Broke NC after 2.5 months. How should I handle the first convo?

[loverboy1984]

Short background on my story: I was with my ex gf for 6yrs. Currently we are both in LDR across the country in grad school. Everything was going great until one day she kissed someone and I confronted her. I forgave her but she asked for a break. She did not tell me why she wanted a break other than "I need to figure myself out." I gave it to her but told her I was afraid to lose her. She said she was 99% sure she would be back and that Im her soulmate and she is hopefull we will end up together. a few days later she called and we were talking and I told her to decide if she wanted to be with me or not. I had an important test coming up in a month and didnt want her to break up with me then. So i handled the cards I was delt. I asked her I dont want to cling on to hope so tell me now. She said its over but couldnt tell me why. I got loud and said she will never find someone like me and that she doesnt deserve me. I said good luck and said bye and hung up. I defriended her on FB and went NC and focused on myself, studied for myself but went through an emotional rollercoaster.

 

Breaking NC

I didnt like the way i reacted at the end of our last conversation 2.5 months ago so I texted her a few days ago after she took her last test and said "congrats on finishing the semester and taking your test. Im confident you did well. Im proud of you." I did this to open lines of communication so she can know that im not mad so if she wants to talk she can come forward.

 

Her response

She responded to that text by saying "Thanks, I just took my last test. Congrats on taking your test. Im confident you did well. Im proud of you. I prayed for you."

 

I was kinda frustrated to get a text that sounded almost like mine. But I responded by saying "Thanks, lets talk when you are ready" and she responded by saying "I am going to celebrate with my classmates today and move out of my apartment tomorrow but I will call you when Im settled in my new place."

 

I didnt get a good vibe from that response but have given her the benifet of the doubt since taking a huge test and moving are two big things and maybe she wants a clear head to talk.

 

Its been 2 days since that text and no response from her yet. I know she will call but I expected her to respond so coldly. shes never been that way. I trying to decide now how to handle the conversation when she calls. I wanted her back but feel like it may not be worth it. What I want more than anything is closure. I dont know why she broke up with me.

 

What are your thoughts of handling the conversation with her? I want to feel her out and see if she wants to work on it or not. I also want to bring up the relationship after catching up so that I can get my answers. I think I deserve that after 6yrs of being with someone.

[lalalandman]

You probably shouldn't have contacted her but oh well. You're being too nice. Remember she left you. She kissed another dude. Honestly, walk away. If she wants to contact you she will do it on her own. It was her decision to leave so good luck to her. You are not her friend. Trust me, you wouldn't want to be. You really want to hear about other guys? Cause if she buddies up with you, I gaurantee you'll hear about it. So just walk away. You probably gave her a nice ego boost with that text you sent her. Walk off

[Layzie89]

You're setting yourself up man.

 

You know what you're doing is going to hurt you in the long run, so why do you do it?

[Chi townD]

Welcome back to square one dude! Now, you're wondering what the hell is going on in her life, wondering if you'll get a text, wondering what she thought of your text.....square one.

[loverboy1984]

Im not back at square one.

 

I have done alot of healing and moving on. I initially wanted her back but now I dont. Unless shes different than what I picture her to be now. I will know when we talk. What I want more than anything is closure. Answers. If you ask me why did she break up with you I couldnt tell you. Im moving on regardless. I yelled at her and was out of character and by texting her I just wanted to erase that and look cool and calm as my last and finaly impression. She may think she can toy with me and leave me wondering but Im higher than where I used to be, where as shes stayed where she is.

[lalalandman]

Listen, you don't need closure from her, trust me. If you're looking for answers, I can guarantee that you're not going to like what you hear. She's not going to say anything that will make you feel good. I'm not kidding. Seriously, it's ok if you yelled at her. It's not out of character, it's human. For real, you were probably rightfully upset at the time. You don't owe her this final impression. But by all means, if you're sure you are ready to hear some brutal stuff, go for it. If you truly mean you don't want her back, go for it. If you don't want her back and you're looking to be on good terms, that's fine. But please, make sure you are truly over her. Seriously man. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up.

[EgoJoe]

Dude, look at my thread. "Push for closure or find it for myself?" even the best girls can build up enough resentment to justify whatver they want.

[Fedor]

Do what you got to do bro. If you seek answers, find them. But, as previous posters said, you may not like what your going to hear. You sound mentally prepared for that and that's great. Just dont set yourself up for a dissapointment.

[loverboy1984]

This girl was the most loving forgiving and sweet person. I am shocked that she is acting so arrogant. She hasnt called yet. Now Im starting to question if I should even ask for closure. I think her attitude speaks for itself. I am surprised at all this. I have read her cards and dont need her to show her hand anymore. I think its time for me to fold and not let her have the pleasure of saving face with me. I dont want her to feel like shes explained herself to me. I dont think she will tell me the real reason. I rather hear no reason than a BS reason. I was the best part of her life, I hope she lives to regret what she did.

