bikinibeach Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 This is an email I am DYING to send to my ex. If I get 5 votes from this forum, I will send it!! BACKSTORY: We dated for 6 months and fought constantly over his ex-girlfriend who is his "best friend". The two of them have no sexual chemistry but are addicted to each other. I didn't realize they were hanging out 3-4 times a week for the first few months we were together (We once broke up because he refused to give up their weekly dinner date where she would cook for him and they'd listen to music in her apartment..of course I'd never been invited once). He would invite her to group get togethers and she was always polite but dismissive of me. She basically wanted to pretend I didn't exist. He was always doing favors for her and it drove me nuts! Picking her up and driving her places (she has a car), fixing her car (which she never drove because she had him as a chauffeur), helping her go shopping for clothes or groceries. He said she admitted that she needs to feel "rescued" and casually told him that she is much like her mom who basically went crazy and homeless when her dad left her (is this not a manipulative thing to tell someone who cares about you but has a girlfriend and wants to move on??? i'm just so disgusted) Apparently she has social anxiety, depression etc etc yada excuse yada yada. He has also told me in the past that when he told her our relationship issues about her, she admitted that she relies on him too much, and is probably codependent......................but of course, she didn't change a single thing. and he allowed it...blah blah shining knight blah. After we broke up AGAIN the other night, he texted me thanks for some things I had done. I replied and said we could still meet up to talk like we had arranged before (DUMB! yes, I know). He said it might be for the better if we didn't. I agreed. Then, suddenly, 6 hours later, he says he's been thinking and we should meet still up if I want to. So I said ok (YES, I KNOW....) I get there and the first thing he says to me is how she called him earlier reluctantly asking him for a ride (because she knew I didn't want him being her mansla...er, giving her rides) and he was like "HEY it's cool i can drive you because we broke up!" and then they proceeded to talk about me. As I'm sitting there listening to this, I realize that he just invited me there after he had talked to her, to make me feel like $hit and get back at me for breaking up with him. It was like he had even rehearsed all of the rotten things he said. AND THEN had the nerve to try and convince me to come over and "Watch a movie" with him after......LOL!!! When I was leaving after our "talk" (during which he admitted that he hadn't told me he had cheated on this girl when they were together) I told him that it was finally goodye and he was like "NO no...we always say that. it's not over because one of us call the other in a week. you know it." I was speechless. confused. I didn't answer. He said see you later and left. I don't want to see him later. Well, maybe I do because he had gorgeous hair and gave me some grade A d***..... :eek:LOL!!! But he is an a**** in disguise and I would feel pretty sad about myself if I did see him again...even if it was just for sex. I have taken the high road this WHOLE time while those pathetic dumb asses disrespected me. I have always been the woman telling my friends not to put with stuff, I'm successful, confident and independent. I can't believe I got dragged into this disgusting, epic eff up! I think I could get across the fact that I DON'T want to see him "later", and finally have some feeling of vindication by sending this email and then going nc and forgetting that those two dimwits draw breath. Should I send it? Also any other comments welcome. "I suppose I might have guessed that the reason your ex-girlfriend has your testicles in her back pocket had to do with something you had done. I guess I shouldn't be surprised to hear that coming from someone who rationalized messing around with a prostitute as not technically cheating. (he confessed to me that he did this out of desperation when they were together- she wouldn't have sex with him. she still has no idea that he did that) Your "relationship" is built on ill-justified lies. Now I know the answer to the question I asked you that night at the pub! (One night we were talking and I said I don't understand their relationship because I don't know why anyone would not want to be with him. The greatest look of hurt came over his face. It made me seriously question his insistence that their breakup was "mutual". I was right- it hadn't been) Once a cheater, always a cheater. You were the worst relationship mistake I have EVER made. Also, the worst boyfriend I (and it sounds like M) have EVER had. Seriously. I feel like I should feel sorry for you because you are, completely honestly, the most messed up young man I have EVER met in my entire life. But I don't because I could have helped you. I was the best you will ever have and you just **** all over that. For what? lol I stayed with you for longer than I wanted to because of my cat. (I couldn't keep my cat where I'm living so he lived at my bf's place.) Steph has always (rightfully) wondered why I was even going out with you, constantly urging me to dump you (part of why I did it so often) and set me up with someone else who I have been/am seeing. Funny, looks like "the universe" has given you your karma after all." .
