TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Wouldn't you know it? I'm the dumpee. We started out online, but turned into an LDR. We have visited each other and met the parents and things like that. He was my first real boyfriend, my first love, my first lover. He's smart, intelligent, and unlike any guy I've met in the last 23 years of my life. I had trust issues from dealing with my father and my parent's divorce and he helped open up my heart and once that was done I gave him my all. we had discussed the future, getting married, having kids etc etc. After almost three years of being in our long distance relationship, he dumped me the day before our 35 monthi-versary and 31 days before our 3 year anniversary over the Memorial Day weekend (US). He said he's not happy because he no longer has the enthusiasm for the relationship because of the distance and our busy schedules. he said he thought it was time we went our separate ways. I can't say our relationship was perfect, he had just asked for a break around Valentine's Day, but we decided to stay together and try to work it out. I'm seriously distraught. I think I'm in a stage of denial. I feel numb, i've had no appetite for a week now. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about him and can't go back to sleep. I've lost ten pounds already. I want him back, but only if he wants to be. The night of Memorial Day he said he still wanted to be friends but he wanted to me to do whatever was less painful for me. He said he was leaving the ball in my court. Honestly, I tried the NC thing for about 3 days but caved. I love this man, and he's never been one to purposely try and deceive me or hurt me. I know he cares for me. It just sucks because he doesn't want to fight for our relationship like I do, and that pisses me off. I feel like NC is playing mind games with him and I don't want to do that. I called first and no answer... I didn't leave a message. So he texted me back and let me know he was at the movies. I just let him know I was calling, but he did say he'd text once he was out and he did. He called me, and we chitchatted about nothing in particular. I told him I wasn't quite sure how to handle the being "friends" thing, and he said that he was leaving that up to me. We ended the convo a few moments after that. He sounded kinda sad, and said he wasn't feeling well. I didn't quite respond to that though. I went another 4 days without contact but I sent him a text saying hi yesterday. He replied back and asked how I was and what I was up to. I didn't go into emotional details with him because I felt like maybe he was just being polite instead of actually caring. He said he was at a bonfire, and that he'd been pretty busy as well and his health was still fluctuating. I recommended Vitamin C and some rest and told him hopefully we'd be able to talk again later. He said that he'd like that and wished me goodnight. I still love him so much. I wanna discuss us getting back together but the reasons he gave me were pretty valid and i'm beginning to get really depressed thinking that I'll never be able to hug him or kiss him anymore. I feel like I can't beg him or plead with him to be with me anymore. I have a few times in the past. He has to wanna make that choice. I feel like i'm in limbo because this is taking a physiological toll on me. I hear the comments about NC and it being the way to getting him back, or moving on... but honestly I'm not sure if I can stand losing him as my boyfriend and bestfriend at this time. He's not your average guy, and he doesn't think, behave, or treat others as if he is either. That's part of his charm. Despite everything we've gone through, we should still be able to manage a friendship right? I want him back... but I don't want to go into NC and lose him and then our friendship as well. i'm kinda stuck in this pining mode. I thought about the alternative as well... logging on to facebook and seeing that he's moved on with other women. Or reading his tweets saying how happy he is... and although it seems like it would hurt as well... I think that pain might be less than losing his friendship altogether. I feel like i'm floundering. Please help me.
Legacy1 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I feel your pain. I so want to contact my ex too but it hurts even more when I don't get a reply back so it sets me back a few steps. I too want to know what is going on with them and if they think and care about me as much as I do them? This is just me...I am thinking he is being nice to you but will soon have to cut all ties if he is to go on. Pray, be active and get out with friends and do things to help get your mind off him. I know it's not easy but the other alternative could be even worse...good luck and best wishes on everything!
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 I am thinking he is being nice to you but will soon have to cut all ties if he is to go on. Thanks so much for your reply. I really feel like he wouldn't cut all ties with me... but then again I didn't feel like he'd give up on our relationship either. Honestly I don't know how to feel anymore. I'm just sad, and kinda cycling through this sick feeling over and over.
pilotDXB Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Why dont you use this as an opportunity to find a relationship in the city in which you live now? Youve been in a long distance relationship for three years now. Where there any plans (read: efforts) from either one of you to be together in the same city? If the answer is no, i think you have to move on. In my experience, ldr's need a date, a date when a couple will be back together permanently, to work. I have a bit of experience in these matters. I left my girlfriend in canada to take the job opportunity of a lifetime in dubai. She was applying for jobs there too but couldnt find anything and eventually decided to work in calgary (but still thought in her naive little head that we could make it work). I dumped her because i couldnt deal with us being 20 or so hours apart with no timeline for a reunification. It wouldnt have worked.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Why dont you use this as an opportunity to find a relationship in the city in which you live now? Where there any plans (read: efforts) from either one of you to be together in the same city? If the answer is no, i think you have to move on. In my experience, ldr's need a date, a date when a couple will be back together permanently, to work. Thanks for your response and input. Yeah... our dates for being together and future plans for living together kept changing. It's been a week already, but i'm really starting to hurt badly now. Maybe I'm entering the depressed stage. It's too soon to start thinking about someone else for me. It wasn't supposed to be like this...
