Dumped by gf of 5 and a half years

[skibum]

So my ex and I had dated starting freshman year of undergrad and did long distance for 5 and a half years since then. Now we are both in graduate school long distance. It had been tough doing long distance for so long but we always traveled the world during the summer and it was made easier because we both knew it was totally worth it. Things had always been going well. We had the type of relationship that friends always commented on how perfect it was and we rarely fought and everything was great since we were such a great match.

 

I started medical school about 2 years and and we went through a rough patch since neither of us wanted to do long distance for a few more years. I wanted to end it and she convinced me to stick with it. Since then things had been great and I had been falling more in love than any other time in the relationship. She started grad school a year later (about a year ago) and went through the same thing I did when i started med school such as meeting new people, getting accustomed to a new way of life, new stressors. I was being extra nice and then all of a sudden a month ago she tells me she cannot do the distance any more. I was of course devastated since I feel I went through the same thing except I stuck with it and she gave up so quickly. It can not come at a worse time since I have a huge exam in a month and I cannot focuz on memorizing random facts since every 5 minutes she pops in my head. its easier not to think about it when doing things, but not when sitting in a room reading factoids.

 

She said that if I had lived closer then things would be fine but it seemed as if she were making up excuses. Saying that if I transferred we would still be busy and that she needs time to think about what she wants in life (completely unlike her) and that she still cares about me and all that. The thing is that in one year I will be living near her and working at her university too, why go through 5.5 years of relationship and give up so close to the end? It just doesnt seem to make sense and I am suspicious of another guy that she said she had a crush on while we were dating but then told me she was over him before she broke up with me. She says its not because of him and I have always trusted her but I dont know if I believe her on this one. It would be easier to get over her if she left me for another guy.

 

She says there is always a chance in the future when I move back home that we can try again since she cares for me. And I know she cares for me as a friend and wants to remain friends since our families are so close and we have spent so long together. We are doing a few months NC, which is incredibly difficult. Going from talking everyday to absolutely none at all is probably one of the hardest things I have had to go through in my life.

 

I guess my purpose is to get advice on how to deal with this. I have never before just stopped contact with an ex and the only reason I am doing it now is to try and preserve some friendship because I care so much about her I dont want to ruin any future chance by being clingy and emotional now. I really want her back and miss her so much and I know she is making a mistake and is just stressed with her studies and work and I know that I should let go but Im afraid if I do then I will only get over it by hating her and resenting her for doing this to me. Ugh I have never been so miserable

[EgoJoe]

Whatever you do man. Don't make the mistake I did.

 

Ignore breadcrumbs etc.

 

Don't break the no contact and don't I repeat, do not send flowers etc.

 

Go out to a bar and chill, find a hotty and offer to buy her a drink to take a pic with you, take a snapshot and put it on your facebook.

 

Remove her from your news feed and start talking about having so much free time to relax and chill.

[loverboy1984]

Hey buddy I think I can genuinely say I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!

 

I was with my gf for 6yrs. Im also in medical school and I will be taking my Step 1 in 2 weeks. My gf went to grad school across the country and broke up with me just recently right when Im studying for the step. Its been really really hard. My story is 90% Identical to yours so I wont go into further details.

 

Here is what I have done which may help you.

 

Go NC. Delete her from FB, dont check out her page because it will make you analyze everything and drive you nuts. delete her number so you dont get the urge to call.

 

write a contract to yourself giving yourself your own word that you wont contact her.

 

Ive been in NC for over 2 months now. Its gotten a little easier but not over her yet and yes I still want her back.

 

I think there is hope for both of us and that when they say if we were there it would be different it means they havent stopped loving us. But when a girl is in a new environment they want to have guiltless fun and enjoy their surroundings. try do keep busy and give her space and hopefully her feelings can allow her to miss you. If she comes back then and you want her try to see what went wrong and fix it and start again. I think long distance can work if both sides want it to.

 

During this time you will love her and hate her but when the dust settles ask yourself if you really do want her. For me the answer is yes. But Im gonna wait for her to make the next move since she broke it off. You should too.

 

If you do reconcile be smart about it. Just like doctor dont treat the symptoms but seek the underlying cause and treat the disease. Make sure if and when you get back it wont break again.

