stephmichelle Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 So, he starts dating another girl a week after spending the night with me, 2 1/2 months broken up, together 3 years. I wake up to this text message sent at 3am.. "As u already know I'm dating someone...I was going 2 tell u as soon as it was official but, after tha arguement on tha phone, u calling her, and tha fake txt messages u sent yourself supposedly from her, I didnt feel I owed it to u..but after thinking about it for a while we thought it best 2 officially tell it directly 2 u finally clear the air" WTF! First of all, I called her because he was lying to me about seeing her and wouldn't admit to it - so I asked her the truth (which she lied to me also) and that led to the arguement, I didn't send myself any text messages acting like her so she's telling him a lie. But seriously, I wake up to THIS after 2 weeks NC. I've been staring at this text message for about 30 minutes now. "To finally clear the air" - are you kidding me?! You want to try and make yourself feel better?! I want to text him back and tell him exactly what I think and tell him to never text me again. What he did was NOT okay and he shouldn't be able to think that by sending me some stupid text message he can feel better now. I am beyond pissed off. What should I do? Do I write back exactly how I feel and tell him to never contact me again? Or should I just ignore it - I REALLY want to text back but I need advice on what the best thing would be to do.
smudge21 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Sounds to me like he's trying to wind you up enough so you will bite and text back. Don't give him the satisfaction. When an ex texts back we really should only respond when they're being nice and showing that they care and miss us (even though it's open to debate). Stay NC.
JasonRules Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 @Steph Your ex does not owe you any explanations if he doesn't want to give you any. Just because he wouldn't admit to it does not give you the right force the issue by contacting the girl he is seeing, his friends, or anyone else for that matter. How about showing some spine and pride and just going NC and not caring? Why all the drama? Nothing better to do? You've made all the classic mistakes. Chasing your ex after the break up. Allowing him to use you and sleep with you. Then dumping you a second time to get together with his current girlfriend. The more you do all this stuff the more he loses respect for you and the more crazy he will think you are. As to your original question; there is no need to respond because there is nothing to respond to. You wanted him to admit to you he was seeing someone else? Guess what? Now you got it directly from the source. Nothing you do or say will change anything. It will only make you look bad and out of control to others.
betterdeal Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 What should I do? Do I write back exactly how I feel and tell him to never contact me again? Or should I just ignore it - I REALLY want to text back but I need advice on what the best thing would be to do. Count yourself lucky you got out of that pile of pigsh*t sooner rather than later, remember that sometimes the best way to annoy someone is to not get annoyed, delete / block his message, phone number, Facebook, email etc. go book yourself a haircut / massage / facial / some pampering and let it go. Ignoring him and not gracing him with a response is your best option if you want to move on to better things. Then you start the rest of your life.
radiodarcy Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 So, he starts dating another girl a week after spending the night with me, 2 1/2 months broken up, together 3 years. I wake up to this text message sent at 3am.. "As u already know I'm dating someone...I was going 2 tell u as soon as it was official but, after tha arguement on tha phone, u calling her, and tha fake txt messages u sent yourself supposedly from her, I didnt feel I owed it to u..but after thinking about it for a while we thought it best 2 officially tell it directly 2 u finally clear the air" WTF! First of all, I called her because he was lying to me about seeing her and wouldn't admit to it - so I asked her the truth (which she lied to me also) and that led to the arguement, I didn't send myself any text messages acting like her so she's telling him a lie. But seriously, I wake up to THIS after 2 weeks NC. I've been staring at this text message for about 30 minutes now. "To finally clear the air" - are you kidding me?! You want to try and make yourself feel better?! I want to text him back and tell him exactly what I think and tell him to never text me again. What he did was NOT okay and he shouldn't be able to think that by sending me some stupid text message he can feel better now. I am beyond pissed off. What should I do? Do I write back exactly how I feel and tell him to never contact me again? Or should I just ignore it - I REALLY want to text back but I need advice on what the best thing would be to do. i wouldn't even honor that garbage of a text message with a response. what an imbecile! just ignore it and stick to NC.
rayne05us Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Do not even respond to that mess!! Move on girl!! Move on!! You don't need him!! You're gorgeous! and I'm sure you have alot going for you that he didn't appreciate. He does not make you... Best of Luck!!
