shawn923 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Well this is my 3rd time initiating NC, and I think its sticking. Im on about day 10 I think. My past story can be read here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t267408/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t273684/ I feel myself recovering, honestly. I still dont feel myself tho, I cant imagine dating anyone else for awhile. I guess im gonna lay low for awhile... Also, not hearing from her is starting to suck ... Im not sure if she feels the same or not, I mean she is in a relationship now, and im not. I dont have anybody to lean on with my problems at the moment. I really think she rebounded with this new dude just to get me jealous since he also goes to my school, where i can see it... So umm I guess im just looking for confirmation that im doing the right thing... Some of these days are easier than others, and today being a day I have to go to school and see her, this is a bad day lol... I actually feel myself caring about her today. Im just waiting on the summer to hit so that I no longer have to see her or her perfect new bf. I mean i do want a second chance... But im willing to stick NC until I get over her.
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 It's wise of you to realize that you are not ready to date. And that's a good thing. Yes, NC is the way to go. Regardless if this guy is a rebound or not. She made the choice to enter a new relationship. So, what does that say about her feelings for you? It's Monday and the weather sucks,, everyone is feeling a little down today. Stay strong and stay NC. Avoid her today, go to school and get out of the environment where you are the most likely to run into her.
Author shawn923 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 UPDATE: Too Late @chitown D... I saw her today I went to lunch as usual with my friend. In came my female friend, who i like who i recently met. My ex came in about a hour later, and sits with her new bf across the room. She takes frequent looks over to our table, probably wondering who the girl was, as she is very attractive. Anyways, before her new bf leaves to class, she gives him an over the top, exaggerated kiss... KNOWING i was in the same room... When i saw it i quickly looked the other way and SMILED... i had knew this was coming, i seen it replayed in my head over and over. It was the FINALITY i needed. Thats a downright low blow... NO ONE would kiss a new bf in front of one of your ex's, unless you didnt give shhit about him... and thats how i felt. I instantly felt betrayed. Not heartbroken. Honestly right now while typing this is my first time feeling hurt by it... But this just shows me what kind of person she is. This automatically gave me a reason to NOT want her back. If she was to come back today i would say NO... I have everything i need to drop this person out of my life. This actually makes NC sooooooo much easier, because before i still had her on the pedestal, thinking she was perfect and did nothing for me to "hate" her for. Now i see her for the person she is, at least right now. And that instantly made the new chick i met so much more attractive to me. My ex continued to look over my way every so often, most likely jealous, never got my eye contact, and just ended up leaving but i forgot when.... Its just horrible to think of how all this has panned out, but i guess her true colors finally showed...
PelicanPete Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Glad you're getting a break through shawn. Keep it as a reminder whenever you have a feeling of getting back together with her. Would you really want to be with someone that insecure? Break ups always seem to bring out the true colors in people, sadly it seems to be the most real part of a relationship. Actions speak louder than words.
Chi townD Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Yep! Still....be on your toes and avoid her as much as possible....I swear summer break can't come fast enough.....
radiodarcy Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 hi shawn. i'm glad to see you've started an NC log. it definitely helps give you perspective. you did a great job in handling the run in with your ex the other day! i don't think i could have stayed calm in a situation like that i agree with chi town -- if you can avoid places where you know she'll be it will help your healing go more smoothly (and quickly). but on a college campus that can be difficult. just keep surrounding yourself with friends and doing a great job with NC- - the end of the year will be here before you know it...
PegNosePete Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Bummer shawn... but yeah good to get her knocked off that damn pedestal. See my sig. It's the same for everyone man. When you were together she was the best thing since sliced bread. Now she's just a girl and not even a very nice one. Damn b!tch to do that to you and use the other guy like that. But be warned it is a rollercoaster, so yes enjoy feeling better now. But you will come crashing down so be ready. And when you're down, remember that it will pass, the next up is just around the corner.
Author shawn923 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 Thanks alot for commenting everybody. It goes a long way... Bummer shawn... but yeah good to get her knocked off that damn pedestal. See my sig. It's the same for everyone man. When you were together she was the best thing since sliced bread. Now she's just a girl and not even a very nice one. Damn b!tch to do that to you and use the other guy like that. But be warned it is a rollercoaster, so yes enjoy feeling better now. But you will come crashing down so be ready. And when you're down, remember that it will pass, the next up is just around the corner. Yea it does suck... Why would u wanna kiss another dude in front of me? Unless u didnt respect me and wanted to get me jealous... Otherwise, she would at least respect me enough not to rebound with someone at the SAME F*CKIN campus, can kiss him right in front of me! I know theres at least the ONE ex girlfriend, who i would feel ****ty if she saw me kissing another girl, just out of PURE RESPECT for her. Even though we are loooong done, (years), I would never let her see me do that... Its the whole principle that i honored and cherished our relationship, and she clearly doesnt for me... Thru the entire situation, I sat with my friends, male and female, and talked about the NBA playoffs... I never snapped, looked her way, or anything. I mean of course the kiss caught my eye, since HAD to make such a DRAMATIC exit, im sure u guys can understand what im talking about. It wasnt an ordinary kiss, i definitely think i was meant to see it... I just dont understand why u would wanna burn my bridges FOREVER like that. Its just not a good thing to do... And ur smart to warn me about up and down, cuz i did feel that way yesterday. At first it was betrayal, then when i got home i felt sad... Like she just drove a knife in my heart, ON PURPOSE.... I cant look at her the same, shes not the same person she was with me. Like u said, with me, shes only her... which seems to be a bad person.
