shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 A mutual friend of mine at my college said my ex in now in a relationship on facebook... I guess this is all the confirmation i need to stop looking at her page... I cant believe she would actually date that new guy, he really doesnt seem like her type. Oh well. Guess she'll find out the grass isnt greener... I honestly cant take her back now that she's been with someone else, let alone a weirdo...
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) Aw man I just *literally* felt my heart hurt for you. You were just in my thread saying you saw similarities in our situations and you had just gotten into a few days of NC. I can't imagine how it felt to hear this news. I'm risking the same thing. My ex has reassured me that she couldn't possibly have another relationship right now, she's overwhelmed with life and ill family members and that's why she can't even find the time and the emotion to be with me anymore. But some day, I could find out it was all a crock. Maybe she has someone, or maybe she will soon. It's not all bad. At least you're able to make up your mind now. You know you don't need someone like this. Edited April 14, 2011 by Exit
Author shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 For real i JUST found out too... Thats bogus, theres abosulutely no way i woulda thought she would date that dude... thats a rebound at its finest. and he goes to my school and is on campus a lot, she loves cuddling with him WHENEVER im around... But oh well i know i shouldnt be with nobody like this. The girl of my dreams would not put me thru this... oh well. I feel more betrayed right now then heartbroken honestly... but still sad
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Yeah, she's likely rebounding. It says a lot about a person if they can't pay the respect to a previous relationship and to themselves to spend some time thinking about it, digesting what they learned from that relationship, figuring out how to better themselves. It's hard work to look in the mirror sometimes, and people like these would prefer just to avoid the hard work and find someone new to date so they can get that rush of chemicals in their brain that makes them feel good and pretend they don't have any problems. You're definitely the better person here. You were trying to do everything right, trying to get into some NC, and then this happened. Whatever you're feeling right now is normal. As painful as this is, it might make it easier to move on than to wake up tomorrow and the next day and the next day hoping she's thinking of coming back. I have yet to find out any bad news about what my ex is doing right now, so I'm still in that position to have hope, and it's not totally a good thing. Part of me just wants to get to the point where I can email her and say forget it, you showed no faith in me, you can't just come back and pick this up again in a few weeks if you change your mind, this is it. Because waking up every morning hoping isn't fun either. Feeling my heart skip a beat every time I get a text isn't fun. I'm sure you're hurt right now, but this provides a bit of finality to your situation. No more wondering whether to go backwards or forwards. You wake up tomorrow and you start heading for that new horizon out in front of you. You'll be alright.
smudge21 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Ignorance is bliss, but with Facebook and the internet as a whole, it's always so easy and tempting to look at an ex and find out what's happening. I've done it very recently and found out my ex is due to be married and may be pregnant! Total life change for her considering her career goals and everything about her that I originally fell in love with. I feel your pain as, like me, you're seeing the ex move on whereas we all, as dumpees, still have feelings for them. Even hope that they'll come back, and everytime we found out some info (in a relationship, engaged, married) it just reminds us that it's truly over.
guccimane99 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 honestly i have been in ur position my one of my ex's and when she broke up with me she started seeing this guy told me there was nothing there and she was just using him to buy her alcohol. A month or two later she started dating him. I said some **** i regret so take it from me just wish her the best with him and say ur happy for her. Anything u say bad will make her assure her decision was for the best. Nothing makes a decision to date someone that having the ex dislike him. Just smile cuz your probably better than he is she just doesn't know it yet. Also smile nothing pisses and ex of knowing ur living ur life without her and your happy.
Author shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Thanks alot... Im about to go to sleep now. And im a little sad... This sucks.
zakfar Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Don't worry! You'll overcome your feelings. You can find out someone too. Life should be lived, not to be wasted on crying and whining.
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Never again invest(emotionally or financially) on a woman, and you will never again suffer when the relationship meets its end. Lol wait.... what?!
lcfc1993 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Kinda feel the same mate, if my ex got with someone else, I'd never take her back. Tbh I don't even think I'd take her back now, but theres always that little nag at the back of your mind making you want her still. But move on mate, I'm trying my best, you should do the same.
Mcnulty Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Mr Cairo.....How is telling someone to never invest emotionally, logic??? Sounds like you have been very hurt by a woman, so I can understand you saying that, but living your life detached doesn't seem like a very fulfilling ethos!!!
marqueemoon4 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 you shouldn't have been looking at her FB page anyway? sorry she has moved on.. I know it hurts. you'll find someone better in time.