JasonRules Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Do not even respond to that mess!! Move on girl!! Move on!! You don't need him!! You're gorgeous! and I'm sure you have alot going for you that he didn't appreciate. He does not make you... Best of Luck!! @Steph The poster is right. You're a cute girl. You can do much better than this. Why do you keep chasing this douchebag? He hasn't been dating this new girl for more than a month and he already cheated on her (with you). If this is your "ideal" man, I honestly feel sorry for you.
Author stephmichelle Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 THANK YOU everyone so much for replying! It means a lot to me @Jason - I'm definitely not chasing him - when I started NC 2 weeks ago, that was the end for me. I AM still upset about how easily I was replaced though - it hurts...anyone would surely feel the same way. If I hadn't of recieved that text message from him last night, I wouldn't even be considering breaking NC now to reply. I am slowly moving on & done with his drama and I feel like he senses that and tries to stir more up. I see everything he is now - a liar, cheater, coward, jerk - the list goes on. If he were to beg for me back in a couple of months, there's NO WAY I would ever consider taking him back. Him accusing me of lies though, when SHE is the one that lied about her texting me, is what pisses me off. If he would've simply said "I just wanted you to know, I am in a relationship with her now." and apologized - I would've left it at that. I wrote up a text message in my notes on my iPhone but haven't sent it - I can't stand to be accused of something I didn't do. I know I shouldn't care what they think but it just makes me mad! Below is the VERY long text message I wrote up when I first got his text, but HAVEN'T sent. The more time I have to think about it, the more I realize it is probably best just to ignore and act like it hasn't phased me. I know everyone here is right about sticking to NC. I wasn't even going to text you back but yes, I know you two are together. I only called her so I would get the truth which I still didn't get- I knew every lie you were telling me from the start, you wouldn't even admit to seeing her when I knew you got in the car with her that night Britt & Jon were fighting - that's why I kept asking where you were and you just said "in my room hiding", I gave you several chances to tell me the truth. I didn't send myself any fake text messages, I kept asking whose number that was and you just kept saying you didn't know, so whoever you believe is your decision, I've never lied to you before and I have absolutely no reason to now. Sleeping with me and telling me you loved me Saturday and then turning around and sleeping with her just days later and then getting into a relationship with her that following week?! That's when I finally saw you and everything for what it was. Three years together and I don't deserve to be told the truth from the start and a lousy text message like the one you just sent instead of calling?! - I shouldn't expect anything more from you though. If after 3 years you didn't think you owed it to me before, then why now. You've probably been telling her a whole different story, too. You're a terrible person and you can try to justify your actions however you want, but deep down inside, you know what you did was really low, and even now you still can't give me the apology I deserve, you're just trying to make yourself feel better. You've ruined every happy memory I ever had of us by your actions - thats the ONLY thing that hurts me. I'm sure she's there with you now in the house we practically built together - So, thank you BOTH for deciding to "clear the air" but I really don't care anymore, I'm over it and over you. You two deserve each other and I hope you both have a happy life together. Please do not ever contact me again.
JasonRules Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I am proud of you sending that email. I liked the last sentence though even more so. Never put up with this kind of crap from anyone. You deserve much better. I know it is difficult to just throw 3 years away, but you have to remember he was the one that threw them away, not you. Never get involved with him again. It's obvious he broke up with you to be with another woman and then when he wasn't sure it was a "done deal" he came running back to you, used you for sex and filled your head with hot air, then went back to her as soon as he was on more sure footing. You're an option for him, not a priority. Now I'm willing to bet money that things will not work out between them and once the honeymoon period is over he'll come running to you like a dog, but you have to stick to your guns. If you get back with this guy, he'll cheat/lie again and you will be seeing no pity from any of us. Stay strong, keep focused, and post here if you need to. Also, maintain NC to give yourself time to recover. In many cases our exes never admit to having another person in the picture because doing so would close the door forever in case they "suddendly find themselves" (ie. they got dumped) and want to come back.