 

Ive done alot of stuff to cope, and this has been one of the darkest moments in my life. try to talk to friends, family, go out and study. Its easier said than done but it does get better. Just dont talk to her. You are worthy of someone who wants you enough to make it work

 

Long distance shouldnt be an excuse to break up. So many of my classmates are in relationships or married and doing rotations around the country away from their bf/gf. The troops abroad are in LDR with their spouces, and many working couples are in LDRs but they work. Trust, Communication, and Love are the ingredients. You can only affect the first 2 but the love is her choice. So let her find herself and see if she does love you. In the meantime try to move on.

Edited May 15, 2011 by loverboy1984

[skibum]

thanks for the words loverboy.

Goddamm it is so hard! I have lost so much study time for Step 1 and I have such a hard time focusing. I take the exam in a month and part of me is so incredibly bitter for the timing. I mean seriously, there could not have been a worse time to do this.

 

I know I want to get back with her since she has been perfect for me. This obviously being the only flaw. I am on about 4 weeks of NC (though I did wish her happy bday yesterday via a bland text). I know that is the smart thing to do but I am afraid of growing too far apart. That is the risk you gotta take though I guess.

 

Its true that love can stand LDR and I sure was willing. Maybe in a year when I go back home for externships we can rekindle but banking on that fact is not a good idea since it will just make this next year that much harder. Its also kinda miserable since I have like 3 good friends, one of whom is getting married soon, that had long term relationships that went on a break for about 3 months and then got back together. I wish that could happen to me and people tell me that it may work in the future after she has some space and realizes how much she misses me. But that isnt a healthy way to get over it.

 

Good luck with your girl and Step 1, I do hope it works for you the best way in the end. These are the darkest times in my life ever and I have never ever been the type for panic attacks or drama like this and I have been getting some crazy anxiety attacks for the first time in my life due to this and Step 1 looming over me like a dark cloud. hard to distract yourself with First Aid and Goljan.

 

God I miss her so much.

[sun_moon]

I tell you it was refreshing to read the replies to the original post, and even you skibum.

As a female, its always enlightening for me to read the opposite point of view, yet somehow, when you drill it down, we all feel the same pain.

 

Can I give you a female perspective. Who knows if she's met someone else, the truth somehow always finds a way out, I suggest you run away from that thought as fast as possible and dive into your books, in a public place.

 

I remember when I used to go through fights with a boyfriend, or when I was broken up from a boyfriend and I could not study for the life of me. Trust me as a fellow graduate student, we all know how difficult it is to focus when you feel like **** and heart broken. You must place yourself in NEW distracting surroundings, don't study somewhere quiet or at home. A coffee shop always helped me, when I got stuck in a perpetuating thought of my broken heart, I took a break, looked at all the other people studying hard, people watched, etc...and tired again....

 

Medical school is so stressful, two of my siblings are/went through it, you worked so hard to get to where you are, remind yourself of your worth, in the end if the relationship works or doesnt, you will still be a DOCTOR, dont let her rob you from your future and success.

 

Please for the love of god, do NOT rebound, you will forever lose her if you do. That is the boat I am in, I am in that horrible place. The one you described. I ended the relationship of two years, but for very different reasons, HE talked me into hanging on and working it out, I agreed to communicate with him for a window of hope, he told me there was no one else but me and couldnt fathom moving on to someone else, he convinced me to have hope and keep "talking"

He took care of me while I was recovering from surgery, and a week later, his communication slowed down and eventually stopped, he kept telling me he wanted his space to figure things out to make himself better for me.

 

Then I realized during our space, when there was NC, that I couldnt do this anymore, that I wanted to get back with him and deal with our issues together, I wanted to tell him ALL OR NOTHING lets jump back in.....we never made it to that talk, that heart to heart I wanted.

 

He talked to me minimally, was very short with me and told me he wanted his space, and that he wasnt involving himself with any girl and not to worry.

 

I found out he was lying, he was dating this girl, and from my guess, it was a week after my surgery, when his attitude changed toward me, and he wanted his "space"

 

So after 2 years, he jumps into another relationship in a month. I feel betrayed and deceived, because he straight up lied to me when I asked him if he met someone. In that one swoop action, he killed all hope for us, I told him that, and how does he respond, he blames me, for his LIES he blames me. Now that is pain....I want to forget the pain, I want to heal fast.

