Enjaycee Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) It's been a little over a month since the last time I posted a problem that I have with my current girlfriend (which is now of 7 months, we're both 19). In the time between my last post and this one, we have gone through more ups and downs. We had a talk last night and I've been thinking about what has been happening the past few days. We have talked about marriage and kids and we've told each other that we want to grow old together. But just last night I've told her that I think we should slow down because I think it's too early to be talking about it (this was after, however, when she mentioned slowing down first, I agreed with her and told her that I've been thinking about it for a little while since before that, she became annoyed and asked "Well then why didn't you say anything about it before instead of just going with it?") The situation now is that she believes that I have changed myself so much to make her happy. She said that she should accept me for who I am but there are things about me that she wants to change and that I'm probably meant for someone else. I've denied her on this multiple times but she seems to firmly believe in this. The problems with me that she has mentioned: I'm not aggressive, assertive enough. (I go with the flow a lot instead of having things done the way I want them to) I express too much emotion too often (by talking about feelings and serious stuff more often than she is comfortable, she would rather talk about fun things and goof off and mess around, she doesn't express nearly as much emotion because she doesn't like making herself vulnerable, she's been trying to do it more to let me know she loves me) I don't match her (she thinks I don't stand up enough to her, challenge her, and that I give in too much and take the blame for everything even though I shouldn't because it's not my fault) I like being spontaneous and I don't often plan things out as I should (she believes that I'm becoming more of a planner now because of her) What really gets me is that she'll want me to change something but if I do then she will turn around and tell me that she's changed me. She feels like she's making me into someone I'm not. I've told her multiple times that she's not. I don't want her thinking this way about me. Not only that, but she has also told me before that she thinks she has a fear of commitment and that she mentally sabotages the relationship, as in she sometimes gets into fights with me in order to justify that the relationship won't work/find a way out/make it easier to leave. This tends to happen because sometimes she believes she's in too deep in the relationship and starts to panic. I'm willing to find a way to work all of this out, whether its by not pressing these issues, going back to the way I was, or trying to justify to her that I'm not being changed by her (in fact I believe that I am changing myself for my own sake and not hers). I still think this girl is amazing and I don't want that to go away. I know that this is a lot to deal with, so I am open to any and all input and advice. Thank you to those who take the time to read this. Edited June 28, 2011 by Enjaycee
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