thatgothicchick Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago, because he told me he has issues and wasn't ready to carry on a relationship. (he went through a divorce a few years before we started dating) I hung out with him at a mutual friend's birthday the other day...I acted very casual around him, and he did the same. Afterwords, we ended up spending the rest of the night together, talking about the problems outside of our relationship we had been going through since our breakup. He finally said, "Okay, you're coming home with me. You need a break." And so I ended up back at his place...we talked more that night, never going into the relationship we had previously had, other than him apologizing again for breaking up with me...He was very affectionate with me, and even gave me a massage. I slept in his bed that night, and he held me close to him in a bearhug all night, being very affectionate with me, stroking my arm/thighs and whatnot...the next morning, he made me breakfast, and eventually we ended up back in bed again, because we were still tired...and then we let ourselves go...at the time, I just didn't care, and let my passion for him take over. We showered together afterwords, and he kissed me a couple times when we were in there...I went with him to his parents house later that day for dinner, but again, very casual...on our way home, he told me he was sorry things got the way they had earlier in the day, and he told me, "I can't think of anyone I'd rather do it with."...and he was talking about how he's getting close to figuring stuff out, but isn't quite there yet...I don't know if he was talking about being in a relationship or not... Now, I knew going in it probably wasn't going to be the beginning of a new romance...I hoped, and hoped though... I know it was just more than likely just a casual thing. But it's not like I was a cold, 'bootycall', because he's not that kind of a guy...but I still feel regret for doing it. And I want to tell him that. I want to tell him, "I shouldn't have done that, because I still have feelings for you."...but I don't know if I SHOULD. I'm going to see him tomorrow, and I don't quite know how to go about this, or if I should...I still want to be with him, but I am 95% sure he doesn't... What do you all think?
chelsealeigh Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I would tell him, I would much rather face possible heartache than rather wonder, "What if?" Follow your heart, it will take you down the right path.
Leda Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I think you should be honest, but gentle, with both yourself and him about your emotional needs. I just read this great self-help book called "Attached", about different people's attachment styles. Secure, anxious, and avoidant. Sounds like your ex has complicated issues where sometimes he pulls away instead of getting closer? He left you even though he cares about you, instead of being brave and trying to ride out the difficulties that come from this being his first big post-divorce relationship. You can set the tone by not trying to play games, manipulate, or hide how you feel. If he's really a bad match for you, you can learn a lot from his response to your clarity, open-heartedness, and honesty. And if things are salvagable but he is working through avoidance issues, your secure and truthful way of acting may help him open up and get braver and closer to you.
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