 

 

If after a period of time you dont hear from her, I suggest you talk to her. Feelings and love of 5.5 years just dont go away ok. If you love her, fight for her, show her you want her, unless she's in the wrong.

 

I will be thinking of you, be strong my friend, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, it sounds like your a good man. I pray I find someone like that one day. For now, I have to stay strong and have NC with a man who obviously didnt value me or want to fight for me.

[loverboy1984]

Hey

 

I was going to take my test a month ago but had to delay it because of this. I had such a hard time dealing with it. I had isolated myself to study and told all my friends and family to leave me alone then this happened. When your sitting alone reading FA or even doing Uworld sometimes the silence makes your mind wonder. It feel like her memory is a wallpaper in my head, and I cant avoid seeing it no matter what Im thinking about.

 

I know she loves me, and I feel like she did this because shes in grad school, has a new environment, new friends, and a new social life. We had been having stupid arguements and I think I got boring since I was just studying and couldnt talk about anything else. Im hoping no contact will give her space, let her deal with her school and maybe even feel the void. I think its impossible to have been with someone this long and not have them think of you. I say let them go out have fun and even date other guys. I think it will only make us look better. Everyone else will just be trying to get in their pants (why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free). And even if they have an attraction to someone else its only infatuation not the love that we showed them.

 

Im worried about growing apart too, and Im worried that No Contact will make it easier for her to forget about me. But realisticaly if these girls are meant to be with us then they shouldnt get over us that quick. Think of it this way: Time is like a wind, it blows out small flames while making the big ones bigger. If their love for us was real it should only grow stronger. If me and you were to marry these girls and they pull this crap then we are at risk of losing alot more. All this studying and hard work to be a doctor only to lose half of your life in a divorce. So lets take it as a blessing.

 

I say avoid contact for atleast a month an a half. Im considering breaking it to wish her luck on her exams coming up but Im not sure. Part of me is thinking she may wish my luck on the step.

 

Being 2 months along I can tell you I still cry some days. Some days Im super confident and know that I can be with anyone, and that Im not tied down then I get back to loving her. Its crazy and the timing is what sucks the most.

 

I thought about setting my test back a little but Im just so exhausted from studying and using my energy to suppress this. I just want get it over with.

[loverboy1984]

Sun Moon

 

Thanks for sharing your story

 

My gf said theres no one else but for the longest time I felt like there was because she felt so distant, comfortable and cold. She heard me cry over the phone and didnt show any emotion. And shes usually very emotional. Shes forgiven me for many things and even if shes been with a guy Im willing to look past it. Physical cheating after 6 years of love, commitment and dedication I have recieved from her is more excusable than emotional cheating. I want to fight for her but I feel like she already knows where I stand. The only thing I did wrong and I regret is after she broke up with me I yelled at her and said you wont ever find anyone who loves you the way I do and that you dont deserve me. I told her that your now out of my life, good luck then I said bye and hung up. I was frustrated but was out of line. Im hoping she would contact me but your saying despite all this that I should go after her again?

[sun_moon]

loverboy1984

 

all the things your saying are right on target. I know its so much harder said than done, but you can get through this. There is no way in hell she isnt thinking about you. 6 years is a long time.

 

Your suffering is her's too, my friends always try to remind me of that. She is feeling the same loneliness, same misery, same everything.

 

If you want to wish her good luck, then do so, just use the KISS method, she will appreciate the gesture and its not you being clingy, just thoughtful.

[sun_moon]

What led to her breaking up, just the distance?

 

When we are first faced with the break up we all react differently, but its better than NO reaction, at least you showed you cared and wanted her. So if that is all that was said and done, a couple of sentences arent going to ruin your 6 years. Unless, you've had a rough history. Also, I dont know the details but...

 

Ask yourself these questions:

 

1. Is my intuition/gut telling me she's moved on or is dating someone? If yes or you find this to be true, continue NC she doesnt deserve you.

 

2. Is she confused/stressed like me? If yes, send a thoughtful kind gesture showing her your support, like a nice small email/text. Talk about love in action, I love it when men are supportive, its soooooooo much more indication of how they feel for you then just exchanging the word.

