iwanttolive Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) Hi all, pls don't berate me, I know I'm in the wrong and I'm looking for some advice. My bf is a truly wonderful guy who loves me with all his heart and put me above everything else. However, because he keeps giving in to me, I feel that he's not manly enough. He also doesn't have many friends and so he needs a lot of attention from me. On the other hand, I'm the only child who lives abroad so I value a lot of personal space and time. There's also one thing that keeps sticking to my mind. On some occassions, he woke up in the morning and told me "Dear, it's hard, it's painful (u know what i'm referring to), won't you help me?", when I don't feel like making love... I feel that's a huge turn-off. Before suggesting that I call it off with him, is there anything that we can do? I don't think there's such a thing as perfect compatibility, so I'm sure every relationship has its own problems. I place this thread under "infidelity" because I dream of seducing other guys and I'm afraid I may cheat on him. Some of you may feel like calling me a stupid b*tch or immature or ugly, but I'm really struggling and I would appreciate any advice. I think I've gotta add that it gives me a thrill to hunt a "bad boy", someone opposite of my bf. It boils down to my low self-esteem because I validate my worth through the number of men I could get. In all honesty, yes, that's how wretched I am... Edited June 28, 2011 by iwanttolive Addition Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Before suggesting that I call it off with him, is there anything that we can do? I don't think there's such a thing as perfect compatibility, so I'm sure every relationship has its own problems. It's not an issue of imperfect compatibility, it's an issue of major incompatibility. If you don't think he's manly, relationship IMO is screwed. You can suggest to him to become more manly (try not to be offensive while you're at it - one woman was like that to me, while I was a wuss. Instead of manning up on the spot, I ended up walking on eggshells and wussing even more), but there's a risk, he won't take a hint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwanttolive Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 How do I do that? I just learnt the meaning of "sociopath" and I think I may be one... Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) On some occassions, he woke up in the morning and told me "Dear, it's hard, it's painful (u know what i'm referring to), won't you help me?", when I don't feel like making love... I feel that's a huge turn-off. All it is is pressure from the bladder. Tell him to go to the bathroom and leave you the hell alone. LOL Oh for gosh sakes - where do you get that you're a "sociopath" because you seek validation from attracting males? You may have issues that need to be addressed, but it certainly doesn't fall under the "sociopath" heading. LOL. Bottom line - some guys are Alpha males, and some are not. He apparently is not. I also find it hard to respect a man who would allow me to tell him what to do. I wouldn't BE with a man whose wishy-washy like that. I doubt he's going to change. It sounds as though you're craving someone you can respect, and unfortunately, he ain't it. Edited June 28, 2011 by Woman In Blue Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 The only thing you can do is be honest with him how you feel. In addition, imagine how you would feel if he cheated on you? If it would not bother you then it is time to move on and leave this relationship. I have a hunch he would not have a problem hooking up with another woman who would really appreciate him. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bigmomma1974 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Honesty is the best policy in any relationship, and communication is what keeps it alive. Your boyfriend sounds like an amazing guy, and maybe he isnt the guy for you so maybe you should break all ties or express to him how you feel and see if you can work together to fix it, as for daydreaming of attacking other men, I dont think your the only person that does this, I fantasize alot as does my husband but the key to this is not to act on it and maybe try to do whatt you want to do with other men and do it with your man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwanttolive Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Bottom line - some guys are Alpha males, and some are not. He apparently is not. I also find it hard to respect a man who would allow me to tell him what to do. I wouldn't BE with a man whose wishy-washy like that. Yeah, that's the term. Alpha male! Why are they so attractive??? I've been with such guys and left hurt, disappointed. So why the hell am I still so drawn to them?? I have a hunch he would not have a problem hooking up with another woman who would really appreciate him. Good luck. I agree with u completely. I'm selfish. And I still do think I'm a sociopath.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwanttolive Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 as for daydreaming of attacking other men, I dont think your the only person that does this, I fantasize alot as does my husband but the key to this is not to act on it and maybe try to do whatt you want to do with other men and do it with your man. I have a strong urge to flirt with one of my guy friends now. I dream it would be nice to snuggle with him just for one night. I don't wanna get serious with him nor having sex with him. Just wanna snuggle to him. Sure I'd get jealous if my bf does the same with another girl but I'm brushing the thoughts aside! What do u think is wrong with me? Low self-esteem? Addicted to the thrills? Desperate? Or the "twilight" syndrome?? Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Hi all, pls don't berate me, I know I'm in the wrong and I'm looking for some advice. My bf is a truly wonderful guy who loves me with all his heart and put me above everything else. However, because he keeps giving in to me, I feel that he's not manly enough. He also doesn't have many friends and so he needs a lot of attention from me. On the other hand, I'm the only child who lives abroad so I value a lot of personal space and time. There's also one thing that keeps sticking to my mind. On some occassions, he woke up in the morning and told me "Dear, it's hard, it's painful (u know what i'm referring to), won't you help me?", when I don't feel like making love... I feel that's a huge turn-off. Before suggesting that I call it off with him, is there anything that we can do? I don't think there's such a thing as perfect compatibility, so I'm sure every relationship has its own problems. I place this thread under "infidelity" because I dream of seducing other guys and I'm afraid I may cheat on him. Some of you may feel like calling me a stupid b*tch or immature or ugly, but I'm really struggling and I would appreciate any advice. I think I've gotta add that it gives me a thrill to hunt a "bad boy", someone opposite of my bf. It boils down to my low self-esteem because I validate my worth through the number of men I could get. In all honesty, yes, that's how wretched I am... You haven't done anything wrong yet -- don't be too hard on yourself. Attraction isn't a choice. You're attracted to a certain type of guy, and your BF isn't it. (Besides, the kind of guy you're describing is the kind of guy, based on his actions, that MOST women wouldn't be attracted to, for those same reasons.) Most probably, you should break up with him. I agree with another poster, however -- what you say about getting validation from the number of guys you could get is troubling, especially if that's been a feature in your past relationships as well. You should probably speak to somebody about that, whether you break up with your BF or not, and before you get into another relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Geminigrl Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Honey, you need to run screaming from your bf. I know people may give me some grief for being so direct. But, if you're feeling this way now it's only going to get worse from here. If he's not a strong man and you are attracted to strong men, get out now and go find yourself a strong man. If you have issues with validation too, then go deal with those. Find yourself a good therapist and work on them. But, don't stay in the wrong relationship out of fear of never finding the right one. Trust me you will regret it later if you stay now. The longer you are together the harder it will get to pull the plug and eventually you will probably cheat on him anyway. Move on now before it gets any more complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
manup Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Either grow up or leave. I'd opt for the latter. You're too immature to realize what a great guy he is. If you really really like him straight up tell him he sucks in bed. Get him books, make him work out, teach him. The whole bad boy thing is stupid on your part, there are decent men that are good in bed. Maybe you need that instead. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I say you need to leave your bf. He sounds like a good guy but not the right one for you. From the tone of your post it doesn't sound like you respect him and it is so important for a woman to feel respect for her man. I don't believe a woman can truly love a man that she doesn't respect. I'm not going to beat you up because you feel an attraction to the outspoken bad boy type of guy. I think a lot of women feel the same but keep in mind that a lot of the bad boys are the ones that use and discard women like yesterdays news, so if those are the guys you are going to chase expect to be heartbroken. I really hope you break up with your boyfriend before you really hurt him, but if you stay with him then speak up and tell him what turns you off. I kind of get what you are saying with the way he wakes you up whining about his erection. I had a bf once who used to walk up to me and out of the blue ask me to let him have sex with me. He would say "Alexandria" and I would say "yes"? and he would say "can I (insert explict sex act here) ". It always made me wanna barf! Sorry if that offends anyone, maybe it's just me, but I feel like if you want it, then hug me, kiss me and get me in the mood, don't stand there and politely ask for it. That ain't sexy, it's gross. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Hi all, pls don't berate me, I know I'm in the wrong and I'm looking for some advice. My bf is a truly wonderful guy who loves me with all his heart and put me above everything else. However, because he keeps giving in to me, I feel that he's not manly enough. and because of this, you think he isn't worthy or you? talk about conceit did it ever occur to you that he "gives in" because he loves you and wants to make you happy? it is you that isn't good enough for him. so why don't you do HIM a favor and break up so he can find someone the deserves his considerations. He also doesn't have many friends and so he needs a lot of attention from me. On the other hand, I'm the only child who lives abroad so I value a lot of personal space and time. There's also one thing that keeps sticking to my mind. On some occassions, he woke up in the morning and told me "Dear, it's hard, it's painful (u know what i'm referring to), won't you help me?", when I don't feel like making love... I feel that's a huge turn-off. so sex is only a good idea when you want it Before suggesting that I call it off with him, is there anything that we can do? he doesn't need to do anything. so there is no "we" about it. you dont see him as manly, you are annoyed that he cares about