Chi townD Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Well, for you to say that you would never do that in front of her shows the kind of calibur of class that you have. And for her to do that in front of you puts her far beneath you and isn't worth your time. It's time for you to heal and find a woman with some class, not some immature little girl. All she wants to do is hurt you from here on out. Don't let her get to you. You now know her true colors and you should thank her for not wasting anymore of your time. Keep your chin up and GO BULLS! (I hate basketball, but what the hell. Got to support the home team.)
Author shawn923 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 I love the bulls!!!!!!!! D rose all day
Author shawn923 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Heading to school today, where I'll most likely be seeing her today. NC is still fully intact... We'll see what happens. I always left the door open to get back with her, even if it wasn't the right thing to do. I always at least had it in my mind, where if she were to come back, I would def consider it. Now, since she pulled that shhit Monday, for the first time I can say if she came back I would reject her. I just can't believe she would rebound AND rub it in my face, when SHE was the one who dumped me! I never did anything to her to deserve this. Why would she do that? What am I not perfect? Is this what I get for getting dumped? If she doesn't want me as a bf that's one thing, but to kiss somebody else RIGHT in front of me... That speaks volumes for the type of person she is, it speaks for the type of character I have to ignore that completely, and it shows me that this is not the girl I'm MEANT to be with... I mean if I'm being delusional and this doesn't sound like a rebound, lemme know... Because I think it def is, and she's just taking it to another level, as if to rub it in my face like "oh look I have a bf Shawn and he's better than you" that's the type of tension whenever shes with him and I'm around. I don't wanna get revenge either. I'll let karma do it's work...
PegNosePete Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Lets not forget the other guy too. He has (presumably) done nothing wrong, yet she is using him to get back at you. What a piece of work she is.
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 You keep bringing up this REBOUND stuff. WHO CARES!?!? You, know the truth of the matter, she's doing this to try and make you hurt. So, keep you chin up and go about your business.
Author shawn923 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 UPDATE: So i saw her at school today... I walked past as usual without making eye contact. I could tell she was staring me down... and yes she with with the her bf. I sat with my friends. I get a text from her, saying "can i ask you a question?" Since we were in the same room, i decided i had to reply. I replied "what". She said "why do you hate me?" I replied "Stop bothering me". She then said "Wow! Really? It was just a question"...... Then i didnt reply. Soon after, me and my friends left... Later that night, i had a basketball game in the gym at my school. And SHE was there, with her bf... I guess she was there to watch one of her friends who was on the other team, idk. But her and her bf watched me play an entire basketball game... KONWING she was sitting right there with HIM... Then after the game (which we won, i had 30 pts with the added motivation) when i was changing, her and her bf walk right past me... like RIGHT in front of me... then leave to stand by the door. I got dressed, and walk past them both, gave her eye contact but it was very minimal... But i never said a word, or reacted to anything she did... She was invisible as far as i was concerned. And i held my ground. I just hope i handled this stuff right. The thing is, idk even know why she's doing it, and i DONT WANT TO KNOW WHY! Just her presence around me makes me brain think of why this? why that? when i know, i shouldnt even care anymore about anything related to her! it sucks... But im keeping NC. Now coming up on 2 weeks...
PelicanPete Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Shawn you're doing great and I can tell you're growing from this. You seem to be handling everything well and it is just exposing your ex for the harpy she really is . Actions always speak louder than words. She is purposefully trying to hurt you, but don't give her that satisfaction. Don't give her an inch and she'll keep looking like an insecure drama queen. God.. some women
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 DUDE! Stop answering her texts!!!!! All you're doing is re-affirming in her mind that she was right to dump you by your answers! What you should have done as soon as you saw the text, " Can I ask you a question?" you should should have put your phone away. Your silence should have been your answer.