 

3. Is her coldness/indifference an indication of something negative you dont like about her, is this something she's been guilty of before? If so, leave her alone.

 

4. Fight for her only if your gut is screaming it's the right thing to do because you cant live without this woman! Ok let me drop down the dramatic affect here.....AFTER YOUR STEP 1 exams, after you've decompressed and gave her time, ask yourself, what are our issues? Are they salvageable, or have you always been broken with small band-aids that dont seem to heal your wounds? Does she treat me well and respect me, do I?

[skibum]

I feel as if I am in the exact same boat. Its crazy how similar our situations are.

 

It definately has to do with her being in a new situation at school and all. Which makes me kinda bitter because when I first started med school 2 years ago I went through it too. I had new friends, cute crushes, and a helluva lot more stress. I went home over XMas to break up and she said we should give it a shot. So I did and then fell more in love than ever. She was living at home at that time and working and relying on me for friendship and support.

Now this shoe is on the other foot and she meets some guy she has a crush on and gets stressed with labs and wont even warn me or give me a chance to make it work. I was so incredibly loyal and passed on so many other opportunities to stay with her and give her a chance and then at the first whim she gives up on me? So close to when we could actually be near each other 24/7?

 

Although I am bitter at that I dont want to be since I feel for her and people respond to similar situations differently.

 

I just hope that if she dates around she wont have a bad memory of me. When she broke up with me she seemed to be making excuses about how there were factors more than distance. That distance was the main reason but other things about my personality contributed. She came up with tellign me I made her feel insecure about her body around me (such BS, I always told her how cute she was and that she was so beautiful) or how I am sometimes immature (Im in med school for crying out loud, any immaturity I show is just jokingly and the same type she does, it was that type of relationship. We have had many serious times together going through family deaths and deep discussions) or how it was creepy how I would talk about marriage (she brought it up and would talk about how cute our babies were I was never spontaneously talking about it).

 

Only time will heal but it sure is hard and I know she is making a huge mistake and hope she realizes that before it is too late and I no longer want to date her.

 

I was going to propose to her after I graduated med school.

[loverboy1984]

Sun moon

 

We have a good relationship for the most part. I have not been perfect and could have been better but that is not the reason this happened. One night I was sitting and studying and I got a really painful feeling in my chest. I closed my eyes and saw her kissing someone at a bar. I texted her and she said shes out and she would call me later. When she did I asked her if she kissed anyone when I texted her. She paused and said...yes how did you know?

 

Shes never cheated, and been loyal. She told me she regretted it and it didnt mean anything but then asked for a break. She said she needed to figure herself out and that its not fair to me that she go on knowing this happened. I initially agreed and wasnt even mad thats she kissed the guy and forgave her right then. two days before she broke up she told me shes 99% sure she is going to be with me. She said I want to marry you and that I know we are meant to be and that she just needs some time to figure things out. she didnt say what.

 

But later on I felt awkward talking to her and I felt her slipping away so I asked her to tell me now if shes going to be with me or not because I didnt want her to break up with me a month later before my test. I told her I need to start healing and I dont want to be strung along. So she broke up with me. She didnt have a reason but every reason I gave her she said maybe to. She sounded unsure and confused. Thats when I got mad and said all that stuff.

 

a few days later she messages my sister to ask how I am doing and tells her she feels bad that this happened while I was studying but she couldnt keep me in limbo like this and that wouldnt have been fair for me. She also said that hopefully once both of us are done studying we would be in a good enough place in our lives to start over.

 

that line has me so confused. I dont know what to think of it. I know she loves me I know shes busy but I dont think shes hooking up. I think she was exploring the possibility of seeing other people or had a crush but thats it.

[loverboy1984]

I feel as if I am in the exact same boat. Its crazy how similar our situations are.

 

It definately has to do with her being in a new situation at school and all. Which makes me kinda bitter because when I first started med school 2 years ago I went through it too. I had new friends, cute crushes, and a helluva lot more stress. I went home over XMas to break up and she said we should give it a shot. So I did and then fell more in love than ever. She was living at home at that time and working and relying on me for friendship and support.