Good Arms Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) A mutual friend of mine at my college said my ex in now in a relationship on facebook... I found out exactly the same only last week. I really didn't want to know, but I work with my ex, have had my suspicions, and then a 'friend' went and gave me a big clue that it sounded like she may have moved in with someone, or has at least moved into the city. So I couldn't resist the temptation to go back on Facebook, and unblocked her. There it was: "In A Relationship"... so I really feel for you, this is a horrible stage in the acceptance process, and it really opens the wound in your heart. You'll probably notice only now that you had been gradually healing, as suddenly you hurt that much more. I'm still not sure whether it's the guy I suspect it is, and I may ask a friend when I can. That's the only detail I want to know. And perhaps where they or she lives, so I can be on guard in the area. I know it shouldn't matter, but I'd like to know one way or the other. Ideally I'd find out it's someone other than the guy at work... when I cracked and checked her FB, I found his too, and he wasn't listed as in a relationship at the time. It would hurt a little less to see her around work if I knew I wasn't seeing her with her boyfriend as well... because it's devastating to see them walk past together sometimes when all I can do is assume they're a couple. Sorry for derailing the thread with my issues. This should be all you need to know that it's definitely time to stop snooping on Facebook. That goes for me too, though I do well with NC when I'm not exposed to things at work that get my mind racing. There's no more curiosity to be satisfied... all conscious or subconscious fantasies of them maybe changing their mind and coming back have now gone. Edited April 14, 2011 by Good Arms
marqueemoon4 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Its so funny when people assume that by being logical, the guy or the gal has been hurt in the past. I am of the strange type of creature, the kind of creature that can create, amplify, and destroy any feelings. I have perfect control over my emotions and feelings. I am one of the truly emotionally independent human beings, the few who are alive at the moment. All things must end, and human relationships(romantic) are among the most fragile of existences. Most relationships end, only lasting a year or two at most. Most marriages end up in divorce, and many, if not most of the people who stay together are married because they are from a time divorce was looked at, badly, by society, or their lack of means to get out of the marriage(maybe the guy abuses her, maybe she feels that a guy is not going to be interested in her), and for so much more reasons, makes the success of a relationship to be as thin as a model from the victoria's secret catalog. What I offer, what I am talking about, is the self-realization that relationships are simply too much risk, too much investment, and too much time-consuming for a guy or a gal, especially when so young, to be wasting his life and his sanity and his energy. Do you put all of your possessions under the sun? Why not? The sun feels so warm, and is so romantic. But wait, the sun can give you cancer. The sun can kill you in a matter of days. As emotions and feelings can do, to the people who don't want, or don't know how to control their emotions. The best thing in a relationship is friendship. How come most childhood friendships last far longer than most romantic relationships, I wonder. Maybe its because nature wired men and women to feel 'love' for a few years(yes, I know that couples stay together for decades, plenty of reasons, not going to bother and explain them), and then its time to find another mate. All of the money, all of the time spent(most people aren't going to live to be 90 years old) on something that by its own design is meant to capture resources, devotion, and financial support, only to have it end soon enough, but lasting the necessary time for the woman or the man to grow emotionally attached to the other person, leading to massive emotional trauma/physical problems, stress, and the resulting shorter lifespan. So whats the other good aspect in a relationship? Sex. Sex can be found easily, there are plenty of young(or old) people just looking for the greatest joy in a relationship. Its true that casual sex is probably not as good as the sex people have when the chemical high known as love is at play, but thats because there are more chemicals involved. Casual sex is like fast food. Its fulfilling, serves the purpose, can be as enjoyable as the expensive food, if its consumed in large quantities, and won't have as a bill, a very exorbitant price. Stds? Most people, in relationships or not, are infected with HPV, and from what I've heard(from doctors etc), it seems that the majority of human beings are infected also, with herpes(HSV-1, or the HSV-2 strain). Unwanted pregnancy? Plenty of women in the pill end up pregnant, and plenty of guys who religiously use the condom(and their mates, the pill), can, and have ended up with a baby in their hands. Think of that. If I was in a relationship and if I had bad luck, I would have to indirectly force(trough this unexpected result) my partner into aborting or having the kid ,and I'd be like all of those human beings who are raising a baby because they had to, or if the woman aborts, a lifetime of possible regret because I didn't want her to abort. With a vasectomy done(which seems to be popular, 600.000 males every year, in the states are having one, and god only knows what they are doing in Europe), by working out, by learning, by interacting with women, by saving my money instead of spending the heritage that my ancestors worked for, centuries ago, I grow to be a man capable of providing the pleasure and the satisfaction, and the temporary(all is temporary) joy of having her connect to my emotions and by having her emotions praised, increased ,and taken care of, by me, during the little time I am with her. More and more men in their 30's, in Italy, men who are of high quality, are deciding to stay with their parents, instead of moving with their girlfriends. In Germany, about half of the women are complaining about men not wanting to make babies with them. Finally, equality is coming to reality. Women have been freed from the social roles that men for so long have made them take, and now, men are free to either have casual sex, reject marriage/cohabitation, relationships, and more and more young men are either spending their time watching porn, playing football with their friends, or just spending time with women, casually. Women have also been free from their oppression, and they're making the most out of it. Only when a woman reaches a certain age does she worry about such matters as cohabitation, marriage, and children. If it wasn't for that biological clock starting to tick away at the age of 30, women wouldn't care that much about what the idealization that 'love', relationships, and children really are all about. Guys: work out, save up the money to have a height-enhancement surgery, take care of your teeth, dress sharply, go under the knife for the vasectomy, travel the world, meet women from many different religions, backgrounds, and races. You will find everlasting pleasure, never ending satisfaction of your sex drive, and you will also know, forever, the intimacy of having many casual emotional interactions with women. If you guys want to have children, store your sperm now, and use the services of a surrogate mother(and eventually the services of the artificial womb). You guys will have your children in your life far more often than you'd have, if you follow the traditional path, as the judge usually awards child-custody to women. Are you guys interested in having your kids raised by another man, or having to pay so much money while seeing the kid once or twice a month? By the way, you should read my posts(if you fancy that) if you think I was hurt by women. I'm simply. The next step in male evolution . This isn't the 19th century. We know that the earth is not the center of the Universe. Only people who enjoy being fooled don't learn about the science behind love, and understand it, accept it, and make legal/emotional/physical obligations and repercussions out of it. Thus sponsoring the lifestyle of lawyers, marriage counselors, and all of those psychologists and shrinks. I know that the parasites need to eat, but my blood is too good to be wasted like that! as someone who was just owned by a woman who has turned out to be one of these parasites, I relate to what you're saying, its critical thinking at its finest. does it translate to the real world? I don't think so..