Author shawn923 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 You think so? I didnt say anything in those texts that would re-affirm her dumping me. It was a spur of the moment thing, I didnt think to ignore it when she first text me... I asked her "what" then AS SOON as i saw she was talking stupid, i said stop bothering me... THEN when she texted i didnt reply. I also dealt with seeing the both of them for the rest of the day. Its almost like they were following me... But i put up with it, and never gave her a reaction or said a word to her. It was really testing my NC patience. I think I did very well, as far as NC goes. Its almost like im starting to get used to not talking to her... WHile she continues to try and hurt me whenever im around. Besides, the stupid text didnt mean anything. She MUST know why i "hate" her. She was probably looking for a different answer outta me. Whatever the reason, i told her "stop bothering me" and that was that... Im not lifting NC again to talk to her, thats for sure. Im trying my hardest to move one and she makes it difficult. I still dont understand why shes even trying to ask me questions like that. I dont hate her, but i cant be her friend and i told her this already plenty of times. Even when i first went NC i told her we couldnt be friends because she was dating someone else, and it wasnt fair to me because that hurt me. Now, its like she comes in front of me with him on purpose, maybe to hurt me. And she kissed him in front of me monday. And ur telling me she cant understand why I cant be her friend? Get real... I know her, shes playing games to get me jealous, but I never say a word, so she fails..... Cant wait till summer hits. She's gonna be SOL knowing shes now stuck with the new guy. Its gonna suck knowing she cant see me anymore to show off in front of
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 What you should have done as soon as you saw the text, " Can I ask you a question?" you should should have put your phone away. Your silence should have been your answer. Yep. Silence is the best answer. Or just look at the message, smile (since you KNOW she was watching you), delete it and put the phone away. That's what to do next time. Doesn't matter what the message says, just do this.
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 In HER mind "stop bothering me" sounds like "Wow, this guy really IS an ass, and I'm better off not being round a guy that would talk like that." Now, she'll start to feel justified for dumping you. No response would have left her still feeling guilty for what she did. She still wants to hurt you by bringing this guy around. Kind of like her saying, "This guy is here now so you better get used to it." Other than that, you're doing well. I'm pulling for ya!
Author shawn923 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Thanks for the advice guys... Well, at least i know now to not even reply. I did wanna hear what she had to say tho. That was just me being curious. But for now on im gonna ignore everything... Besides i felt fine texting her "stop bothering me", because i NO LONGER want her back... But i see ur guys point, i dont want to come off as an ass and cuss her out or something, cuz THAT would justify her for leaving me. Good thing i stopped where i did, had i txted her more i probably would've went off and gave her what she wanted... Glad i have the heads up now, i wont be cracking anytime soon...
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 You did give her what she wanted. Attention. "Can I ask you a question"... Best reply: ------- (Silence) 2nd best reply: "no". 3rd best reply: "stop bothering me" Anything else is just playing along with her stupid games.
Author shawn923 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 You did give her what she wanted. Attention. "Can I ask you a question"... Best reply: ------- (Silence) 2nd best reply: "no". 3rd best reply: "stop bothering me" Anything else is just playing along with her stupid games. Well yea thats what i was trying to say lol. I know replying to her wasnt the BEST move, but it certainly is far from the worst... I didnt play along with her stupid games at least!
Fufu Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 my best advice to you, "focus on yourself, yourself and yourself only." You are the priority in your life.
WTRanger Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 You did give her what she wanted. Attention. "Can I ask you a question"... Best reply: ------- (Silence) 2nd best reply: "no". 3rd best reply: "stop bothering me" Anything else is just playing along with her stupid games. 1/2 best reply: "If it's that important, you can ask me in person since we're in the same room." Epic reply: Walk up to both of them and tell the new man to ask her lady to stop texting you. You aren't willing to get back together and you won't just meet up for some ex-sex. Tell him that "Can I ask you a question?" was always a code for sex between you two. Her texting is her hiding behind a wall of security. Anyone can be good or be an ass over texting. It's just too easy to do! Jesus F'ing Christ people are becoming so socially retarded with texting that it's beyond stupid at this point. That's a rant at the girl's weak ass attempts, not directed to you Shawn. However, don't feel so obligated to respond to her texts. That's another rant for a later day about being tied at the balls to your cell phone.
Author shawn923 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 @Fufu at first that sounds so selfish, but is the 100% right thing to do! Her texting is her hiding behind a wall of security. Anyone can be good or be an ass over texting. However, don't feel so obligated to respond to her texts. That's another rant for a later day about being tied at the balls to your cell phone. I really didnt think when i responded to her, I just DID it. And besides, all i did was ask what she wanted, who knows she coulda gave a huge apology, or matured up and asked to talk and explain some things. When she replied "why do u hate me" i knew she didnt want anything and is still playing games like a fawking child. so i told her stop bothering me and left it alone... I still wonder why she cant seem to understand this. I dont "hate" her. Shes prolly trying to get me to feel guilty for what im doing, guilty for "ignoring her"... yea right. And i think the new guy knows who i am, and knows im the ex... I wonder how he feels when they're always around me. Im sure he feels uneasy... he never looks my way or at me however. So he may not know who i am at all...
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