[lalalandman]

Dude she knows this is eating you up inside. You were not ready to talk with her. Walk away now before you find yourself in a bad situation. See now she's going to get back to you with some nonchalant attitude. You can either respond to her and let her twist you around. Or ignore her and she'll be pissed off even more. Lose lose situation. If she gets back to you, just tell her you're sorry for contacting her, but now is not the time, if ever. and leave it at that. Just say you know what, I made an error. Nothing against you. And walk away.

[rayne05us]

You have to be patient for her to call when she's ready. I mean, she's moving!! She's probably seeing how you react...but even if she doesn't respond, doesn't mean she will want to get back with you. You have to respect her decision and accept whatever she tells you. You don't have any other choice. You said you felt bad for how you reacted before, but did you really mean it? In the grand scheme of things, 2 days isn't that long at all....

 

Besides, let her think you're not thinking about her!!

[radiodarcy]

This girl was the most loving forgiving and sweet person. I am shocked that she is acting so arrogant. She hasnt called yet. Now Im starting to question if I should even ask for closure. I think her attitude speaks for itself. I am surprised at all this. I have read her cards and dont need her to show her hand anymore. I think its time for me to fold and not let her have the pleasure of saving face with me. I dont want her to feel like shes explained herself to me. I dont think she will tell me the real reason. I rather hear no reason than a BS reason. I was the best part of her life, I hope she lives to regret what she did.

 

yeah - - just let it go. closure comes from within. she's just going to give you the run around so she can string you along.

[EgoJoe]

Text her and say, "I made a mistake. I don't want to talk to you. I let my feelings compel me to a conclusion that was not logical. All the best."

 

Do it right now before you end up where I'm at. Then move on. You're worth more than an option, more than power struggle games and odds are you blew your chance to be "manly" but it's all BS anyways our culture is so screwed.

[loverboy1984]

I just find it disgusting that someone who has been with you for 6yrs, who has lived in your house, who you have respected and had the best moments with, who tells you 2 days before the break up that shes confident we will end up together and get married, all the sudden breaks up. Then says they will call you but dont. I thought my case was different than the ones I read here but I guess not. I dont want her back. Shes been manipulated by her friends who barely know her and dont know me. I am not discounting myself for someone whose a leaf in the wind.

 

Im going NC again. I know she will regret this later in life when she is exhausts her new atmosphere and gets sick of the same people around her and the drinking and partying. By that time I will be gone and not remotely available to her. I am a loving, committed, cultured, good looking, doctor to be, and worthy of someone who can appreciate and RESPECT me. Im walking away from this relationship with no blood on my hands, and can say I had a 6yr relationship and didnt break a girls heart. HER LOSS.

[Peanut9330]

NC is the best way to go it will give you time to heal breaking NC in most cases will lead to more heartbreak and disappointment. I know its hard listening to all these people telling you to go NC I was in your shoes once. Now when I look back on it all I understand why NC is so important. At first most people try to use it as a method to get their ex back (guilty) but then once you start to heal and move on you realize that NC was for you. It gives you time to heal and get your life back to normal gives you time to reflect on things and start living your life for you again. Its always hard in the beginning but it will get better with each passing day.

[sun_moon]

I remember when I read your first thread and here we are all now, still here, still broken and trying to mend but much better. I'm glad your exams are over and I'm disappointed in how she's been, and you are right about everything, you need someone deserving of YOU!

I got those kind of messages as well I will call you later.... And nothing would happen, turns out it's because he doesn't give a damn and was with someone.

It's highly likely that she is seeing someone, tell yourself this, good riddance to you woman I know you will regret this and dont look back.

I agree, do NC, don't even bother telling her nevermind I was mistaken for contacting you bc it will show her that your still thinking, lingering, pining, while she's living her happy life, don't give her that satisfaction or ego boost.

 

NC shows you forgot too and don't give a damn, you can save this and your healing by walking away.

[skibum]

Hey man, Im sorry to hear how the text went. I dont think 2 days is too long. I think she needs to move in and settle, if she hasnt called in a week or two then Id say screw her and move forward with your life.

 

I know how hard it is to let go fo a 6 year relationship, good god do I know. I still dont want to do it. I dont know what kind of advice to give you because I know that feeling of being in your shoes and just shocked at this sudden change. I have my date coming up in 2 and a half weeks where she said she woudl call and we could touch base and I still dont know whether I will answer. I love her like crazy as I am sure you still love your ex.

 

I wouldnt just give up right away, give her some time to call you back. Youve showed your cards, let her know that you are willing to talk. If she is willing then she will call. If not, then its right back to NC and you focusing on yourself.

Maybe try once more to call/email her and let her know that you are looking to talk just once. Closure is helpful for sure but that is only if you are ready for any answer. Go into it thinking she will tell you she does not love you and never will and loves someone else and then all else will only be up from there, without disappointment.

 

Im sorry to hear your story and I hope the best for you. These times are miserable and all the answers you want may never show. It seems these thigns happen without rhyme or reason and theres nothing to do but focus on yourself and try to find someone new.