.
spiderowl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I think she was probably angry with you because of your bad mood and then felt you were disrespecting her. She's probably not feeling good about having given in to temptation and having sex before marriage and if she feels you are becoming disrespectful it just compounds the situation. I don't think she should blackmail you either. You were both tempted by your physical drives, which is understandable. You need to have a think about what you really want from this relationship. I guess she's thinking that now you have a full sexual relationship, you are not going to bother taking the step towards commitment with her. She's probably feeling insecure about that and if you are in a mean mood, she becomes even more insecure. Do you feel that if you have sex that you don't need marriage? Is that what you are communicating to her - putting any talk of marriage on the backburner as long as sex is forthcoming? What matters to her? She needs some sort of commitment from you, the kind of commitment that marriage gives. Although she should not blackmail you like this, the danger is that if she continually feels that you are just going to ignore her need for a commitment, she won't just withdraw sex. She'll withdraw from the relationship altogether. How would you feel then? You could find another girlfriend of course. The bottom line is that if she needs commitment and you don't offer that willingly, she's going to start thinking this relationship has gone as far as it's going to. Then you might be facing no sex and no relationship. I think you need to decide how much you want this woman.
Cee Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 But it has to be two rings on her finger. That's a nice touch that she's expecting an engagement ring as well. The whole thing is pure silliness. If she really understood what marriage entailed, she'd stop talking rings and chastity vows and talk goals, finances, values, etc. I know you love her and all, but I'd dump her on the spot.
numerical25 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I have to agree, she is using sex as a manipulation. only time women act like this is when you are giving them too much attention. Sadly, giving some females too much attention is a sign of weakness to them. I think chris rock said it best http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnU7g4m0XmU
johan Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Go buy two cheap rings. Problem solved. In my mind, if she's willing to put in on the table as a way to manipulate you or as a power play, then she must not care about sex all that much anyway. So you'd better get used to the idea of long periods of time going without, because that's going to be the pattern with her.
D-Lish Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 She's probably not feeling good about having given in to temptation and having sex before marriage and if she feels you are becoming disrespectful it just compounds the situation.. Spider, this reasoning doesn't hold weight as the OP said she's been with six men sexually before him. This is simply just a case of manipulation and control on her part.
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 When we first met, we nailed a grand slam together. Although, we both agreed (her more-so) that it's a good idea we wait at least a year of dating before a decision is made on marriage. We are at the 7 month mark. Sex is very, very important to me and the way I see it is this... if a woman isn't willing to have sex with me now then she WON'T be willing to have sex with me after she is married. The marriage thing IMO is total BS. I've grown up in religious circles and I can't tell you how many women, even after they are married still have feelings of guilt. It never goes away. Honestly, I don't have the willpower to just move on at this point but maybe I need to just back away for awhile and let her decide how important I actually am to her. I have a feeling in my gut that I'm being disrespected and manipulated in this whole thing. If I'm wrong I'd love to hear some insight. So far the responses have been what I expected though.
D-Lish Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 How old are you two? In my experience, a year isn't long enough to know if you should get married or not.
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I have to agree, she is using sex as a manipulation. only time women act like this is when you are giving them too much attention. Sadly, giving some females too much attention is a sign of weakness to them. I'm starting to think I need to back off and get back to my own life once again. Without you even saying it, I've been feeling like a wimp with this chick lately. Everything seems to be on her terms and now it's even spilled over to sex. It happens so fast! Before you even know it!
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 How old are you two? In my experience, a year isn't long enough to know if you should get married or not. I'm early 30's, she's late 20's. I agree it takes more time and I'm starting to realize maybe this thing has gone too far, too fast. I don't want to just break up with her. I'm searching for the best way to handle this without being brash. If she isn't willing to fulfill my sexual needs I'd like to suggest we start to date other people. Thing is, we both know how that conversation will end up. I'd get dumped. Good news is, I'm leaving to go visit family for a few days. Maybe some time apart will do good things.
spiderowl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm starting to think I need to back off and get back to my own life once again. Without you even saying it, I've been feeling like a wimp with this chick lately At first I was thinking maybe you're right. Maybe she was just using it as a manipulation and you should feel so aggrieved, but calling her "this chick"? That seems disrespectful to me as though you are used to seeing women as objects who are there to satisfy your needs and you won't put up with one being uppity. I can sense your outrage that she would dare to do this. She does dare and it's either because she feels it will work as manipulation or because she knows that unless things move forward into what she'd consider a proper commitment, she'll have to let go of you anyway. Maybe you both need to have a discussion about your needs because it seems neither of you are happy with the status quo.
Dust Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I remember one of my first gf’s didn’t believe in sex before marriage. The thing is I believed in sex before marriage much more then she didn’t. Seriously I would never marry a girl I wasn’t having what I considered regular great sex. I’m currently having trouble with my gf of almost 3 years. She’s been really lame on giving me regular sex. We’re on a sex ever two weeks schedule. If I can’t get her to regularly have sex once or more times a week I will dump her. I told her to that we really need to get in a regular routine of sex because I can’t go on like this for ever. Be ready to dump your gf if she pulls this crap. Also realize that even though she is wrong about some of the stuff you are also wrong. Try to see it from her side to. If you do break up with her don’t turn her into the bad guy. Think of it as something you did for the better of both of you. I think you could still fix it though. It’s about coming to a compromise. She needs to have sex even when she’s not in the mood and you need to figure out what you are doing wrong.