Now this shoe is on the other foot and she meets some guy she has a crush on and gets stressed with labs and wont even warn me or give me a chance to make it work. I was so incredibly loyal and passed on so many other opportunities to stay with her and give her a chance and then at the first whim she gives up on me? So close to when we could actually be near each other 24/7?.

 

this is 100% like me... I feel like I wrote this

[sun_moon]

I know this is hard to hear but fate works in mysterious ways, mine told me hey girl ITS OVER, he keeps proving to you time and time again he's not good enough for you, he doesnt treat your right....then he does this, he rebounds....

 

that is not a sign of good character I'm looking for in a man, he proved once and for all he cannot be trusted, and is so week emotionally and mentally, that he couldnt stand to be alone, he had to go to something else.

 

Its so hard to listen to a break up when you dont want to let that person go. Remind yourself of the reasons she listed, were they fixable excuses or legitimate flaws/differences in personalities that she didnt like? If its more serious you have to listen to her request because ultimately you dont want to be with someone that doesnt want all of you.

 

I'm reading my own comments and making myself sad. Its really tough my friend.

hang in there, keep yourself busy, you will gain some insight eventually.

[loverboy1984]

Thanks for your advice.

 

me and skibum have plenty to keep us busy its just hard to study with a hole in your heart. But we know that our best days are ahead of us. Me and him will take our exam and be successful physicians and because we are good people and have not broken a womans heart but instead shown how loving and committed we are, we will be the perfect catch for someone who can truly appreciate us.

 

My gf will be missing out on a successful, smart, attractive, loving, committed, cultured guy. I hope she sees that before its too late.

[skibum]

Thanks for your advice.

 

me and skibum have plenty to keep us busy its just hard to study with a hole in your heart. But we know that our best days are ahead of us. Me and him will take our exam and be successful physicians and because we are good people and have not broken a womans heart but instead shown how loving and committed we are, we will be the perfect catch for someone who can truly appreciate us.

 

My gf will be missing out on a successful, smart, attractive, loving, committed, cultured guy. I hope she sees that before its too late.

 

I couldnt have said it better myself.

 

I have always thought as love as something that is not fate but something that you work on to succeed. No such thing as love at first sight. And people always say if it is meant to be it will be. I have issue with that but there is some truth because if she is not willing to work on it then there is no use waiting and I should get to work on building love with someone else.

[sun_moon]

loverboy1984

 

she sounds VERY confused. While I have no doubt the woman is crazy about you (also applies to skibum lol), I do think her taking time away from you will sort things out for her. She will either realize through NC that she cant be without you and truly wants to reunite or shes trying to hash out her future and find out if you two are the right fit for each other.

 

Either way, as painful as she is making this, it could be a lot worse. She is respecting your time and education and leaving you alone completely, so she isnt stringing you along, that is torture.

 

she is showing she cares by reaching out to your sister, but at the same time she knows that will get back to you, so that indicates to me she definitely doesn't want you to forget her.

 

Continue your NC, both of you! Both women sound confused.

I truly believe that the ultimate test of love/character/and strength comes from bad situations, how will these women handle themselves alone?

Leaving them alone sounds like a good remedy, its hard not to want to wait, but you two both have so much to do. You schooling and exams need priority.

Eventually, their desire to want to be with you or not will show through somehow, through action or in action. I 100% believe in that, through the personal experience I so painfully gained.

[sun_moon]

Thanks for your advice.

 

My gf will be missing out on a successful, smart, attractive, loving, committed, cultured guy. I hope she sees that before its too late.

 

 

Now, I like the sound of that! SO TRUE

[loverboy1984]

Sun Moon

 

thanks for giving us your take on this. Once we graduate if you get sick we will make house calls just for you.lol

 

 

Ive always wondered how these girls who have been in love with us and been with us 5-6 yrs feel on a daily basis?

 

do they hurt?regret? feel relieved or miserable? is it easy? I feel like mine is keeping busy and enjoying her surroundings. People here on LS seem to agree that girl dumpers handle things better since they thought about it and checked out. I could see my gf was thinking about it. she felt cold, distant, and her voice even sounded different. I felt awkward talking to her. I felt like I was talking to a girl who I just met.

[sun_moon]

Loverboy1984

 

lol AWESOME ...house calls yeah...