Kodo Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 It's too soon to start thinking about someone else for me. It wasn't supposed to be like this... Don't even worry about this for now. You need to worry about yourself. And that doesn't just mean heal. Do things that ONLY require you. Watch your favourite TV shows. Read those books you want to read. Do those things that mean something to you and don't necessarily have to be shared. Once you've got that under control, then start bring others into the picture.
california15 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 hey just thought I'd write because I can relate (my story is the ITS OVER phone call) All your emotions are similar to mine, feeling numb, how its not supposed to be this way, can't sleep/eat, stuck in a sick cycle, can't imagine sharing life with another SO etc. I still feel those 24/7, and I'm almost a week out. So it's Still pretty new to me too and I don't want to lose him either since I've known him 10 years... so firstly just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your feelings about your ex (even though I know you may say, ' but our relationship/he was different/the exception... because thats what was going through my head during the phone call) I'm trying NC because I have no alternative, because I know the no-replies, call-forwarding, hearing his voice and knowing he has feelings for another would crush me and prolong my suffering. Maybe you could try LC if you feel you absolutely can't go cold turkey NC, but From what everyone on LS is reiterating is that NC is the way to go. Sucks big time, but i'm trusting them on this. Also, He said he didn't want me anymore just like yours said he didn't want the relationship anymore and so it makes me think... that we don't want to be with a guy whom we have to beg/convince to be with us. We want a guy who wants us on their own, can't get enough of our time and attention. If he is as special as you say he is, then the friendship will never be gone even if you don't talk anymore (or for a few years, whatever) because you need to heal. And as a friend, he should let you heal and as a friend you should let him heal too. As Kodo said, worry about yourself. Eat something today, drink water. I know you're struggling and hurting and this is extremely painful... but you're not alone.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 And that doesn't just mean heal. Do things that ONLY require you. Watch your favourite TV shows. Read those books you want to read. Do those things that mean something to you and don't necessarily have to be shared. Thank you for the reply. I'm really trying. It's just when I'm alone... he creeps into my thoughts. I've tried pushing him out but then I check my phone. Wouldn't you know it? No messages from him... He's still my facebook friend, and we follow each other on twitter, but I haven't bothered to look at his profile or read any of his tweets. I haven't updated my status or profile in awhile either. I'm starting to cry now. At first I'd get misty-eyed during the first week, but now I have real streams of tears. I'm beginning to think I'm holding out on false hope for him. Maybe I do need to have one final real conversation with him and put all of my cards on the table. If he takes it... great... if he leaves it... then maybe NC would be best until I've gotten him out of my system. Idk... Sounds reasonable?
Legacy1 Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 He's still my facebook friend As so is mine and it's getting harder not to check it for anything that resembles a bone being thrown my way...tomorrow her's get's deleted and I move on....I have to for my sanity...HUGS!
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 If he is as special as you say he is, then the friendship will never be gone even if you don't talk anymore (or for a few years, whatever) because you need to heal. And as a friend, he should let you heal and as a friend you should let him heal too. As Kodo said, worry about yourself. Eat something today, drink water. I know you're struggling and hurting and this is extremely painful... but you're not alone. Thank you so much. That brought me to tears because I think I'm finally accepting it. It's good to know that I'm not alone... and you're right. It hurts like hell. I think I owe it to him to tell him that i'm going to disappear for awhile, and then I'll start NC. Honestly... it's probably the best way. Amazing how I've come around to it within just a few hours. I'm really just a mess right now.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 tomorrow her's get's deleted and I move on....I have to for my sanity...HUGS! I think i'll be doing the same thing. Hugs! Good Luck. I wish you well.
dontcontacther Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I kno its so hard to even think about dating someone else when you love someone in particular....man i wish it were a way to tell if we can get our exes back or not....its so sucks...i am almost scared to date ever again...i dont like this feeling at all....i love her so much and want her back.....i can see how badly u do too .....the mind does have pyschological triggers but it is still uncertain if we can get them back.....i hope the no contact rule does help me...and i hope u can get urs back with positivity as well.....
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 I kno its so hard to even think about dating someone else when you love someone in particular....man i wish it were a way to tell if we can get our exes back or not....its so sucks...i am almost scared to date ever again...i dont like this feeling at all....i love her so much and want her back.....i can see how badly u do too .....the mind does have pyschological triggers but it is still uncertain if we can get them back.....i hope the no contact rule does help me...and i hope u can get urs back with positivity as well..... I know... It's crazy. I don't know what's in store for the future.
pilotDXB Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Thanks for your response and input. Yeah... our dates for being together and future plans for living together kept changing. It's been a week already, but i'm really starting to hurt badly now. Maybe I'm entering the depressed stage. It's too soon to start thinking about someone else for me. It wasn't supposed to be like this... ok, heres what you do: get over the relationship, and have some single time. Get back in touch with yourself.
Author TearyEyedPride Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 ok, heres what you do: get over the relationship, and have some single time. Get back in touch with yourself. You're absolutely right. Thank you.
KicksAndBricks Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Hey TearyEyed, just read everything through. My deepest sympathies, I'm on a break-up right now and I know exactly what you're going through. It's been about a month now, wondering how things are going for you?
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