you and wants to make you happy. so unless you can drop this attitude you have, then no, there isn't anything you can do. I don't think there's such a thing as perfect compatibility, so I'm sure every relationship has its own problems. most women would kill for your particular "problem" so just go out and find yourself a bad boy, and let someone else that wants a caring guy find you bf. I place this thread under "infidelity" because I dream of seducing other guys and I'm afraid I may cheat on him. and you will if the opportunity arrives with a guy you want. I think I've gotta add that it gives me a thrill to hunt a "bad boy", someone opposite of my bf. then that last sentence you just spouted is the very reason you need to set your bf free from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Yeah, that's the term. Alpha male! Why are they so attractive??? I've been with such guys and left hurt, disappointed. So why the hell am I still so drawn to them?? superficiality Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I dont think your bad. But you might be bad if you dont handle this right. You should let him go. Now lets explore some TRUTHS about females that you show... and every guy should know. 2.) Every female is sexually attracted to alpha. Your man is a beta. He thinks being a good guy is going to keep you. NO woman cares about a man being a good man... they think they but they would all fall for an exciting bank robber/murder if they came across one (yes even your mom). Character of a man has nothing to do with it and that is the ugly truth. Pablo escobar had more women then any guy in the peace corp... And I am willing to bet those women were all truly and legitimately in love with Pablo. You wouldnt be able to count how many women want to leave a man and feel so bad because he is such a "good husband" or "good father." The only men that complain about this or call you a bad woman are men that cant "alpha attract" a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Break it off with him and go chase after alphas. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but is what it seems you want to do and it is better than hurting him. Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 and alot of men take for granted that thier woman will respect and appreciate their good guyness and wont have the desire to walk all over them. Like how the OP said that her bf always gives into her. Alot of men are thinking "why does the woman want have a relationship where the the bf has to give in or dominate her in situation after situation?" but the truth is ALL women are like this... they will walk all over a man without a second thought and then f*ck his alpha best friend without a second thought if he doesnt show dominance over her. Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 OP I have a questions for you. Say you dump him... after that you two dont really stay in contact. But after a while he gets his sh*t together. hits the gym, starts dressing well, starts painting the town red with his friends, starts getting women... even beds a few of your friends, and shows no desire to contact you... you think you would have feelings for him again? Link to post Share on other sites
manup Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 He'd wouldn't want her after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Break it off with him and go chase after alphas. then we'll have to hear her complaining about how the "alphas", or bad boys, treated her bad:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 What is it that makes guys let the women they like walk all over them? Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 What is it that makes guys let the women they like walk all over them? because of the mixed signals women give. they say they want a nice guy, but then go for the bad boy, "confident"(or cocky) guys. so good guys try to give women what they SAY they want, but only say they want a good, nice guy, because they are tired of being treated like dirt from the alpha males. after being treated like crap myself, I stopped becoming a nice guy, but i don't want to be a jerk alpha male either. Either a woman takes me for who I am, or she can go get her heart ripped out by the bad boys they are attracted to. no skin off my teeth. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 then we'll have to hear her complaining about how the "alphas", or bad boys, treated her bad:rolleyes: Oh well. It's what she wants isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 because of the mixed signals women give. they say they want a nice guy, but then go for the bad boy, "confident"(or cocky) guys. so good guys try to give women what they SAY they want, but only say they want a good, nice guy, because they are tired of being treated like dirt from the alpha males. after being treated like crap myself, I stopped becoming a nice guy, but i don't want to be a jerk alpha male either. Either a woman takes me for who I am, or she can go get her heart ripped out by the bad boys they are attracted to. no skin off my teeth. Also a lot of men have a skewed belief of what a good guy is. It's perfectly possible to be a good man and still not let anyone walk all over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Also a lot of men have a skewed belief of what a good guy is. It's perfectly possible to be a good man and still not let anyone walk all over you. problem is, even if a good man doesn't let a woman walk all over him, if he is a truly good guy, then he isn't enough of a bad boy for the women in question. women want that bad boy, alpha male, whatever you call it. but they are not good guys. so women who think this way need to make up their mind. if they want bad boys, then go after them and leave the good guys alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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