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 She does dare That would seem to be the case and shouldn't be taken lightly. But I dare too. I have life by the balls. I work a job 5 months out of the year (seasonal) and make enough money to take the rest of the year off to do whatever I want. I also have a hefty bank account too. Now I know these things aren't everything but having someone who you now need to support changes the whole game. My point is, I see myself giving up so much... but her, she isn't giving up anything. She just takes. And I don't even get sex out of it in the long run. No sex today, what will tomorrow bring? I'm very close to calling the bluff.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sex is very, very important to me and the way I see it is this... if a woman isn't willing to have sex with me now then she WON'T be willing to have sex with me after she is married. Yeah. I love sex too much to withhold it. She is showing you that she really doesn't love it that much.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 My point is, I see myself giving up so much... but her, she isn't giving up anything. She just takes. And I don't even get sex out of it in the long run. No sex today, what will tomorrow bring? I'm very close to calling the bluff. Do it! Nobody respects a wimp who lets himself be used and abused.
SmileFace Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Dude you must really like this chick. From the movies in the hotel room , to the career choice, to the two rings, now the holding sex from you again. I don't even understand why you are still in this relationship.
heartshaped Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sigh. She's gone to far. You need to dump her, but I doubt you will. She has you wrapped around her finger if she didn't you'd already have broken up with her. It's no point in continuing in this relationship. No point.
D-Lish Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm early 30's, she's late 20's. I agree it takes more time and I'm starting to realize maybe this thing has gone too far, too fast. I don't want to just break up with her. I'm searching for the best way to handle this without being brash. If she isn't willing to fulfill my sexual needs I'd like to suggest we start to date other people. Thing is, we both know how that conversation will end up. I'd get dumped. Good news is, I'm leaving to go visit family for a few days. Maybe some time apart will do good things. Maybe that's because you're allowing her to have all the leverage in this relationship. You seem to feel like if you assert yourself that you're going to get dumped. That's not a good position to be in because if you can't tell her how you really feel without fear of getting dumped- then the communication isn't working in your relationship. On the other side, if you allow her to go on manipulating you without finding the courage to tell her what's on your mind- you're going to develop resentment for her. A healthy relationship involves both parties telling the other how they feel when the problem arises. Talk it out logically- tell her how withdrawing now after saying yes "yesterday" doesn't make sense- and tell her how it makes you feel. Be honest with her. It's silly to think about getting engaged after 7 months with someone that is using sex as a weapon. She needs to know how her withdrawing makes you feel. If you guys can't work through this situation, and you're thinking about marriage- you're both heading down the wrong path. Sometimes a woman just needs to be told that her behaviour is unacceptable. I think you're putting up with too much. I think you need to tell her she's being unreasonable and you're not going to put up with it.
oaks Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I saw her today and she throws out the "I don't want to have sex anymore unless I have two rings on my finger". Seriously? I don't know if I can go through having a long term sexless relationship. Unless you also had a Damascene conversion then you should go with "I'm not buying sex with rings" and walk (or run).
P&R Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Go buy two cheap rings. Problem solved. In my mind, if she's willing to put in on the table as a way to manipulate you or as a power play, then she must not care about sex all that much anyway. So you'd better get used to the idea of long periods of time going without, because that's going to be the pattern with her. Lol yeah... Hand her two plastic rings. "Why do you look so suprised? You said you wanted two rings on your finger. You didn't tell me what kind to get. I passed these vending machine rings and I thought they would look cute on you"
phineas Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 That would seem to be the case and shouldn't be taken lightly. But I dare too. I have life by the balls. I work a job 5 months out of the year (seasonal) and make enough money to take the rest of the year off to do whatever I want. I also have a hefty bank account too. Now I know these things aren't everything but having someone who you now need to support changes the whole game. My point is, I see myself giving up so much... but her, she isn't giving up anything. She just takes. And I don't even get sex out of it in the long run. No sex today, what will tomorrow bring? I'm very close to calling the bluff. And half of that becomes her's when you marry. And if you have kids? Then what? You don't take out the garbage & she'll take the kids & go to her mom's in addition to no sex? Once you marry you are trapped. She can sew her knees together & milk you dry & all you can do is give her half & leave. I was married. My wife spent a whole summer sleeping in another bed. I wasn't having sex for months. She was having sex, with someone else. See how marriage works when you don't have any balls. You got cash, dump this chick & find a woman financially & mentally on your level.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Dump her. She's immature, manipulative, and obviously can't possibly love sex as much as you do (or she wouldn't be withholding it). Recipe for disaster. You can do better, and find someone who has sex with you because they enjoy it.
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