buranko Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I just broke up with my girlfriend on monday. it occured when we were on a holiday trip together with some friends. I must say this break up did come as a surprise to me, for we were happy all along, like it really didn't felt like the relationship was going downhill. 1st sign of trouble came when she kind of ignored me throughout the trip. later that night, i had a chance to get a one to one opportunity with her. we started kissing and hugging, and at that point, i thought she was pulling a prank on me all day or just having a tantrum. suddenly she told me to carry her on my back, something which i use to do. and we were walking back to the resort when suddenly she asked "if we should break-up" i was taken aback, and i of course said no. then we walked over to a nearby beach and had a chat. through tears, she said that i was very nice to her and that she really didn't want to break up with me but she is not happy together. while all these were happening, she told me to hug her tight and do things like kiss her forehead again etc. i shall not go into details of that conversation as i felt it wasn't useful, but it was short-lived, like 30mins and i ended by saying like i dont want to break up with you, but i love you, and if you think that you are better off without me, or that you are happier without me, then i will do it, for you. that night i was kind of hopeful that she had been rash and things would be alright. the next day, things did not become better, so i decided to have a talk with her. this time round, it was slightly more intense and i could sense some agitation in her. like i kind of understood her better, like some of the reasons given was that we seldom went out anymore and things were kind of routine like we were just friends and had lost that romance already. she said the same thing again, like i must be happy like before i met her. that there are still many good things in life. that night she got drunk, i was pulling her over to her bed, and she was all over me again, telling me how she doesn't want a break up but she isn't happy and kept apologising to me. asking me to go sleep with beside her etc. i brushed it aside as she was too drunk for any conversation to take place. the next day, i had a awful morning , so i went to drink by the beach all alone, thinking that she would not see me since there was no morning activity planned. but she did see me, i suppose she reckoned something was amiss and came to look for me. we chatted for a while, but nothing about our relationship. that night after dinner, it was our last night already, so all my friends stayed behind to drink and make merry. i was not very in the mood, so i left after dinner. Shortly, she came back as well. we were sleeping in different rooms, me with 3 other friends and she with 3 other friends. she suddenly came in and lied on the bed, saying that she's tired. i got up and decided to leave the room. she told me to lie beside her. so i lied beside her, and then she suddenly cuddled me like how she use to. and as time drags on, we ended up kissing really passionately. i thought she saw it through already and wanted to get together with me. instead after kissing, she told me the same things, that i must be happier and not be so sad. she says that everytime she sees me sad, she still would want to run over and tell me that she still loves me. i told her some stuffs, from the bottom of my heart, its neither sweet nor hurtful, but it made her cry and she was like telling me to stop and that why was i telling her all these only now. it wasn't conclusive and the next day we went back to being cold again. never did i once cried and begged her to come back, or raised my voice at her, which in your book, said that was the right thing to do during a break up. she initiated contact with me right after the trip and i gave short replies and it ended after 4 messages, with her telling me to take care. i established no contact with her ever since. although i still have her on facebook and twitter. through out my conversations with her, i asked her if she would be happier without me or better off without me, she said no, she would be sad and lonely and that she says she will miss me super alot. i've been in nc for 5 days already. However, come June, i would have to work with her for a 2 months project.
Kari Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 She doesn't know what she wants, one minute she is all over you and wanting to be with you. The next, she gets cold and decides that she no longer wants to be together. Did she give you a reason for wanting to split? Lack of spark, no longer "in love"? Can someone else be in the picture? Deciding to go NC was the best decision you could make. Give her some time apart so that she can reevaluate her feelings. During the NC Period you can do the same and reflect on the relationship. It is possible that one day she may contact you again and wish to pursue the relationship. However, during NC I would suggest that you take the time to move on encase otherwise.
Author buranko Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Did she give you a reason for wanting to split? Lack of spark, no longer "in love"? Can someone else be in the picture? thanks kari, she say no longer in love, she claimed like our relationship is becoming more and more friends like.
Author buranko Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 anyway, just a little update. i swear i've done nc, but she did contact me 3 days into it, well, we scheduled a dental appointment b4 we broke up and in the morning she smsed me asking me abt the appointment time. then a while later she msg me telling me that she wont be going for the dental appointment. throughout, i kept my cool, and i said things like noted, ok, i'll let them know. and although i hid her on fb, and i didn't check up on her profile, she tweeted stuffs like everything is driving her crazy, mind is running wild being all alone at home etc. i really dun want to think that those are in reference to me. but i cant help feeling that she hinting me to go talk to her, since her tweets came right after mine. any comments?
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Sticking NC is best way to go. This means no contacting her, no answering her messages or calls or texts that she leaves you. I know it's hard, but during NC you have to just focus on yourself. It would be easier if you would avoid looking at her FB, Twitter, or any other social networks. She needs to realize what she wants, she can't expect to have you, lead you on, and then decide it's not what she wants again. The NC period is needed.
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