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I am one of the truly emotionally independent human beings, the few who are alive at the moment. Interesting, I never realized that a sociopath is actually aware of their own condition.
nana841121 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 It sounds like a rebound which characterized with doom
Author shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Its the next morning... and honestly i feel like shhit i honestly never thought she would date that guy... and of course all of her friends love it! I hope this gets better cuz i teared up, i havent cried in like a month.
radiodarcy Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 hey shawn. sorry to hear about your ex. you did the right thing in deleting her off your fb. let yourself have that cry. allow yourself to experience being sad and hurt. but try to focus on other things too. you may want to seek out a counselor on campus. it always helps to have someone to talk to. and of course, stick to NC. now that you know she's with someone else, you really have an incentive to stay away. i've had 5 weeks of NC and feel *a lot* better. the first few weeks were hell all i did was cry and mope. but after awhile i started to feel like myself again. even though part of me still wishes things could have worked out - - i'm much better off now from where i was before. and you will be too - - just give it time.
Author shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I really hope so... Luckily i erased her and started NC before she was in a relationship, cuz im pretty sure i woulda cried in front of her about it... Well i guess i got taught my lesson for sneaking onto her fb page. Oh well at least i now have a clear reason to WANT to go NC... and i really do hope the hurting stops. Im still in week 1 of NC....
Author shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I saw her today. Again she was at the school even tho she didnt have class. This time i looked away as usual, but she approached me. She asks "so are we still not talking?" and started playing with my hair. I said no. She said why i said u know why... then i think she asked why arent we talking? then i said what u wanna talk about, she said nothing. and then i put my head down n she walked off... im not sure why she approached me... but i most def wont be calling or texting her and im gonna avoid her tmr and not even let her see me. Maybe thats what she wants...
Mcnulty Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Mr. Cairo egocentric, misogynistic, childless. "The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."...oscar wilde. Go spread your beliefs in a cult that understands your thoughts...I don't think there's many in the modern real world.
Good Arms Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I saw her today. Again she was at the school even tho she didnt have class. This time i looked away as usual, but she approached me. She asks "so are we still not talking?" and started playing with my hair. I said no. She said why i said u know why... then i think she asked why arent we talking? then i said what u wanna talk about, she said nothing. and then i put my head down n she walked off... im not sure why she approached me... but i most def wont be calling or texting her and im gonna avoid her tmr and not even let her see me. Maybe thats what she wants... She sounds incredibly immature... she must know full well WHY you don't want to talk to her. If she's in another relationship she has no reason to come and talk to you. You're doing everything right here. Hang in there and stay strong.
Darren Steez Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I saw her today. Again she was at the school even tho she didnt have class. This time i looked away as usual, but she approached me. She asks "so are we still not talking?" and started playing with my hair. I said no. She said why i said u know why... then i think she asked why arent we talking? then i said what u wanna talk about, she said nothing. and then i put my head down n she walked off... im not sure why she approached me... but i most def wont be calling or texting her and im gonna avoid her tmr and not even let her see me. Maybe thats what she wants... It's hurts like hell but she's probably hurting too which is why she's numbing the pain by rebounding onto another dude. The good news is this is exactly the type of woman you don't want to put anymore emotional investment into. Be magnanimous, talk to her, don't be a dick and ignore her, reset it back to zero like she's been demoted to someone you just barely know, you have no interest in what she's doing or whom she's with...I'll tell you it will drive her crazy to know you being without her is not bugging you. The truth is a cliche..time is a healer, but it's these situations we find out more about ourselves, whether we are men or destined to be pussy whipped hangers on who hope and wait for reconciliation..and I'll tell you something women love men. Dry those tears, grow some nuts and go forth in the world and do your thing! If she's ****ing with your head after the fact then she's so not worth it. Good luck!
Author shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 She sounds incredibly immature... she must know full well WHY you don't want to talk to her. If she's in another relationship she has no reason to come and talk to you. You're doing everything right here. Hang in there and stay strong. Thanks a lot. Hearing that goes a long way... I just have no idea why she would try come to talk to me. She's obviously still missing me is what i think, but if u miss me then why get into another relationship? I hate this shhit... Well im not giving her any feedback, im staying strong with NC.
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