Net Jedi Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Hello everyone, I just recently found this website and thought this would be a great place to help me through this tough time in my life. A quick background on my situation: So my girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me last 8 days ago right before she left for a trip to Arizona. I was caught off guard but after trying to figure out what was going on it became evident that she had been contemplating this for a while. She is coming home today from her trip and I have no clue how I'm going to react. We don't live together right now but I've decided to try to make this as clean a break as possible. I haven't contacted her for about 36 hours but I know that she is probably going to call me tomorrow to figure this whole thing out. She has said that she would like to stay friends but I'm not really sure about that since I don't think I'm going to be able to handle that. I would really appreciate any advice on how to handle this. I think I'm going to have to see her but I really don't want to. Since finding this forum and looking through some of the threads I think that I'm going to be ok, but I am really lost on what to do. Any help would really be appreciated. Thanks everyone.
fltc Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Tell her what you told us, that you really aren't capable of handling the 'friends' situation.
skibum Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 Im sorry to hear your situation it sounds very tough. It is damn near impossible to change a womans mind when theyve been thinking about it for a while. It sure would have been nice to have them let you know they were thinking about it so you at least would have had a chance to work on the relationship. I have never understood this whole "I am going to spring this huge decision on you that I have been secretly contemplating and expect you to take it fine since I am already over it." Pretty selfish if you ask me. I would at least talk to her when she gets back in. A clean break is always good but too clean a break I think is not since then you dont have a chance to at least have some closure/see their train of thought/have a two way discussion on this life changing decision. If after you talk she is adamant about breaking it off then for sure do some NC. As for the friends thing, that is tough. Let her know that you are not sure if you will be able to do it but you will have to see what the future holds. Its impossible to predict whether you will be able to be friends. Ya 8 years is a lond time and undoubtedly you two are close but is it really healthy in the long run if you still have feelings for her? The first time she dates again will be like ripping open the wounds all over. id certainly like to remain friends but we will see what the future holds. I am sure she is vague about dating again then why not be vague right back at her about being friends
Author Net Jedi Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 Thanks for the replies. A quick update: So things aren't going very well. I'm still struggling really badly and having some really wild mood swings over this whole deal. I recently found out that she started seeing other guys and going out roughly 4 days after she dumped me. It kinda crushed me to be honest. I've gone back and forth on what to do about her. The most crappy thing is that I'm going to be somewhat connected to her for awhile because I actually owe her some money that I'm paying her back. I've been failing miserably at NC and no matter how hard I try or how much I think about the bad times I can't stop thinking about all the things I did wrong. I guess I regret a lot of mistakes I made in the past and how hard she worked for so many years. I told her about how I feel about being friends and she was somewhat on board but to be honest it's going to be even tougher on me since she was my only true friend. Thanks to you guys for the replies and keep'em coming if you have any advice on how I should deal with this.
victoriaaa Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 remember it takes 2 to make or break a relationship. very easy to just blame yourself but the way she is treating you isnt fair. i also keep blaming myself too much.in some weird way i would probably prefer if my ex dated someone else. it would devastate me but would also prove some kind of closure as i would feel there would be no chance of reconciliation so i could actually move on. my ex owes me money so it is difficult. i actually have to go into his bank account online and transfer it into mine as he doesnt know to! maybe u can do it online? then doesnt feel so personal. try and disassociate it with her and see it as paying off a loan. i still have a mobile contract in his sisters name till early next year so cannot escape from that either!
Author Net Jedi Posted June 14, 2011 Author Posted June 14, 2011 Thanks to everyone who have been helping out in my time of need. Long post, I put some cliff notes at the bottom. After perusing this site and seeking out some other resources I have finally gotten control of my situation. Unfortunately for me it came after hitting rock bottom. At my lowest I sent my EX a text basically saying I feel so slighted that she could so easily replace me and that she has been so cruel in the way she has handled this. So I was still having a rough time when I went to a company function. There was beer provided, normally I'm not a big drinker but I figured "what the heck, I need to let my hair down". I had a pretty decent night just talking to some coworkers, dancing with some women, and just trying to have some fun in spite of everything that was going on. The next morning I was feeling energized (as well as hungover). I decided that I can just go out and try to have fun. That night I go to a salsa dancing lesson and have a blast. I realized that I don't need her to have a fulfilling life. So I send her this email: Hey xxxx, I'm not sure when you're gonna get this but I realized that you're right and that we aren't meant to be and we never will be. I'm not going to try to contact you anymore. Good luck with everything. Feeling good for the first time in a while I start to rebuild and regain my own identity when I get this email from her: To be honest with you, I feel like you're all over the place right now. How could I ever forget about you or stop caring about you??? And then you send me a message that says "I'm right we're never meant to be"?? I've never said that. I don't know where you're pulling quotes from. Anyway, I definitely will call you when I get home because I can't and don't have the time to be able to type it out. But there's been a lot on my mind, so for you think I could just forget about you is ridiculous. I'll talk to you soon. To be fair I did paraphrase, she never said "we're not meant to be". A few of the things she did say though: "I don't love you", "I have such a great time when I'm not around you", "I'm not happy when we're together", and finally "Even if you did everything perfectly it still wouldn't make me happy". So she called me the 2 days ago to try to set a time to meet up. I don't know what she's going to say and to be on honest I'm pretty sure I don't care. Thanks to homebrew and mack05 for some solid advice in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t282460/ and everyone else on here that makes this place an invaluable resource for people to vent and get through trying times. Cliff notes Finally start to get over EX by getting back out there and having a good time. Let EX know I'm done with her and that I'm moving on. Ex messages back saying that she will always care about me. Gonna meet up with her and listen to what she has to say and finish off this whole mess and keep on rebuilding my life. [COLOR=#888888] [/COLOR]
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