 

No I really dont agree with that statement. I initiated the breakup, doesnt mean I didnt love him, doesnt mean that it wasnt the hardest thing I've ever done.

 

I feel as if men cope better and move on faster, because they seem to be less emotionally attached and so its easier to put on that poker face and push through that day.

 

Here I am on a Sunday morning, its barely broken 8 am and I feel the need to return to the forum. I am completely heart broken and I wish for anything to feel happier and resolute.

 

So no it is not easy. I'm no where near ok and I wish I could just pick up the pieces and go. Its a flaw in my personality, lol, I'm so damn sensitive.

 

I dont know what to do, I having trouble coping with the loss, and after what happened yesterday, (why did i call him? WHY? to hear about his stupid new GF/fling) i feel like I'm back at day one, completely regressed and freaking depressed.

[fetish]

skibum,

 

I've been reading through your situation and 5.5 years is a lengthy time. I was with my girlfriend turned fiance for 8 years and know the deep pain involved in losing someone who's been in your life for that long. You feel like you're alone, like its the worse thing that could've happened to you next to death of a loved one, hopeless, but that's just the aftermath of being in love. I've been through heartbreak several times in my life, but the degree i feel now is worse than I ever have.

 

We both mutually ended our relationship in February after some harsh words and threats bout splitting up. She always goes on temper tandrums and leaves when she gets mad. Well she thought she was going to "show me" by out of our apartment. She even later said that i didn't even try hard to stop her from leaving. I told her "I was done begging!" I had been begging her for months to stop her reckless behavior. I even walked on eggshells to keep the peace half the time for fear she'd blow up, but she was in the wrong this last time.She let some bills slip and had the nerve to be gambling. Hell NO, i'm not begging you back. What do i need you for?

 

Yes, this sucks right now seeing you're in the middle of your studies. I know its hard but you have to really focus on that. I blew a job interview behind the sucky mood I was in about 3 weeks after my breakup. But you have to know this is your future. Talk to a school counselor if you need to or keep posting on this site. Alot of good people on this site. I know how hard it is to stay tough but the trick is to keep going.

[sun_moon]

Hey guys,

hows the studying going?

[loverboy1984]

Its going slow but its the final stretch for me. My test is Monday. 8am for 8 hours. Im pushing through. My ex has an important test the day after me so Im sure shes stressing out too. In fact we have always been there for each other in times like this.

 

Ive decided to break no contact after my exam. Im going to send her a text wishing her luck, and saying I know she will do great and that I am proud of her and also say I love her( this part I was hesitant of but I think it wont hurt me). Despite what anyone may say I feel like doing this will make me feel like a bigger person. I know she still loves me and If theres anything there this will get it out. Im also in a really good position to do this after 2.5 months of NC. If it goes well then great if not I wont be hurt as much. Plus it will be after my test so I will be jacked up and confident looking forward to a much deserved break and a fun summer. I get to scratch the itch that I have had for 2.5 months. I get to erase my last impression which was me being bitter and frustrated, and I get to be true and honest about how I feel and know for real if indeed this chapter is closed or not. Im not going to play games. I dont hurt anymore and have endured the pain already. Im begining a new chapter in my life and if she wants to be part of it shes welcome to work on this with me if not im ready to roll and the best days are ahead of me.

 

I will keep the forum posted as to what happens.

[skibum]

man o man good luck on Monday loverboy. It sure will feel good to have that out of the way. And a real summer!

 

I take mine June 15 so I still have a month left and am getting so stressed out over it. I knew this was going to be one of the hardest times in my life before I was dumped and now it is so much worse. I go to school to study because sitting in my dark room alone at my computer sure doesnt help. Its hard to focus and I keep getting distracted by thoughts of her. I get a lot done but I know its not nearly as good studying as I would have had had this not happened. I know I need to push her out of my mind and focus but that is waaaaay easier said than done. Constantly getting only 50% on Uworld certainly isnt helping the mood haha.

 

Me and the ex had a talk a month ago when this happened and we decided that on June 16 we will talk and see how we are doing and whether we can work on the friendship. I really really want the relationship to pick up but given that the main reason she couldnt do it anymore was the long distance I dont see that happening. I am thinking that when we talk I will tell her that I cannot be in this grey zone anymore (although she made it clear she wants us to date other ppl) and either we try again or I completely move on and we can be platonic friends.