Author stephmichelle Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 I am proud of you sending that email. I liked the last sentence though even more so. Never put up with this kind of crap from anyone. You deserve much better. I know it is difficult to just throw 3 years away, but you have to remember he was the one that threw them away, not you. Never get involved with him again. It's obvious he broke up with you to be with another woman and then when he wasn't sure it was a "done deal" he came running back to you, used you for sex and filled your head with hot air, then went back to her as soon as he was on more sure footing. You're an option for him, not a priority. Now I'm willing to bet money that things will not work out between them and once the honeymoon period is over he'll come running to you like a dog, but you have to stick to your guns. If you get back with this guy, he'll cheat/lie again and you will be seeing no pity from any of us. Stay strong, keep focused, and post here if you need to. Also, maintain NC to give yourself time to recover. In many cases our exes never admit to having another person in the picture because doing so would close the door forever in case they "suddendly find themselves" (ie. they got dumped) and want to come back. Thank you, Jason. I really do appreciate everything you have to say. So, should I send that or just not bother? It's still just sitting in a rough draft. I will remain NC, either way. I do see now that I was only an option - everything he was telling me, was just a way to keep me around until he was sure of this other girl. I shouldn't have let myself get used that way but I was heartbroken and foolish to believe I could trust him. I'm slowly building my self confidence back up - talking to a few guys and getting to know them better. Making new friends if anything else. I'm going out tomorrow night with my girl friends and I WILL have fun I know not all men are the way he is and I'm not going to shut myself off to the world - even though some days it's hard not to. I'm proud of myself for not just jumping into a relationship to ease the pain of being alone like he did. I faced the pain every day and night, alone, and worked/working through it. I've learned where I made mistakes and will be better because of it - something I don't think he did. So, I know whenever I do find a good guy to be with, it'll be so much greater than what I had with my ex because I took the time to heal and mature. Thank you so much again, it really helps me
kaycstamper Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 If you're with someone and they cheat on you I think it's totally warranted to check it out however you can. Once you've split up though I wouldn't contact him or his new GF. His text to you is cheesy and it sounds like he likes drama or pushing buttons so the best way to respond is don't! Move on and find someone more within your class. (((Hugs!!)))
betterdeal Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Sometimes the best way to annoy someone is to not get annoyed. Sending that email shows you to be annoyed. Don't stand downwind of his brain farts and you'll come up smelling of roses.
rayne05us Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I agree with betterdeal...let him think you're cool and calm and none of this bothers you by not contacting him!! It will drive him CRAZY!! Think about it, if someone doesn't respond to you, you get pissed off right!!!!?! Exactly )
WTRanger Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Usually I'm an advocate of replying if someone took the time to send you a from the heart message, but this text is just this dillweed looking to comfort his own guilt. Don't respond to it. He's just pulling on the line to see if you are still on the hook. Literally, that's his game right now. He's checking to see if you are still his option. Please don't be that option for him.
smudge21 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 If you really really really must reply, then simply text back with "whatever" and move on. If you drop down to his level and respond he's only going to continue contacting you no matter what you just said as he'll now know how to pull your strings. You deserve better and you are better than that!
Author stephmichelle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Thank you so much everyone for replying. I didn't text him back, I stuck to absolute NC It's been 3 days and I still have the urge to send him that text/email I wrote out, but I know it's not going to do or change anything. I'll let them both just think what they want - I know I'm a better person than both of them, and that alone gives me satisfaction.
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Good for you! What have you done these past 3 days? I can imagine if you *had* engaged in a conversation with him you would not have done what you have done. Is that right?
shawn923 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Well done not texting back. Its hard, but as u can see we all go thru it, and agree saying nothing is saying the most... Im in a similar position to you, and I will only reply to my ex if she sends something heartfelt, real... As WTRanger said. Matter of fact, just put yourself in your ex's shoes. If he actually wanted u back, you will know... Just think of how YOU would approach one of your ex's, trying to get them back. He is just as human as you, if he wanted, he would do ALL the same things you did. Its that simple. Im learning this myself as I go on...
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