Datura Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 That isn't revenge. It boils down to: what you will gain from sending this, what you hope he will feel when reading this. He and her may laugh over this email.
ShatteredReality Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 It might feel good to send that e-mail...but he won't learn a thing from it. You'll become that crazy ex that went off on him for no reason after the break up. It's not really revenge...You should try to explain to him WHY he's messed up and that if he ever wants to be happy he will need to fix those things...but guess what - it's too late for you, you've moved on and are seeing other people and wow you realize how much better you feel now...something like that.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 NO NO NO Don't send it. You will come across as bitter and crazy. It also shows how much you still care....
P&R Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Ugh... What a terrible mess this was. What an asswhipe, this forum seriously has me down tonight with all of these sad stories of suicide, anxietys and ****ty boyfriends.
P&R Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 The best revenge is the one unspoken. You need to forget about that loser and move on... every second you spend on him, it only affirms in his mind that he has you right where he wants you. Invest more time in yourself so you can be a better woman for the next guy. "The best revenge is to live well"
oaks Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 If it feels good to write that email then that's great. Don't send it. Move on, and live a life where you don't need him at all. It sounds like he thinks you'll call him. Don't, and don't answer if he calls, and don't reply if he texts. You've already had a talk with him about why you split up, so there's no need for further explanation, so now just cut him out of your life.
Thatguyintx Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 One more for the "no" column. What purpose would it serve? It really wouldn't do much in the long run. Follow tbe dreaded advice of "no contact" and "move on".
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I dated a girl once who showed me a similar email that a "pyscho ex-boyfriend" wrote to her. So basically you are giving him some material to show future gfs what his psycho ex-girlfriend wrote.
miss_28 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 don't. do. it. I know how tempting it is, but the way it's phrased, it will backfire. Ideally, don't even respond, but we both know you will (I mean, I would want to if I were in your shoes). Worst case scenario, if he ever contacts you again, just tell him pleasantly you don't need or want him in your life. Above all, don't lose your cool or let him drag out a conversation on the subject. Do not get into it with him, you'll say stuff that will backfire because you're angry. That's it. A guy like this is never going to be happy, he is toxic and no sane woman will or should stick around to put up with his sh::t and this sick sick relationship he's got with that loser ex of his. Why give him ammo? Why make him think he's so great that he's gotten under your skin? Trust me, he's be more disturbed by your silence than by your anger. Meanwhile, your anger will go away and you'll find a good person to spend energy on. Win Win!
Lucky555 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Don't send it ..your wasting your time. So otherwise find a hotter guy. Sure he might have been a good lay bur that's it. You have to realize you need way better. Just delete everything am avoid him asap. Then go have fun..shopping, dancing, hiking! Get away for the weekend some place. Just do anything not involving him or her. My bf has a "crazy ex"that is codependent on other people. I already told him it's over of he is going to be any where around her. I told him it's disrespectful. He already knows I will leave! I won't put up with it. If a man can not respect you and how you feel he is not the man for you. Also I told my bf if she asks he needs to have the balls to say no! If he doesn't then I know he lacks them hahaha! Have respect for yourself and demand he treat you with it! No person should be in your life who doesn't respect you! Remember just do something you enjoy and take care of yourself. Erase him out of your life and her too! I wish you much happiness for your future!
Professor X Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I know it's not the issue, but it baffles me as to why you've dated him for 6 full months when he was still glued to his ex'. Nonetheless, don't send this e-mail, while you might think you're revenging yourself, the truth is, he is the type of guy that won't even begin to understand what you're saying there and as such, he won't "feel" your fury.