 

I know I want her in my life someway since our families are best friends and her parents are distraught with her making this choice and think its the wrong one and we have so many memories of flying to visit each other in undergrad and traveling the world in hostels together. I dont want to let that go but if she is insistent then I have no choice but to move on. I think it will be easier to get over her once rotations start June 31 and I am legit working all day instead of trying to memorize factoids. I just cant wait until I go home in a year for externships and hope we can start over from scratch then but who knows what my mindset will be like then. It would be so easy to hate her for doing this to me at the worst time in my life. But I know that she is so stressed with grad school starting (just like I was when I came to med school) and her parents may have to move out of the country due to being fired for a BS reason and many other reasons, I just hope she works through her stress before I am gone for good

[loverboy1984]

Skibum

 

Hey dont sweat 50% on Uworld. I was at that too. I finished Uworld with 61% but there were alot of times where I would score even below 50. Use it as a learning tool. Start with a block of 46 timed each day then review the answers. Also when you study a subject once your done, do a set on just that subject in tutorial mode and use it as guide. From what I hear Uworld is a bit harder than the real thing. Someone told me that you cant really gauge what score you get based on Uworld but I hear people who get 65%+ get above 220. Your average will come up slow because you have to do alot of questions and get really high. Dont sweat it, just learn. Also dont forget to do the NBME tests.

 

Anyways Im sitting in a room with no windows studying the same way you are. Its depressing and it sucks. Hang in there. I wish I had more time to study and feel like my studying has not been as effective as I would like but honestly Im burnt out. More time will make me slower, and forget what I already know. I just want to be done with it.

 

LDR is tough and I know once we get into rotations there will be other girls, you will have confidence based on what your doing and you will forget all this. I may be doing my rotation where she is so thats why I want to make it work. Even if I end up doing it somewhere else Im willing to do LDR since you dont really have time to be with anyone anyways even if they were right there. I have a strong feeling we are going to get back together but If it doesnt work out Im not going to sweat it to much. I did all I could, Ive already hurt but became stronger.

[skibum]

OK so I am back to update. Ive been NC since April 24 (minus a happy bday text a week ago) and although I am better than I was a few weeks ago that is not saying much considering I was the lowest I have ever felt then.

But today I was running and for some reason whenever I run I got music blasting and I use anger at the situation to go farther and faster but then I start getting all teary eyed and super pissed while running it is a pretty pathetic scene. So I did that and then broke down today I dont know when I will be able to get past this.

 

The whole situation just makes me sick, I have had plans and control all my life and now I feel like this huge hole has just opened up in my life. I will admit, even in the relationship I would define my happiness through her and vice versa. I know I need to work on myself in this tough time but dammit I have bad coping skills I need someone close with me to share my feelings and life. Multiple times a day I read or hear something and find myself thinking "ha, i need to tell her about this" because I am so used to that.

 

Sorry for my rambling but heres some more info on the breakup. It was hard on her I kno, she was crying and bawling when she did it and it was just the distance. I had made this really amazing album for her 2 years ago (noncool guy gift) but I put a ton of effort into it and it was romantic and nice and I told her to please not throw it out and give it to me instead if she was goign to. She said she wanted to keep it because she didnt want to forget all the good times we have had. And she really wanted me in her life and I said that once she gets a new bf he wouldnt allow her to talk to me and she said she didnt care, because she needs me in her life (after 2 months NC because that transition cant happen in a day).

 

I still love her like crazy and am thinking that maybe I wont be able to do that. Not out of anger or to get back at her but because that isnt healthy for me. I need to move on. But in a year when I am home she said we could try starting from scratch depending where we are in life. So theres that hope but I am not counting on that.

 

All I want is for her to realize she made a mistake and we can try again when we talk in July.

 

Not out of false hope, but what are the odds of her realizing her mistake? We were perfect together and traveled the world every summer and I met her grandparents before they died last year and her whole family loves me and her parents are devastated. And I want to maintain that friendship with them and will have dinner with them when I go home in June for a few weeks.

 

Ugh what a long post, Ive jsut had a bad day and am looking for support