sadsad Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Well I don't know were to begin actually and could use some advice as well. Me and my ex of 12 years and a 1 1/2 year old boy split up in January because I was very ignorant to my actions. I was not the guy she needed me to be. I would every night after our boy went to bed play video games. I did not help her with budgeting money or help inside the house with chores. I thought me tending to the outside yard work, keeping our vehicles maintained, taking our boy to and from daycare daily was enough. She started feeling lonely and started talking to someone else. We talked about things and she said she wanted to work it out and then about a month later she asked me to leave the house. This was in January. I was very reluctant at first and thought to myself that my actions didn't warrant her cheating and that she should leave the house. Well I ended up leaving. We didn't yell or shout but there was alot of anger that night. Over the course of the next few weeks we maintain contact about our kid and to try to work out some kind of child support agreement but we could never come to one. In february I get served with court papers that truly devastated me. They said I was an unfit father who yelled cussed argued all the time and that I needed supervised visitations. I then sell an extra car and my motorcycle and pay the best laywer I could get. By this time I am limiting my conversations with her to just about our kid and nothing else, after what needed to be said I would say bye and hang up. March rolls around and it's time for court, they drop all allegations of me being unfit and I get standard visitaions. About two weeks after she calls me up and starts talking and says she has been trying to talk to me but everytime she calls I get to the point and say bye. Well i listen to her and we talk for a couple hours. A few days later she calls me up and says that there is something wrong at her house and it would be the following day that her landlord could fix the problem and asks if our son can stay with me for the night and I say yes,I can't deny anything from my son. She was going to stay at a friends house. She gets over to my house to drop him off and after talking she says that she really doesn't want to stay with her friend because of some reason she gave. So I tell she can stay as well, I played with my son all night and bedtime rolls around I fix my bed for her and I am getting the couch set up for myself, she comes to me and asks if I would come lay with her and talk. So I did, we talk about some of the mistakes I made some that she made and that she doesn't talk to the other guy. One thing lead to another and we got intimate. After that we started talking alot more and spending alot of time together. Every weekend and a few nights during the week either I would stay with them or they would stay with me. I thought things were finally going great, we were talking, she was calling me almost daily and poof about 3 weeks ago alot of that stopped. She calls me about every other day now. When I drop my kid off she still wants me to stay, rub her back, chit chat about her day and thats about it until our kid goes to sleep then I leave. She still wants to kiss and tell me she loves me. I try to talk to her about my feelings and she tells me that I upset her and she is still very angry at me and wants to work on the anger and trust issues she has with me. She doesn't want to be commited to anyone. I honestly do not know how to handle the situation. I am very confused, I am trying to take control over the situation and can't seem too. I did ask her a this morning to go to a fireworks show this weekend on a river boat with our boy. I'm almost sure she will want to go as she said, " --our son's name--, would love to do that probably". What should I do? Sorry for the long post.
Surfer203 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Sounds like you guys should maybe see a Marriage Counselor. She seems to still care for you and you obviously care for her. You realize you were not the best husband. That is good.. time to act. I would suggest talking to her and telling her you want to fix things, get into counseling together if she will agree. Does not sound like anything too detrimental has gone down in your relationship so far. Good luck and keep posting.
JadedAmore Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 There are obviously still feelings there for both parties involved, neither of you have checked out of this relationship yet. I think counseling is a great idea, it's a third party that will come in unbiased and give you an outsiders view of what can be worked on not just on your behalf, but hers as well. She says she is the one with trust issues towards you -- how are YOU feeling since she is the one that betrayed you?? For this, I think individual counseling might be beneficial as well. Something to consider. You guys have a long road ahead of you, but there is a silver lining on the cloud. Good luck.
Lizzie60 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 print this post and let her read it.. and hope for the best.
Author sadsad Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 I tried to talk her into going to a counselor with me. I started seeing one last friday, he told me there would be no additional charge if she came with me. I explained it to her, and she said she wanted to do individual counseling first. As far as it goes with her talking to another person, I have had a good while to think about it and I forgive her, she assures me that there isn't any one and I don't need to be worried. She told me there are times that she doesn't want to talk and avoids me. She told me she needed time to work on herself. We just seem very fragile at this time and I don't want to push her away even further. But communications are getting shorter each time we talk.
ON MY OWN Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Do you think she would be open to seeing one herself and the one with you also? You can acknowledge and respect her wishes to see one on her own and also let her know you would like for her to come with you when she is ready also to work on your marriage issues too. Just a thought. Perhaps she may go for that if presented to her in the right manner.
TroyNJ Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I pray I'm wrong my friend but it sounds to me like you are being strung along as a plan "B" option, my wife did many of the things you described. Stay strong!
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