Author bikinibeach Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I can't thank you guys enough for your support. I am actually too embarassed to tell this to anyone in real life. It's just so ridiculous and mind-boggling- I especially saw that when I read that post over. And I won't send the email. Although, yes, it felt so good to write it. And to have people read it! :) Also, I agree the best thing to do would be complete and total no contact, no reply. Done. I will keep you all updated if/when he contacts me, but I won't be holding my breath. WOuld change my number if I weren't expecting a few important calls. Thanks again! Any further comments, support, advice is appreciated
Author bikinibeach Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 I know it's not the issue, but it baffles me as to why you've dated him for 6 full months when he was still glued to his ex'. Nonetheless, don't send this e-mail, while you might think you're revenging yourself, the truth is, he is the type of guy that won't even begin to understand what you're saying there and as such, he won't "feel" your fury. I am baffled too!!!! I have never seen or heard of anything like this before! I felt a bit weird that she was his "best friend" but I didn't know the true depth of their messed up relationship and her hold over him until I was already in deep. I have honestly only had positive, healthy relationships up to this point in my life that were let go of when they no longer were. I was never that girl. I suppose everyone has to have at least one ******* ex! He was really convincing too. Talking about maturity and having an open heart and maintaining close rellationships and being there for your friends... never again!! i wished so hard that it could have worked out, we were really good together otherwise. I even feel moronic for feeling like I need to "get over" someone that ridiculous
Author bikinibeach Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 That isn't revenge. It boils down to: what you will gain from sending this, what you hope he will feel when reading this. He and her may laugh over this email. words of wisdom. never thought of that! i know I laughed over re-reading this email and I was supposed to be the angry one.
Professor X Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 I even feel moronic for feeling like I need to "get over" someone that ridiculous Ehh, as long as you evolved from this experience, it's all good. Just make sure that in the future, you don't get involved with someone who's close friends with his ex'. :-)
Author bikinibeach Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 A guy like this is never going to be happy, he is toxic and no sane woman will or should stick around to put up with his sh::t and this sick sick relationship he's got with that loser ex of his. I don't know who you are but thankyou so much for this I am sending sunshine and rainbows your way:love:
Author bikinibeach Posted June 11, 2011 Author Posted June 11, 2011 Don't send it ..your wasting your time. So otherwise find a hotter guy. Sure he might have been a good lay bur that's it. You have to realize you need way better. Just delete everything am avoid him asap. Then go have fun..shopping, dancing, hiking! Get away for the weekend some place. Just do anything not involving him or her. My bf has a "crazy ex"that is codependent on other people. I already told him it's over of he is going to be any where around her. I told him it's disrespectful. He already knows I will leave! I won't put up with it. If a man can not respect you and how you feel he is not the man for you. Also I told my bf if she asks he needs to have the balls to say no! If he doesn't then I know he lacks them hahaha! Have respect for yourself and demand he treat you with it! No person should be in your life who doesn't respect you! Remember just do something you enjoy and take care of yourself. Erase him out of your life and her too! I wish you much happiness for your future! thankyou very much i wish you the same- and more!
vsmini Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Bikini - I like your posts and I think you have some good things to say when you give advice. That being said Are you out of your damn mind? You should have shut that door on his a** the second he mentioned he keeps in HEAVY contact with his ex. GOODBYE. Why do they think they call that kind of thing a red flag? because if you ignore those warning flags a girl could end up in your position. Now you're hanging out at the all-you-can eat drama buffet. You are making a damn fool out of yourself by still coming into contact with him. CUT HIM OUT. There is no way you think this guy is worth having in your life. Don't be addicted to drama. Don't bother trying to send him emails to make him feel bad. It won't make you feel better. Cut contact with this assclown or I'm putting your A** on ignore.
K.K. Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 why are we supposed to just let it go or not write or text them.? do they NEVER derserveto hear every ****ty thing we feel about them??? NEVER!??
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